Keeping Promises
by thecosmicwind
Summary: A different take on Paternity (S09E09). Kathy and Olivia are involved in the accident, and their lives are forever changed. An emotional change to the ending of Paternity. Rated T. [NOW TURNING INTO A FIC]
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys!**

 **So I'm here...with a two-shot this time. Or maybe it'll end up being a short little three part story; not sure yet. But anyway, it's a different take on Paternity (S09E09). A more emotional take. The accident is still in here, but the aftermath is different.**

 **Enjoy xoxo**

* * *

 **Keeping Promises**

 **Part 01**

Her vision was blurry, her head was pounding, her hearing was muffled, and all she could smell was a mixture of gasoline and burnt rubber and metal.

She blinked a couple times and opened her eyes properly, and that's when she realized what happened.

Accident. She'd been in an accident. _They'd_ been in an accident.

 _They...Kathy...shit!_

She looked to the side of her; Kathy's head was resting against her arm as she was unconscious. Olivia took a deep breath and muttered some pleas to God as she carefully grabbed hold of Kathy's head, moving so that her head was now resting against the back of the passenger seat. She scanned the woman for injuries right away as the scent of blood began to fill her nostrils; blood from a gash on Kathy's forehead, blood that was pooling from her legs.

 _Fuck_. They needed to get out of here.

She swallowed and felt around the floor until she grasped the radio that she kept on her when she was still on duty. She flicked the switch and took a deep breath before speaking;

"SVU portable to central!"

Beep. _"Go ahead SVU portable."_

Olivia took another deep breath; she had to keep herself calm for the sake of Kathy, who was still unconscious in the passenger seat; "The victim is the pregnant wife of an MOS; rush a bus..."

She swallowed when she noticed that Kathy's legs were pinned beneath the crushed interior of the vehicle. She blinked back her tears and swallowed before speaking again;

"Advise fire department that the victim is pinned."

She heard something along the lines of _"copy that"_ and _"EMS is en route",_ but she was barely registering. Her focus was on Kathy, whom was still unconscious and continuing to lose blood. She removed her seatbelt and felt for a pulse, a fresh wave of panic washing over her for a brief second when she thought there wasn't one. She took a breath when she managed to find one, and a couple tears slipped down her cheeks in pure relief.

She moved her hands to her door handle, only to whine to herself when she realized it was stuck. She then repeatedly hit the window with the radio in her hand until it finally shattered, and after clearing the glass a bit so that she wouldn't get cut, she climbed out through the window. She almost cried in relief when she spotted the ambulances and fire department pulling up.

"Please hurry!"

One of the paramedics stopped her, holding her arm; "We need to check you out!"

"I'm not hurt!"

"You could have a spinal injury."

Olivia shook her head, practically pushing the paramedic towards the crushed car; "No...really I'm fine."

"You need to go to the hospital."

"No don't worry about me," Olivia nudged her along; "Please help her!" She didn't care about herself; if there was something wrong with her, she could worry about it later. All she was worried about was Kathy and that unborn baby; she needed them to be okay for Elliot.

Elliot... _oh God._

A feeling of guilt came over her. She had promised to get Kathy to her doctor's appointment safely due to Elliot being further upstate for reasons relating to a case they were working. Now, she was a hundred percent sure that Elliot was going to hate her for this. She felt so guilty. Maybe if she had seen the drunk driver it could've been avoided. She kept telling herself that it really wasn't her fault but still, she felt guilty.

The next few minutes were chaotic. The airbag was disabled, and the tires were flattened, and the back windshield was broken. Olivia was desperate for them to help Kathy, and eventually climbed back into the car through the window. The paramedic talked her through things as she held Kathy's head steady and waited for him to grab the neck brace. She let out a breath she hadn't realized she has been holding when Kathy suddenly started moaning and groaning, and she informed the medic that she was waking up before focusing her attention on the scared woman.

"Kathy, honey...Kathy, try not to move." She kept her voice calm, trying not to show how scared she was herself. She watched as Kathy's eyes fluttered open, and she looked confused and scared.

"Olivia?" she whimpered, her eyes scanning the interior of the car.

"Try not to move, okay?" Olivia continued to keep her voice calm; "Try not to move."

"What happened?" A couple tears had slipped down Kathy's cheeks and Olivia could feel her shaking.

"We were in an accident, but everything's okay and we're going to get you out of here, I promise." She told her. Kathy swallowed nervously and let out a moan of pain before continuing;

"Hurry – my water just broke."

Olivia felt like her heart had just dropped to her stomach. She took a deep breath; she swallowed the panic that had risen within her and managed to consume the role of detective and hero or whatever just to keep herself together.

The medic walked her through the next few steps; she carefully fit the brace around Kathy's neck whilst managing to keep her voice calm as Kathy moaned and whimpered through contractions and pain from her injuries. She encouraged her along and told her that she was doing great while keeping her hands on the side of her face to keep her steady.

And just when she thought things were okay, the panic crept in again when Kathy's eyes fluttered shut and she suddenly stopped responding to commands. Olivia tapped the sides of her face and said her name a few times while blinking back the tears that had formed in her eyes. _'No God…no no no please...fucking no!'_

Her eyes scanned over and went wide when she saw the blood from underneath Kathy's skirt. She alerted the paramedic, who once again talked her through attaching the IV tube and bag to give Kathy some fluids. After a few squeezes, Kathy's eyes slowly opened once again, and she let out a quiet moan, but Olivia could see that she wasn't completely together right now and _that_ frightened her.

"Kath, I'm here; it's okay," she whispered, keeping one arm around her while she held the bag with the other hand; "It's gonna be okay; I'm right here." Kathy simply nodded as she reached a shaky hand up to curl around Olivia's wrist. Olivia leaned her chin on her shoulder, giving the woman a little bit more comfort.

There had always been an unspoken competition between the two as they were the two most important women in Elliot's life. There were times in the past where Kathy was sure her husband preferred his brunette beauty of a partner over her, there were times in the past where Olivia was sure that the striking blonde wife of her partner hated her guts. They would never be the friends that would go out and shop and have a great time, but at least at this moment, the were leaning on each other for strength. The past struggles and unspoken words and curt nods and short responses were out of the window; all that mattered was sticking together and making it out of this mess in one piece.

The next minutes were like some chaotic blur. Olivia and Kathy were covered by fire resistant blankets to avoid the sparks that would fly as the metal of the car was cut, which allowed the roof of the vehicle to be taken off. Olivia stayed with Kathy the whole time; she held the phone in her hand that her captain had brought over, allowing Kathy to talk to Elliot on the phone as he was on his way. She listened at the words of love between the pair – a far cry from how things had been a year ago – and she grew even more determined to get them out of this in one piece. She didn't care what happened to her; she needed to save Kathy and the baby.

But she also couldn't ignore how Kathy's motor skills were a little off and her eyes had a strange look in them. Something was very wrong, and Olivia needed them to figure things out fast and get her to a hospital. She just needed Kathy and the baby to be okay for Elliot.

Shortly after they finished freeing Kathy's legs, Olivia was told to exit the vehicle so that they would be able to get Kathy out of the car. Kathy heard this and immediately shook her head, grabbing Olivia's hands as she cried;

"No…Olivia, don't leave me!"

Olivia placed a delicate kiss onto her temple before replying; "Sweetheart I'm gonna be right here, right next to you; I promise."

She gave her another squeeze before reluctantly letting go and climbing out of the crushed vehicle. She watched helplessly from the sides as the medics managed to get Kathy out of the car and loaded onto a stretcher, but she couldn't help the wave of panic that washed over her as she caught sight of the blood that dripped from the long board. She rushed over and grabbed Kathy's hand straight away, whispering that things would be okay as they loaded her into the ambulance. She climbed in as well, refusing to leave her side at this point as she had promised.

The medic instructed Olivia to get behind Kathy and to allow her to lean against her, which she did. Kathy's head was now against her shoulder, and Olivia could feel that she was struggling to hold herself up now. She could see that Kathy was still losing a lot of blood, and her skin was starting to feel a little clammy.

But still, she pushed. She found the strength in herself to push like a trooper, and a few moments later, the cries of a newborn infant filled the air – a little boy. Olivia and Kathy were both crying as the little boy was slipped into Kathy's waiting arms; she clutched him and kissed his forehead as she continued to lean against Olivia.

She then tilted her head up a bit, and Olivia could see that she was starting to go pale and her skin was feeling clammier than it already had been.

"Olivia, I don't feel so good." She whispered. Olivia moved a bit so that she could lay down properly, and she could see the panic stricken look on the medic's face. She swallowed her fear once again then looked back at Kathy, whom was looking up at her with watery eyes as she held the baby against her chest.

"Kathy, don't worry; we're almost at the hospital." Olivia told her. Kathy slowly shook her head, then nodding towards the squirming infant in her arms.

"Take him."

Olivia gave her a confused look, but Kathy insisted; "Please, just take him."

Olivia swallowed nervously and lifted the little boy into her arms, wrapping him in her jacket to keep him warm. Kathy's eyes were staying shut a few seconds longer with each blink, and Olivia could feel the overwhelming sense of panic starting to rush over her again.

"Kathy…Kathy what's wrong?"

"Olivia," Kathy whispered, her voice sounding rather shaky as she spoke; "Just please, take care of the kids and Elliot."

And the tears that she had been holding in finally slipped down her cheeks. She kept hold of the baby with one arm, while using her other hand to hold Kathy's. She knew she had lost a lot of blood and fluids, she knew the injuries were severe and the stress of giving birth had probably taken its toll, but this was not at all what she expected to hear from the woman.

This was not going to happen.

"Kathy you're going to be okay, we're almost at the hospital – just hold on," she kept her voice calm and tranquil as she rubbed her hand with her thumb; "You're going to be fine; you gotta be strong for Elliot and the kids, especially this little guy, right? You're going to be okay."

Kathy gave her a small smile, shaking her head as she whispered; "I'm forever grateful to you, Olivia; you always took care of Elliot in the field, and you looked out for me and the kids all the time – forever grateful; please take care of them."

"Kathy don't talk like that, you're going to be okay," Olivia told her, sniffling slightly, "Hey, you're stronger than this; just hold on a little bit longer."

Kathy blinked and looked up at her, a glossy look in her blue eyes as she looked up at her; "Liv, please promise me?"

Olivia swallowed, not knowing what else to say. She pursed her lips and nodded; "I…I promise," she took a moment to compose herself; "But you're gonna be okay, and…Kathy…Kathy!"

Kathy had lost consciousness, and Olivia was ready to break down completely. She looked up at the paramedic; "What's happening?! What's wrong with her?! Save her!"

"Her BP is crashing; she needs O2 and more fluids," he shouted for his partner; "Call it in!"

Olivia was holding the baby boy close to her and crying to herself as she watched the medic work on Kathy, all the while the beep from the monitor and the words from the radio continued to ring in her head;

"… _proceed with full code protocol."_

Kathy was coding.

And Olivia wished that it was _her_ instead.

* * *

 _An internal bleed._

 _Hemorrhaging from birth._

Something about the impact of the accident had caused an internal bleed, plus the stress of giving birth and all the blood had led to the current situation; Kathy being in emergency surgery while Olivia sat in the waiting room, still holding the baby as she stared blankly at the floor.

The baby boy had been checked over and was absolutely fine and was now wrapped in a blanket with a little blue hat on and was resting in the arms of Olivia. Every time she looked down at him and saw those beautiful blue eyes that kept looking into hers, all she could do was think of Kathy and her words in the ambulance. It was as if the woman had been convinced she was going to die and had actually made peace with it, and that unnerved Olivia.

She didn't want her to die. She refused to believe she would. She kept looking into the little baby boy's eyes and with each look, she prayed some more; Kathy had to make it for her children and for Elliot.

"Miss Benson."

She looked up; the doctor was making his way towards her. She stood up, keeping the baby boy close to her as she listened to the doctor's words. With each word that tumbled from his lips, she felt the tears slipped down her cheeks and she felt like her lungs were being squeezed as it suddenly became harder to breathe. She could barely register everything that had been told to her or the details; she could just hear the bits and pieces;

"… _bleeding was too severe."_

"… _did everything we could."_

"… _coded again and couldn't be revived."_

She nodded at the doctor, who squeezed her arm before walking away. She swallowed and took a moment to compose herself, holding the baby close to her chest as she stood there for a moment. He had drifted off again without a care or understanding of the impact of this day. His life had changed dramatically, and it broke her heart.

How would she ever tell him about his mother? How would she tell the other children that their mother was gone?

"Olivia!"

She froze for a second; _Elliot_. How was she meant to tell him that his wife – the woman he'd spent pretty much half his life with – was gone?

"Liv, are you okay? Where's Kathy? Is that my baby?" he ran over up to her, holding her arms and checking her over as his eyes scanned her appearance Olivia swallowed hard, shaking slightly as she spoke;

"You…you have a son."

Elliot scanned her again, then peered between them at the little boy who was sleeping in her arms. He took him into his arms and smiled softly, kissing his head;

"Hey little man; I'm your daddy." He stroked his hand over the tiny fist of the baby boy, who was still sleeping soundly.

"Looks just like me," he sniffled a bit before looking up; "Where's Kathy?"

Olivia swallowed the lump in her throat before placing her hand on his bicep; "Elliot, I think you need to sit down."

Elliot noticed the look in her eyes and immediately became consumed with worried; "Olivia, you're scaring me…" he sat down on one of the chairs, holding his son close to him; "Where's Kath?"

Olivia took a deep breath and managed to gather up some strength, before she finally explained;

"The doctors did everything they could…"

Elliot's eyes went wide and filled with tears straight away; "Are you saying…my wife…is she…?"

The silence and the tears that fell from Olivia's eyes spoke volumes and the realization hit him quick.

Kathy was gone.

The woman he'd spent half his life with, the mother of his children, and the woman he'd been falling in love with all over again, was _gone._

He glanced down at the sleeping bundle on his chest; all that was left of the woman he'd loved was the four miracles they already had, and this little one that was sleeping without a care in the world.

He held the little boy close to him as he collapsed into tears, his body shaking as the sobs wracked his body. Olivia shuffled closer and pulled him close to her, allowing him to rest his head on her shoulder as she stroked the back of his head. She whispered a soft _'shh'_ in his ear as she comforted him while her own tears continued to fall down her face. Her best friend's whole world had pretty much just shattered into pieces, and she knew that he needed someone now – and she was going to be that someone. They were two peas in a pod; the best of friends with a bond like no other. She was going to hold him until he was done crying, and she would stick with him as long as she could.

They sat there together for a while; Elliot eventually told her that he was sticking with the name he and Kathy had decided on - Elliot Joseph Stabler Jr, or Eli for short. The older children had arrived and after their father told them what was going on, they sat with their father and Olivia, crying together as well. They were allowed to see Kathy's lifeless body one final time before it was taken to the morgue, and so after the children kissed her goodbye and whispered words of love, they all returned to the waiting room together. Elliot stood up to go, but looked back at Olivia, silently asking for some support. Olivia nodded and told the children she would be right back, before leaving out of the waiting room with Elliot.

They went into the quiet hospital room; Kathy's body was laying on a bed, her face void of all color, her hair was fanned out on the pillow like a blonde, glowing halo. Her body was covered with a sheet for the most part apart from her face, and the cuts and bruises had been cleaned up. Olivia was holding baby Eli in her arms while Elliot spoke quietly to his late wife. He told her that he loved her and always would, thanked her for giving him five wonderful children, thanked her for the years together, and promised her that he would make sure the kids were taken care of. He placed a delicate kiss onto her cheek before standing up, wiping his hand over his face as he did so.

Olivia asked for a few moments to talk to Kathy as well, to which Elliot nodded and took Eli into his arms. He stepped out of the room, leaving Olivia in the quiet room on her own. She sat down and simply eyed the lifeless body of the woman; she had seen enough dead bodies over the years but this; this was hitting her hard.

She felt a chill run down her spine, and for some reason, she got the sense that it was Kathy, letting her know that she was alright. She simply nodded to herself before whispering;

"I promise I'll take care of them Kathy; you don't have to worry."

She felt another chill and shuddered; Kathy had heard her.

She squeezed Kathy's cold hand, before then leaving the room. Elliot was waiting for her in the hallway and gave her a small yet tired smile when he saw her. She nodded back, taking a deep breath before pulling him into a hug again. He wrapped an arm around her and hugged her tightly, whispering to her that he was glad that she was alright, and that they would get through all of this together.

And she nodded against his shoulder, whispering that she was going to be there for him and his kids.

She wasn't leaving them; she never would leave them.

She was going to keep her promise to Kathy and make sure that Elliot and the kids were alright.

* * *

 ** _Okaaaay guys! So I definitely have to write a second part to this - right?_**

 ** _In the meantime, leave some comments and all that! Let me know if this should end up being two parts or three!_**

 ** _Thank you for your support always! Until next time xoxo_**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello you guys!**

 **So...I really had not planned to start a new fic until the new year, but I couldn't leave this thing alone. This was gonna really be a two shot but there's just far too much potential in this for it to just be two or three parts. I don't really know how long this will be, but it's the start of something...something serious.**

 **This is the aftermath of Kathy's death; this is Olivia keeping her promise to take care of Elliot and the kids.**

 **Enjoy xoxo**

* * *

 **Keeping Promises**

 **Part 02**

 _One Month Later._

The wails of the one-month old infant sounded from across the master bedroom, rousing the middle-aged man from the slumber he had only just slipped into about an hour earlier. He grumbled to himself and pulled himself out of bed, before making his way over to the dark brown wooden crib in the corner. In the midst of blue blankets and teddy bears was a squirming bundle, who was wailing with a reddened face and little tears falling down his cheeks. The man glanced at the bedside clock and sighed as the glowing red numbers screamed back at him; _4:02am –_ it was time for a feed.

Elliot reached down and scooped his son up into his arms, bouncing him slightly as he moved out of the room and descended the stairs of the large family home. He whispered a soft 'shh' sound to the little boy as he grabbed an already made bottle from the fridge and popped it into the microwave, a yawn escaping his lips as he did so. He was tired; so fucking tired. Being a single father was difficult and he wondered if this was what his wife had felt like during the times while she was caring for a newborn while he was out working.

His wife. One month. She had been dead for a month, and he still felt like he was drowning in sorrow.

The last few months had seemed like the beginning of something great again. Following the shock pregnancy that had resulted in the birth of this precious baby boy that was currently sniffling in his arms, the two had begun to fall in love again. It was starting to feel like the beginning of their marriage again and they were actually glad they'd called off the divorce. They still had little arguments here and there like normal couples did, but they were in love again and that was the most important part. He'd felt like that sickly in love teenager again whenever he looked at her; her blonde hair and striking blue eyes made his heart flutter, her smile lit up his heart again. They had been happy; so fucking happy.

And then, it all shattered.

He would never forget the feeling he felt when Fin told him that his wife and his partner had been involved in a bad car accident. His heart had dropped to his stomach; his thoughts were on the three individuals that meant so much to him – his wife and unborn baby, and his partner who was his best friend. He still recalled the moment he last spoke to his wife; she told him that she and his partner were okay and that she was being taken really good care of by his partner. He had been optimistic then and kept praying that everything would go well and that things would be alright. He had prayed during the entire helicopter ride back into the city, prayed as he sped through the city streets to Mercy General Hospital. He figured that everything would be okay.

But nothing could prepare him for the panic that flooded through him when he reached the hospital and found his partner in the waiting room, her shirt stained with dried blood as she held his newborn son in her arms while tears continued to fall down her face; and nothing could have prepared him for the pain that exploded through him when she gave him the devastating news. He could still hear the words echoing in his mind like a tape playing on loop;

" _The doctors did everything they could…"_

He felt like his heart had shattered completely then. She hadn't even had to finish the sentence because he knew; how many times had they given those same words to families of victims? He knew, and it broke him. His world shattered, the world of his children shattered; the picture-perfect family shattered completely into a million tiny pieces.

His children; it had been a month and they were all struggling. Maureen – his eldest – barely came over anymore unless it was to help with Eli; she remained in Manhattan a lot of the time at the apartment she shared with her boyfriend in between working as a nurse for Bellevue Hospital. Kathleen had just become with drawn and quiet and didn't share her emotions, much like her father, and spent a lot of time by herself in her room. Lizzie – the Stabler child that often remained on top of her grades in school, was struggling to keep her emotions in check and as a result, her once perfect grades were starting to suffer. Dickie had quit his school's hockey team and his grades were starting to suffer as well, and he too had become increasingly with drawn and was starting to take his anger out on walls and the trash cans, much like his father.

The person that tried to be a source of light in this once happy home was his partner and best friend – Olivia.

That seemed to be the only time the children cracked some sort of a smile; when she was around. She came over about three times a week and simply hung out – played games with them, let them vent and talk, or just sat with them and watched movies or comedy shows. After they would fall asleep, she would let him vent and talk or cry; anything to help get his emotions out. She was being as supportive as she could, even when he would sometimes snap at her or lash out. She still stuck by him and helped him as best she could, and that meant more to him than he could ever put into words.

The microwave beeped, bringing him from the thoughts he'd slipped into. He pulled the bottle from the microwave and checked the temperature, before he then began to feed his son. Little Eli's sniffles subsided as he began to drink his milk, causing Elliot to smile and kiss his forehead as he walked through to the living room. He sat himself down on the sofa and kept hold of him and the bottle with one hand, while grabbing his phone from the table with the other.

"Come on little man," he whispered, "Let's see if Auntie Olivia is still working the case." He did miss Olivia; she had been working a case for two days straight now and he'd barely had a chance to talk to her.

His fingers danced across the key pad of the phone as he typed out a text;

 _4:15am – Are you still working?_

* * *

 _Buzz! Buzz! Buzz!_

The buzzing was faintly heard amongst the ringing of telephones, clicking of keys, and constant chatter in the Special Victims Unit squad room. They were in a cluster and had been for the last couple days; a little boy had gone missing about twelve hours earlier shortly after the body of another missing boy turned up, and with the MO matching that of last cases, it was now a race against time to find the little boy and stop the perp before another child was snatched. Captain Cragen was barking orders, Lake and Fin were standing at the whiteboard comparing notes of the crime scenes and finding similarities, and Olivia and Munch were going through files to see if they could find any more cases relating to this one – in addition to the four they had already found.

It was chaotic, and it was times like this that Olivia wished her partner was around.

She knew that he was struggling; it had only been a month since Kathy died and she was still trying to come to terms with it as well. It was weird a month ago when she accompanied the family to the funeral, it was weird now going to the Stabler family home and not seeing her there or hearing her voice. Everything was like some parallel universe and each day was just a struggle to get through; the Stablers we're trying so hard to adjust to this new dynamic and way of life, but it was hard.

The NYPD had allowed Elliot the time off that would be allotted to new mothers, which was great as he needed to adjust to things at home and figure things out. However, with him gone meant the Special Victims Unit was a person short, and that wasn't good for the influx of cases that had rolled in. Olivia seemed to be pulling more overtime than ever along with her colleagues, and Cragen had them all on partner rotation – sometimes she was with Fin, sometimes she was with Lake, and sometimes she was with Munch. She loved them all dearly and didn't mind at all, but she still missed her partner with everything in her.

Despite her chaotic schedule, she had still managed to get over to the Stabler family home a few times a week, therefore keeping her promise to Kathy to make sure Elliot and the kids were alright. It broke her heart to see the once lively home have such a subdued feeling; all of the kids were nothing like themselves and Elliot was a shell of himself as well, something that broke her heart as well as she wasn't used to seeing such. Still, she managed to support them as best she could, and despite the worries that they would blame her for what happened, she was relieved to know that nobody blamed her at all.

Still, she couldn't help but feel incredibly guilty. She felt guilty for not being able to keep Kathy here, she felt guilty for being _alive_. That's the main thing that bothered her; she wondered what was so great about her that she deserved to live while Kathy had passed on. Kathy had a family that needed her; she had no one. So why had she been allowed to live? That was the question that haunted her most nights in between the nightmares of the crash that kept replaying over and over and over again. Maybe that was part of the reason why she kept her promise to Kathy; maybe to alleviate the guilt that she couldn't shake.

Her thoughts were broken by Cragen's voice, whom had come through the bullpen;

"Guys, we got a lead – the van has been spotted at an apartment complex in Brooklyn."

And just like that, the detectives were rushing out of the squad room again.

A few hours later – at nearly seven just after the sun had risen over the city – Olivia and Fin were walking out of interrogation room after having gotten their perp to confess to everything. Munch and Lake had just returned as well, after they had accompanied the missing boy the hospital and stayed with him until his parents arrive. Cragen was impressed with the work of his detectives and after a couple days, he was happy to allow them to go home and get some rest. He told them to work on their 'Fives' during their next couple days off, so after gathering up their files and such, the four were heading out of the squad room.

"Everyone going home and going straight to bed?" Lake asked. A simultaneous _'hell yes'_ emerged from the other three, causing Lake to chuckle as he pushed the button for the elevator.

"That was rough; my bed is gonna be my best friend until tomorrow." He spoke.

"I'm definitely sleeping until tomorrow, then I'll come finish the 'Five." Munch chimed in before letting out a yawn.

"Damn skippy man; I need some fucking sleep," Fin spoke up as they stepped into the elevator; "You going to sleep too, Benson?"

"For a few hours anyway, then I'm gonna go over and check on Elliot," she yawned as she pressed the buttons on her phone, her eyes going wide as she looked; "Damn, he text me a few hours ago to see if I was still here; he must have been up with Eli."

"How's he been doing anyway since… _everything_?" Lake asked.

"He's taking each day at a time – it's a struggle though," Olivia shrugged; "He's grieving; that's all I can say – he vents a lot, cries, all that."

"Damn, I can only imagine how he feels though; they were together for a long time and then they had the kids – damn," Fin shuddered as they stepped out of the elevator; "How are the kids, by the way?"

"Struggling – they are not the kids I'm used to seeing, that's for sure." Olivia replied.

"And you, baby girl? How you doing with all this?"

Olivia closed her eyes for a second, before looking at Fin and shrugging; "I'm fine, Fin." She waved at Munch and Lake, who walked ahead out of the front doors while she and Fin stopped in the lobby. Fin was trying to get a read on her, and she rolled her eyes and held her hand up.

"Don't do that, Fin."

"I'm not doing anything other than looking you over," Fin told her as he put a hand on her arm; "That _I'm fine_ thing might work with everyone else, but not with me," he tilted his head to the side; "Did you tell him that you're struggling with this too?"

"I always tell him _I'm fine_ but he never believes me, but I change the subject when he tries to ask again," Olivia shrugged her shoulders as she adjusted her bag on her shoulder; "Look, I don't need him worrying about me too; he's got enough going on and I promised I would be there for him and the kids, so I'm trying to be positive for them."

"But who's looking after you with this, baby girl?" Fin wondered; "And besides, Elliot cares about you – a lot – and he wouldn't want you to just push this aside; you two can help each other through this."

Olivia shook her head, running her fingers through her short hair. She didn't really expect Fin to understand right now. She just couldn't talk to Elliot about how she was feeling about this whole thing or how the thoughts of what happened kept her up at night. He had more than enough on his plate to deal with and she just needed to help him through this thing in his life first. She needed to help him get a little bit stronger and then she would worry about herself.

"I'm gonna be alright, Fin, don't worry; of course I'm affected, I've known Kathy for just as long as I've known Elliot, so this is hard on everyone," she squeezed his arm, giving him a tight-lipped smile; "Don't worry."

"I'm gonna worry about you anyway because you're like my baby sister," he draped an arm around her, leading her out, "Come on, let me get you home."

"I can take a cab, Fin." She smirked, nudging him. Fin simply laughed, leading her to the sedan and opening the door;

"Get ya ass in the car."

Olivia let out a laugh, slipping into the passenger seat while shaking her head in despair. Fin closed the door and came around to the other side, slipping into the driver's seat before pulling off into the streets.

It wasn't too long before Olivia found herself walking into her apartment. She locked the doors, then went to her window and waved to Fin to show that she had gotten in safely. She put her things down and went straight to her bedroom and practically fell across her bed while her phone remained in her hand. She had a plan to take a nap, then she was going to go over to Elliot's for the rest of the day.

She quickly brought up his text and replied;

 _'7:10am – Hey El; sorry it was chaos and I just saw your message. Will explain later. Case is closed and I'm at home; gonna nap then I'll be over later. Hope everything is okay; see you guys later and blow up the phone if you need me (:'_

She then put her phone aside and kicked off her shoes, then unclipped her badge and gun and put them aside. She was too tired to go shower and change into anything else, so she just whipped off her shirt and jeans before slipping under the blankets in just her underwear.

And before long, the exhaustion that followed two days of being awake and running around the city finally caught up to her, and she drifted straight off to sleep.

* * *

 _ **And here we go...we're slowly entering this new story. Again, I'm not sure how many chapters this will be but there's so much potential here I feel like. Please, leave me some feedback and all that. Thanks guys for the support constantly. Until next time...xoxo**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys!**

 **So...I'm here with part 3. I really can't believe this story is turning into something bigger than I thought it would be, but I'm actually enjoying writing it. Thank you for the feedback so far, whether on here or through Twitter or text messages; all of that. I appreciate it!**

 **Please, enjoy part 3!**

 **xoxo**

* * *

 **Keeping Promises**

 **Part 03**

 _The walls felt like they were closing in on him as he stared into the teary eyes of his partner while replaying the words that fell from her lips;_

" _The doctors did all they could…"_

 _Suddenly he was running, barreling past the staff and into the room. He whipped back the curtain and the sight before him was horrifying._

 _Two bodies laying side by side, both cleaned up after the accident. One brunette and one blonde._

 _Kathy and Olivia. Dead. The accident._

 _But he had just talked to Olivia so how was this possible?_

 _He turned but it was dark; suddenly everything was dark and all he could see were the two bodies laying side by side; his two favorite people gone._

 _The women he loved._

 _His best friend and his wife – gone._

 _He cried and begged God to bring them back. His sobs and screams echoed around him._

 _And suddenly, he was falling._

* * *

Elliot bolted up right in the bed, his own screams echoing around the room. He looked around for a moment and realized that he was in his room, and he took a moment to compose himself. Things were hitting him full force; the knowledge of the crash, being told that Kathy was dead, but Olivia…Olivia wasn't dead. No; she wasn't. Olivia was fine.

"Dad!" the door opened, and Maureen burst into the room with a concerned look on her face; "You okay?"

Elliot took a deep breath and nodded; "I'm fine, honey; I'm fine…" he breathed out again before looking up; "What are you doing here?"

"Watching Eli; Katie called this morning and said she didn't want to wake you and knew that Olivia was working, and I had the day off so I'm here helping with Eli while Katie and the twins are at school," she explained while looking around the room; "Um…so…you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine, Mo; I promise," he rubbed his hand down his face; "Are you okay? And is Eli?" He glanced at the clock; it was just after nine in the morning.

"Eli's fine, he's currently asleep in his bouncer," Maureen chuckled a bit as she moved closer to sit on the side of the bed, turning slightly to look at her father; "I miss her, Dad."

Elliot nodded his head in agreement as tears formed in his eyes straight away; "I miss her too, kiddo."

"I've been trying really hard to talk to God and understand why this has happened, but I can't figure it out," Maureen wiped a falling tear before looking up again; "Why'd this happen, Dad?"

"I don't know Mo, I just don't even know." Elliot wiped the tears away from his own face. He knew what Maureen was feeling; he too had been struggling with his faith lately, constantly questioning God and asking why his wife had to be taken away. The pain he felt was almost unbearable, but he was trying to remain strong because his kids needed him now more than ever.

"At least Olivia is still here with us, and she's helping take care of things." Maureen remarked, tucking some hair behind her ear.

Elliot nodded, swallowing at the mention of his partner's name; "I'm glad she is still here; we need her." He then leaned over and kissed his daughter's head; "I'm gonna shower and get dressed then maybe we can go get some brunch hey? Me and you and Eli."

"Sounds good, Dad." Maureen nodded. She then jumped up and made her way out of the room, closing the door behind her. Elliot sighed and picked up his phone, his eyes going wide when he saw the text that had been sent a couple hours earlier. He pressed the button to open it, a sigh of relief escaping him when he saw the message from his partner.

But he needed to hear her voice just to make sure she was okay. He pressed the button for her number and waited a few moments, until the line clicked the familiar voice answered;

 _"Benson."_

He bit his lip; he had woken her up out of a sleep that she so desperately needed.

"Liv…hey." He breathed out in relief, finally able to relax now that he'd heard her voice.

 _"Hey El,"_ he listened as she moved around before continuing; _"You okay? Everything alright?"_

"Everything's fine, I just wanted to make sure you were okay," he paused for a moment, then continued; "Um…Mo and I are about to go to brunch, if you wanted to go?"

 _"Oh El, thanks for the invite but I'm exhausted; I literally just got in…"_ a brief pause; _"A couple hours ago now; damn I must have nodded off as soon as I laid down."_

"I saw your text; I'm glad the case is closed, and if you need to vent about it, you know I'm here…" he swallowed a bit before continuing, closing his eyes as he spoke softly; "And I'm glad you made it home safe; I worry when I'm not working by your side."

 _"Elliot, I think you have about a gazillion other things to worry about right now instead of me; I'm okay."_ She giggled a bit, and Elliot smiled softly. Olivia would never let anyone worry too much about her. In fact, she down right fucking hated when people worried too much about her as it drove her insane. She had told Elliot numerous times over the years to stop worrying so much about her, but as her partner and best friend, he could never stop worrying.

"Yeah well you should know by now that I'll worry about you regardless of what you say." He told her.

 _"Yeah, I know you will…"_ she stopped for a second, then quietly asked; _"Elliot, are you sure you're alright? I know you too well; I can tell when something's wrong."_

Elliot ran his hand down his face; this was one of the times where he almost hated the fact that she knew him so well. They were so close and so in sync that they could detect even the smallest changes in each other, which meant they always knew when something was off with the other.

"I'm fine Liv, I just had a nightmare so it's bothering me a bit, but I'm okay."

 _"Do you want to talk about it?"_

"Later…we can talk about it later," he sighed a bit before continuing, "Go back to sleep, you need some rest."

 _"Are you sure?"_ she quietly asked.

"I promise we'll talk about it later; I'm alright," he reassured her before continuing, "Call me when you're on your way; we'll probably be back by the time you do come but if not, just let yourself in."

 _"I will do…"_ she stopped to let out another yawn, _"Okay, yawning while on the phone is rude as fuck so I'm gonna get a couple more hours in, then I'll be over; see you guys later."_

Elliot nodded, smiling a bit as relief flooded through him as he once again reminded himself that his best friend was safe and sound and tucked up in her bed.

"It is kinda rude, but I'll let it go because you've been up for two days," he teased before continuing, "Sleep tight Liv, speak to you later."

She was laughing a bit as she rounded off the call; _"Talk later, El."_

The call disconnected, and Elliot put his phone aside. He shook off the bad feelings before dragging himself out of bed and making his way through to the shower. Maybe getting out of the house and spending time with his eldest daughter would be enough to take his mind off things. God knows he needed to get a grip and needed to get things in order.

He stepped under the hot spray of the water, allowing the warmth to rain down over his back. He sighed to himself and ran his hands over his face. He remembered back to the times where Kathy would be right outside the shower, brushing her teeth or something while conversating with him about something the kids were doing and other aspects of home life. Those were the earlier times, when things were good, before his job tore them apart. He used to quietly grumble to himself when she was chattering away while he was desperate for some peace and quiet after a day of chaos, but now, he would do anything to hear that voice again.

He missed her. He missed her laughter and her voice so full of enthusiasm when she spoke about the kids. He missed hearing her whisper _'I love you'_ to him after a long day, he missed her singing to herself as she brushed her teeth or brushed her hair, he even missed the way her voice sounded as she spoke through a mouthful of toothpaste. He even missed the way she would argue with him about his job and the hours he worked.

He just missed her so fucking much and he hated himself for taking her for granted for so long.

Tears fell down his face as he tilted his head towards the ceiling, silently pleading with the man that he was struggling to keep a relationship with;

" _God or Kathy; someone – help me through this."_

* * *

The rather medium-sized diner was empty for the most part as it was the late morning hours which meant that a lot of people were either at work or in school. Elliot and Maureen managed to get a booth near the window, and Maureen took Eli's carrier into the side with her while Elliot had the diaper bag. The familiar waitress that often waited on them when they would come to this place as a family – and after expressing her sympathies and telling them to just call if they needed anything – she took their orders; Elliot ordered a strong coffee and some waffles with eggs and bacon, while Maureen ordered a Pepsi and pancakes and scrambled eggs. Once the waitress walked away, Maureen scooped Eli into her arms before taking a bottle from her father.

"It's nice to get out for a bit, Dad; thanks for suggesting this." She spoke as she began to feed her baby brother, whom was looking adorable in his little outfit of jeans and a long-sleeved shirt that read _'My Auntie is a Cop';_ a gift from Olivia some months ago.

"We needed to get out, Mo; I did anyway – I'm glad you came by actually, else I wouldn't have even thought to suggest it and probably would've ended up staying in the house with Eli all day." Elliot pointed out, shrugging his shoulders.

"I almost didn't come over today but something told me I just needed to come see you," Maureen shrugged as she glanced down at her baby brother; "Told Kevin I was coming to see you – he sends his love by the way, and so does his mom."

"Tell him thanks; he's a good kid and they're a good family." Elliot replied. Maureen gave a small smile and nodded as she looked at Eli again, whom was looking around as he continued to drink his milk. There was a brief silence for a moment, then Maureen looked up.

"I'm sorry I haven't been by as much over the last month," Her eyes flicked from the table then back to his again; "It's just hard…hard coming over and not seeing her, you know."

"Oh trust me, I know; it's hard being in that room and her not being beside me – this is hard on us all, kiddo." Elliot echoed her sentiments, nodding his head as he spoke. Maureen nodded before looking up again.

"Me and Katie were texting last night, and we were both wondering…um…is it okay if we start to pack up some of Mom's stuff this weekend? She always said she wanted it to be donated and I guess, well it's just sitting around so is it okay or do you think it's too soon or-"

"Maur," Elliot let out a chuckle, stopping her from rambling; "It's okay."

"I just didn't want to overstep or rush if you didn't think it was okay or weren't ready," Maureen gave a timid smile; "Do you think Olivia will help us or do you want to help?"

Elliot paused to think for a second. It was going to be hard to part with his late wife's things of course as they were what was left of her. But he also figured that maybe this would be a way to start the process of moving on. It would take a long time to move on from this of course, but maybe this was a start. Baby steps were important, and this was one hell of a baby step.

"I'll help, and I'm sure Liv will help too – if she isn't working this weekend of course." He replied, nodding his head.

"I'll ask her later on when she comes over; she's coming over right?"

"Yeah, she's coming by later to check in; I called her after you left the room and she had only just gotten in from work a couple hours before so she's resting." He explained. Maureen nodded her head, before looking up as the waitress came back. She put their food down as well as their drinks, then gave them some straws and extra napkins before walking away. Maureen rubbed Eli's back to burp him, before laying him in his carrier again as he relaxed with his pacifier in his mouth.

The father and daughter tucked into their delicious meals while engaging in light conversation as they did so. It was nice to just spend time together and have some sense of normality after the month they'd had. They spent the next couple of hours simply reminiscing about some aspects of the past that had involved Kathy and managed to do so without tearing up; they instead laughed about the birthday parties and family dinners and silly family game nights they had. They were remembering the happy times, and that was important as there really had been a lot of good times in the course of the twenty year marriage. Despite the rough patch that was littered with arguments and hurt feelings and despite that patch almost ending in divorce, there really had been a lot of good times between the pair and a lot of happy memories within the family.

Maybe it wouldn't be too long before happiness would consume their family again. The grieving process was different for everyone, Elliot knew that, but he had to admit – he couldn't wait until his home was filled with happiness yet again.

Baby steps…baby steps towards the happiness again.

* * *

 _ **Kinda small update, but was it okay? And what do you guys think of the pace of the story? Let me know. Thank you guys for everything so far; more to come soon! Until next time xoxo**_


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey all!**

 **I'm finally here with a new update - Chapter four of 'Keeping Promises'. Just a short little update; Kathleen talks to Olivia after dinner, and after everyone's asleep, Elliot and Olivia have a chat as well.**

 **I hope you guys enjoy xoxo**

* * *

 **Keeping Promises**

 **Part 04**

It was a few hours later when Elliot heard the locks of the front door click. He and Maureen had returned from the diner around noon, and for the remainder of the afternoon, they had simply been hanging around and watching television while chatting away together. The other kids were already home from school and were upstairs doing homework in their rooms, and Maureen was hanging around in the lounge, playing with Eli. Elliot had just come from the laundry room when he saw the front door open and smiled a bit more when he saw Olivia. She did look nice; dressed in a pair of hip hugging jeans and a navy blue NYPD sweatshirt under her black peacoat that she left open, and her black and white Converse sneakers.

But it was almost bitter sweet; for a moment, he had been expecting to see Kathy come in that door, but when he saw Olivia, he was reminded of the reality; and it hurt. He was glad to see Olivia of course, but the reality still hurt and brought tears to his eyes.

Olivia noticed straight away, and a look of concern came across her face; "Hey, what's wrong?"

"No…no nothing," he held his hand up, brushing her concern aside; "It's just when the door opened…for a moment…"

"You were thinking it was Kathy," she finished his sentence, giving him a sympathetic smile; "I'm sorry."

"No don't be sorry, I'm alright," he chuckled a bit as he wiped his eyes before wrapping his arm around her for a one arm hug; "You okay? Did you get a good nap?"

"If a drool spot on my pillow is a sign of a _good nap,_ then yeah, I got a pretty damn good one," she spoke as they made their way into the kitchen; "I'm still kinda tired though and don't feel like cooking, so I just got a bit of everything from the Chinese place and picked it up on my way here; is that okay?"

"Liv, you just worked for two days straight; you didn't have to come all the way out here especially if you're tired – you shoulda got some more rest." He told her.

"No…I'd rather come over here and check on my best friend and my favorite kids," she nudged him as she finished pulling food from the bag; "Where are the kiddos anyway?"

"Three are upstairs doing homework, two are in the living room." Elliot replied.

"And how are things today?"

"Well, Kathleen was a little more chatty when she came in today, Lizzie is a little quiet, and Dickie seems alright for the most part, just concerned about Lizzie it seems," Elliot shrugged, letting out a sigh; "It's rough."

"I bet, it's only been a month and then the holidays are coming, it's bound to be quite rough." Olivia replied. Elliot's eyes went wide, then he ran his hand down his face and rolled his eyes.

"Fuck, I completely forgot about the holidays," he glanced at the calendar on the wall; _December 18_ _th_ ; "Christmas is in what – a week? I haven't gotten them anything, I don't even know if they want to celebrate Christmas this year; fuck, I don't even know if I want to celebrate this year; this is such a fucking-"

"Hey," Olivia stopped him by placing her hands on his shoulders; "Hey, calm down; we can talk about it over dinner and if they aren't feeling it, then we just don't force it. If they do want to do a little something, I'll sort it out."

"Olivia, please let me help-"

"Olivia."

Both Olivia and Elliot looked up; Kathleen was standing in the doorway of the kitchen. Olivia gave her a small smile and opened her arms, and Kathleen fell into them straight away, hugging her tightly as she rested her head against her shoulder. The other kids filed into the kitchen a few moments later and crowded around Olivia for a hug, including Maureen even as she held Eli with one arm. Elliot watched with a sad smile on his face; the kids had really found comfort in Olivia and despite there still being a kind of somber atmosphere around the Stabler home, it was nice that they were slowing being put together again by Olivia, whom was always a source of light even in darkness.

Hell, she was even helping to put him back together again; slowly, tiny piece by tiny piece.

He felt a shiver run down his spine and he closed his eyes for a second; it was Kathy, he could feel it. He got this sense that she was watching this scenario, he could almost see the sweet smile on her face, and the thought alone brought tears to his eyes.

Fuck…he missed her.

But he needed to be strong for his kids, and they needed to start the process of moving on.

And that started with packing up Kathy's things this weekend to donate them. That would start the process towards a new beginning.

* * *

Dinner was relaxed and quiet; the kids chatted every now and then about aspects of their lives; Lizzie talked about how a couple of her grades had started to improve a little bit, Maureen talked about her job, Dickie talked a little bit about how his grades were starting to improve as well, Eli made adorable little baby noises as he simply relaxed in Olivia's arm while she ate food with her free hand. Maureen even asked if Olivia would help pack up some of Kathy's things at the weekend, to which Olivia promised she would if she didn't get called into work this weekend. They did touch on Christmas a little bit as the kids last day of school before the holidays was tomorrow, but they were still unsure about proceeding with celebrations for the holiday and so promised to think about it and keep Olivia posted about it.

Olivia also didn't miss how Kathleen remained pretty quiet again throughout dinner and pushed her food around; something that concerned her as it was a sign that there were things on her mind. After dinner, Maureen and Dickie worked together to clear the table, Lizzie went upstairs to read, and Elliot tended to Eli. Kathleen had gone outside on the back porch, so Olivia decided to join her for a bit.

The nighttime December air was cold, yet she saw Kathleen sitting on the top step of the porch in just her jeans and boots and sweater that she'd been wearing since she came home. She breathed out and pulled wrapped her arms around herself some more, before sitting down onto the step beside the young girl. Kathleen said nothing; she simply shuffled closer and leaned her head on Olivia's shoulder as they looked up at the sky together.

"Mom usually has the house decorated by now; Christmas starts throwing up in our house right after Thanksgiving."

Olivia opened her mouth to speak, but Kathleen continued; "I don't even know how to celebrate Christmas this year; she's…she's gone."

"I know, honey; I know this is gonna be hard," Olivia kept her voice quiet as she wrapped an arm around Kathleen, hugging her into her; "You guys keep me posted about it; the ball is in your court – your Dad doesn't even know if he wants to celebrate either."

"Did you feel like this after your mother died?"

Olivia hesitated for a moment before speaking; "Pretty much. I mean, I was never much of a Christmas person anyway because my mother was always too drunk to care, but after she got sober and things were good, we did start having little Christmas dinners together and all that, and then she died in December so it kinda killed the whole vibe for me."

Kathleen nodded before speaking; "It just feels so strange; I'm torn between wanting to celebrate it and not wanting to bother; but I feel like she'd want us to do something, especially for Eli – I mean even though he won't understand, but you know…something."

"You and your dad and your brother and sisters can talk about it some more; maybe you'll decide to do a little something," Olivia shrugged a bit, "You wanna know something I do?"

Kathleen nodded, so Olivia continued;

"Every year on Christmas Eve, I go to the cemetery and I leave some flowers and a candy cane – because they were my mother's favorite candy – and I just sit there and talk to her for an hour, about whatever has happened since the last time I visited her grave. It helps, especially as this is the time of year I'm usually dealing with a lot of bullshit at work. But anyway…yeah…I do that."

"Hey, that's actually a really good idea," Kathleen sat up a bit to look at her; "Do you think the others would want to do that? And Dad too?"

"Maybe they would, and it might help." Olivia replied. Kathleen nodded, breathing out before looking at the bright, twinkling stars in the sky. The biggest and brightest one seemed to be sparkling back at her, and it brought tears to her eyes as she had an overwhelming sense that it was her mother.

Olivia noticed the tears in her eyes and pulled her into a hug, allowing the young girl to start crying on her shoulder again. She simply soothed her while stroking her hair and kissing her head every now and again. The road to things being better was going to be a long, bumpy one, but she planned to be there every step of the way. She was going to be on hand for hugs and comfort as long as she had to; a promise to Kathy, and as a means to stop feeling so guilty.

She didn't want to be consumed by the guilt that was secretly eating away at her, but it was tough to push it away, especially with the heartbroken girl crying in her arms yet again…

" _God…why Kathy? Why not me?"_

* * *

A few hours later, the kids were in bed – only after watching a couple movies of course – and Maureen had gone home. Eli was fast asleep in his crib upstairs in the master bedroom, leaving Elliot and Olivia to relax in the lounge together. They were both sat on opposite ends of the sofa with their legs stretched out, both of them half watching the movie that was on while keeping half of their attention on the baby monitor in case Eli woke up.

"When I went to check on Katie, she told me that you told her about that tradition you do every year when you visit your mom's grave; she wants to start it too and I think it's a good idea." Elliot's voice snapped her from her thoughts; she flicked her gaze from the television to him.

"It definitely helps me feel closer to her, and it helped me to cope," she shrugged her shoulders, "I told her that maybe you guys would like it too."

"It's a good idea; we'll talk with the others tomorrow and see if they want to do it." He replied with a nod of his head. There was a brief moment of silence, before he then flicked his gaze from the television and back to her again; "Liv, I don't say this enough, but thanks for being here for us. It's…it's really tough and I know I'm not easy to deal with sometimes, but you've really been here every step of the way and I appreciate you so much."

"Oh Elliot, of course I'm gonna be here; we're best friends," she moved her legs to drape over his lower legs; "I mean first of all, you haven't been easy to deal with since I met you but here we are; we always fight and I never leave so-"

"Are we just gonna forget about the two weeks in Computer Crimes and the eight weeks undercover in Oregon with the federal fuckwad?" he smirked, giving her a wink to show that he was messing around. While her brief transfer to Computer Crimes and her undercover stint in Oregon had once been a sensitive topic, it was something that they now looked back on and joked about as all was forgiven between them.

"We don't talk about that anymore, Elliot." she playfully kicked him, letting out a laugh as he threw his head back laughing as well.

"How'd you like working alone, Liv?" he smirked.

"Shut up, fucker; I hated it," she giggled a bit as she kicked him again; "Okay so I left a couple of times, but those times were totally your fault, and how exactly did you cope without me?"

"I didn't, and I never want to experience that again." He chuckled.

"You seemed fine with Dani."

"Never gonna let me live that one down, are you?"

"Never gonna talk about the fact that you drunkenly kissed her, are you?" She laughed when he tossed a pillow at her. It was all fun and games, laughing and joking together about things that had been sensitive between them for a while before they let things go; she was just glad to hear him laughing as she hadn't heard it in quite a while now.

"Okay we're hitting below the belt now; truce?" he chuckled, holding out his fist. She giggled, nodding her head as she knocked her fist against his;

"Truce, El." They calmed down from the laughter they were sharing and took some breaths, before Olivia then sat up properly and pulled her knees up to her chest.

"Since we're here talking though, you wanna tell me about the nightmare you had when you called me earlier?"

Elliot froze; he hadn't been expecting her to ask that. He glanced up at her and saw her eyes full of concern and wonder, and he knew that if he tried to brush it off, she wouldn't let it go. He knew he needed to get this out and talk to her, but he was just worried that she would be a little creeped out by it. He didn't want to scare her, but he also knew that it would help if he did talk about it a little bit.

"It was just…it was weird," he paused for a second, collecting his thoughts before speaking again; "It's like I saw you and talked to you and you told me that there was nothing the doctors could do, and then I ran to the room but not only was Kathy laying there, but…but you were too."

"Me?" a look of shock came across her face; "I…I was…um…"

"Yeah, you were, and it was weird because I had just stood there and talked to you," he shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut; "I freaked out and was screaming for God to just send you both back; I actually woke myself up screaming – that's how bad it was." He shrugged, no longer looking at her but now staring at a piece of link that was on his sweatpants; "I just…that's why I called you; I had seen your text, but I needed to hear your voice too."

"Oh…I…damn." She really didn't know what to say. She simply shuffled closer and placed her hand on his shoulder, rubbing gently while he squeezed the bridge of his nose. She really just didn't know how to make things better and really, she didn't know what to make of him dreaming about her being gone as well. If anything, it almost made her feel a little guiltier for some reason.

"I'm just glad it wasn't you too, I would have lost it," he sniffled a bit, unaware that he'd really started crying again; "It just sucks so much, Olivia; why did Kathy have to die? We were on a good note again – you know? We were…we were fucking happy."

"Elliot, I just…I don't know." She sighed, rubbing his shoulder.

"I've been struggling you know, really fucking struggling with my faith lately…" he continued, and Olivia simply let him vent as she knew that he needed it;

"I mean, I struggle enough with my faith as is because of the damn job and the things we see and hear, but this has really got me shaken to the core. Over twenty years of being together; damn we didn't have the best years and I took her for granted so much, and now she's gone. I just don't get why she had to die, you know; I've been really trying to talk to God and figure out why it was time to take Kathy."

He shrugged, turning to her; "I'm just…I'm glad He didn't take you too. I mean I'm really upset that He took Kathy, but He didn't take you too – and I'm glad of that, because as much as I hate to sound clingy, I gotta admit that I need you."

Olivia gave him a small smile, rubbing his shoulder; "I'm right here."

"I know you are, and I thank you." He told her; the sincerity evident in his voice. She smiled and gave him a nod, before checking the time on her phone. She thought about leaving – partly because she wanted to give him space and partly because she really did need to get home as she needed to get up early and get a head start on the files that were on her coffee table in her apartment – but as she saw the heartbroken look on his face and the tears that remained in his eyes as he absentmindedly watched television, she thought against it. She couldn't leave him like this; not with whatever was going through is mind.

She shuffled closer and wrapped an arm around his shoulder, and he leaned into her, resting his head on his shoulder.

She stayed.

* * *

 ** _I hope you guys enjoyed this update. Please, let me know what you all thought about this. I love your feedback. Until next time xoxo_**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys!**

 **I'm back with another update. This one is kind of more Olivia centric - a fun time at the precinct and lunch with her fellow detectives, and a tender moment with Eli later on that leads to her feeling overwhelmed. I'm sorry if this is going a little slow; I hope it's okay though.**

 **Please enjoy xoxo**

* * *

 **Keeping Promises**

 **Part 05**

"Yo baby girl, good morning."

Olivia threw her hand up as a greeting as she entered the conference room at the precinct the next morning. She left her coat and bag at her desk, and was casually dressed in jeans and an NYPD sweatshirt with sneakers, with her badge and gun flipped to her hip. Fin, Munch, and Lake were already sitting together around the table, working on the paperwork that had piled up from their two-day case.

"You look tired," Munch remarked as he watched her slap her files down and sit beside Fin; "Late night?"

"I was at Elliot's until probably around one, and then I just didn't fall asleep until four after I got home, and now here I am and it's only…" she glanced at her watch; "It's only nine o'clock, and I'm here because I can work better with you guys to talk to rather than my quiet apartment…so, the coffee please?"

"I'm flattered; you do love us." Fin smirked, earning a laugh from her as she nudged him.

"I knew she loved us," Lake smirked before pointing to the coffee pot in the corner; "Coffee is over there; I made it, not Munch." He smirked as Munch shot him a glare, while Olivia shot them an amused look as she stood up to fill her NYPD mug with some coffee.

"Ignoring Detective Lake's comments about my perfectly fine coffee," Munch rolled his eyes before looking over at Olivia; "How's Elliot? We all miss him around here; it's weird to see the trash cans and file cabinets not have at least a dent or two in them."

Olivia let out a laugh as she sat back down; "Yeah, I miss him around here too – not that I don't love you guys of course," she shrugged, sighing; "I mean he's…he's trying to keep it together; sometimes are good and some times are bad. We managed to laugh together last night for a bit, then it shifted a bit because we talked about something else. His kids were okay last night apart from Kathleen. I think everyone's taking it day by day; I'm going over this weekend to help pack up Kathy's things."

"Hey, that'll be a good first step," Munch leaned back in his chair, resting his hands on his stomach; "And how's the little kiddo doing?"

"Growing like crazy, he's getting so chunky," Olivia smiled at the thought of the sweet little boy that she had an unbelievable connection with; "He has the six weeks check up in a couple weeks, so it'll be great to see what he's gotten up to."

"You've been to first couple checkups so far, haven't you?" Lake asked, looking up from his paperwork. Olivia nodded, smiling to herself as she flicked through her files. Little Eli was a great source of joy in her life, and even though she wasn't his actual mother, they had a special bond and she loved him dearly.

"Yeah, and I love being there and seeing how much he's growing – he's like this special little light, and God knows we need the light." She replied. Fin nodded, rubbing her shoulder.

"You're doing a good thing, baby girl, being there for them all like this." He told her. Olivia gave him a smile, leaning into him a bit.

"Thanks Fin, I just want them to be alright and if I can make things a little better sometimes, then well…that's a good thing." She replied, nodding her head.

"Well if there's anyone that can make Elliot and those kids feel better, it's definitely you." Munch sweetly told her.

"Just make sure you're taking care of yourself as well though, baby girl," Fin chimed in as he nudged her; "We're all here for you, you know that."

Olivia smiled and looked around at them all, nodding her head and quietly thanking them as she tried not to show how emotional it was making her. She swallowed the lump in her throat before flicking her gaze back to her paperwork, while the conversation around her switched to something else.

By one in the afternoon, the four of them had actually managed to finish half of the paperwork for the case they had just closed. Cragen had poked his head into the conference room and told them to go home for the afternoon, and they didn't even give him an argument as they had decided that they'd done enough for the day. After promising they'd be back tomorrow to finish the last of their 'Fives, the four of them filed out of the squad room and headed straight to the elevator.

"You guys wanna go get some lunch – my treat?" Munch asked as they stepped into the small box.

"I'm definitely not passing up free food, so thanks John." Olivia immediately replied, nudging him.

"I'm down, brother." Fin added.

"Count me in." Lake chimed in. Munch laughed and nodded, before leading them out of the elevator once the doors pinged open. The four of them walked the four blocks to the greasy diner they often went to, laughing and joking around during the walk over as they often did as it was just in their nature. Once inside, they took over a booth in the back, and the waitress that normally served them whenever they did come in made their way over.

"Oh God, sex crimes is in here." She smirked as she put the menus on the table.

"Nice to see you too, Donna." Fin smiled up at the red headed, middle aged woman, whom often joked around with them when she saw them all in here together. Donna chuckled a bit, whipping out her pad and pen to take their orders.

"We're missing one though," she looked around the table; "How's he handling things then?"

"Taking each day as it comes," Olivia replied as she looked up from the menu, "Some days are okay, some days are bad; it's…it's a process."

"Ah…I can only imagine," Donna gave a sympathetic smile before continuing; "Send him my love; we're all thinking about him and his family around here." Everyone had heard about Elliot losing Kathy, and just about everyone that came in contact with the other detectives of the Manhattan Special Victims Unit – especially Olivia – would ask about him and send their love to him and the kids. It was nice really; people they didn't think would care much actually really cared about him and his family.

The conversation switched soon after; the detectives ordered their usual meals – glasses of Coke, and greasy sandwiches with fries. Donna took their orders then walked away, leaving the four of them to sit at the table and chat about other things that didn't exactly pertain to work. It was rare that they got a chance to just hang out and go to lunch together; the times were usually few and far between as they were usually all running the streets, solving cases. The times of them going to the bar together after work were few and far between as well, and Fin suggested that they once again start going to the bar together, just to shoot the breeze and hang out and enjoy each other once again. All of them agreed, and Olivia made a mental note to ask Elliot if he would ever be up for doing so as well.

After their food and drinks arrived, they continued to engage in conversation and joke around as they ate their delicious lunch. The jokes and loud laughter and straw napkins that seemed to fly across the table would have anyone thinking that they were a group of boisterous teenagers rather than adults, but they were simply enjoying themselves after what had been a stressful few days. For Olivia, this was pretty much the most she had laughed in about a month, and it was great because she had so desperately needed it. She would never say it out loud because the last thing she needed was to boost the egos of her male counterparts, but she was truly grateful for them all. She was grateful for Fin and his sarcastic comments, Lake and his silly jokes, and Munch and his crazy conspiracies; they all took her mind off things and made her laugh, and for a moment, it felt like the old times again, before life took the unexpected turns it had taken.

They hung out for a little over an hour before they decided that they best get out of there and free up some space in the diner. Munch paid the bill and they all chipped in to leave a hefty tip for their waitress, before they then finally left together. They chatted together as they walked back to the precinct to get to their cars, and once they were outside the lot, they all shared a dramatic group hug; the three men pretty much engulfed Olivia, whom was the shortest one out of all of them. They all shouted a mixture of _'goodbye'_ and _'see you tomorrow'_ , before getting into their cars. Olivia took a breath yet smiled to herself; God, she was grateful for her fellow detectives in that unit – they were more than her colleagues, they were her friends.

But she missed her best friend being with them too.

She started her car and found that it was already nearing three; the kids would be getting out of school soon, and she had promised them that she'd try some recipe that Maureen had found; a chicken bacon and ranch casserole. She started the engine and waited a bit for her car to heat up, before she then pulled her phone from her bag. She scrolled through her contacts and pressed the button on Elliot's name before holding the phone up to her ear as she waited for him to answer.

" _Stabler."_

"Hey El," she spoke as she beeped the horn to Munch as he was leaving; "I'm on my way out there, and I was wondering if you needed me to buy anything else besides the stuff to make dinner?"

" _Hey Liv; um…actually could you get some more formula? I didn't realize that we're down to the last little bit until now,"_ Elliot spoke before moving around and speaking quietly to Eli; _"And…yeah that's it; just the stuff for dinner and formula."_

"No diapers or anything like that?" she asked as she pulled out of the parking space and began driving down the streets.

" _Nah; I'm good on all of that, but thank you though…"_ he paused for a second to say something to Maureen, whom Olivia could hear in the background; _"Maureen says can you bring a cheesecake because she wants some?"_

Olivia burst out laughing, shaking her head in despair. Typical Maureen of course, but there wasn't anything she wouldn't do for those kids, and so she agreed; "Yes, I'll bring the cheesecake. Specific flavor?"

There was talking for a second, then Elliot replied; _"Oreo flavored apparently; the kid is weird."_

" _I just appreciate Oreo cheesecake, Dad!"_

Olivia laughed again, rolling her eyes as she spoke again; "I'll bring the Oreo cheesecake and everything else; I'll see you guys in about an hour or less."

" _Okay Liv, we'll see you soon."_ Elliot replied. They rounded off the call, then Olivia hung up and tossed her phone into the passenger seat. She sighed to herself as she stopped at a light. The sun was shining brightly through the windshield, brightening the cold December day in the city. The sun seemed to be shining brighter for some reason and a chill ran down Olivia's spine, and for some reason, she felt like it was Kathy.

And she could hear something in her head; _"You're doing great Olivia; thank you."_

She closed her eyes, trying not to let her tears overflow;

"I've got them, Kathy; I promise."

* * *

Dinner with the Stablers was a little better that night. The chicken bacon and ranch casserole had gone down well with everyone, with Dickie and Lizzie even going for a seconds as it was just so incredibly tasty. They chatted away together, and the children all agreed that they wanted to take the trip to Kathy's grave on Christmas Eve to leave some flowers and have a chat with her. They had even agreed to do a little something for Christmas, though Kathleen clarified that it was more so for Eli since it would be his first one, even if he didn't understand what was going on. They did ask Olivia if she would help them decorate for Christmas at the weekend, and she promised she would if nothing came up with work. After eating their tasty dinner, they enjoyed some cheesecake for dessert, while Kathleen and Lizzie were tasked with clearing the table. Maureen headed out shortly after dessert as she had work in the morning, and Dickie headed into the lounge to find something for them to watch.

While Kathleen and Lizzie were tidying up from dinner, Elliot headed into the lounge while Olivia carried Eli upstairs to tend to him. For some reason, she had felt so overwhelmed all afternoon following her little moment she had in the car, and she just wanted a moment to herself with the sweet little boy that she had a special bond with. Eli wriggled adorably as she laid him down on his changing table and unbuttoned his sleepy suit, and she pulled funny faces at him while she expertly maneuvered around and changed his diaper, which caused him to give her an adorable little smile which he had been learning to do lately. After changing him, she popped his pacifier into his mouth, then sat down in the rocking chair that was beside his crib in the master bedroom.

"Oh little man, you're just getting so big so fast – already a month old, already bringing me a lot of joy." She whispered before kissing his head. She curled up against her and made an adorable noise while his fist closed around the neckline of the shirt she was wearing, almost as if he was trying to get as close to her as possible. Olivia closed her eyes, taking a breath as she simply held him.

"You know sweetheart, I've really been struggling a lot lately; I don't know why God took your mom, she really was an incredible mother to your siblings and I promise I'll tell you more about her – well, me and your dad and siblings will. I used to think she hated me; isn't that silly?" she giggled a bit, absentmindedly stroking the back of his head as she continued to talk quietly;

"I don't think she did anyway; I definitely didn't hate her, I admired her a lot – as a woman. I'm just sorry that she's not here to see you guys grow up; I don't get it. She had you guys to be here for, yet she's gone; I don't think it's very fair at all and I'm struggling to figure it out, struggling to figure out why I'm here and she's not. Your dad doesn't know all this, and I don't plan on telling him else he'll go stupidly protective and make me talk about it, so keep a secret for me, will ya Eli?"

Eli made an adorable noise and Olivia was forced to laugh as she squeezed him;

"Thanks sweet boy," she held onto his little fist, holding it against her chest; "I'm gonna try really hard to keep the promise I made to your mommy; I'm gonna help look after you and your dad and your siblings; I promise. I won't ever take her place or anything like that, but I'll be here for all of you. And after I make sure you guys are okay, I promise I'll figure out something for myself."

She then looked down; Eli had buried his face into her neck and was drifting off to sleep. Olivia smiled a bit and kissed his head, whispering to him;

"I love you, sweet boy; you're my favorite nephew, but don't tell your brother that." She chuckled a bit. She kissed his head again before looking out the window as she held him close to her.

Tears brimmed in her eyes as she cradled him whole rocking slightly in the chair. She knew she should tell Elliot how she was feeling; he would help her through it, they could grieve together really. But, when he had his kids that needed him to be a rock, she didn't want to drag him down too. She thought about booking a session with be department therapist soon, or maybe a therapist outside of the department, so it wouldn't go into her file. Either way, she knew she needed to deal with this and the feelings surrounding it before she drowned.

The logical part of her brain kept trying to tell her that it was an accident, that it could have happened to anyone. It wasn't her fault that the drunk driver ran the light and slammed into the passenger side of the car, it wasn't her fault that Kathy's body had just been too weak to handle the stress of giving birth and the injuries from the accident. She kept telling herself that she had done everything she could to save Kathy; she stayed with her, she gave her fluids to keep her awake, the helped put the brace around her neck to stabilize her head; she and the paramedics and the doctors really did everything.

But yet, she couldn't get over those last moments of holding Kathy's hand and talking to her in that ambulance. She couldn't get over Kathy practically begging her to take care of her family. She couldn't get over the sound of the heart monitor as Kathy coded, couldn't get over the doctor coming and telling her that they'd done all they could do. She couldn't get over Elliot and his kids sobbing as their world shattered.

They had lost someone they needed – the rock, the pillar of their household. Olivia couldn't wrap her head around it.

" _Why do I deserve to live while a wife and mother does not?"_

She blinked back the tears in her eyes, then looked down at Eli. He was fast asleep still, leading her to stand up and tuck him into his crib. She kissed her fingers and placed them on his forehead and whispered that she loved him, before leaving the room and descending the stairs. She just needed to go home; she wanted to be by herself for now.

She composed herself, then slipped on her coat and grabbed her bag and keys. She went into the living room, where Elliot was watching television with Kathleen, Dickie, and Lizzie.

"Hey guys; I'm gonna head off." She announced, capturing their attention. Lizzie immediately jumped up and rushed over to her, grabbing her arm.

"Already? You don't want to watch a movie with us?" She asked. Olivia gave her a slight smile, stroking her hand over her cheek.

"Not tonight, sweet girl; I have a mountain of paperwork waiting for me on my coffee table," she pulled her into a hug and kissed her head, "If I'm not back tomorrow, I'll be back on Thursday after work." She opened her arms again as Kathleen and Dickie came over for hugs as well, and she dotted kisses onto their foreheads. They then went back to the film while Elliot walked her to the door.

"What's wrong, Liv?" He was searching her face, trying to get a read; "Tell me."

She looked up; the concern was shining in those cobalt blue eyes. Sometimes it was a curse that he knew her so well because he could always see through whatever bullshit she came up with. But this – what she was feeling – she couldn't talk to him about this now. He needed to be a little more okay before she opened up.

That's what she kept telling herself.

"Nothing's wrong, El, I just need to head off," She stretched up a bit, looping her arm around his neck for a one arm hug; "I'll see you later."

"Olivia-"

"I'm fine," she cut him off, stroking her hand down his arm; "I just have a lot of work to do and it can't wait, not if you want my attention this weekend." She gave him a smile, then opened the door.

Elliot grabbed her arm, taking her by surprise and causing her to turn to look at him.

"Promise me you will talk to me? I know somethings up; just talk to me." He was practically pleading with her, and that caused a lump to form in her throat.

"Later, I'll talk later." She spoke softly. She pulled away and made her way down the steps and down the walkway to her car. She slipped in and started the engine as she once again blinked back tears in her eyes.

She just needed to go home.

She reversed out of the drive, then beeped the horn before driving off.

And with that, she finally let the tears fall.

* * *

 ** _Hey guys! I hope you all enjoyed this update! Please, leave some feedback and let me know what you think! Until next time xoxo_**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey guys!**

 **Thank you for being patient with these updates; I had to make sure this one was just right before posting. I feel like it's alright, so I just hope you guys will enjoy it as well. It's another Olivia-centric chapter for now, and gives a little more insight into her feelings as she struggles with the loss of Kathy as well :)**

 **Please enjoy xoxo**

* * *

 **Keeping Promises**

 **Part 06**

Olivia wasn't exactly lying when she said she had some paperwork she needed to work on. There was still a mountain of paperwork waiting for her; the files had just been in her car and not on the coffee table like she'd said. And she wasn't working on them tonight either.

Really, she had just wanted to be alone.

She hung her coat on the rack and left her shoes near the door before making her way across the room, tossing her bag onto the sofa. She flicked on the floor lamp and the light in the kitchen area, then reached into the cabinet where she kept the liquors. She had pretty much a full bottle of bourbon as she only really drank it after a tough case or when she was stressed, and this was definitely one of those moments.

She grabbed the bottle and a glass before making her way over to the sofa. She poured herself a drink, then leaned back on the sofa with her glass in hand while she put the tv on. She knew she wouldn't watch it; it was just for noise really. She sighed to herself and downed the glass of bourbon, screwing her face up as the alcohol burned her throat for a brief second. At least the drink was helping her to relax, but she was still thinking a bit too much.

Elliot had always been overprotective of her; she knew it, the others in the unit knew it, even their captain knew it. From the early days of their partnership, Elliot had always gone out of his way for her; making sure nothing bothered her or hurt her, always urging her to talk to him about however she was feeling. There really wasn't anything she hadn't told Elliot in the near decade long partnership; he knew all her mistakes and missteps and effects of the abuse the suffered as a child, knew she often worried about what genes she'd inherited and what she would pass along one day; he knew _her._

But lately, he didn't know everything – he didn't know that she was crying herself to sleep at night and was practically consumed with guilt. She knew he was worried and knew that he probably had an idea that something was wrong, but she wouldn't tell him exactly what was wrong. And really – how could she? How could she feel anything when she had caused this whole mess? She felt like she should have never volunteered to take Kathy to the doctor that day. If she hadn't taken her, the children would have their mother and Elliot would have his wife. She knew it had been crucial for Kathy to go to her appointment due to the pregnancy being such a high risk, but she just wished she hadn't taken her, because then she'd still be alive.

Her best friend and his kids would be _happy_.

She poured another glass of bourbon and quickly knocked it back, wincing slightly as the liquid burned her throat. Her brain was delving deeper, focusing intently on the question that seemed to swirl through her mind constantly;

' _Why am I alive and Kathy isn't?'_

She wasn't thinking in a sense that she wanted to harm herself; she wouldn't do that. But she felt guilty about being alive. Kathy had people depending on her; five kids – including a newborn – and a husband. She had a household to run; school lunches to pack, a baby to nurse, booboos to kiss and hugs to give after heartbreak. But Olivia – nobody was depending on her. She didn't have a household to run; it was just herself in the two-bedroom apartment she'd been living in for years now. She didn't have kids or a husband depending on her. She just had herself to worry about and a job within the New York City Police Department.

How come Kathy died from something as innocent as a car accident, yet she – who faced danger on a daily basis at the hands of perps and knives and bullets from perps – was still walking around breathing?

She – _Detective Olivia Benson_ – faced danger every single day. Every single morning she left her apartment with the thought of _'Will I even come home tonight?'_ in the back of her mind. She was the one who put her life on the line every single day.

Kathy was a wife and mother and nurse; she didn't face danger like Olivia did.

' _Why am I alive when I face danger constantly, yet Kathy is dead from a fucking car accident?'_

She poured another glass and knocked it back, wincing yet again. She then put the glass on the table, then grabbed a pillow and hugged it close to her as she curled up.

She did something she'd been wanting to do all afternoon.

She cried.

* * *

 _The crushing of metal, the screaming of sirens, the smell of gasoline and burnt rubber._

 _Her senses were on high alert and this was too much to handle._

 _She looked around; they were in that car again._

 _She felt like she couldn't breathe. The smoke was stifling, the sirens were deafening; she felt like she was drowning in chaos._

 _She looked to the side of her; Kathy was there, she was bleeding, but she was alert, and she looked pissed._

" _Your fault Olivia; this is your fault."_

" _No…I didn't mean to…the driver was drunk." she looked around, everyone seemed to be frowning at her; her colleagues, the paramedics, the Stabler children…_

 _Elliot._

 _Elliot looked so mad._

" _You killed her!"_

" _No, I didn't…" she looked to the side of her; Kathy was no longer alert, she was dead – pale and gone._

" _You killed our mother!"_

" _You killed my wife!"_

" _No, I didn't…I didn't…it was an accident…" the darkness began to sweep around her. She blinked and suddenly she was in that hospital room; just her and the dead body of Kathy, which was laying on a cold slab covered by sheet. A couple tears slipped down her cheeks as she looked at the lifeless body._

" _I'm so sorry, Kathy; I am so sorry."_

 _A voice sounded from behind her; "Kathy's dead and it's all your fault, Liv."_

 _She turned around; Elliot was staring at her with a look in his eyes that she never thought she would ever see from him. They fought like crazy, brought out the best and worst in each other, knew just how to hurt each other, but even during those rough times, he never looked at her like this before. His eyes had darkened, his lips were curled into a frown, and the look in his eyes broke her heart._

 _He looked at her like he hated her._

 _And then, she was falling…_

* * *

Olivia suddenly bolted upright; her body was covered in a light sheen of sweat and she was breathing heavily. She ran her fingers through her short hair before pressing a hand to her chest only to feel that her heart was racing beneath her palm. She took a couple breaths, then looked over at the clock on her bedside table; _5:32am._ She remembered stumbling to bed after crying, and she ended up falling asleep relatively quickly, buried beneath the blankets of her bed.

And then the nightmare.

She took some more breaths to calm herself as she finally felt her heart rate return to some level of normal. She then pulled her knees up to her chest and buried her face into them, finally allowing the tears to flow down her cheeks. The look in Elliot's eyes in the dream, the voices of Kathy and the kids and her colleagues and Elliot as they all blamed her for the death of Kathy; everything was getting to her and it fucking hurt.

"I didn't mean to, it was an accident, I didn't see the driver." She whimpered to herself. She had to keep reminding herself because she knew it deep down; it had been one huge accident – she had followed all protocols and it was the drunk driver who ran a light and smashed into them. The accident really could have happened with anyone, but it was just their unlucky day when it happened to them.

But that unlucky day had taken someone who didn't deserve to die, and Olivia fucking hated herself for it.

She spent the next hour tossing and turning and crying; she hadn't been able to fall back to sleep following that nightmare. She had to keep telling herself that nobody blamed her and that Elliot and the kids didn't hate her. She knew they didn't, but the dream had just felt so real for a second. She could still hear them in her head, and part of her almost wanted to call Elliot and ask him if he did hate her or blame her. But, she didn't want to open the door to that conversation because she wasn't ready to tell him everything she was feeling, so she figured she'd just leave things alone.

Around seven, she dragged herself out of bed finally. She spent an hour in the shower, losing herself in thought for the most part. After her shower, she dressed in a pair of jeans and a grey NYPD sweatshirt, then blow dried her hair and ran a brush through it. She took her time as she went about the rest of the early morning; she sat down and had some yogurt and fruit, then she filled her travel mug with her own coffee before grabbing her files to head to the precinct. It was already after nine, so she knew that the others were already there. Plus, she needed the distraction because her nightmare was still in the back of her mind; she just hoped that Fin wouldn't start to pester her about what was on her mind because if she told him, then he would no doubt tell Elliot even if she told him not to, and she didn't want to deal with that.

The drive to work was relatively short, and before long, she found herself entering the precinct with her pink travel mug in her hand and her bag on her other shoulder which held her essentials and her files. She flashed her badge and walked through the metal detector as normal, then took the elevator up to the second floor. When she entered the squad room, she first stopped to put her coat down at her desk, then popped her head into the Captain's office to say hello before she then went into the conference room. Of course, her fellow detectives were there but they too looked as though they had only just arrived. A chorus of ' _Morning Liv'_ and _'Hey baby girl'_ and _'Morning Olivia'_ filtered around her and she gave them a small smile, giving them a head nod.

"You look tired but you still look good," Fin smirked, "Late night?"

"More like I didn't sleep enough," Olivia slapped the files and travel mug down onto the table; "I'm going to back to bed after this, unless my presence is needed by one of you for something important."

"Does drinks at _Flannery's_ sound important?" Munch asked, earning a laugh from Lake and Fin as they scribbled notes down in their files.

"Well let's see, we should be finish this by about noon, so I can still go home and take a nap before…" she stopped and squinted a bit; "Wait, who's buying?"

"It's Lake's turn." Fin smirked as he slapped their younger colleague on the back. Lake looked up from his file, raising an eyebrow.

"What the hell? When did it get back to me?" he wondered.

"Benson bought drinks last time, and normally it would go to Stabler but he's out, so it's on you little bro," Fin replied before turning to Olivia; "You game, baby girl?"

"I don't have to buy them so of course I'm game," she nodded her head as she flicked through the files she was working on, "I'm definitely going home to take a nap before hand though, I'm tired." The others laughed and nodded in agreement, it seemed that even with their couple days off, they were all still exhausted and in need of some more rest before they were forced to come back in to protect the streets of the city.

* * *

The four of them became engrossed in their paperwork shortly after the conversation; they chatted about other aspects as they worked on their paperwork. As normal, they asked about how Elliot and the kids were doing, and Olivia explained that they were coming along, before confiding in them about the plans to visit Kathy's gave on Christmas Eve. All of them agreed that it was a good idea and a nice tradition to start, and Fin commended her for suggesting such. The others also told her that they would be more than happy to help pack up Kathy's things and take them to be donated at the weekend if needed, and Olivia promised to keep them posted. She was just grateful that they were all in this together, and she knew that Elliot and the kids would appreciate the support was well.

The hours passed quickly and before long, the four of them were reaching the last of the paperwork in between talking and throwing bits of paper at each other. They were in the midst of laughing at some crazy conspiracy that Munch had hit them with when the door to the conference room opened, capturing all of their attention. Caption Cragen nodded at them all before looking over at Olivia; "You've got a visitor, Liv."

"Who the hell even knows that I'm here…" Olivia whined as she stood up, flicking her middle finger up as she listened to her colleagues' childish laughter in response to her whining. She followed the captain out of the room and into the main part of the squad room, only for a look of confusion to take over when she spotted Maureen standing near Elliot's desk. She wondered what she was doing there, and for a brief moment, she was worried that something was wrong.

"Maur, hey honey," she looked around before leading her back out into the hallway; "Something wrong?"

"Well…um…" Maureen swallowed for a bit before continuing, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were busy…is this a bad time?"

"Oh no, I'm just doing some paperwork and stuff; not too busy," Olivia spoke as she led the young woman around to the ledge near the hallway window; "What's the matter?" The two sat down together, and Maureen sighed as she turned to face her.

"I was at work today and I just…there were patients that came in, car accident; one of them was pregnant…" Maureen swallowed hard before shaking her head; "I freaked out; I started crying and shaking and I just couldn't get it together…" Tears brimmed in her eyes again and Olivia simply rubbed her shoulder, listening as she continued; "My supervisor sent me home, but I didn't want to go home; Kevin is at work, so if I go home, I'll be there alone and I'll be thinking about my mother, and I won't go over to the house because I'll be reminded of her…she's everywhere in that house."

Olivia pulled the young woman into a tight hug just as she burst into tears. She rubbed her arm as she held her, whispering a soft _shh_ sound to her in a soothing manner as she tried to sooth her heartbreak. Another sobbing Stabler in her arms, another stab of guilt was felt in her heart. She kept telling herself not to feel guilty at all because nobody blamed her, but it was just so hard to keep that level, logical head when the eldest Stabler – the one who would _always_ be Elliot and Kathy's baby girl and the reason for them being together – was now sobbing her heart out on her shoulder.

"Mo, take a couple breaths honey," she rubbed her arm gently as she tried to get the wobble out of her own voice; "Come on, let's go up to the roof for a bit."

It took a few moments, but Maureen nodded her head and stood up along with Olivia. Olivia kept her arm around her as she led her through the doors to stairs and up the stairs to the door that led to the roof of the precinct. As soon as they were outside, she shivered at the cold air that hit her, but that didn't matter at the moment as her focus was Maureen.

"I just can't believe she's gone, Olivia; she wasn't supposed to go," Maureen sniffled a bit as she put her head on Olivia's shoulder again; "She…she was supposed to be here, for all the milestones; like for whenever I get married or have babies, for when Katie and the twins graduate and breeze through school and start their own families, or all of Eli's milestones; her and Dad probably wouldn't have lasted forever but they were at least supposed to be in each other's lives forever."

That last statement caught Olivia off guard, and she glanced down at Maureen; "Mo, your mother and father were pretty happy; they would've made it."

"You didn't see what I saw, Liv," Maureen shook her head, shrugging her shoulders; "They were happy and seemed to love each other again, but not the way it was before…I just…I don't know…I could tell that something had changed from the first time to now, and I know I'm not wrong because I have detective in me, I can see a lot of things," She lifted her head, looking up at Olivia; "The look in their eyes was not the same as before, so believe me when I say that they wouldn't have lasted forever; good times for now but it was only a matter of time before it imploded again."

She then flicked her gaze back to the view from the roof, an overlook of the city; "And just like I saw that, I can also see that every time one of us mentions how upset we are about our mother, you get this guilt that flashes in your eyes." She looked back at Olivia, who swallowed nervously as she looked at her; "You shouldn't feel guilty."

"Mo-"

Maureen held her hand up, shaking her head; "Before you make an attempt to lie to me, just tell me…does Dad know anything that you're feeling?"

Olivia hesitated for a second, before shaking her head; "No, and I don't plan on telling him."

"Olivia-"

"Maureen, sweetie it'll be fine, I just need to deal with it in my own way," she placed her hands on the young woman's arms; "And you and your siblings are gonna be okay too; your mother is watching over you, she's smiling at how beautiful and amazing you all are. She misses you too, I'm sure of it; I'm right here though, and I'm gonna help you."

Maureen nodded, snuggling into Olivia for a hug; "And just like you help us, we're gonna help you too…" she pulled back, keeping her arms loosely around Olivia as she looked up at her; "You don't have to go through any of this alone."

Olivia didn't really know how to respond; she simply nodded before hugging Maureen again and kissing her head. She then suggested that maybe they go get some lunch together, and Maureen agreed as she felt it would be nice to spend time with Olivia for a bit. Olivia told her to give her another half an hour to finish the last of her paperwork, and Maureen agreed and decided that she would simply sit at Elliot's desk to wait. As the two began making their way towards the door to head back inside the building, Olivia felt a shiver run down her spine which caused her to shudder a bit.

She closed her eyes for a second; she knew that it was Kathy, once again giving her some reassurance and reminding her that things were okay.

" _I'm trying to cope, Kath; I really am…I'm just so sorry for the pain I've caused."_

* * *

 ** _Well...I hope you guys enjoyed this. What do you make of Maureen's statement though? Well, we'll get into that as the story goes on. For now though, leave some feedback and all that. Thanks for supporting this and I hope the pace is alright :) Until next time...xoxo_**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey guys!**

 **I'm here with another fic update - FINALLY! I think everyone's growing concerned about Olivia - trust me though, it'll only get deeper as the story goes on. In this chapter, Maureen and Olivia have lunch together, Olivia does some thinking, and Cragen pops up for a visit with Elliot.**

 **So please, enjoy guys xoxo**

* * *

 **Keeping Promises**

 **Part 07**

Olivia tried to take her time with the paperwork to somehow buy time before going to lunch with Maureen – a lunch _she_ had suggested – but her paperwork was pretty much finished, so after signing off on her last file, she slapped it shut before standing up. The others knew that she was about to head off to lunch with Maureen as she had explained that the young girl was struggling a bit and that she just wanted to spend a bit of time with her in the hopes that it would help her out a bit. After promising that she'd meet them around six at the bar for drinks, she bid them all farewell before heading back into the squad room area. She popped into Cragen's office to give him the files, but before she could head out, he stopped her;

"Liv, wait; I just want a minute."

She rolled her eyes to herself before turning around and smiling; "Yeah?"

Cragen came around and shut the door, before gesturing for her to sit down. She sat herself down on one of the chairs while he perched himself on the edge of his desk and folded his arms across his chest.

"I don't think I've had much of a chance to actually sit down and talk to you over the last month," he had a fatherly tone in his voice and Olivia had to swallow a lump that had unexpectedly formed in her throat; "So tell me; how are you really?"

Olivia paused for a second before shrugging; "I'm fine, Cap…I promise."

"That might work with anyone else but not me, I know you too well," he moved to sit in the chair beside her; "Olivia, you have plenty of vacation days, so if you need some time off, you can have it."

"Cap, we're a detective down, so I can't just take some days," she pointed out; "Besides, I'm fine; if I work, then I'm all good…work is good for me."

"You said that when your mother died."

"And it was good for me then," Olivia retorted, letting out a sigh; "Listen, I appreciate everyone's concern, I really do, but I need to deal with this in my own way."

"I understand that, Liv, but don't forget that you have people around that want to help you, especially Elliot…" the captain paused for a second before continuing; "You don't have to handle everything alone."

Olivia swallowed; that was the second time she had heard that today.

She nodded her head, rubbing a hand over the Captain's shoulder; "Thank you Captain, I know; I'm alright though."

Cragen simply stared at her for a moment before nodding once he realized that he wasn't going to get anything else out of her. The two of them stood up and he walked her over to his office door.

"Just promise me that if you aren't really okay, you'll come to me or one of the guys, or you'll go to Elliot?"

Olivia nodded, giving him a smile; "I promise."

Cragen nodded and rubbed her arm, before opening the door. She waved at him before wandering over to where hers and Elliot's desks were. She pulled on her coat and grabbed her bag and her travel mug and keys, before gesturing for Maureen to follow her. Maureen smiled, following her out of the squad room, away from the prying eyes of the Captain, who was growing increasingly concerned about his detective as the days rolled on.

But he knew that she wouldn't talk to him or anyone else at that precinct. The only person that she would ever properly confide in was currently going through hell himself.

He just hoped that one of them would crack and start talking soon. He was worried about them both, and just wanted them to be okay.

* * *

Olivia and Maureen drove their cars to an Italian eatery that was a few blocks from the precinct. Once inside the place, the two grabbed a booth towards the back, and the friendly waitress soon wandered over and began rattling off some specials for the day. Olivia and Maureen both ordered the stuffed meatballs with extra cheese and some water, and the waitress scribbled the orders down before walking away.

"Thanks for lunch, Olivia; I really do appreciate this," Maureen spoke up after a few moments, "And uh…thanks for the chat too."

"No problem honey, I'm always here," Olivia gave her a soft smile before continuing, "Talked to your father today?"

Maureen shook her head, sighing; "Nah…I haven't talked to anyone today but you really; no one else knows about my break down."

Olivia nodded, giving her a small smile; "You can talk about it some more if you want; I do know what you're going through – maybe not to the exact extent, but it's still hard losing your parent."

"It is hard, and I don't…it wasn't supposed to be now, not this early; she's supposed to be here, seeing Eli grow up, seeing us all grow and have our own lives and families; she's supposed to have a chance to be a grandmother one day – you know?" Maureen sighed, shaking her head; "I'm sorry, this is supposed to be a nice lunch and-"

"Hey, no; don't apologize honey; I told you to talk about it – I'm right here." Olivia quickly reassured her, placing a hand on her forearm. Maureen flicked her gaze from her hands and back up to Olivia's face, tilting her head slightly as she looked at her.

"But who are you gonna talk to?"

Olivia hesitated for a second. She knew what Maureen was alluding to, but she decided to play it off; "I dealt with my mother's death a long time ago and-"

"Not that, you know that's not what I meant," Maureen replied with an exasperated sigh; "Olivia, just…you know we're here for you too; you went through something traumatic too, so we are here."

Olivia sighed before nodding her head, giving the young girl a small smile; "Mo, I know honey, and I appreciate it so much. Just…please, let's get you and your siblings and your father a little better and stronger first, and then I'll deal with me."

"Liv…at least tell Daddy?"

Olivia hesitated again. Even Maureen wanted her to tell Elliot what was going on and how she was feeling, and she wanted to, but there was just something else in her that didn't want to worry him with this – in fact, a large part of her didn't want to worry him. Besides, did she even have the right to unload on him when he was suffering way more?

But she knew Maureen wouldn't let up if she said anything else, so she replied with; "I will Mo, I promise."

Maureen nodded, squeezing her hand as she gave her a small smile.

Their food and drinks arrived shortly after they'd stopped talking, and the two instantly tucked into the tasty lunch. The conversation switched, and Maureen confided in Olivia about some ideas she had for Christmas, which was now in less than a week. She explained that she wanted to decorate the living room and put the tree up after they packed up Kathy's things, and that she wanted to maybe take Eli to see Santa, even though he was only little. She also discussed that she was going to buy presents for her siblings and their father, and she hoped that the Christmas holiday would be nice as they really did deserve some sort of happiness. Olivia told her that the ideas were great and that she would help in any way she could, and she promised that she would still be over at the weekend to help pack up if she didn't have to work.

Maureen swallowed a bit more of her lunch, then looked up again; "The idea about going to see Mom's grave on Christmas Eve – that's a really good idea you know; thank you for suggesting that."

"Hey, anything…I just, I thought maybe it would help if you all could just go and talk to her," Olivia shrugged, pushing some of her food around with her fork; "I told Katie that I do it every year; I go to my mom's grave and see her – all that."

"It's been a long time since she died, hasn't it?" Maureen asked.

"Eight years this month," Olivia sighed, sitting back in her seat; "I still miss her, but it's like…I knew this would happen, I came to terms with her alcoholism and I made peace with it, so it was sad when it happened, but it's like…um…" She paused, struggling to find the words to say.

"It wasn't like it is with us?" Maureen asked.

"Yeah, that," Olivia nodded, sighing; "It wasn't like…put it this way, you guys will grieve for way longer than I ever did."

Maureen looked at her for a second before speaking; "You don't talk much about your relationship with your mom, do you?"

Olivia shook her head; "Not really…we didn't have the best relationship for a very long time; not until I was an adult."

"Not a good childhood?"

"Not really; there's a lot of bad stuff there – stuff that took me a very long time to get over."

"Whoa," Maureen breathed out, "Do you ever talk about it?"

"I've talked about it to your father," Olivia leaned her elbows on the table, clasping her hands together; "The others in the squad know bits and pieces, but your father knows everything."

Maureen nodded before quietly asking; "Does it get any easier?"

Olivia gave her a sympathetic look as she reached over and patted her arm; "Slowly, in time."

Maureen nodded, before taking her hand and giving it a squeeze; "I'm just glad you're here, and you know if you ever need to talk, we got you."

Olivia nodded, giving her a huge smile. Sometimes she didn't take into consideration the support system she had. She always focused solely on the fact that she didn't really have any family – bar the half brother that only talked to her when he needed something – and sometimes that led to her thinking that she didn't have someone when she truly needed them. But she sometimes forgot about the fact that she had family outside of the biological sense – her Captain that was a fatherly figure to her, and her brothers in blue in the department, especially her best friend Elliot.

And now Maureen as well.

She squeezed the young woman's hand;

"Thank you, Mo; it means a lot."

* * *

Maureen and Olivia remained in the restaurant for another hour before they finally left, only after Olivia paid the bill and left the waitress a tip. She and Maureen shared a huge hug before going their separate ways; Maureen was going out to Queens while Olivia was headed home. It was late in the afternoon and she wasn't due to meet the others at the bar until six, so she decided to go back to her apartment and relax as she had a couple of hours until then.

Once she reached her building, she headed inside and took the elevator to her floor. She headed into her apartment and locked up, before tossing her bag and coat down and making her way through to the bedroom. She unclipped her badge and gun and placed them in the drawer beside her bed before flopping down onto her bed, resting her head on the pillow. She wasn't really in a rush as she had a while and the bar was only a couple blocks from her apartment, so she could simply lay there and think about life for a bit before she actually pulled herself up to get ready.

She thought back to what Maureen said on the roof of the precinct – the comment about Elliot and Kathy not lasting forever. She had genuinely believed that this time around, Elliot and Kathy were going to survive it. She remembered back to when they had split up and almost divorced; Elliot had been a mess for a little while but had seemed to come to terms with it in the end, as she recalled a conversation on the stoop of his apartment building one night when he told her that he had finally signed the divorce papers – just a little over a year earlier. That was a very confusing time for them, the line that had existed between them was starting to blur and become complicated and neither of them knew what to do about it.

She often wondered what would have happened had that night not happened – the night where a case was so brutal that Elliot ended up sleeping with Kathy. Would that have been the end for them then or would they have eventually reconciled anyway? Sometimes Olivia did wonder. She still remembered the day he told her was going home, but she remembered how he kept stalling. She remembered the look on his face when he blurted out that Kathy was pregnant and remembered how defeated he looked. But then as the months rolled on, he seemed excited about becoming a father again which led her to believe that everything was alright.

He and Kathy seemed so happy, so what the hell was Maureen talking about?

But Maureen saw more than she did, so maybe she had picked up on something that Olivia didn't know about.

Whatever the case may be, the heart break he was feeling was certainly not fake; he was definitely hurting.

She closed her eyes and for a moment, she could see them in that corridor again at the courthouse. He had checked the time for the millionth time in five minutes and she finally asked him what was wrong, and that was when he blurted out that Kathy was pregnant and how bad he felt because he hadn't gone back home. There was a look in his eyes; like he was ashamed at himself for accidentally getting her pregnant, for stalling on going home.

But there was something else in his eyes too – something that Olivia pushed to the back of her mind at the time but something that was popping to the front of her mind now.

Over the years, she and Elliot's intense bond and chemistry allowed them to look into each other's eyes and get a read, to know what the other was thinking. One look into those swirls of cobalt blue and she had all the answers she ever needed. She remembered the look in his eyes that day – in addition to feeling ashamed and defeated, his eyes had locked on hers with a look that she only had seen just after she came back from being undercover;

 _Remorse –_ as if he was saying sorry; but not for the situation. He was secretly saying _sorry_ directly to her.

She had confided in Casey about it during her time off during the summer. She tried to be casual about things, but Casey told her she wasn't being crazy and that she knew why Elliot had looked at her like this. Olivia brushed her off and told her that nothing would ever happen and that things weren't like that, but then Casey simply asked her; _"Why did he never make an effort to actually go home before now – when he's forced to?"_

Olivia could never answer that question and Casey answered it for her; _"He wants you and just realized that he's stuck."_

Olivia brushed her off at the time, but now part of her was wondering about it – about that look in his eyes that day in the courthouse. She knew that now was not the time to be even thinking about it, not with the way things had happened lately. She had always pushed whatever things she felt for Elliot to the side for sake of their partnership and friendship. Fuck…the reason she even left and went to Computer Crimes and undercover to Oregon was because of what she felt for Elliot; things he didn't know…and never would know. They were scared, especially her. It was complicated, and he was too close; she had to push him away, to save him.

But now she wondered again – had Elliot not gone home that night, what would have happened to _them_?

Why had Maureen said that earlier? _"…it was only a matter of time before it imploded again."_

She sighed to herself. It didn't matter; none of what she was thinking mattered anymore anyway so why was she bothered?

She buried her face into the pillow and groaned.

She couldn't wait to get those drinks tonight.

* * *

"Yo baby girl, over here!"

As soon as she entered the familiar cop bar, Olivia's attention was captured by Fin, who was waving over from a table near the corner. She had showered again and now smelled like lavender and vanilla and was now dressed in jeans and boots with a pink NYPD hooded sweatshirt she'd worn under her coat. She smiled and gave a quick head nod to the bartender before moving through the crowded bar and over to the table. She put her coat on the back of the chair before sitting on the stool, smiling as a beer was pushed in front of her straight away by Munch.

"Remember we're on Lake's dime so order what you want." Fin smirked as he greeted her with a fist bump. Lake scowled while Munch and Olivia burst out laughing, shaking their heads in despair.

"Where's Captain? Is he coming too?" she curiously asked as she stole one of the fries from the plate in front of Munch.

"Nah; he passed – said he's going out to Queens to see Elliot." Lake explained before taking a swig of his beer.

Olivia froze. The captain was going to see Elliot? She knew she could be logical; Elliot was like a son to Cragen, so it was probably just a social visit to check in on him. But there was part of her that couldn't shake the feeling that Cragen was going to mention her demeanor at work, thus opening a can of worms that she would much rather keep closed for now.

She sighed and took a swig of her beer, silently praying to God that for once, her gut instincts were wrong.

Meanwhile, half an hour away, across the bridge in the borough of Queens, a car parked along the side walk outside the two-story family home. Captain Don Cragen shut off the engine and stepped out of the vehicle before walking up the cement walkway. He walked up the steps and moved towards the door before pressing the small button, thus hearing a melodious time echo throughout the home.

A few moments later, he heard the locks click and the door opened. The blue-eyed man – dressed in sweats and a navy-blue NYPD shirt while holding a one-month old baby boy in one arm – smiled straight away as he opened the screen door as well.

"Hey Cap – come on in!"

Cragen smiled, stepping into the home before patting his detective on the shoulder;

"Hi Elliot."

* * *

 ** _Soooo guys - what did you think? Please, leave some feedback and all that. Think Cap's visit is just a social call or is Olivia's gut instinct right? We'll find out in the next update. But until next time... xoxo_**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey guys!**

 **I'm here with a new update. This update takes us through Cragen's visit to Elliot, and Elliot does some thinking following his visit with Cragen. The following day passes quickly and without incident, until there's a hostage situation that involves one of our dedicated detectives.**

 **So by all means, enjoy :) xoxo**

* * *

 **Keeping Promises**

 **Part 08**

Elliot led the Captain through the house and to the lounge, where the twins were playing a game of _Uno_ while Maureen and Kathleen were sat on the sofa, painting each other's nails while chatting away. They all looked up when they spotted Cragen and gave him a jumbled greeting _'Hey Captain Cragen',_ to which he chuckled and responded with a _'Hello'_ as he placed his coat and hat on the arm chair. Elliot popped Eli into his bouncer and told the kids to keep an eye on him – though he was sure the little boy would be asleep soon – before he then led Cragen through to the kitchen.

"Can I get ya anything, Cap? Water or juice or coffee?" he asked, smiling at him.

"Water please, son; that'll be fine." Cragen replied as he sat down at the table. Elliot nodded and grabbed two bottles of water from the fridge before joining his Captain at the table. Cragen thanked him and took a sip of the water before looking up again, smiling at him.

"How have you been son?" he asked. Elliot pursed his lips, nodding a bit as he shrugged his shoulders.

"Taking it one day at a time, today has been alright," he explained, nodding his head; "It's only been a month of course, but still…I feel better today." He paused to take a swig of water before continuing; "How are you guys managing without me? Miss me around there?"

"Well the file cabinets and lockers haven't had any dents in them lately, so that's a plus," Cragen joked, earning a hearty chuckle from Elliot; "But no, we do miss you around there really, but we're managing well – the others are really picking up slack and doing great."

Elliot nodded, giving him a smile; "I'll be back in next month; Mo said she doesn't mind keeping him on her days off and Kathy's sister and her husband are coming down to stay for a while after Christmas, so they said they would keep him anytime as well."

"Elliot, you have up to three months of paid leave you can take, don't rush yourself into coming back." Cragen warned him.

"I appreciate the concern Cap, but I need to get back into some sort of routine and…" he paused for a second, "I know it's only been a month - almost two - but I think…I think Kathy would want me to get on with my life, get back to work and get the routines back."

Cragen sighed a bit. He knew exactly what Elliot was going through; he had gone through these similar emotions all the years ago when he tragically lost his wife in a plane crash. He still sometimes remembered that night he got the call, remembered the grief that followed and how he thought he wouldn't be able to go on. But he also remembered how he managed to pull things together with the support of his squad and family around him, and how he managed to carry on as best he could.

"Are you sure though, son?" he asked. Elliot nodded, sighing slightly.

"I'm sure," he told him; "I mean…maybe small stuff at first just to ease back into it, I at least want to get off by four so I can be home with the kids and I don't want to miss the bedtime routine with Eli and stuff, but I do want to get back to work."

"Well, we can work that out and make that happen, but please if you change your mind, don't hesitate to call me; the department is standing with you and we can manage, so don't rush things." Cragen told him. Elliot nodded, thanking him before taking a swig of water. He was silent for a moment, then he looked up again at the older man.

"Cap…um…I need to ask something."

"Go on son, what's up?" Cragen wondered. Elliot paused for a second before continuing;

"It's just…Liv," he sighed slightly; "How is she really? I just get the feeling that she isn't telling me how she's really feeling."

Cragen hesitated for a second before letting out a sigh; "You get that vibe from her too?"

"So, she's not doing as well as she's trying to make me think?" Elliot rolled his eyes, running his hand down his face; "I don't wanna go through that _'not talking to each other'_ thing again; last time we did, she left and…yeah no, I need her to talk to me."

Cragen raised an eyebrow; he wondered what Elliot was planning to say before he cut himself off. He wondered sometimes about the depth of the relationship between his two lead detectives; they were considered ' _too close_ ' and would go through anything for each other. Cragen also wasn't oblivious to the rumors that had been going around for years about them, and he used to wonder if there was any truth to them. He saw how they would look at each other, wondered about what was said through a simple look between each other.

He remembered that time nearly two years earlier – the case so brutal that it tore his two best detectives apart. They never acknowledged what things were really about, but he knew; he knew when she went to Computer Crimes and knew when she went undercover what it was _really_ about. He remembered the defeated look on the day Elliot came in and discovered that she had left and gone to Computer Crimes or the day he realized that she had left and gone undercover, he remembered how unbearable Elliot was for the weeks that she was gone. He knew then, and he had an idea now. Despite the fact that Elliot was grieving and despite the fact that he did love his wife, Cragen still had an idea of what was _still_ brewing between the partners now.

But he knew now was not the time to bring it up.

"I know you want her to talk to you, son, but maybe she's not ready," Cragen shrugged; "You know how she is."

"I know; some things she holds in until it sends her over the edge," Elliot sighed as he picked at the label on the bottle; "I just…this was hard on all of us, and I don't want her to feel like she can't come to me about it."

He flicked his gaze from the table and back to his captain's face; "I've not given her any reason not to talk to me."

"But you know how she is, son; she's more worried about you guys than her own feelings," Cragen gave him a sympathetic look as he saw the worry etched across his face; "Have you talked to her today?"

"A little bit – enough for her to check on us and tell me she was going for drinks tonight with the guys, said she'd come over tomorrow after work." Elliot replied.

"I'll keep an eye on her tomorrow," Cragen told him; "And I know she's meant to come help you all this weekend as well, so maybe try and talk to her then?"

"I'll try to, I just hope she doesn't brush it off," Elliot reached over and shook his captain's hand, "Thanks Cap…for looking out for her."

"You two are the biggest pains in my ass but I love you both; I've got her back just like I've got yours." Cragen assured him.

Elliot smiled. The words from his Captain meant a lot to him and he was just grateful that he had a whole support system in his department as well; it was great to know.

With their support, he and his family would be okay, and he just wanted Olivia to be okay too.

* * *

Cragen left after spending an hour at the house; the conversation switched from Olivia to other things and Cragen once again promised that he and the others would help with any packing or anything at the weekend if they were needed. After he left, Elliot spent the remainder of the evening with his children in the lounge; they watched some Christmas movies together for a short while before Maureen left and the others headed to bed. He put Eli to bed as well, and by ten, the house was silent apart from the television playing in the lounge downstairs.

Elliot slipped into the kitchen and grabbed a cold beer before returning to the lounge. The television was playing but he wasn't watching it. His mind had gone to where it often went when the house was silent.

Kathy. He still missed her; some days were good, and some days were bad. Afterall, it had only been a month since she was taken so tragically, and it had been rough. But on the flip side, it was getting a little more bearable. He could still feel her presence and it gave him a sense of peace. She was watching over them and hopefully she was smiling; and she was no doubt probably wanting them to pick up the pieces and move forward a little more. Of course, they were going to grieve; grieving was a process with no time limit. But they were going to try and move on a little more as well. Every day was a process; one foot in front of the other. They would reach the other side of this hurdle in time; he was sure of it. He knew that when they went to her grave in a few days on Christmas Eve, that would allow room for healing to start as well once they were all able to talk.

His mind flashed to Olivia next; she was worrying him, and she was worrying the Captain as well. He knew his partner inside and out; she was the type of person that would push her own thoughts and feelings aside for the sake of someone else. Olivia's joy came from helping others and focusing less on herself; a blessing and a curse. She took everything to heart and felt this intense need to help others; that was one thing that made her a great person, but it also made life – especially the job – so bad sometimes. He noticed this about her when she first started at SVU those years ago; she was dedicated to helping others and making sure everyone else was alright, even if she wasn't alright.

So, he knew that was why she wasn't telling him exactly what she was feeling. He knew she was suffering from the trauma of the accident, he had already tried to talk to him once even though she brushed it off and told him she was fine. He knew that things ran a lot deeper than he was letting on, and he just hoped that she would open up to him. They were the best of friends and they told each other just about everything. There were things that she knew about him that no one – not even his old Marine buddies – knew about, and there were things about her that he knew but nobody else knew. Their bond was one that went beyond partnership and friendship; Olivia was almost a part of him, and their closeness was like a safety net, shielding them from all harm.

But there had been times where they didn't communicate properly – just over a year earlier in fact; almost two years ago now actually. The things they wanted to say died on their tongues or were lost between words they could never find; moments of anger and miscommunication and a final fight led to him losing her for too long; first to a two-week stint in Computer Crimes, then to a six-week undercover stint in Oregon. He still remembered how he felt the whole time she was gone – lost, so fucking lost. He and his temporary partner, Dani Beck, had gotten pretty close and even shared a kiss, but that was nothing compared to Olivia and her presence.

He had missed her so fucking much.

They had tiptoed around each other for a couple weeks when she first returned, until they finally got their heads outta their asses and actually talked like adults. Since then, their relationship had progressed, and they were tight again, the best of friends like they always had been. But still, there was something different. The bond was deeper, they were closer and tighter than ever before.

So, he just wanted her to be okay. He didn't want her to shut him out; he would make sure that never happened again.

His thoughts were broken when his phone buzzed to life with a new message. He picked it up and pressed the button to bring the device to life, smiling as he saw a new text; _Olivia_.

It was a picture of her and the guys at the bar along with Homicide detective Ed Green. They were all smiling as they stood around a table and there was a message with it;

 _'Olivia: 10:25pm – We wish you were here! Miss you; see you tomorrow after work!'_

He smiled at the photo; it was nice to know that they were all thinking of them. His gaze lingered on Olivia for a moment; she was smiling, and she looked adorable in her jeans and pink hoodie. There was just something that was so delicate yet tough about Olivia; she was a force to be reckoned with yet had a dazzling smile that would bring anyone to their knees.

He chuckled to himself as he responded to the text;

 _'10:27pm – Missing you guys too; you look great by the way :p see you tomorrow after work. And let me know when you get home please!'_

He then put his phone aside before relaxing on the sofa, closing his eyes. He had a million and one thoughts swirling around in his head, causing him to feel overwhelmed. He thought about Kathy, thought about his family now, thought about Olivia.

He needed guidance, so he did something he hadn't done in a while.

He prayed.

* * *

The next day was relaxed for the most part; Maureen stayed in the city as she had work, Kathleen went out with a few friends, and the twins hung out at home with Elliot and Eli. The twins worked together and tidied up the spot where they would normally put the Christmas tree, while Elliot was upstairs in the master bedroom. He had sorted out some of Kathy's things that were in the room; he made a note to ask the girls if they wanted any of the clothes, and he put some of her books into a box as well and made a note to give them to Lizzie as he figured she'd want them. Around lunch time, he took Eli and the twins out for a bit – they went to lunch then walked around the department store as the twins insisted on buying a present for Olivia, partly for Christmas and partly to thank her for everything she'd done.

Towards the evening, they were all back at the house again – Maureen included as she and her boyfriend Kevin had come as well. Elliot ordered Chinese take out for them all around six and remembered to order enough for Olivia as she was still planning to come over as well. He was excited to see her, and he was hoping to maybe talk to her when he did see her tonight. He had only spoken to her for a few minutes earlier in the day, long enough for her to tell him that she wouldn't be over until later in the night as they were really having a rough day within the unit and she was working late, and he simply told her to be safe and that he would see her when she managed to come over.

The Chinese arrived shortly before seven, and the scattered around the living room to eat as they watched television. Eli was resting in Elliot's arm and was drinking milk, and Elliot was so engrossed in his little boy that he didn't even pay any attention to the television, or the news report that was coming across it.

"Daddy," the sound of Maureen's voice brought him out of his thoughts; "Is that Captain Cragen in the background?"

Elliot's head snapped up, and his brow furrowed when he saw his Captain in the background along with Fin, Lake, and Munch, as well as guys from ESU and a bunch of other cops. His eyes went wide though and panic began to course through him when he didn't notice a certain brunette standing with them.

Where was Olivia?

His eyes then scanned the headline on the screen and the words began to filter through his ears; _Hostage Situation_

" _And we can confirm that this is a hostage situation; NYPD is on scene. We can confirm that there is one suspect inside and there is only one hostage - an NYPD Detective."_

 _NYPD Detective? Olivia…oh shit._

He quickly shuffled Eli into Kathleen's arms along with the bottle, before jumping up from the sofa and rushing to grab his phone from the kitchen. He scrolled through his contacts as he returned to the living room and held his phone up to his ear while his eyes remained glued to the screen.

Cragen wasn't answering his phone. He tried Fin, Lake, and Munch as well; no answer.

What the fuck was going on?

He thought about grabbing his badge and gun and rushing to meet the others, but he also knew that there wasn't much he could do, and it was probably best if he stayed with the kids. But the worry that was flooding through him was driving him crazy already. He had no idea how Olivia had gotten into this, but part of him was screaming that she had probably volunteered to do whatever had gotten her into this as that was just in Olivia's nature; something he always fought her on as he hated when she put herself out as bait to catch a perp.

"Dad!"

The sound of Lizzie's voice broke him from his thoughts. He flicked his gaze from the screen to his youngest daughter, who looked at him for a second before glancing at the screen; "They're talking about the case." She increased the volume on the television, and they all listened intently as the news reporter spoke again;

" _It appears that this hostage situation began following a sting operation that had been set up by NYPD Detectives from the Special Victims Unit of Manhattan. The sting operation was set up to catch serial rapist Jordan Vicars, and while we are not sure what went wrong, it appears that the operation led to Vicars taking the detective as hostage. Negotiations are underway, and we will continue to report on this situation as we gather more information."_

 _Jordan Vicars._ Elliot wracked his brain, then it dawned on him; Olivia had told him about this – the man who seemed clean on the outside but was actually a sadistic rapist preyed on vulnerable woman. He would charm them wherever he met them, then abduct them and rape them. He had an MO that spread across two other states and a few different aliases, and the Manhattan Special Victims Unit had been looking for him for two weeks now.

"Oh God," Maureen swallowed before looking up at Elliot; "Daddy, is Olivia…a hostage?"

Elliot swallowed the lump in his throat, nodding his head as he tried not to show how scared he was right now;

"Honey, I think so."

* * *

Meanwhile downtown, the street in front of the apartment buildings were littered with police cars and ESU vehicles as well as the mobile command vehicle and hostage negotiations. Standing outside the mobile command center was Captain Cragen, along with Fin, Lake, and Munch; all of them donned in their NYPD coats and vests, waiting for any indication for them to move in, praying that Olivia was alright in there. They had spoken to her twenty minutes earlier and she indicated that she was fine and hadn't been hurt. Jordan Vicars was the perp they had been searching for, and once they'd gotten a lead earlier in the day about his location, they set up a plan to trap him. Olivia had decided to be the bait as Vicars hadn't seen her before, and the group knew that his MO was to prey on vulnerable women who needed help. With this in mind, she posed as a woman who was lost and in need of some help, which managed to get her access to the house. While Vicars had gone to apparently look for a phone or something for her, she looked around and that's when she discovered his room full of newspaper clippings, highlighting the crimes he had committed in various places.

And that's when the plan went south. Vicars realized that she was a cop, and that she was wearing a wire. He immediately refused to let her go and bound her wrists with rope before forcing her to the lounge at gunpoint. She refused to back down and tried to get him to let her go, but he punched her before throwing her onto the sofa. When her phone rang earlier, he let her tell the guys that she was fine before sprouting off some ridiculous demands he had before he would "consider letting her go".

And now she had been sitting here for almost two hours, slowly working her way out of the thick rope by using the rougher sides of her badge to saw through the material. Vicars had his back to her and was standing near the closed blinds, peeking out through a small gap where he couldn't be seen. He saw that the street that was swarming with law enforcement; her gun was in his hand, his finger was on the trigger, ready to pull at any time.

She needed to get the fuck out of here.

"Jordan," she spoke up, taking a breath; "Look, this block is swarming with cops – do you really think you're gonna get out of here alive?"

"Can you shut up?" he snarled, looking over his shoulder at her.

"I'm just trying to be realistic," she replied, keeping her voice calm while distracting him with chatter as she continued working at the rope, "You're holding an NYPD Detective hostage, the block is swarming with cops, I have a black eye from you; do you know what they'll do to you?"

"They won't do anything to me as long as you're in here," he stormed over to her and grabbed her face, forcing her to look up at him, "Now…one more word, and this will be your last memory." He flicked the safety off of her gun and pushed it to her forehead, and she swallowed hard. He stared at her for a moment, before walking away and making his way back to the window. He peeked through the small gap again, shaking his head.

Olivia watched him intently; she was almost done. Just a few more twists of her wrists and…

 _Snap._ The rope broke, she was free.

She stood up slowly and slowly crept up behind him, taking advantage of her distracted state. He didn't notice her or even sense her, leading her to get right behind him before she spoke;

"Vicars."

He frowned and turned around, only to groan when a powerful punch was delivered to his jaw. The force of her punch sent him staggering into the wall, and she took advantage of the situation by grabbing his wrist and twisting until he let go of the gun. The firearm went flying across the floor, and Olivia kicked it away before slamming him into the wall again while twisting his arm behind him.

"You're a sorry son of a bitch, you know-"

She was cut off when he suddenly used his strength to push her back, knocking her over so that she fell to the floor, whacking her head on the hard wood floor. She groaned as the pain shot through her head and groaned again when he kicked her in her stomach and punched her in the jaw. She was trying to gather her bearings but couldn't move fast enough; he wrapped his hands around her throat and attempted to strangle her, leading her to claw at his arms and hands as she tried to get him off of her. She did manage to lift her knee up and hit him as hard as she could in the groin, causing him to groan and roll off of her. She took a few breaths as she tried to get herself together again, before she then slowly reached across and grabbed the gun.

Vicars was still on the floor, groaning in pain. Olivia slowly pulled herself up and pointed the gun at him, taking a few breaths as she did so while wriggling around to shake off the pain she was in.

"Jordan Vicars, you are under arrest," she kept the gun on him, while using one hand to push him onto his front; "You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law." She whipped her cuffs from his pocket and slapped them on him, before pulling him up. She just needed to get outside and get some air and get this prick away from her.

She led him through to the door and opened the door, before walking outside with him and down the steps of the townhouse. Other NYPD personnel rushed forward and grabbed him, while the other detectives and Captain Cragen rushed forward to tend to her.

"Damn Olivia, I think you did a job on him." Lake remarked, nodding at the bruised and groaning man that was being led to a squad car by the police.

"That's our girl; kicking any man's ass." Munch chimed in, patting her on the shoulder.

"I'm just glad you're out of there, Liv." Cragen replied, nodding at her.

"You okay, baby girl?" Fin asked, draping his jacket over her shoulders while walking at an angle to shield her from the media in the distance. Olivia nodded, smirking slightly as she nodded in the direction of Vicars, who was groaning and uttering something about police brutality.

"I'm not as bad as he is." She shrugged. Fin chuckled a bit, before quickly putting his arms around her as she stumbled.

"Whoa," He tightened his arm around her as he led her to the ambulance; "I'm not even gonna ask if you're okay; you're just gonna get checked out."

"I'm fine, Fin; I'm just tired – it's been a long ass day and I'm freezing and I'm hungry." She replied, trying to push away from him. He didn't let go of her, and instead he – along with Munch – helped her onto the ambulance. She sat along the edge and they draped a blanket over her, before standing to the side as a paramedic tended to her.

And suddenly, her eyes fluttered, and she fell back, only to be caught by the arms of the medic while Fin and Munch screamed in horror at the sight of her limp body;

"Olivia!"

* * *

 ** _Whew! Another update completed. Give me some feedback. Do you guys think Elliot is ready to start moving on? (NO EO relationship...YET). And ohhh man...how will he react to Olivia being hurt? Let me know what you think! Thank you for all the support so far! And thank you for being kind! Well, until next time! xoxo_**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey everyone!**

 **I am here with Chapter 9! Elliot and Olivia have a little fight (yikes) and then, Elliot does some thinking. uh ohhh...**

 **Please enjoy xoxo**

* * *

 **Keeping Promises**

 **Part 09**

Elliot's mind was racing and the horror was spread over his body like a raging wildfire as he drove into the city, while the words from his Captain rang in his head;

" _Olivia's been hurt – we're taking her to Mercy."_

This had been the longest, half an hour ride into the city ever.

He had already been going sick with worry while watching the news and seeing the hostage situation, but the relief had washed over him when he saw Olivia walking out along with a bruised perp. He was had watched the others come around her while the perp was taken away, and he let out of a breath when he saw her being shielded from the media by Fin. He saw Fin walking her towards the ambulance, but he figured that it was simply a routine check just to make sure she was alright.

He was not expecting to get a phone call saying that she was hurt and being taken to the hospital.

He parked rather illegally outside the hospital entrance; his car's gold shield did give him some extra leverage, leading him to quickly shut off the engine before jumping out and rushing inside. He flashed his badge as he approached the nurse's desk and asked about Olivia, and he practically ran around down the hallway and around the corner after the woman told him where to go. He was looking around when suddenly he heard;

"Elliot!"

He whirled around; Cragen – along with Munch and Lake – were in the waiting room. Fin, however, was nowhere to be seen.

"Where's Liv? Is she alright?" he asked as he rushed towards them.

"Hey, calm down son," Cragen grabbed both of his arms, "She's fine, Fin is in there with her and she's been checked out by the doctor; she's got a slight concussion and she's gonna stay overnight for observation."

"What room is she in?" he asked. Before he got a response, however, he looked up and spotted Fin coming out of a room. He had looked up and noticed him, and Elliot watched as he poked his head back into the room again. Elliot rushed down the hall towards the room and gave Fin a handshake before slipping inside. Fin bid them farewell and told Olivia he'd see her in the morning, before heading out. Elliot stepped fully inside, keeping his eyes on his partner as he made his way over and sat in the chair next to her bed. He swallowed at the sight of the bruise on her face and arms and neck, blinking back the tears as he tried to get a handle on his emotions.

She looked over at him, but before he could speak, she held her hand up;

"I'm fine."

"That doesn't work with me and you know it," he gave her a raised eyebrow; "Liv…damn…I…" he took a breath, before continuing; "What happened?"

"El, I can't get into it right now; it's just been a long day and I'm tired," she closed her eyes again; "We can talk about it when I can think a little clearer; Vicars just knocked me down and I hit the floor too hard – I'll tell you the rest later."

"Damn," he shook his head; "How'd you even end up as a hostage?"

Her eyes flicked open and she looked over at him; "We got a lead, we set up a sting to trap him and I was the bait, he figured out I was a cop, and it went from there."

"Why did you agree to do that? You know how dangerous things like that can be."

Olivia rolled her eyes and sighed; Elliot knew he was pissing her off and figured he should let her rest, but he just couldn't let it go right now, not when he had been so scared on the ride over. He didn't know what to expect after Cragen's phone call and he had been so worried that he was going to get to the hospital, and it would be like Kathy all over again – he would get there, and a person he cared deeply about would be gone.

' _The doctors did everything they could…'_

He didn't know how he would've handled it if he had walked into that situation again today.

"Elliot, somebody had to, and I wasn't gonna wait for another officer from another unit to come and agree to do it; we had to move and I agreed." She replied.

"But anything could have went wrong, Liv," he sighed, looking over her again; "You could have been killed."

"I'm alive and I'm fine, El, just a little banged up."

"You've got bruises all over you, even around your neck," he snapped slightly, furrowing his brow at how she was downplaying the situation; "Do you have any idea how worried I was about you?"

Olivia simply looked at him for a moment before sighing. She knew he meant well and he was just being his normal overly protective self, but she wasn't in the mood right now for a fight, which is what this sounded like it was turning into.

"I'm sorry I worried you, Elliot." She replied before closing her eyes again.

"I wish you'd stop setting yourself up as bait, Liv-"

"Elliot, I am fine, and this isn't even the first time I've fucking done it," she snapped back as she opened her eyes again, unable to take anymore as she was annoyed now and just wanted to rest; "What is the matter with you? I'm fine!"

"I would have never let you go in as bait; why the hell did they let you do that?"

"Let me?" She scoffed, "You aren't in charge of me, you don't _let me_ do anything; I choose to do shit like I _chose_ to fucking do this."

"But I wasn't there!"

"Oh I get it – this is about you and your ego, thinking that nobody else can protect me other than you," she rolled her eyes; "Look, we did what we had to do, and now another prick is off the streets. I'm banged up but I'm fine, the guys all had my six!"

"Yeah, they had your six, and look at what happened!"

"This probably would have happened whether you were there or not!"

"No it wouldn't have because you never would have gone in!"

"Yeah, because I would have listened to you and not gone right?" She sighed, wincing as she felt a headache coming along; "Can you just shut up and leave me alone? I have a headache and I'm tired."

"Liv-"

"Fuck off," she interrupted as she pressed a button to the side of her, flicking off the light above her bed; "Just fuck off and leave me alone, please!"

With that, she rolled into her side and pulled the covers over her more, leaving her back to him while he simply stared at the back of her head. He knew that she was pissed off at him, and he knew that he shouldn't have tried to talk to her about this tonight or pick a fight, but he was just so annoyed that she had put herself in this situation, and he had been so fucking worried about her.

He couldn't have lost her too. He wouldn't have been able to take it.

' _You and this job are the only things I've got anymore, I don't wanna wreck that…I couldn't take it.'_

He never would have been able to take it if something happened to her.

He listened for a few moments; her breathing soon evened out, indicating that she really had fallen asleep. He got up and made his way out of the room, spotting the others still in the waiting area. As much as he wanted to be angry with them, he knew there was no point because he knew that deep down, this really hadn't been anyone's fault at all.

"Hey man," Fin spotted him and gave him a smile; "You not staying with her? She kick you out?"

"I might have pissed her off, being an overprotective hot head as usual." He shrugged. Cragen eyed him for a moment, before signaling to his detectives that he'd be right back. He pulled Elliot aside so that the others wouldn't overhear them; "Elliot, what's up?"

"Just...God, when you called and said she'd been hurt…I thought back to…I just…" he couldn't get the words out, and ended up wiping a hand down his face and looking up at the ceiling for a bit. Cragen figured out what he was trying to say, and simply rubbed his shoulder. He felt bad now because he hadn't considered that Elliot would react this way about someone so close to him being hurt, and part of him felt like maybe he should have called Elliot after he found out some information, not initially when they were first on the way to Mercy. But on the flip side, he felt like he had done the right thing as she was technically Elliot's partner, and she was his best friend as well, so he deserved to know straight away. It was just a tough situation to be in, but seeing him react like this was also raising some questions right now.

He would keep those to himself, however; now was not the time.

"I'm so sorry, Elliot, I didn't mean to get you worked up and worry you like this," he apologized; "I just figured you should know right away, but I should have waited-"

"No, no Cap it's alright; I'm her partner, I needed to know right away else I would have worried when she didn't call or something," Elliot immediately brushed off the apology, holding his hand up; "I'm just a little on edge; I don't know how I would cope if something happened to her – she's my best friend."

"I know she is, son; I know…but just remember that she is alright; she's in there and she's alive, and because of her, a lot of women are about to have justice," Cragen gave him a pat on the shoulder; "Look, one of us will stay with her tonight; go home to your kids."

"But Cap, I should be here when she wakes up again and all that; I want to tell her I'm sorry."

"Tell her tomorrow when both of you aren't so worked up," Cragen told him; "She's about to be in your hair for the next few days anyway considering I'm making her take tomorrow and Monday off in addition to the weekend, whether she likes it or not…but you go home and be with your kids."

Elliot thought for a second, before nodding his head. As much as he wanted to be there with Olivia for the night, he knew he was no use really when he was so worked up. Besides, he was a little weary of hospitals and wasn't exactly wanting to leave his kids – especially his youngest son – for the night anyway. He gave his Captain a firm handshake and poked his head around the corner to bid the others farewell, before he then left out as well.

But he wasn't going home; not right now. He needed to go think.

* * *

He ended up at Brighton Beach, which was pretty much empty apart from a few folks here and there who were braving the cold, December nighttime air simply for a walk along the boardwalk. He parked his car and got out, before taking a walk himself down the boardwalk and eventually down into the sand. He walked through the sand, his sneakers and jeans sinking into the sand as he continued to trek until he was close to the oceanfront. He sat down on the dry part of the sand and simply clasp his hands together as he looked out at the dark ocean.

He felt so strange. Hearing that Olivia had been hurt then seeing her so banged up had stirred something up inside of him, and he didn't know what to even make of it. He knew he had probably come off wrong or come off like he was nagging at her, but he had just been so worried. He always worried whenever he wasn't by her side. It had been like that for years; whenever they weren't partnered for something, he worried. When she had gone undercover, he worried. He didn't mean to come across and seem like he didn't trust anyone to protect her, but it was because he had done it for so long and because they were so close and he had seen so many sides of her; he just wanted to protect her all the time.

So, whenever she was hurt, he took it to heart – whether she was under his watch or not. The thought of Olivia being hurt frightened him. He knew the risks were high – they were in law enforcement and on the front lines every single day, always leaving home with the thought of whether they'd return back after the case closed – but with Olivia, it was like he didn't want her to be hurt, ever. He knew it wasn't a realistic idea, but he just wanted to do everything in his power to protect her because she had faced enough pain in her life so far. He knew he could come across as a hothead or an overly protective pain in the ass, though. He was sometimes ridiculous when they were out together on calls, always putting himself in front of her to make sure she was covered, always lashing out at the first person who called her out of her name or looked at her like she was a piece of meat. He unashamedly ran background checks on her dates in the past to make sure she wasn't going out with some weirdo. His overprotective nature pissed her off, but he could never help himself.

Maybe that was why he had reacted this way tonight, maybe that was why he was desperate for her to talk to him about what was going on in her head; he just wanted her to be alright and safe from whatever darkness that was plaguing her.

But maybe this also was about the complicated, unresolved feelings for his partner that had been brewing within him for at least six or seven years now.

It was around the second year of their partnership that his protective nature had spiked, and at first, he thought it was just a friendly nature; they had become best friends and it was just natural to be extremely protective over your best friend – right? That's what Elliot thought – until he realized how jealous he would become if a man so much as looked at her, how jealous he felt whenever she talked about a date she had, or how much he wanted to rip Brian Cassidy's head off after he found out that he had slept with Olivia.

Since then, he felt threatened by any man that showed Olivia attention. Hell, he had even once felt threatened by Fin as he swore the man had wanted to make a move on Olivia in the early days as well. He always tried to remind himself that he was married; that what he felt didn't matter because he was a married man with four kids. Olivia was his work partner; nothing more and nothing less – and that's all she ever would be. He tried to convince himself that there was no point in letting the feelings cross his mind because she didn't feel the same; she would never feel the same.

It was a lie – it had always been a lie.

After Kathy left him, he had been so confused about things. He was grieving his marriage, but he also knew the lines between him and Olivia were blurring and becoming complicated. The feelings had gotten stronger and they were still close, but he figured if he just ignored it, they would go away. He never wanted to risk Olivia getting too close to him, because he was always scared of hurting her – and he never wanted to hurt her.

His mind flashed to Gitano; after that case, he had hurt her – unintentionally, but he had done so. She had left and gone to Computer Crimes, then left and went to Oregon, and he remembered the heartbreak that he'd felt during the time. He thought the complex feelings would go away while she was gone; without her around to look at, the feelings would disappear and everything would be alright. When she returned, they'd tiptoed around each other, but it wasn't long before the feelings came back in full force, stronger than ever before.

But he thought she didn't want him.

And then the cases that became so brutal; he ran to familiarity. He told Kathy he wanted to come home yet stalled on doing so; he ran to Kathy one night after a horrible case and had sex with her, yet still stalled on coming home. When Kathy told him she was pregnant and needed him to come home, he'd felt so guilty – not for stalling on coming home, but due to the feelings for Olivia, and as crazy as it sounded, he felt like he had cheated on the brunette. When he blurted to her that Kathy was pregnant, he could've sworn he saw a flash of hurt in her eyes, but he figured that his mind was playing tricks on him, yet he gave her a look that told her that he was sorry. She was supportive the whole time, and the complex feelings continued to swirl among the chaos in his mind as he begrudgingly allowed his Catholic guilt to take him back home to Queens.

He loved Kathy, but he hadn't been in love with her; he was just willing to make this work for the sake of the baby. He thought he had fallen in love with her again, but the thoughts in his head now were allowing him to see otherwise. He was in love with the situation, the thought of having another baby; but he wasn't in love with the woman that had carried his baby.

This heartbreak was real because he did miss Kathy. She had been his best friend at one point and probably always would have been his friend as they had shared so much of their lives together; he would always love her because she was the mother of his children. He was grieving her loss, and it had been a tough time. But he also knew that he was moving on better because the feelings hadn't been as deep as he once thought. He'd always been protective over her, yet not like he was over Olivia. He'd always had some feelings for Kathy and would always love her, but none of what he felt for her compared to what he felt for Olivia – beautifully complicated and complex unresolved feelings; a situation that was so _them_.

And he knew that if things had been the other way around and Olivia had died, there's no way he would have been able to carry on.

He grumbled to himself; complicated…this shit was so fucking complicated. He felt guilty as fuck for feeling these things, especially since it hadn't even been that long since Kathy had died.

Yet, he wondered why he should feel guilty for thinking about things he had felt for so long?

He looked towards the sky. The stars were twinkling yet there was one that seem to shine the brightest. He felt a chill run down his spine, and he had the strongest feeling that it was Kathy. He closed his eyes, and a couple lone tears spilled down his cheeks.

And yet again for the second time in twenty four hours, he prayed.

* * *

Elliot didn't know how long he stayed on the beach thinking things over and praying, but by the time he returned home, Maureen and Kevin had left, and the twins were watching television. Kathleen and Eli were nowhere in sight, but Lizzie informed him that they were upstairs and that Kathleen was putting him to bed.

"How's Liv? She okay?" Dickie wondered as he and Lizzie followed Elliot into the kitchen.

"She's just a little banged up and is staying overnight for observation, but she's fine." He explained.

"Good," Lizzie replied with a head nod, "And not to be selfish, but are we still gonna see her this weekend?"

Elliot let out a chuckle as he hugged his twins into him; "I assume you will, guys." He kissed the tops of their heads before letting them go. The two bid him goodnight, before heading off upstairs to go to bed. He leaned against the counter and sipped a bottle of water, though he gave a smile as Kathleen made her way into the kitchen.

"Olivia's okay?" She asked quietly as she hopped up onto the counter.

"She's fine, kiddo, just a little banged up; she's staying in the hospital tonight for observation," Elliot explained before continuing; "Eli go down okay?" Kathleen nodded before smiling a bit as she knocked her fist against Elliot's. They were silent for a moment, before Kathleen spoke up;

"Daddy…um…I need to ask…" she chewed her lip for a bit as she tried to find the words to say; "Is it bad that I'm kind of looking forward to getting rid of some of Mom's things?"

Elliot froze for a second to briefly contemplate his answer, before speaking softly; "What do you mean?"

"I mean, I just…it feels like I'll be able to move on better, knowing that there's things of hers that can benefit someone else or make them happy like they made her," Kathleen shrugged, swinging her legs to and fro as she sat on the counter; "I mean, I know me and Maur and Lizzie could probably use some of her clothes but we don't need all of them, the pieces we don't use can be donated to help someone else, and then some other stuff of hers could probably be donated to make someone else happy, and I'm already driving her car so I guess there's some use for that – I mean…what I'm saying is…having her stuff gone will help us to heal, and the fact that it'll benefit someone else, it'll…well I can't speak for my siblings, but I know it'll make me happy."

Elliot blinked back the tears that had formed in his eyes. Kathleen, his middle one that had probably given him more trouble than all the other older ones combined, had really just come up with something so beautiful, and what an idea it was. He wondered when that ten year old that used to play soccer in the backyard had grown up and turned into this young adult with the most beautiful mindset, but here she was and he was so incredibly proud of her.

"You know what Katie," he moved closer and looped an arm around her, pulling her into a hug against his shoulder; "I think that's a great idea, and I think your siblings would agree with me."

"I hope so," Kathleen sniffled a bit and nodded, before looking up at her father with shimmering blue eyes;

"It's time we put the pieces back together; it's what Mom would have wanted us to do."

* * *

 ** _Soo...another update completed. Looks like Elliot came to a realization. Don't worry though, EO aren't getting together any time soon...there's a lot for them to sort through ;) But...leave some feedback! Thank you for your kindness and support! Until next time xoxo_**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey guys!**

 **I'm here with Chapter 10 finally! It's the next day; Elliot comes to the hospital to see Olivia and they start to talk until they're interrupted - as usual.**

 **Enjoy xoxo**

* * *

 **Keeping Promises**

 **Part 10**

The soft sound of light snoring and the faint sound of television filtered through Olivia's ears that next morning, though she whined to herself as her eyes adjusted to the brightness of the hospital room. She looked to the side of her; Munch was fast asleep in the reclining chair beside her bed with a blanket thrown over him. She smiled a bit at him; he had been great with her and despite how grumpy she has been, she did appreciate the fact that he had woken up every three hours along with her when the nurse would come in to talk. He would talk to her while the nurse was checking her over and told her crazy conspiracy theories to help her fall asleep again. She had half expected Elliot to stay the night with her, but considering their little argument they'd had, she wasn't at all surprised that he didn't stay.

She leaned her head back on the pillow and stared at the ceiling while breathing out. She was a little confused about why he had gotten so upset with her yesterday about what happened. She was just a little banged up – some bruises, a few scratches, a slight concussion – a hell of a lot less than what she had gotten in the past. This wasn't the first time she had gone undercover or put herself out there as bait, and some perps had been a little more dangerous than Jordan Vicars, so she was wondering why this time was such a problem. She knew Elliot cared about her safety and wanted to be the one to watch her back constantly, but sometimes the overprotective nature came across like he didn't trust her to have her own back, or trust anyone else to protect her. She had been so annoyed yesterday when he had come in and started going on about what happened, and she had simply dismissed him without saying another word other than _'fuck off'_.

Now that she was thinking about it, however, she realized that maybe she had been a little out of order with him. She tried to think about what he might have felt when someone – Cragen she assumed – had called him to tell him she was in the hospital after being hurt. She figured he was probably scared, yet probably had some crazy sense of déjà vu after being in this same situation with Kathy just over a month earlier. She thought back to how she felt a few months earlier when she sat in the ambulance with him as they rushed him the hospital after Picard – a perp they had been trying to restrain – had headbutted him and caused his head to crash into the window of the sedan, thus knocking him unconscious. She had been so scared then and worried for her partner and had called Kathy as her hands shook from the fear and adrenaline that had coursed through her. She was always scared whenever Elliot got hurt; she worried more so about something happening and not being able to protect him, and as a result, he would be taken away from his family. He had a family to take care of, and that's partly why she always got so scared whenever he was hurt.

At least that's what she kept telling herself.

It didn't matter what else she felt, didn't matter that she also got scared because the thought of him not being okay and never being by her side ever again was one that made her feel sick to her stomach…

"I can see the wheels turning in your pretty little head, Benson."

The voice broke into her thoughts and she rolled her head to the side, smiling at Munch as he gave her a sleepy smile in return.

"The wheels are always turning in my head, John," she rolled her eyes though the smile remained on her face; "Go home; I'm fine here."

"Not a chance; I'm staying until Fin gets here," the older man sat up and stretched before looking at her again, "How ya feeling?"

"A lot better than I did last night, though I was ready to kill the nurse every time she came in to wake me up." Olivia replied with a slight chuckle. She rubbed her hand down her face to help herself wake up some more, before maneuvering around until she could sit up a little better. Munch reached over and raised the bed a bit so that she could sit up comfortably, though she told him that she was fine and to stop fussing over her.

"You don't understand how much we all care about you, do you?" he teased. He folded the blanket that he was using and draped it over the back of the chair, before turning to her again; "I've never seen Elliot so scared in my life, holy shit."

"Oh God don't; I need to apologize to him seriously because I was so mean to him last night," she groaned, shaking her head; "He was just being annoyingly overprotective, and I wasn't in the mood and I told him to _fuck off_ ; he's probably pissed at me."

"I'm sure he understands, and he shouldn't have pushed you really," Munch laughed a bit as he leaned back in the chair; "He just likes to be the one to have your back, probably because he's done it so long; I was the same way about Monique – I wanted to have her back and barely trusted anyone else to do it."

"Is it because we're women? That's why you men are crazy protective over us?" Olivia wondered, though she was teasing as she gave him an amused look. Munch laughed, shaking his head in despair at the witty brunette.

"I mean it's just our duty as men to protect you women," he joked before continuing, "Nah; Monique and I were pretty tight, not like you and Elliot, but tight – so I just wanted to have her back because I was used to it; that time she almost got blown up was the scariest time ever." He shuddered slightly before continuing, "Elliot though – man, all someone has to do is look at you the wrong way and he's ready to kill them."

Olivia laughed a bit; "He is like that, and it's so weird because I'm a hundred percent sure he didn't flinch with his other partners. Why's he like that with me? And don't say it's because I'm a woman."

Munch gave her a look over the top of his glasses, and she raised an eyebrow; "What?"

"You don't know why Elliot is so crazily protective over you?"

"I mean…maybe it's because I'm a woman and-"

"A woman that can kick the ass of a man twice her size and has a faster trigger finger than anyone I've ever seen," Munch smirked, "Try again."

Olivia eyed him for a second before scoffing. It had finally dawned on her what Munch was hinting at, and she refused to even let herself think about that; "Oh shut up, John; it's not like that."

"Yeah…mhm," Munch smirked, folding his arms across her chest; "The government may be controlling my mind to an extent, but not when it comes to being right about this."

"The government needs to take over _that_ part of your mind and stop you from thinking that," she rolled her eyes though was forced to smirk at the silly look on his face; "You're so ann-"

"Yo yo, peeps."

The pair looked up; Fin was coming through the door with a duffel bag on his shoulder which contained clothes for Olivia and a styrofoam to go cup in his hand. Olivia had never been happier to see Fin; she wanted this conversation with Munch to end now before it went too far.

"Ah Detective Tutuola, come to look after the invalid?" Munch smirked as he knocked his fist against Fin's while chuckling at the punch Olivia had delivered to his arm.

"I hope she kicks ya ass for that comment, bro," He dropped the duffel bag at the foot of the bed before moving around to the other side to properly greet Olivia; "Hey baby girl; got you that herbal tea shit you like." He leaned over and kissed the top of her head in a protective manner before handing over the cup. She thanked him and immediately opened the flap, before taking a sip. She let out a contented sigh and gave Fin a thumbs up, which made him laugh as he sat down.

"Did I have enough stuff in my locker?" She wondered.

"Yeah, you had enough spare clothes," he fished her keys from her pocket and handed them over to her; "And I took your car home and parked in the parking deck for you, and I collected your mail and all that – it's in your apartment."

"You're a life saver, thanks," She then stopped to let out a yawn, before looking at him again; "Talked to Elliot?"

"Nah; not besides yesterday when he showed up here," Fin leaned back in the chair as he eyed her; "You and him have a fight? He didn't stay, and that's not like him."

"Something like that; I was just telling Munch that I was so mean to him – but his overprotective shit was annoying me, and I was tired, but I still shouldn't have been so mean and I feel bad; he's probably pissed at me." Olivia explained.

"And I explained to her that we all know why Elliot is so overprotective over her – and it's nothing to do with the fact that she's a woman." Munch wagged his eyebrows as he looked over at Fin, who looked back at him before letting out a laugh as he caught on. Olivia looked between them and suddenly, she felt like having them here together and talking was not the best idea at all.

"She denied it didn't she?"

"Course she did; living in delusion."

" _She_ is sitting right here, assholes," Olivia spoke up, scowling at them both; "And whatever you two _think_ is the reason behind Elliot's overprotective shit, you can forget it; it's not like that."

"Yeah, whatever you say, Liv." Fin teased before groaning as Olivia punched him in his arm, while Munch was laughing as he sat on the other side of her. Olivia shook her head in despair but laughed anyway; despite the teasing, they really were amusing her, and she loved it. She loved how her squad – especially these two idiots – could just make any day better with comments and conspiracies, brightening up the darkest moments and filling the empty spaces with much needed laughter.

A short while later, Munch had gone as he needed to get home and shower before heading to work, and Fin was still waiting around with Olivia. She had showered and gotten dressed again, and now she and Fin were watching random episodes of _The Twilight Zone_ while they waited for the doctor to come in to properly discharge Olivia. She had been given a clean bill of health as her concussion wasn't that serious, but still had to wait for her discharge papers and other instructions from the doctor.

She and Fin had been talking and laughing at the absurdity of the program they were watching while sharing some snacks that Fin had gone to get from the vending machine a short while ago. They had just gotten engrossed in the beginning of another episode, when the door suddenly opened, which captured their attention. Stepping into the room, dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt and sneakers along with his coat, and carrying an arrangement of yellow tulips and pink roses; her favorite flowers.

Olivia saw the defeated look in his eyes; he was coming in to apologize, but she had to beat him to it because he really had nothing to be sorry for. He stepped closer and timidly handed her the flowers, speaking softly as he did so; "These are for you; to help you feel better."

She wrapped her hands around them, giving him a soft smile as she held them close to her, the plastic they were wrapped in crunching as she held them in her hands; "Thank you, El."

They watched each other for a few moments, and then…

"I'm sorry."

Fin smirked at the simultaneous apology and pressed his lips together to stop himself from laughing. He excused himself and told them that he was going down to the cafeteria to get a muffin, before disappearing out of the room, leaving the partners in the room together. The two exchanged a glance and both took a breath, before Olivia spoke up;

"Why are you sorry? You shouldn't apologize for just being protective over your partner," Olivia told him, watching as he stepped closer; "I'm sorry for being so mean to you; I was just tired, and you were just looking out for me, I shouldn't have just dismissed you like that."

Elliot shook his head, sitting himself down onto the chair beside her bed; "No, stop it; you had every right to get upset…" He sighed a bit, eyeing her as he sat beside her; "I just get worried sometimes, but I know you can take care of yourself and that you're one of the strongest people ever; I'm sorry if it comes across like I don't trust you or anyone else, because I do; I just like to have your back, but I also know you can take care of yourself."

Olivia nodded; "I know you trust me, but I do appreciate you looking out for me," she shrugged, fiddling with her fingers; "I tried to look at it from your perspective; you just dealt with having to rush into a hospital a month ago and your life shattered, so I can only imagine what was going through your head when you were told I was hurt and was here…but I just, I don't want you to worry about me like that."

Elliot tilted his head; "How can I not worry about you? You're my best friend."

"I just…you have more important things to focus on than me; I'll always be alright," she told him; "You should be focusing on yourself and your family."

"But I am focusing on myself and my family; _you_ are family too."

Her gaze flicked from his face to her hands in her lap, and she shook her head; "I'm not; don't say that."

A wave of concern washed over him, yet he felt like he was getting into something that they hadn't yet talked about. He leaned up and rest his elbows on his knees, leaning closer to talk to her;

"Liv, what is it?"

 _Silence._

"Talk to me, Liv; tell me what's-"

"Ah, good morning Miss Benson!"

The pair looked up; the doctor was walking in with a friendly smile on his face and Fin was behind him, holding a bag with a muffin. Elliot and Olivia exchanged a quick glance; they both knew that there were so much to say, so much that was lost behind the words that had died on their tongues, but clearly the conversation would have to take place at a later date. Right now, the doctor was here to discuss Olivia, and that was the most important thing.

But Elliot definitely planned to talk to her later. This conversation was far from over.

The doctor explained that Olivia was fine, but that she was to take it easy over the next few days which meant no work today or Monday – in addition to already being off on the weekend; which caused her to groan and roll her eyes while Fin and Elliot smirked and joked about how she was gonna lose her mind with not being able to work. The doctor also explained that she shouldn't be left alone for the few days that she was off, and this alone made her tense up. She thought about dropping a call to Casey; she was a hundred percent sure that Casey wouldn't mind her staying over for a few days. She settled that in her head and was just about to say that she was going to call their ADA and her good friend _,_ when suddenly…

"No problem, Doc; she'll stay with me for the few days and I'll bring her to her appointment on Monday."

Olivia practically choked on her saliva while Fin bit his lip, stopping the laugh from spilling out as he caught sight of the shocked look on her face. She whipped her head around to look at Elliot, and the words tumbled out of her mouth before she could stop them; "Elliot – wait, it's fine; I'll stay with Casey and-"

"Casey's at her law class reunion this weekend, remember?"

She whipped her head back around and glared at Fin, who had an amused look on her face. He was right though and Olivia did remember that now that it had been mentioned; Casey's law class reunion was this weekend and she was leaving to go out of town today – hell, she was probably gone already. She silently pleaded with Fin for some assistance, but he gave her a knowing look, leading her to sigh before she turned back to the doctor;

"Nevermind, I'm staying with Elliot."

"Okay, that's sorted out," the doctor chuckled before handing her some papers; "I've also called in a painkiller prescription for you in case of headaches, and Elliot," he looked up to speak to Elliot while Olivia read over the discharge forms; "Periodically check on her as she sleeps; every four hours should do, and just keep an eye on her and don't let her overexert herself."

"Will do, Doc; thanks for helping her." Elliot replied. He shook the doctor's hand and smiled, leading the doctor to smile back before he looked at Olivia again, whom had just finished signing the papers. He took them into his hand again before shaking her hand, giving her a warm smile while she gave him a small smile in return.

"I'll see you at your appointment on Monday, Olivia; take care." He spoke. He then bid them all farewell before leaving out of the room. Olivia sighed to herself and stood up, before pulling on her jacket. Fin took the flowers for her while Elliot took the bag, and the three of them made their way out of the room. Of course, Olivia declined to take the wheel chair down as she saw the nurse approach them, and the nurse knew from the look on her face not to try and talk her into using one. She simply wished her well before walking off, leaving the three detectives to go about their business.

Once outside to Elliot's Jeep, Olivia slipped into the passenger seat while Fin and Elliot put her flowers and duffel bag into the backseat. Fin gave Olivia one more hug and told her he'd check on her later, then bid them farewell before heading off. Elliot slipped into the driver's seat and started to engine to get the heat on, before turning to look at Olivia, whom was looking out the window as she rest her chin on her palm.

He sighed then spoke up; "Look, I should have asked first before I just said you'd stay with me."

"It's fine, I didn't have anyone to stay with anyway," she shrugged, turning her head to look at him; "We gotta stop by mine then; I need some more clothes."

Elliot nodded, giving her a small smile before pulling out of the parking lot. Olivia sighed and looked out the window again, rolling her eyes to herself as she watched the city go by.

A whole weekend with Elliot and the kids at their house? Great…just great.

* * *

 ** _Well well...it looks like Olivia is staying with the Stablers this weekend. How do you guys think that will go? Think Elliot and Olivia will finally talk? (Don't worry, they aren't getting together though...not yet anyway.) I hope you're all enjoying this, and leave your feedback please! Until next time xoxo_**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey everyone!**

 **I am overwhelmed by the support on this story. Everyone has been so kind and all seem to be enjoying this, which is what I was hoping. Thank you all for your lovely comments and support; it is all greatly appreciated.**

 **And now here's chapter 11 - because I love you. (Okay, and because it's time for an update!)**

 **Enjoy xoxo**

* * *

 **Keeping Promises**

 **Part 11**

"Liv!"

"Hey Olivia!"

"Hi Liv!"

Olivia winced slightly at the three squealing voices that greeted her as she and Elliot walked into the Stabler home a short while later. They had just come to the house finally, only after they had stopped by the pharmacy to grab her pain medication, as well as her apartment to get her some clothes to get her through the weekend. She hadn't talked much during the ride over or while they were at her apartment as she grabbed her things, and Elliot wondered what was playing on her mind. She had the look on her face that said that she was deep in thought, and he hoped that she would let him into her head and talk to him at some point this weekend as he was worrying about her.

"Hey guys," she greeted, giving them all a hug as the three of them crowded around her. "Before anyone says a word, it's not as bad as it looks; I'm fine."

"You were in a hospital overnight, Olivia; that's not fine." Dickie remarked, raising an eyebrow at her.

"I am fine now, honey, so chill out," She cupped his face and kissed his forehead before looking around at them all; "And, is it okay if I stay with you guys for the weekend – since your father pretty much made that decision for me?" She shot a glare to Elliot, who simply rolled his eyes as he nudged her.

"The doctor said you shouldn't be alone and wants you to be woken up every four hours."

Olivia scoffed, knowing he was right and not having a response. The Stabler kids chuckled before Kathleen then draped her arm around the woman.

"It's okay Liv, you can stay with us," she took the duffel bag from her father before leading Olivia up the stairs; "Come on, guest room is yours – Mo is never here anyway so whatever."

Elliot watched as Olivia was led up the stairs by Kathleen, whom was probably more than happy to have her staying with them for the weekend. He let out a sigh before following the twins back into the living room where they had been playing video games together. Little Eli was in his bouncer and was wriggling around a bit, leading Elliot to scoop him up into his arms and cradle him gently. He kissed the top of his head before looking up just as Kathleen and Olivia returned to the living room. Kathleen curled up on the arm chair with her iPod and earphones, leaving Olivia to sit herself down beside Elliot. Elliot gave her a smile, and she gave him a small smile in return. It was a truce of sorts; she was probably still a little mad for pretty much deciding straight away that she was staying with them for the weekend, but she did understand why he had done it and understood that there wasn't much of a choice regardless.

This weekend was going to be long, but maybe they would talk – at least that's what he hoped.

* * *

The rest of the day passed without much incident. Olivia spent most of the time resting on the sofa – she slept off and on, and when she wasn't sleeping, she was playing with Eli or talking to Kathleen and the twins. The squad had called to check in on her as well, and Cragen mentioned that he would come by to see her sometime during the weekend just to "lay eyes on her" as he put it, something that made Elliot chuckle as he knew how protective Cragen was over her as well. Maureen had called as well to check in, but unfortunately was not coming over for dinner that night as she had date night planned with her boyfriend, which Elliot understood of course as he knew that sometimes she needed time to herself. For dinner, they had chicken chili that Elliot made, and the meal went down well with everyone – apart from Eli obviously who was on a strictly milk diet of course. After dinner, Lizzie and Dickie tidied up while Kathleen went to find them a movie to watch. Olivia took the time to sort Eli out after dinner; she took him upstairs to the master bedroom to change his diaper, and to have some time to think as she'd felt a little overwhelmed.

"Well little man, I guess I'm staying with you guys this weekend – that'll be fun right?" she spoke softly to the baby boy, who was looking up at her and making adorable noises as she began changing him; "So, that means I'll be annoying you for cuddles because you always make Auntie Liv feel better." She pulled a funny face at him, earning a giggle from him as he continued to watch her. She laughed a bit and finished changing his diaper, before buttoning his sleepy suit back up. She disposed of the dirty diaper, then sat herself down in on the bed with him as she cradled him in her arms. He was looking up at her; his blue eyes were pouring into hers while his hand curled around the material of her shirt.

"This feels like the only time I can sit down and talk with you, little man; not that you can answer back, but you know." she ran her finger over his nose, giggling a bit as he scrunched it up whilst looking up at her with those beautiful eyes.

"Monday, you and your sisters and brother and your Daddy – you guys are gonna go see your Mommy, and hopefully, it'll help you all," she took a breath, blinking back the tears that had suddenly formed in her eyes as the guilt once again washed over her;

"I won't come along; I'm gonna go see my Mommy, but I might go and see yours later, just to talk to her – just to tell her how sorry I am, you know. You have no idea how bad I feel about things, little guy; I was trying to help her and you, and in the end, I only was able to save you – and I just feel so bad."

Eli was looking up at her and obviously he had no idea what she was saying, but Olivia had the feeling that he was getting a sense of how she was feeling; he moved his little hand to rest over her hand that was on his tummy, and his little fingers curled around one of her fingers, which made her smile a bit as she looked down at him.

"Thanks little guy, I'm feeling the love," she paused for a bit, dropping a kiss to his forehead as she cuddled him;

"You know what else? I can feel your Mommy around me, around all of us – and she doesn't want me to feel bad, but I just…I can't help it; it's really hard to feel okay…Auntie Liv is feeling pretty sad, about a lot of things."

Eli squeezed her finger, and she flicked her gaze to his eyes again. No judgement, no blame - just innocence swirling in pools of blue.

His eyes were shaped like his father's, yet they were the bright shade of blue like his mother.

His eyes brought tears to her own eyes.

"I'm really sorry, Eli; to you, and to your siblings, and to your Daddy; I'm just sorry," she brought him up to rest against her shoulder, and she cradled him tightly as he gripped her shirt; her voice dropped to a whisper as she spoke; "I am so sorry, sweet boy."

She closed her eyes as the tears slipped down her cheeks and dripped onto the material of her top. She felt Eli nuzzle his little head against her shoulder some more as the grip on her shirt tightened, and she tightened her grip on him as well, cradling him gently and planting a kiss onto his head. She couldn't even say that she was crying about one thing in particular; it was everything – her guilt from the accident that took Kathy's life, the pain that the children and their father had felt, the events of the previous day, the weekend that was about to be spent in a place of which she felt like she had no business being; everything.

She was just _hurting._

And she didn't know that someone had heard it all, and was now quietly approaching her;

"Liv."

Her eyes flicked open and she looked up; Dickie was standing before her with a sad look on his face. She sniffled a bit and wiped her eyes before giving him a small smile; "Yeah honey?"

Dickie moved closer and sat himself down beside her. He put his hand on her shoulder, speaking quietly to her; "We don't blame you, Dad doesn't blame you – nobody blames you, Olivia."

She opened her mouth to speak, but Dickie held his hand up; "I heard you talking to Eli; good idea really because he can't answer back." He laughed a bit, and she let out a little laugh while sniffling.

"He's my little confidante; keeps secrets for me." She quietly spoke before placing a kiss onto the baby boy's head, though he was none the wiser as he had fallen asleep on her shoulder.

"Smart; trusting an infant that can't talk with your secrets," Dickie smirked, nudging her slightly before continuing; "You gotta know that we don't blame you for this; it was an accident, it could have happened to anyone."

"I know, but it's just…it's hard, Dickie," she shrugged, shaking her head; "It's just not fair; I feel like I caused this hole in your family, even though I know it was an accident…it's just hard not to feel guilty."

"You shouldn't feel guilty at all though, that's the thing; you did everything you could, Liv," Dickie just continued to rub her shoulder, and in that moment, he was reminding Olivia of Elliot – the gentle behavior and calming words; he was just like his father;

"I've been struggling to figure this out – and it's hard, and I miss Mom I really do, but maybe God just needed her for something greater; something that none of us can understand. Maybe that's why – despite you and the doctors and everyone doing everything they could – that she just couldn't be saved. Granted, I am a little ticked off with God for taking her, but maybe she was needed – she's up there saving lives in the hospitals of Heaven or something; I don't know. Whatever the case is, there's no need for anyone to feel bad – because we know you did everything, Olivia; and I'm sure she doesn't want you feeling guilty. If anything, she's glad you're here to help us out."

He paused for a second, eyeing her as he spoke; "And stop trying to figure out why she's gone and you're not; it wasn't your time yet."

The tears slipped down her cheeks again and she sniffled, looking back at the floor again. How could the fourteen-year-old have known everything she was thinking? She wondered where that little five-year-old boy she had met all those years ago had gone, and when this practically grown up teenager had shown up and become so full of wisdom. She felt the bed raise when he stood up, and she smiled a bit when he pecked her cheek.

"Thanks Dickie, I needed that." She spoke softly. Dickie smiled, patting her shoulder before asking; "Does my Dad know?"

Olivia shook her head, and Dickie sighed slightly; "Talk to him, Liv; let him be here for you too – we all are, but especially him."

Olivia eyed him for a second before nodding; "I will."

Dickie squeezed her shoulder again, before disappearing out of the room. Olivia took a moment to compose herself, then stood up with Eli still in her arms. She kissed his head and popped him into his crib, before tucking him in and putting his favorite teddy bear beside him. She flicked on the baby monitor and made sure it was close by so that he would be heard downstairs once he woke up, before she then took a few deep breaths. She quickly popped into the en suite bathroom and made sure her face didn't show any signs that she had been crying, before she then finally headed back downstairs with a smile plastered onto her face. Elliot, the twins, and Kathleen were already lounging around in the living room with a big bowl of popcorn on the table, and a film already playing.

Elliot looked up and smiled at her, and she smiled back before sitting on the sofa beside him. He reached to the back of the sofa and grabbed the blanket before draping it over her, and she smiled and mouthed a simple 'thank you' before turning her attention on the movie.

Maybe this weekend wouldn't be so bad.

And maybe Dickie was right; maybe she did need to talk to Elliot – and maybe this weekend would be the time.

* * *

 _4:05am_

That was the time highlighted on the digital clock on the bedside table in the guest bedroom when Olivia was awakened by the sound of Eli's wails. She listened for a bit; she heard the creak of the master bedroom door and listened as the wails grew a little fainter, which she figured was due to Elliot heading downstairs. She knew she wouldn't be able to get back to sleep right away – not that she had been sleeping all that great anyway – so she decided to give Elliot and Eli some company while they were up for the little boy's feed. She got out of bed and groaned a bit as she stretched her sore muscles out, before then making her way down the stairs and into the kitchen. She stopped in the doorway, however, when she saw Elliot standing up with the little boy in his arms, bouncing him slightly whilst cradling him close while waiting for his bottle to heat up.

She had to take a moment to compose herself, because the sight of him shirtless in just a pair of flannel pajama bottoms while holding a baby – it was just a bit too much to handle.

He turned around and jumped when he spotted her standing there in her own pajama bottoms and NYPD tank top. He gave a small smile, gesturing to Eli; "Sorry; we didn't mean to wake ya – it's just time for a four in the morning feed."

"No, it's okay," she nodded, shrugging; "Um…I can take him if you want, let you get some more sleep."

"No Liv, get some rest; you need it," he paused, grabbing the bottle from the microwave before looking up at her again; "Go back to bed."

"Nah, I probably won't be able to go back to sleep anyway," she stepped further into the kitchen and hopped up onto the counter, "I don't mind helping with him; you know…since I'm here for the weekend."

"I appreciate it, thanks," he gave her a smile before looking down at Eli, who was now happily suckling on the bottle and had gone completely quiet apart from the sounds of him drinking; "Yeah, he's a Stabler – we cry when we're hungry."

"Don't I know it; you turn into a different man when you are hungry." Olivia smirked, teasing him slightly. She reached over and stroked her finger down Eli's soft cheek, causing him to look over at her while he continued to drink his milk. Elliot chuckled a bit before stepping closer so that she could reach him better, so close that Olivia could smell the scent of whatever body wash he used. It was almost intoxicating, and the close proximity was making her feel a little dizzy as she looked up at him.

"Who the hell can eat like this at four in the morning?" Elliot chuckled a bit, bringing her from the little thoughts she'd slipped into.

"Your child, obviously," Olivia laughed quietly, rubbing her hand over Eli's head; "He's such a good baby; he barely cries unless he's hungry or needs changing."

"I got lucky with that, because good Lord," Elliot shook his head, glancing down at his son before looking back at her again; "Let me tell you, when Maureen was a baby, she cried all the time. I worked nights and Kathy worked days, so I would have her during the day and instead of naptimes and shit, she wanted to either play or cry. I used to take her to the park or to the grocery store, just to try and get her to stop; it was rough."

"That sounds pretty rough, and especially when all you wanna do after a night shift is sleep," Olivia's eyes went wide and she let out a laugh, "What were the other kids like as babies?"

"Kathleen was pretty much like Eli – chill unless she wanted or needed something; the twins cried a lot though, Lizzie more than Dickie, and funny enough, Dickie only stopped crying when Kathy would hold him while Lizzie would just stop after you give her a pacifier or a teddy bear," he chuckled at the memories of his children, his babies that had always given him the strength to carry on; "You know, I sometimes wonder if Eli would've been like Dickie – Momma's little boy, only calm down when she holds him."

Olivia flicked her gaze to the ground for a brief moment before looking up at him; "You ever think about what you'll tell him as he gets older?"

"All the time; I think about what to tell him, at what age to tell him – all of that," he removed the now empty bottle from his son's mouth before putting it aside, then lifting him onto his shoulder; "Are you going with us on Monday, by the way, to her grave?"

"Um…I don't think so; I'm gonna go see my mother's grave and all that, I definitely have a shit load of stuff to tell her," Olivia shook her head, rolling her eyes; "Then I'll probably go home and relax; visiting Mom's grave always makes me a little emotional so I won't be much fun to be around afterwards."

"Nonsense, you're always fun to be around…" he trailed off, chuckling when his son let out a burp before curling up against him; "Anyway, come back here with us on Christmas Eve – and on Christmas Day we can have dinner or something."

Olivia tilted her head to the side, a curious look taking over her face; "That's a day for family, Elliot."

"And you _are_ family, Olivia," he kept one arm curled to hold Eli while the other reached out and a hand gently grasped her arm; "Come on please come over and-"

"Aren't Kathy's parents coming or something?"

"First of all, her parents have had a strong dislike for me for roughly twenty-three years, so no…they aren't," he rolled his eyes, "They haven't bothered to get to know Eli or reach out to the other kids even though I tried to keep them involved, and I guess they feel that now that their daughter is dead, they have no reason to associate with us – not that the kids care, and if they don't care then I don't either."

Olivia's eyes went wide; she had always known his in-laws didn't like him as he had told her that years ago. What she didn't know is that things were this bad, and that the folks hadn't even bothered to associate with their grandchildren and had no intention on being around for the holidays, even if they knew this was a difficult time.

"Wow, that's…wow; they're assholes," she shook her head, "Well um…what about your family? Your mother and siblings and-"

"You mean the brother I haven't talked to in like five years or the sister that hasn't talked to me since me and Kathy said we were getting divorced - and still hasn't forgiven me for _that_ even when we called it off because divorce is such a fucking sin? And I'm absolutely not calling my mother; she always goes with my sister and her family anyway."

He rubbed her arm with his thumb, his blue eyes pouring into hers; "So please, don't try and think you're imposing; just think of it being like every year when I ask you to join us for dinner."

She opened her mouth to speak but Elliot cut in before she could; "Just don't say _no_ or make up some bullshit excuse."

She scoffed, offended; "I never make up bullshit excuses."

Elliot gave her a knowing look that spoke volumes, and she simply rolled her eyes and folded her arms across her chest; "Whatever," she grumbled before continuing; "But…do you think the kids would mind? I don't want them to feel like I'm trying to just impose or replace Kathy; I'm not."

"Liv come on, you know they won't mind…" he watched as she shot him an exasperated look, leading him to roll his eyes; "Okay, if it makes you feel any better, I'll ask them…" He then brought Eli back down to rest in his arm, before stepping closer to her; "Eli wants you to come, don't you buddy? You definitely want Auntie Liv to have Christmas dinner with us, don't you?"

Eli made a small gurgling noise as he looked over at Olivia, leading her to laugh as she took him into her arms and cradled him close to her. She was feeling a little reserved about having Christmas dinner with them; she would probably think about it some more, probably talk herself out of it then reconsider yet again. She still felt so bad about how things had turned out with Kathy, and maybe that was why she wasn't really sure if she should do Christmas dinner with Elliot and the kids.

She looked into the pools of cobalt blue that were staring back at her, practically pleading with her. How could she say no to those eyes?

She offered an answer that would satisfy them both;

"I'll think about it."

"Liv-"

"I promise," she placed a hand on his bicep, stroking his skin gently with her thumb; "I promise I will think about it."

Elliot chuckled, holding onto her arm as he nodded; "That's all I'm asking for."

Olivia nodded, giving him a cute smile before looking down at Eli. The little boy had fallen asleep in her arm, leading her to kiss his forehead before she slid him back into the comfort of his father's arms. She then smiled as he placed a comforting hand on the small of her back to help her down from the counter, and he gave her a small smile as he asked; "You gonna try and get some more rest?"

"Maybe, because I do need it." She replied. Elliot let out a laugh, then flicked off the kitchen light before walking back up the stairs with her. Olivia bid them a goodnight – and kissed Eli's cheek as she always did – before disappearing into the guest room and shutting the door behind her. She slipped back into the bed and curled up under the blankets, sighing to herself as she closed her eyes.

She felt a chill run down her spine and her eyes flicked open again as a strange sensation overwhelmed her; _"Have Christmas with them, Olivia; it's okay."_

Kathy was telling her that things were okay – that's what she realized.

She closed her eyes again and let out a contented sigh, drifting off to sleep yet again with a small smile on her face.

* * *

 _ **And there we have it - chapter 11 is complete. What do you guys think? Do you think Olivia should spend the holidays with the Stablers? We shall see how things turn out, but for now, leave some feedback and all that. Until next time xoxo**_


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey guys.**

 **I'm here with a new update - chapter 12. This story is just moving along nicely isn't it? In this chapter, it's clean up day in the household where they will begin the process of clearing out some of Kathy's belongings. And later, Elliot and Olivia have a small heart to heart.**

 **Please, enjoy xoxo**

* * *

 **Keeping Promises**

 **Part 12**

"Morning Olivia!"

Elliot looked up from cooking at the sound of his son's voice, and he smiled when he spotted Olivia entering the kitchen, still in her pajamas. It had only been a few hours ago that they had been up together, chatting away while Eli had a feed, and now they were all up again. It was just after ten, the kids were sitting at the table having a mid-morning breakfast of fluffy pancakes along with bacon. Eli was relaxing in Kathleen's arm with a pacifier in his mouth while she used her other arm to eat her own breakfast.

"Hey guys," Olivia waved before wandering over to Elliot, "Smells good, Stabler; teach me how to cook will ya?"

"You know how to cook, Liv." He smirked, nudging her. She let out a laugh, shaking her head as she walked around him to get a plate.

"Elliot, the pots and pans in my kitchen have dust on them, I'm not even kidding." She told him with a rather serious look on her face. The comment didn't go unheard by the Stabler kids, who all laughed as they looked over at them.

"Are you serious, Olivia?" Lizzie giggled as she eyed the woman.

"I'm not kidding, Liz; I know because I took one out a couple weeks ago to make myself some pasta, and yeah…actual dust," Olivia shrugged, pulling a plate from the shelf and holding it out for Elliot to dish out some breakfast for her; "Safe to say I put it back and ordered from the Italian spot down the street from my apartment…"

She then looked back at Elliot, just as he finished putting the food onto her plate; "Thanks Stabler; can't let your partner starve."

"Never that; which reminds me that I owe you a million lunches when I go back to work," he then turned the stove down before grabbing her pills from the counter; "Take two of these; no complaints." He smirked at the sight of her rolling her eyes as she sat down at the table, but she accepted the pills nonetheless and swallowed them down with some orange juice. He chuckled and shook his head, before grabbing his own food and joining them all at the table.

Breakfast was spent laughing and talking; Olivia felt a lot better today and was enjoying chatting with Elliot and the kids, who seemed to be having a better day than they'd had in a long time. Eli of course became as excited as a nearly six-week-old could be at the sight of Olivia, leading Olivia to happily hold the little boy with one arm while she used her free hand to finish eating her food. The kids did ask Olivia if she was still up for helping them with packing, to which she replied that she would be more than happy to help them in any way she could. While the circumstances of the weekend hadn't been exactly what she thought they would be, she knew that Elliot and the kids would at least make her weekend stay as great as possible and besides, she did love to be around them.

The time passed quickly after breakfast; they tidied up the kitchen they everyone got ready for the afternoon of work that was ahead. By noon, Maureen had arrived to aid in packing up some of Kathy's things as well. Throughout the afternoon, the Stabler kids all worked together downstairs to pack up Kathy's things that were dotted throughout the living room and the downstairs study, while Olivia and Elliot were upstairs in the bedroom, clearing the rest of her things from the closets and from the en suite bathroom. Eli was having his afternoon nap and was seemingly oblivious to any noise that was made, and Olivia found herself smiling as she looked over at him every now and then as he looked so adorable and innocent.

"We could get this done faster if you'd stop staring at Eli."

She looked up at the sound of Elliot's voice; he was looking at her with a smirk on his lips as he stood with a box in his arms. She let out a laugh and punched his arm before looking back at the little boy again, who was still sleeping soundly.

"I can't help it, he's just so precious," she let out a sigh; "Look at him – I swear I haven't slept so soundly since I was his size; just without a care in the world, with a mind full of innocence and wonder and not…"

"Perps, victims, blood and all that…" he finished with a dejected sigh; "I agree; once that stuff gets in your mind, it's hard to shut off and sleep properly," he let out a laugh as he put the box down, then joined her at Eli's crib, "Yeah, I think the last time I slept properly was when I was his size as well."

Olivia laughed, nodding her head as she looked up at him; "See what I mean." She stretched her arms over her head before looking around the room; there were clothes strewn across the bed – dresses, skirts, pretty blouses; there were a couple boxes of clothes on the floor labeled for the girls, and there was another box of shoes that was to be donated; "Hey El, you sure you're okay with getting rid of some of these things?"

"Yeah, why do you ask?" he wondered with a raised eyebrow, lifting his gaze from his sleeping son to look at her.

"I mean, it's only been a little over a month, so I guess I was just making sure," she flicked her gaze back to his face, trying to get a read as she stared into his eyes; "I um…after my mother died-"

"You came back to work two days later, I think this is different." He teased, only to chuckle when she hit his arm.

"Anyway, as I was saying…" she shot him a playful glare before continuing, "Different situation, I came to terms with losing her to alcoholism at some point; but anyway, I still found it hard to part with some of her things and I actually have some of her things in my apartment; so…I know this was something different and unexpected, so I'm just wondering if you're okay and all of that?"

"Liv, you don't have to worry; I really am alright…" he gently took hold of her wrist and pulled her to sit on the bed beside him as he continued to speak to her;

"Look, there's a lot I need to talk to you about because I've done some thinking about Kathy, but we can talk about _that_ later. But what I need you to know is this – don't worry; some days are gonna be tough for me and the kids, but we're all working through it and doing our best to move on. Kathleen said something interesting the other night and it struck something within me – she said that she was looking forward to getting rid of Kathy's things, because it would make her feel better knowing that the donated clothes and other stuff were benefitting someone else."

Olivia blinked as her nose burned and tears suddenly welled up in her brown eyes. She hadn't even thought about that, so the fact that Kathleen said something so lovely and beautiful, it warmed her heart and made her a bit emotional.

"I don't know why I hadn't thought much about it; I just knew we'd pack it up and do whatever, but not about the fact that it would benefit someone else," Elliot shrugged, sniffling a bit before smiling as he looked at her; "So…if something beautiful can come from this…if Kathy's things can benefit someone in some way, then, that'll make us happy, and it'll help. She's living on – not only in our hearts, but through the comfort and happiness brought to someone else who can get her things."

Olivia nodded her head, her lips curling into a smile as she sniffled; "That's such a beautiful thought; I like that."

"I like it too," he nudged her; "And also while we're talking, I need you to talk to me too; I know something's up with you." He gave her a knowing look, and she rolled her eyes at him while he spoke up again; "I'll make you a deal – I'll confide in you if you confide in me?"

She looked up at him again with a sarcastic comment on her tongue, but when she saw nothing but concern swirling in the pools of cobalt blue, she could do nothing but nod her head. Elliot was just concerned for her and trying to approach the topic lightly, and while she would probably never be ready to have this conversation with him, she knew that it was simply inevitable.

She held her fist out; "Deal."

He chuckled and knocked his fist against hers; "Deal."

A short while later, Elliot had just finished sorting the last of what was to be donated into boxes while Olivia had finished changing Eli's diaper, when suddenly, the sound of Maureen hollering for them filtered through their ears. The two exchanged a glance, then Olivia scooped Eli up into her arms before following Elliot out of the room and down the stairs. They both rounded the corner into the lounge, only to freeze as soon as they stepped across the threshold as they took in the sight of the room.

The kids had cleared off a lot of Kathy's things; the boxes were currently stacked near the front door in the foyer, waiting to be taken out and taken to the Goodwill or something. But what blew both Elliot and Olivia away was the lounge; the mantle had been decorated with a mixture of silver and blue tinsel, and the kids and Elliot's stockings were hanging along as well along with a few snow globe decorations at either end of the mantle. In the area of the room that had been cleared now stood the Stabler Christmas tree, and they had all worked together to decorate it with various tinsel and ornaments and lights, which allowed the tree to sparkle in the lights of the lounge. Lizzie was holding the glittery silver star in her hands as she and her siblings stood proudly around the tree.

Olivia was speechless, and Elliot had tears in his eyes as he looked over at them; "You all…you did this?"

"Yeah, we did," Kathleen stepped forward, coming over to him and Olivia; "We needed some magic in this house, so here we have it. Christmas probably won't be the best, but we'll all be together…"

She looked back and looped an arm around Olivia's shoulders; " _All_ of us – together, for Christmas." She gave her a look and smiled, and Olivia smiled back as she leaned into her slightly.

"Daddy, can you put the star on?" Lizzie asked as she wandered over with the star in her hands still; "Maybe it can symbolize the start of a new beginning for us all."

Elliot nodded, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. He made his way across the room and took the star from his daughter's hands, before placing it on top of the tree. He then engulfed all of his children into a hug, dotting kisses to the tops of their heads as they all stood together. Olivia watched them with a sweet smile on her face while bouncing Eli in her arms as he gripped onto her top.

"Liv – get over here." Elliot spoke up, gesturing for her to come over.

With a timid smile on her face, Olivia stepped closer. She found herself being engulfed in the huge hug as well, and her heart swelled at the sweet gesture.

Maybe in some way, these people had become her family as well – or, the closest thing she would ever get to one.

And she wouldn't have it any other way.

* * *

Chinese from the nearby restaurant was for dinner that evening. The group of them enjoyed their dinner together, and Olivia noticed that there seemed to be more laughter surrounding them than there had been in the last month. They smiled as they shared Christmas memories from the years before, and for once, there were no tears shed as they reminisced about happier times. They all seemed to be having a good night and had seemingly gotten into the Christmas spirit, and seeing the smiles on the children's faces brought joy to Olivia's heart. The rest of the night was spent relaxing with Christmas movies, which they all enjoyed in front of the television while Eli remained in Olivia's arms, shifting between sleeping and staring at the tree. Olivia was just glad that everything was going okay, and that they all seemed to be alright. She knew as the holiday actually approached it would probably be a little difficult, but for now, they were alright and that helped her to feel better.

Later in the night, Maureen had gone home, and the older kids had gone to bed as they were all tired after the long day. Olivia had just returned downstairs from putting Eli to bed in his crib, when she suddenly met Elliot at the bottom of the stairs. He had a smile on his face and his own jacket was on, and he was holding her own leather jacket out to her. She tilted her head to the side in curiosity; "What?"

"Just put the jacket on and come outside with me for a bit, please?" he asked. She gave him a funny look but allowed him to help her into her jacket before he then led her outside by keeping his hand on the small of her back. They went to the back porch and sat together on the steps of the porch, side by side with their arms brushing against each other's. It was freezing cold outside, but the stars were twinkling, and the moon was the brightest it had ever been.

"You didn't bring me out here to turn me into a human popsicle, did you?" she wondered, nudging him as she did so. He chuckled, shaking his head as he clasp his hands together in front of him.

"Nah, I just…I wanted to talk for a minute." He replied. She nodded, glancing over at him as he took a breath.

"You know, I've been kind of struggling with my faith lately; wondering why and how and all of this – it's been hard," he kept his eyes fixed onto the sky as he spoke, but he leaned closer to Olivia, as if he were leaning on her for some kind of support; "You know me – church on the Sundays that I'm not working…so tomorrow, I'm going to church."

Curious as to why he felt the need to tell her this, Olivia opened her mouth to respond to the statement. However, before she could get a word out, Elliot was speaking again;

"I keep going over things in my head; wondering why she's gone, wondering why my kids have to hurt like this, wondering why _He_ took her, you know? But then, what Kathleen said the other night – I really thought about it and then I thought about other things like…did you know that Kathy was an organ donor?" He looked over at her.

She shook her head, but it was something that sounded so much like Kathy – helping others even in death.

"I'm an organ donor, and I know you are, but I never thought about her being one? My wife checked off the little box that may seem like something small when filling out that application for your license, but it…it means _a lot._ "

Olivia raised an eyebrow, but listened intently as Elliot continued;

"So, after Kathleen mentioned that Kathy's things could be beneficial to someone else, I was thinking back to being in that hospital on the day of the accident. You were with Eli in the pediatric unit, and I was talking to the doctors who explained to me that Kathy was an organ donor; I never knew. So…anyway, they told me that I could refuse it if I wanted to, but those were her wishes and I wasn't going to do that, so…I signed the forms for her organs to be harvested, so they could help someone else."

Olivia nodded, trying her hardest not to cry at this. She blinked back the tears and swallowed while listening as he continued to talk;

"That's all I could think about when Kathleen said that her clothes and knick-knacks and other shit could help someone else; her organs helped give someone life again, and her materialistic things helped give someone joy."

He then turned to her, and it was then that Olivia saw the tears that had gathered in his eyes;

"She may not be around anymore, and we may not understand why, but…she's still a blessing, and we are all still blessed. So…I'm going to church tomorrow, and I'm thanking God for the fact that Kathy could help someone else even after she's passed on, and I'm thanking God that I am still here for my kids and still healthy, and that they're all healthy…"

He paused for a second, flicking his gaze from the ground and back to her face again;

"And I'm thanking Him that I still have you – my best friend and my stability in this world."

Olivia knew that there was no way she could speak without breaking down completely. Though she had felt guilty for what happened – and still did to an extent – hearing these words from Elliot did help lift some of the weight off her shoulders. She hadn't thought about the fact that there could be some good to come from this tragedy, but there had been and while she was still struggling with it herself, the good parts brought her a tiny bit of joy that was so desperately needed. She leaned into him a bit, and he slipped his arm around her shoulders to hug her into him.

"You drive me crazy, but you are my best friend and you do give me stability."

Olivia closed her eyes for a second, remembering Kathy's words from over a year earlier;

" _You're his partner, you give him stability…Elliot can't move on unless he feels like he's on solid ground."_

She sometimes wondered in what sense did Kathy mean those words.

Now wasn't the time to think about _that,_ though; now, she just had to be the stability he needed, especially since he was always the stability she needed.

"You drive me crazy too," she murmured, keeping her head on his shoulder as they looked up at the stars;

"But you're my best friend too, and you give me the stability I need."

* * *

 ** _And here we have it - another chapter completed. Please, let me know what you guys think? I appreciate all the feedback. Chapter 13 will come soon; just know it's very emotional. Anyway, thank you all for your support. Until next time xoxo_**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey guys!**

 **I am here with a new update and maaaan, I think it's the longest one I've done! It's EMOTIONAL!**

 **Enjoy xoxo**

* * *

 **Keeping Promises**

 **Part 13**

Sunday passed in a blur; Elliot went to church as he said he would do, then he, the kids, and Olivia spent the rest of the day just hanging out together; playing board games and watching movies, Maureen included as she had come over and spent the day over as well. Any anxiety and worries were washed away as the day went on and for once, Olivia didn't have a moment where she shed some tears. She had actually laughed throughout the course of the day, and for Elliot, her laughter was music to his ears.

But then Monday rolled around, and _that_ brought with it a slew of mixed feelings in the household – excitement because it was Christmas Eve, sadness because it was the first Christmas without the kids mother, sadness because both the Stablers and Olivia would be going to visit the graves of those who meant so much to them.

Elliot took Olivia to her appointment as planned, and after some tests were run, she was glad to be given a clean bill of health; the doctor gave her the all clear and told her that she was free to return to work on her next scheduled day, which was the day after Christmas. She was also given the all clear to drive, which made her feel a lot better as she loved that independence and not having to rely on people for anything. After the doctors visit, she had Elliot drop her off at her apartment, and she promised him that she would call him later and let him know for sure whether or not she was coming over.

Upon returning to Queens, Elliot and the kids got changed and he got Eli dressed, before they then loaded up into the car to go. They stopped at the store to grab some of Kathy's favorite flowers – daisies and roses – before then making their way to the cemetery. Once Elliot arrived, he spotted Maureen in her car as she had met them there, so he parked beside her before getting out. Dickie got Eli's carrier out and handed it to Elliot, who thanked him before walking around to greet Maureen as she got out of her own car. He looked at his older kids; all of them had flowers in their hands and had the most solemn looks on their faces. Despite the emotions of the day, they all insisted on doing this, especially Kathleen as she was sure it would help them in their healing process.

Elliot walked with them over to Kathy's large headstone; there was the most beautiful picture of her smiling, and the engraving read; _'Kathy Stabler; A Loving Wife, Mother, Sister, Daughter, and Nurse. Forever missed and loved. 1966-2007'_

The kids all put their flowers down before looking at each other. Elliot could see their hesitation, so he took a breath before speaking;

"We can all just sit down together, and everyone taken their time and say whatever they want…or, we can just come sit here one at a time and talk; whatever you guys want to do." He told them, giving them all supportive smiles. This was difficult for them all, but he knew that they could get through it together as a family.

The children all chose the latter option as they all wanted to be alone when they spoke to their mother. Lizzie decided to go first, so the others went and waited by the cars while she had her turn. Dickie followed up after his twin, then Kathleen and lastly Maureen, who stayed a little longer as she was the eldest and had a lot to say. After Maureen returned, Elliot made his way over with Eli's carrier in tow, and knelt down in front of Kathy's headstone. He arranged the flowers that they'd laid down and put Eli's carrier down as well, lowering the blanket enough so that the little boy would be visible.

He took a breath, then he spoke;

"Hey Kath – it's me…and Eli; look how big he's getting; we're getting close to the six week appointment and I'm sure he's right exactly where he needs to be with the way he eats – he's been such a great little dude, and he's helping us through this. I know you're watching him, and I'm just hoping that you'll continue to be a guiding light for him as he gets older. I promise I'll tell him all about you as he gets older, and I'll bring you him here regularly; he will know you – I promise."

He swallowed a bit and blinked back the tears as he sat down properly. He needed to talk and get all of this out – now.

"I went to church yesterday; I'm sure you saw – but I did, because…Katie said something really important the other night; she mentioned that some of your clothes and other things that we donated could be beneficial to others, to make them happy…our Katie said that, can you believe it? When she said it, it made me think back to the hospital, when the doctors came to me about your choice to be an organ donor – I didn't even know that, but it's just like you; plotting a way to help others even when you're gone. Anyway, it's interesting, you've helped give life and happiness to people even when you're gone; it's just like you, and it's one of the reasons I am forever grateful to know someone like you; you really have changed my life and perspective on a lot of things, and you made me into a much better man. I think…me and you knew what it really was, and we tried so hard for so long, but we were babies raising babies and then we just grew up, and we did the best we could – even this little guy we've got here is great, perfect almost; I can't thank you enough for being the best mother ever to our kids, and for being the best wife; I never deserved you, but I am so grateful to have had you and I'm sorry for taking you for granted."

He sniffled and wiped his eyes, before taking a breath and speaking again;

"I love you; I always have and I always will – and I just…I know that you want us all to move on, and want us all to be happy. It won't happen overnight, but we'll get there; but please, I hope you know how much I loved you, and I hope you know it'll never change because you gave me five beautiful miracles; the reasons that I get up and I carry on….thank you."

He paused for a second as a sensation came over him; a chill ran down his spine and the tears in his eyes seemed to blink away. Kathy could hear him – and he felt it in his soul that she was agreeing with him, and that regardless of the situation, she loved him too and always would. He closed his eyes for a moment to compose himself, before speaking again…

"Olivia's been taking really good care of all of us; she comes over a few times a week and has dinner with us, talks to the kids, helps with Eli. I can tell something's up with her but she won't tell me; maybe nudge her in the right direction and make her talk to me will ya?" he let out a laugh before going serious; "I know a lot of our arguments sometimes centered around her, and I'm sorry for never opening up to you like I did her; I guess because we saw the same thing day in and day out, it was easier to open up to her rather than put the horrors in your head. You gotta know that she always fought for us – sometimes harder than we did, but she did. I know you two were never best friends, but she respected you a lot, and…and I just…I want her to be alright too; I know this is affecting her more than she's letting on, and I just care about her and want her to talk to me."

He didn't want to say how deep the feelings went; complex, intense feelings for his partner that were slowly coming to the surface again. However, it seemed that Kathy knew, because the chill went down his spine again and he swore he heard the softest voice whisper;

" _It's okay Elliot; I know."_

He knew what that meant; she had known all along. He closed his eyes, and he swore he could see her in his head; smiling, nodding her head, speaking softly; _"No guilt…just live."_

' _No guilt; just live' –_ Kathy used to say that all the time; usually it was when she was on one of her health kicks and ended up giving into the temptation of carbs and chocolates, or the times when Maureen or Kathleen were having a dilemma and contemplating decisions.

"… _no guilt…just live."_

And now she was telling him not to feel guilty, and to just live.

He blinked back his tears again, yet a smile was on his face. She approved of him moving on, and that was nice to know. He certainly wasn't going to move on too fast as things were still raw, but Kathy was okay up there, and she was pleased to know that they were all doing alright. He felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, and he made a mental note to thank Olivia for suggesting this and he figured that maybe it could become their yearly tradition – visit Kathy's grave on Christmas Eve.

He smiled softly at the picture on her headstone, nodding his head;

"No guilt; just live – I got the message…" he chuckled a bit and let out a breath; "Merry Christmas Kath; we love you, and we'll see you soon…just, keep looking out for us, and Olivia please."

A cold breeze whipped around him, causing him to shiver slightly; she heard him, and she planned to do exactly what he'd asked – look out for them and Olivia.

He stood up and brushed off his jeans, before grabbing hold of Eli's carrier. He headed back over to the cars and suggested that they go get some pizza, and the kids definitely agreed straight away as they felt like they could use it after the emotional hour they'd just had. They loaded up into the cars before driving off together, all of them feeling like weights had been lifted off of them.

They would be okay; always be okay.

* * *

Meanwhile in the uptown Manhattan apartment complex, the brunette detective had just finished getting dressed in warmer clothes for her venture to the cemetery to see her mother. It was getting late into the afternoon and the temperatures were dropping further than they already had dropped, so Olivia knew that she best bundle up to be warm in the cold temperatures. She threw on some jeans and boots, and a long-sleeved thermal top underneath her navy blue NYPD sweatshirt. She clipped her badge and off duty weapon to her belt, before then putting on her long coat. She grabbed the flowers and her keys, before finally heading out of the apartment.

The drive to the cemetery was relatively short; upon arrival, Olivia parked her car before getting out and walking a little ways into the area to find her mother's headstone. There was an overcast accompanying the cold weather, but it was getting a little darker due to the fact that it was close to the time for nightfall to dawn upon them. Olivia didn't particularly want to be in a cemetery in the dark, so she figured she would make this as quick as possible.

She sighed when she came across her mother's headstone; ' _Beloved Mother. Serena Benson. February 3 1944 – December 10 2000'_

It had been eight years and she still missed her mother. Despite the abuse she'd suffered at the hands of her mother while growing up, they had mended their relationship and worked on it once she became an adult. They had really been in a great place when the inevitable happened, and while Olivia had come to terms with her mother and the alcoholism years ago, this never got any easier.

"Hey Mom, how ya doing?" she whispered as she sat cross legged in front of the headstone. She placed the flowers on top of the stone, before pulling her coat a bit tighter in a bid to shield herself from the bitter December cold that plagued the city this time of year.

"I know I talk to you often, but this always feels a little closer – coming here, seeing your stone; it's reminds me a lot of how we used to hang out on Christmas Eve once things got better…I miss that, and I really miss you; there's so much going on now Mom and I just…I need to get it out."

She took a deep breath and folded her arms across her stomach, before speaking softly;

"Elliot…you know Elliot; I talk to you about him a lot, and I want you to know that this past year, things have been so great between us – they have been great; we're tighter than we've ever been and it's…it's something; he's my best friend in the whole wide world, but somethings lately, I just can't talk to him about because I don't know if I even have the right to do so; he tells me to talk to him but this is too hard."

She paused briefly, taking a moment to compose herself and swallow the lump in her throat. She took a breath;

"I was taking his wife to one of her last doctor's appointments last month and we got into a car accident; hit by a drunk driver that ran a red light. Honestly Mom, those were the scariest moments in my life; and mind you, his wife was a good eight months pregnant with their fifth child; so yeah…pretty scary. Anyway, I wasn't hurt that bad, just some scrapes and bruises and cuts, but the driver hit on her side so she was hurt more. I was so afraid, Mom, but I managed to get a grip and snap into cope mode – I radioed for help, and I helped to keep her stable and I stayed with her until they could get her out of the car; when Elliot called, she…she told him that I was…I was taking really good care of her."

She was getting to a tough moment; one she hadn't really thought about lately as it was almost too painful. She wiped her eyes with her thumb, before composing herself again to continue;

"I knew something wasn't right; her eyes didn't look right, her skin felt weird, but I thought if we could just get to the hospital, everything would be okay. They got her out and we got her into the ambulance, and she was leaning on me for support as she gave birth, right there; a healthy little boy…"

She blinked back the tears;

"But then…she…she didn't feel good so I let her lay down, and then she told me to hold the baby and I did…and…and…then she just started telling me to take care of Elliot and the kids, and told me how grateful she was for how I've always looked out for Elliot…I kept trying to tell her that she would be okay, but she made me promise to take care of them all…and I promised…and then she…she…oh God."

And just like that, she finally started to cry. All of the raw emotion she had been feeling came pouring out yet again, and this time, there was no stopping any of it;

"They took her as soon as we got to the hospital, and I was just there…holding onto this little bundle; the nurses had to help me with him and luckily, he was totally fine, but Kathy…the doctor came out a short while later, and…and he said they did all they could but she was gone. Mom, you have no idea how I felt in that moment – that's when this guilt started to creep over me…and then Elliot came, and the kids came later, and…their worlds completely shattered and I felt so fucking guilty."

She was crying some more now, speaking through the heavy sobs that were escaping her body. It didn't matter that it was freezing, didn't matter that she was sitting here talking to a headstone and had nobody around. All that mattered was this moment; she was letting everything out to the one person she felt she could…her mother.

"I know I did everything I could, used all the training I have ever had, had paramedics talk me through what to do and I did everything, but I couldn't save her and…and I feel like if I had never even volunteered to take her, this wouldn't have happened; Elliot would have his wife, their kids would have their mother, their baby would have the woman that was supposed to nurse him and watch him grow; their world wouldn't be shattered…but…"

She paused, weighing her options of saying this out loud – saying it would make it more real, ignoring it would allow room for her to pretend it wasn't the truth.

But what happens when you ignore something? It just gets bigger and bigger, until it's too big to ignore.

She sniffled a bit as she calmed down, before speaking ever so quietly;

"But…I also felt guilty because I…I used to wish that one day he would come in and tell me he was getting a divorce, because then he'd be free to be with me."

 _Bullseye._

"I sound pathetic and like an awful person, don't it?" She scoffed; "It was years ago…shit, Mom, you knew I had feelings for him, you knew before I did and that was within the first year of our partnership. Well…I used to just think that maybe if I just ignored them, they'd go away…how stupid was I? Shit like that doesn't go away does it? Over the years, it just got stronger and maybe around the fourth year of our partnership, my stupid selfish mind used to just make up scenarios – maybe he would come in and tell me they were divorcing and maybe, maybe he would look over there and want me? Even when he told me they were divorcing, I felt sad for him because he looked so lost and defeated, but inside, the glimmer of hope got a little brighter…but then things got all complicated with us; shit happened, we said things, we hurt each other, I left for a long time…then I came back and I just figured it was best to let it go…and then, then he went back to her, so there was no point."

She shook her head, a defeated look on her face as tears slipped down her cheeks again;

"But they say when you love someone, all you want is for them to be happy – even if it's not with you? Well, these last few months of her pregnancy, he looked so happy about being home again and having another child, and his happiness means the world to me so I just…I let it all go, and besides, our friendship is back to where always was so it's all good you know; I'd rather have him as my best friend than not have him at all."

She then looked at the ground again; "But I just feel guilty now Mom; is this the punishment for those thoughts and wishes all those years ago? I never wanted things to be like this; why couldn't the car have rammed us on my side? Why is she gone and I'm still here, Mom?"

She closed her eyes as tears continued to fall and drip off of her face. She felt the cold air whip around her, and she shook slightly, but she swore she could hear her mother's voice in her head, speaking in the most soothing voice;

" _It was never your fault Olive."_

She opened her eyes again and peered at her mother's headstone; "I tried Mom; I really did."

Another gust of wind, and Olivia saw a few flakes of snow start to fall. She shuddered a bit at the cold air and figured that she best get somewhere warm. She did feel a little better with getting everything out and the guilt wasn't as bad, and her mother's voice did help her to feel a little better. She moved the flowers into the little pot beside her mother's stone, before leaning over and kissing the granite, whispering;

"I love you Mom; Merry Christmas…and thank you."

She stood up properly and brushed the grass off of her clothes, before then making her way back to her car. She slipped in and started the engine, before taking some moments to gather her thoughts. She felt extremely emotional and wasn't exactly up for being in her tiny apartment all by herself tonight. But on the flip side of things, she wasn't exactly in the mood for being with Elliot and the kids either. She loved them all dearly like they were her own family, but she just wasn't up for much.

She reached to the passenger seat and rummaged through her bag before pulling out her phone. She scrolled through her contacts, then pressed 'Call' when she reached the person she was looking for;

" _Hello to my brunette badass best friend."_

"Hey reddie-blondie," Olivia rolled her eyes before continuing; "Uh…are you at home?"

"Yeah, just getting there actually…" Olivia bit back a laugh when she heard Casey curse and groan to herself; "Anyway…you okay?"

"Can I come over?"

"Of course you can, you don't need to ask." Casey replied, causing a small smile to come across Olivia's face. She could always count on Casey, whom would no doubt make everything better.

"I'm on my way." She replied. The two then bid each other farewell before Olivia then hung up. She took one more breath, before then pulling onto the road and heading straight for Casey's place.

* * *

She arrived at the Upper East Side apartment complex shortly after hanging up; luckily traffic wasn't too bad and she was able to get there relatively quickly. She dropped Casey a text to let her know that she was parking the car, and just as she'd parked in the spot beside Casey's familiar car, she spotted her good friend waving at her from the stair entrance of the building. She hopped out of the vehicle and pressed the button for it to lock, before rushing up the stairs and straight into the arms of her friend, who squeezed her tightly and pecked her cheek.

"You look cosy." Olivia replied as she let go of her, taking in the ADAs appearance which consisted of leggings, a hoodie, and slipper boots.

"I feel cosy; it was needed after that flight I had," Casey grumbled before scanning over her friend's appearance; "I feel better now that I can lay eyes on you; that son of a bitch got you good didn't he?" She eyed the fading bruises around Olivia's neck and winced slightly.

"Not hard enough; he hit like a girl," Olivia smirked, "Anyway…now that I'm here, you can stop blowing up my phone."

"Well I had to keep calling you to make sure you were okay, and I was wanting to get a read on how your weekend with the Stablers was going." Casey responded with a simple shrug as she led her friend through the open door and into the lobby. As they walked towards the elevator, Olivia whipped out her phone and quickly shot a text to Elliot;

 _'5:15pm – Hey; I'm feeling a little down, so I think I'll pass on Christmas etc. Thanks for the offer; send my love to the kids'_

She put her phone aside as they stepped into the elevator, which they managed to catch before it closed. She leaned against the wall while Casey pressed the button to take them up to the fifth floor, which was where she lived.

"It's been a really long few days," Olivia sighed, looking over at her; "Listen…have you got wine?"

"You know it, I always have wine," the elevator pinged and the two stepped off; "Is this one of those nights where we cry into the wine glass?"

"It might be after I unload on you; consider yourself my shrink."

"I'm gonna need my own shrink after dealing with you," Casey joked as she unlocked the door to her apartment, "Come on; make yourself at home and I'll get the wine." She closed the door once Olivia stepped inside, then made her way over to the kitchen area while Olivia hung her coat up on the rack and left her boots by the door before making her way through the beautiful apartment to the living room area. She placed her badge and off-duty weapon onto the coffee table, then sat down and curled her legs under her.

"Okay; it's wine o'clock." Casey smirked as she returned some moments later. She handed the glass over to her friend before sitting down beside her with her own glass in hand. Olivia thanked her before taking a sip of the liquid, smiling to herself as it immediately helped make her feel a little better. The two of them talked for quite a while; a lengthy discussion about Casey's law school reunion which Olivia was pleased to hear had been a success throughout the weekend, and Olivia filled her in about what happened with the hostage situation and how she ended up spending the weekend with the Stablers, which then led to a whole conversation about her weekend had been which Casey was practically dying to hear about. She had always had a hunch about the underlying feelings between the two long time partners, so the fact that Olivia had just spent the weekend there was something that she liked to hear. She knew things were a little crazy now and that things were still raw, but she was wondering where things would go now between them in the future.

"I'm glad you had a great weekend with them," Casey paused for a second as she refilled their wine glasses as they were now on their third glass each; "But I see your eyes; what else is going on in that pretty head of yours?"

Olivia sighed and took another gulp of her wine before speaking, "Where do I start?"

"Wherever you want."

She nodded. There were a few moments of silence, before she then spoke; "Survivor's guilt."

A perplexed expression came across Casey's face, but before she could ask what Olivia meant by that, Olivia explained;

"You know when you've been through something, and you feel guilty for having survived?"

Casey nodded, then it dawned on her; "You feel guilty for surviving that crash?"

Olivia nodded, sighing; "And no matter how many times I tell myself or even hear that it wasn't my fault and all that, I can't shake it."

"But Olivia, you got her out of that crash – she died after the fact."

"From injuries sustained in a crash that happened when I was driving; the drunk driver hit on her side," Olivia pointed out, tracing her finger around the rim of her glass; "I know I did everything, but…Casey she had a family; a husband and five kids that still need her and-"

"A husband that only went home because she was pregnant."

"They were happy."

"I'd be happy too if I was having another kid, but we all know who he _really_ wanted to have another kid with…" Casey muttered before sighing; "Olivia, have you ever thought for a second that maybe it wasn't your time to go yet?"

Tears filled Olivia's eyes and her bottom lip trembled slightly; "But…but why was it hers?"

"Nobody can answer that."

"But I'm on the front line every single fucking day, Casey; everyday," Olivia burst out, putting her glass down onto the table; "Every morning, I leave my apartment wondering whether or not I'll come home at a decent hour, or if I'll fall in the line of duty; the risk I take every day because I took the oath to protect and serve…" She shook her head as tears ran down her face; "Kathy was safe, she was a nurse; I'm a cop, I've been stabbed in the arm, had my neck slashed, narrowly dodged bullets, been a hostage and had guns pointed directly at my head…the front lines, every single day…"

She sniffled a bit;

"How is it that she's gone and I'm not?"

Casey shuffled closer, placing a hand on her back before speaking quietly;

"Olivia, you did everything you could; think about all the other people that you did everything for but couldn't save-"

"They weren't Kathy!"

Casey paused, before speaking; "You should not feel guilty for being alive; we don't know why Kathy is gone but maybe she was needed for something that we can't understand, but you should not feel guilty when you've done everything you could, Olivia."

"But why wasn't _everything_ enough?"

"Goddammit Olivia," Casey shuffled to the floor, kneeling in front of her friend; "Listen to me Benson, and you listen good."

She grabbed her arms gently, before speaking;

"Your quick thinking kept her alive for way longer than she should have been considering the injuries, your quick thinking allowed for Elliot to speak to his wife one last time. You gave her fluids, you kept her stable, you helped deliver her baby; you did everything until it was out of your hands. The internal bleeding was one thing, they could have fixed that, but the stress of the accident and the stress of her giving birth – she hemorrhaged Olivia, and that was something that wasn't your fault; hell, the hemorrhaging could have happened to anyone, it might have happened anyway. It's heartbreaking that Kathy is gone and I'm sure that he and the kids miss her so much, but you are _here._ You are the one helping them to pick those pieces up and move on, _you_ have no fucking reason to feel guilty when you – as a police officer – used everything you learned to help her for as long as you could. For once in your life, stop thinking that you can save the world and fix every situation; you of all people should know that we can't control everything, and no matter how much we fight like hell to fix something, sometimes that bad outcome happens and sometimes the good one does. But what we can't do is beat ourselves up for it and take it to heart; else we won't be able to live."

She reached up and stroked away the tears that were falling fast down the bronzed cheeks of her friend; "And Liv, you one hundred percent deserve to _live;_ you've spent your whole life trying to right the wrongs of the past, thinking you don't deserve something over someone else, throwing yourself in danger because you think your life doesn't matter because of the past – dammit Olivia, you fucking _matter_ ; so stop beating yourself up about this, and remember that you promised Kathy that you would take care of her family, which you have been doing a damn good job of."

She paused for a second, then spoke again; "And stop feeling guilty for feeling the way you do about him; that wasn't the cause of this – you and I both know that."

And with that, Olivia burst into tears.

Casey wrapped her in her arms and held her tightly, soothingly stroking her arm as she clung to her. She whispered a soft 'shh' sound in her hair as she held her. She knew Olivia needed to get all of this out, and judging by the intensity of the sobs, she had been holding this in for a while.

Casey wasn't at all going to leave her like this. She clutched her tighter as they leaned back on the couch together, and she simply held her as tight as possible and refused to let her go.

* * *

It was nearly nine at night by the time the Stabler clan finally made it back to the family home in Queens. Following the visit to Kathy's grave which had lifted some weights from their shoulders, they had all gone for pizza before walking around the malls in Manhattan, shopping for hours and picking up Christmas gifts for each other and a few for Olivia. After shopping, they stopped off at Maureen's apartment so that she could park her car in the parking garage and grab some clothes as she was staying at the family home for a few days while her boyfriend went to see his parents, which she had declined to do. Afterwards, she jumped into Elliot's SUV with the others and finally, they returned to the family home, just in time really as the snow had started to really come down. Eli was already asleep after having had such a full day, and so Elliot immediately went upstairs to put him to bed while the four older kids headed up to get changed as well.

Elliot managed to change Eli's diaper and get him dressed in a Christmas theme onesie, all without waking him up. He then kissed his forehead before tucking him into his blue crib with his little stuffed animal beside him. After making sure the baby monitor was all set, he quickly changed into a pair of sweats and an NYPD t-shirt, before heading back downstairs to help his kids. Visiting Kathy's grave and talking to her had helped him tremendously, and while he knew there was still quite a ways to go before he felt a hundred percent better, this was a good start. Having his kids around was just the push he needed to carry on.

He turned and headed into the lounge; the kids had already returned downstairs and were dressed in their matching Christmas themed pajamas. He chuckled to himself as he took a moment to watch them, and for a moment, he was taken back to when they were young children with the magic of Christmas still in them. He always found it nice that they had made the matching pajamas thing into their little tradition amongst themselves; he even often heard them joking that the tradition would continue even after they were all grown up with children, something that warmed his heart yet freaked him out as he hated that they were all growing up so fast. He had worked so hard over these years to keep the streets safe for them, but in doing so, he had also missed a lot of their lives.

He thought about the little miracle that was upstairs fast asleep in his crib. It wasn't ideal – a newborn at home while he had a twenty-three year old that was already out on her own – but Eli was almost like that second chance; to be a better father than he had been for the first four.

"Hey Dad," Lizzie's voice broke him from his thoughts, and he focused his gaze on his youngest daughter, whom was wrapping a gift that was for Olivia; "What time is Olivia coming over? I just wanna try and get all her presents wrapped before she gets here."

"Shit, I haven't even had a chance to talk to her with us running around for the last few hours, and she did go see her Mom's grave today so I'm not even sure what she's doing," he whipped out his phone and pressed the button, smiling as he saw a message waiting from her; "She text a few hours ago but I'm just seeing it now, let's see what…"

He stopped as his eyes scanned the message. His heart dropped and his eyes took on a sad appearance, one that didn't go unnoticed by the kids.

"Dad, what is it? Is she okay?" Kathleen asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I don't know, I'm gonna go see." He made his way into the foyer and slipped on his shoes, before grabbing his coat; "Maureen, you're in charge; don't open the door and keep an eye on Eli."

Before the kids could even respond, Elliot was rushing out of the house. He knew she said she'd think about it, but he could sense that something was off and he just wanted to see where her head was at.

He hopped into his SUV, then headed back towards the bridge that would take him back into Manhattan.

* * *

 ** _Another update completed you guys! Please, leave me some feedback and let me know what you all thought about this. Until next time xoxo_**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey guys.**

 **Here I am with Chapter 14 finally. It's a little emotional, but...well just grab your tissues.**

 **Also a note, I realized that I made a mistake. In Chapter 11 I think, the story went that Elliot's mother and father in law were not a fan of his, whereas in Chapter 8, the story went that his mother and father in law were coming to help with Eli. That was a mistake; Chapter 8 was meant to indicate that Kathy's sister and brother in law were coming into town to help with Eli. I fixed that mistake in Chapter 8 so now everything makes sense and such.**

 **Anyway...enjoy xoxo**

* * *

 **Keeping Promises**

 **Part 14**

It had probably taken twice as long to get into Manhattan as there were a lot of people on the road and the weather wasn't the most ideal, but Elliot didn't even care as his focus was Olivia.

Once he reached her apartment complex, his car's gold shield – and the fact that the parking attendant knew who he was as he had been here quite often anyway – gained him access to the parking deck. He circled around a few times yet was confused when he didn't see Olivia's car in its normal spot or any of the other spots. He parked in her spot instead and took a moment, before whipping out his phone.

There were two other people she would go to besides him, and one of those people was currently on a flight to North Carolina with his son to visit some relatives. He scrolled through his contacts to find the other person, and just as he was about to press the 'Call' button, the name lit up on his phone as an incoming call;

' _Incoming Call: Casey'_

He quickly answered; "Casey!"

" _Elliot…hey."_

* * *

She was a hundred percent sure Olivia would kill her if she knew that she was calling Elliot, but Olivia was their best friend and she was quite concerned.

Following their chat, Olivia had ultimately cried herself to sleep and so Casey tucked her in on the sofa, before quietly tidying away the wine glasses then making her way to her bedroom. She had contemplated for a while before deciding to give Elliot a call. She finally sat herself down on her bed and scrolled through her phone, before then pressing send and giving him a call.

The panic in his voice when he picked up was something that warmed her; he was always so worried about Olivia.

" _Case, I was just about to call you – is Liv with you?"_

"She's with me; she's sleeping on my sofa at the moment," Casey calmly explained, sighing slightly; "Relax, Elliot; she's fine, she just came over because…well, you know how she gets after she visits her mother's grave."

" _I know, it's just…she said she might spend the holidays with us, so I was just concerned,"_ he paused for a second, _"Casey, is she okay – really? Don't bullshit me."_

' _Damn him and his detective skills.'_ Casey thought to herself before answering; "Honestly Elliot, no…it's not my place to tell, but I think she needs to talk to you – hell, I think she wants to talk to you, but she's afraid to do so."

" _I've never given her a reason to be scared to talk to me."_

"I know you haven't, but…" she paused for a second and thought about what to say next, then she had an idea; "You know Olivia; she takes everything to heart, even things she can't control…she just needs to talk to you."

" _I'm coming over."_

"No," Casey immediately stopped him; "No…let her rest tonight, Elliot; I'll look after her tonight, then we can figure out tomorrow."

" _Casey, I just…I want to help her."_

"I know you do, and I want to help her too, but we can't push her."

A sigh. _"I know, I know; it's just…it's hard when someone you care about isn't exactly herself, and you want to do everything to help but can't."_

Casey swallowed the lump in her throat. Hearing Elliot speak and the way he sounded so helpless; it only further raised her suspicions about how he felt towards Olivia. While she wanted to bring it up, she knew that now wasn't the time to do so. There were other aspects to worry about rather than their feelings. Olivia had to get over this hurdle she was facing before they could even more in another direction.

"I know…I know…" Casey paused for a second then spoke; "Listen, you go home and get out of this shitty weather; she's okay, and I'm sure she'll talk to you tomorrow, even if I have to make her do it myself."

There was silence for a moment, then a sigh; _"Thanks Casey for looking out for her; I'll just talk to her tomorrow – hopefully."_

"I got you guys back, I mean it; which means if you need to talk, you can always call me too." She replied.

" _Thanks Case, I appreciate that,"_ he sighed again; _"I'll talk to you later; goodnight."_

"Goodnight Elliot."

With that, she pressed the red 'End' button on the decide before sighing to herself.

Olivia and Elliot – two of the most complicated people, with a connection that was almost electrifying.

* * *

The first thing Olivia noticed when she woke up the next morning was the splitting headache that had set in. She blinked a couple times and took a moment to gather her bearings, and it was then that she realized that she was still at Casey's apartment. She sat up and stretched her arms over her head, before wincing again as her head continued to pound. She remembered drinking wine and crying last night; crying about all the guilt she felt regarding the accident and Kathy's death.

She scoffed to herself; she hated that she had broken down to Casey last night, but everything had just gotten too much, and she was simply _tired_.

"Morning Benson."

She jumped slightly and turned around; Casey was in the kitchen area of the vast apartment and was giving her a wide smile. Olivia gave her a slight smile before standing up slowly and making her way over, her sock covered feet sinking into the plush carpet before tapping softly against the wood floor of the kitchen area as she stepped closer to her friend. Casey pushed a plate of toast and scrambled eggs in front of her and shook some pain killers into her hand.

"Take these, then eat something and drink some water; you'll feel better." She told her. Olivia simply nodded and gulped down the painkillers with water, then sat herself down at the island counter and tucked into the food.

"Damn Case," she grumbled, rubbing her hand over her head; "Did I really drink a lot?"

"We had quite a bit, but you knocked back a little more than I did," Casey sighed, leaning her elbows on the counter as she stood on the other side; "Liv, you need to talk to him."

Olivia groaned, rolling her eyes; "Casey, can you let me get through the holidays please?"

"You're gonna keep stalling, thinking he's gonna forget about it- "

"I know he won't forget about it, he doesn't seem to forget anything when he thinks we need to talk," Olivia spoke as she shoved another forkful of eggs into her mouth; "Listen, I know…just, let me do this on my own, Case." She jumped when she heard her phone beep from where it was charging on the counter, so she reached over and grabbed it. She sighed to herself when she saw that it was a text from Elliot that had been sent a few hours earlier, and she felt a lump form in her throat when she saw the message;

 _'7:45am – Morning; Merry Christmas! I hope you're okay, and I hope you know that the offer still stands. We'll set an extra spot for dinner tonight.'_

She felt so bad. He had really been up for her spending Christmas with them, but as usual, her emotions got the best of her and she had probably ruined the vibe. It didn't seem as though he was too upset with her about things, but then again, she couldn't exactly get a read on his emotions through text. She thought about calling him and explaining, but the thought alone made her feel a little awkward.

She didn't know what to do.

"Liv."

She lifted her gaze, flicking her eyes to look at Casey; "Hmm?"

"I have an idea, and I want you to hear me out."

Olivia raised an eyebrow, so Casey continued;

"I think you should go to Kathy's grave and- "

"Absolutely not; that's awkward."

"Olivia, you said you'd hear me out," Casey shot her a glare, and Olivia held her hands up before leaning back in the chair; "I'm serious; maybe you do need to go visit her grave and get all these feelings out of you – I'll even go with you."

"Case, I appreciate you and the concern, but no."

"But it'll help you; you can just go unload and…" she chewed her lip for a second, before blurting out;

"And maybe you won't feel weird about spending Christmas with Elliot and the kids."

Olivia opened her mouth to respond, but then her brow furrowed in confusion as she wracked her brain for a moment; "How do you know about that?"

Casey took a breath, then quietly admitted; "I called Elliot last night- "

"You did what?"

"Liv, chill out," Casey held her hand up, stopping her friend from launching into one of her rants; "Okay; you had cried yourself to sleep and I didn't know what to do, and I called him to see if he had spoken to you about anything because I was worried; he had been just about to call me anyway as he had gone to your apartment and you weren't there, and so we talked and he mentioned it."

Olivia scowled at her, a feeling of annoyance creeping through her veins; "You had no right to call him."

"I know I shouldn't have and I'm sorry…" Casey reached over and placed a hand on her arm; "We're all just worried about you, especially him. Look, I can't pretend that I know what you're all going through, but you're both hurting, and I think it's best if you talk to him and start this path towards healing together; be each other's stability like you always have been."

Olivia could hear Kathy's voice in her head again; _'You're his partner, you give him stability…Elliot can't move on unless he feels like he's on solid ground.'_

She swallowed nervously, before looking up at Casey again. She thought about her friend's words and her expression softened; Casey and even Elliot were just concerned about her and she could see that. She appreciated their concern and while it was a little irritating that Casey had called Elliot, she did understand why. Casey was right; she and Elliot did need to talk and while the talk probably wouldn't happen until after the holidays, it was inevitable, and it would definitely aid in the healing process.

But maybe her healing could also start today with a trip to Kathy's grave.

"Case."

"Yeah?"

She bit her lip for a second and gave it one more quick thought before speaking;

"Let's go to Kathy's grave."

* * *

An hour later, Olivia and Casey were showered and dressed and now headed to the cemetery. They stopped on the way there and got some flowers, before continuing on to where she was buried. Olivia parked the car and they both got out, then Casey stood back to wait by the car while Olivia headed over to the head stone. She took some breaths as she approached and felt her heart pound with each step she took, but she knew she had to do this and get everything out.

She needed to start healing properly.

She came across Kathy's headstone and paused for a moment; she eyed the picture that was used on the headstone, read the words engraved on the stone. She spotted the flowers that were already there and smiled to herself; Elliot and the kids had been here and put the beautiful flowers in the little pot in front of the stone. She brushed the light dusting of snow from the top of the stone, before kneeling onto the ground which was covered in the light dusting of snow that fallen the night before. She placed the flowers in the pot, before taking a breath.

"Hey Kath; I hope you're doing okay up there – you're missed a whole lot down here, and I know me, and you weren't best friends, but I miss you too; I hope you know that I always had nothing but the upmost respect for you."

She paused for a second, then spoke again;

"I've been feeling a little guilty about things…about, the accident; I know I did everything I could, but still…I don't know Kath; sometimes I think that maybe if I hadn't volunteered to take you or if the driver had come from the other way and hit me instead, maybe it would be better – you'd still be here and they would be happy."

She shrugged, twirling a bit of grass around her finger. She sniffled and tried to blink back the tears that were threatening to fall, but it was if she had suddenly been overcome with emotion.

"I'm so sorry Kathy; I'm so sorry for not being careful and getting into that accident, I'm so sorry that I couldn't save you…I'm sorry for the pain I caused your family…and…"

She paused for a second, before taking a breath;

"And I'm sorry that I can't control how I feel about Elliot – how I've always felt."

She shrugged, still fiddling with the grass;

"I keep thinking about that time we met up in the park, and you wanted me to talk him into signing the divorce papers…" she let out a laugh as she wiped her eyes; "I never talked to him by the way; he signed them on his own after that case we were working – I guess it opened his eyes; the stubborn fucker."

The wind swirled around her again and she shivered, but the small smile remained on her face as she could feel that Kathy was amused by the statement.

"What I think about though is what you said; you told me that I was his partner and that I gave him stability, and that he couldn't move on unless he felt like he was on solid ground…I always knew deep down what you meant, but I guess I didn't want to admit it to myself and besides, things were really complicated at the time and Elliot eventually came home so I thought it didn't matter; but…I just want you to know that nothing ever happened…" she laughed a bit, shrugging; "I used to piss Elliot off when I'd nag at him, telling him to go home to you or to call you or to just talk to you about things…I'm just sorry if I ever overstepped or anything."

She sighed slightly, wiping her eyes again;

"I'm just sorry Kathy, for everything; and I hope you forgive me – for what happened and for what I feel."

She shuddered when she felt the wind whip around her, and she rubbed her hands up and down her arms for warmth. Her eyes fluttered shut as the tears dripped down her cheeks, and she swore that she heard Kathy's voice;

" _No guilt…just live."_

She choked out a sob and clamped her hand over her mouth; Elliot used to tell her that Kathy used to always say that. It was like her small way of saying to have no regrets, and to just live a full, beautiful life.

Kathy had pretty much just given some sort of blessing and forgiveness all in one; Olivia felt it in her heart and it only made her cry even more as thick tears fell down her cheeks.

"I have something to do," she sniffled before rubbing her hand over the stone; "Merry Christmas Kath; thank you."

She went to stand up, but stopped when she remembered she had one more thing to say;

"And I promise I will continue looking after Elliot and those sweet kiddos of yours; they're safe in my hands, I promise."

The cold air whipped around her again; Kathy heard, and she approved.

Olivia rubbed her hand over the head stone one more time before pulling herself up off the ground. She brushed the bit of snow off of her clothes before making her way over to Casey, whom was sitting in the car again with the heat on. She slipped into the driver's side of the car before turning to her friend, whom was looking at her with a wide smile on her face.

"Feeling better?" she asked. Olivia nodded, a smile breaking out onto her face.

"A lot better."

"Good," Casey placed a hand on her arm; "Are you staying at mine for dinner? My parents and brothers should be down within the next couple hours; you're welcome to join us."

Olivia shook her head as she reversed out of the spot where she'd parked. She had another idea, one that she refused to give up on as now, she had all the confirmation and approval that she had craved.

"Nah, I've got something else to do."

* * *

The doorbell sounded throughout the Stabler household, capturing the attention of the children and their father. Elliot hollered for one of them to get the door as he was busy preparing dinner, and the girls reminded Dickie that it was his turn to answer the door. He grumbled and slipped baby Eli into Kathleen's arms, before making his way through to the foyer. He undid the locks and pulled the door open, and his eyes went wide when he saw who was standing on the other side with quite a few gift bags in her hands.

"Holy shit," he muttered before pushing open the glass door, "Hey Olivia; you made it!"

"Hey kid; little help here?" she asked with a raised eyebrow. Dickie nodded and took a few bags from her, before stepping aside as she stepped in. He used his free hand to shut the door behind her before greeting her with a peck on the cheek.

"I'm so glad you came over," he told her before hollering; "Guys, look who's here!"

The sound of footsteps was heard some moments later, and gasps were heard as the girls laid eyes on their visitor before they all crashed into her for a big hug; "Olivia!"

"Hey guys," Olivia breathed out, giving them all a hug before letting go; "Some gifts for you all and Eli; I didn't wrap them so I'm sorry about that, but…yeah; just gifts for my favorite kids."

The kids all thanked her before taking the bags through to the living room, chatting away excitedly. Olivia laughed to herself and turned around take off her coat but was stopped when a pair of hands curled around the collar to begin helping her out of it. She smiled as the familiar, calming scent of aftershave washed over her, and once the coat was off, she turned around.

He was smiling at her, and his blue eyes were shimmering with happiness; "You made it."

"Surprise," she dramatically waved her hands around, earning a chuckle from him; "El…I'm sorry if I've seemed a little off."

"No, I'm the one that's sorry…" Elliot spoke as he moved to hang up her coat; "I've been wallowing in my own pity, and I am so sorry; if I've ever given you any reason to not feel comfortable talking to me, I am so sorry."

"No, this one's on me; I'm just sorry for shutting you out," she sighed and placed her hand on his bicep; "Listen, let's get through today, and then on my next day off, we'll go talk – about everything."

"Sounds like a plan," he draped an arm around her shoulders, giving her a one arm hug; "Come on; there's some presents with your name on them."

Olivia smiled, nodding her head as she nudged him. While she knew that the conversation with Elliot was bound to bring up a slew of emotions, she felt good right now. The talks with Casey helped and the visit to Kathy's grave had helped her as well. She felt like some of the weight had been lifted off of her, and while she didn't know where life was going to take her and Elliot and the kids yet, she looked forward to finding out. She would continue to be the best friend to him that he deserved, and she would continue to help look after the kids and be an 'auntie' or something to them – whatever they needed her to be.

The remainder of the day was full of laughter and happiness; a certain light was in the house, one that hadn't been around in over a month. The kids loved all of their gifts that had come from Olivia, and Elliot too loved his gifts from her which resulted in him giving her a big hug. Little Eli had even gotten quite a few clothes from Olivia and some toys that he could play with as he got bigger, though he seemed to enjoy looking at them due to the bright colors and lights on them. Olivia had been surprised to find that they had gotten her quite a few gifts as well and had loved every one of them, resulting in her thanking them numerous times and hugging them all, including little Eli, who gurgled happily against her shoulder as he always did as he loved the comfort of her arms.

Dinner went down well and was full of just as much joy; they were happy, and they spent time sharing stories and just chatting about general things. Olivia loved hearing about the past Christmases in the Stabler household, and while she had been worried that the kids would get emotional while talking about such, she was pleased that they hadn't and had instead, seemed to remember the good times which helped them smile. They seemed to be doing well and while she knew it would still take time and they would always have good days and bad days, she was pleased that today, they could find the joy and happiness and make this day special somehow.

She stayed for dessert and stayed to help Elliot clean up and put the extra food away, though she couldn't stay the night as she had to work the next day. After going upstairs to give a sleeping Eli a kiss on the cheek, she returned downstairs and hugged all of the children, telling them she loved them and would see them soon. Elliot walked her outside as he was helping her carry the presents she had gotten from him and the kids, and after he loaded them into the back of her car for her, he turned and pulled her into a warm hug.

"Thank you." He mumbled, squeezing her tightly. She squeezed him back and rubbed her hands up and down his back, before pulling away and looking up at him.

"Thank _you_ for inviting me; I loved today," she squeezed his arms before letting go; "I'll see you soon; I don't even know when my next day off is – the holidays mean NYPD is about to pull some serious overtime."

"I'll be back to relieve some of the stress soon," he reached around her and opened her car door for her; "Told Cragen I wanted to come back after the New Year."

"Whoa – you sure?" she asked, her eyes going wide; "I mean…I know they gave you three months of paid leave so…" She tilted her head but breathed out when she saw him nodding his head.

"I'm a hundred percent sure, Liv; I think it's time for me to get back into a routine of sorts," he shrugged; "I told Cragen that I would start slow; just enough so I wouldn't miss Eli's bedtime and all that, and then I'll just work my way back into the groove of things; Mo already said she doesn't mind watching him on her days off, and then I told him before that Kathy's sister and her husband are coming down to stay for a while and they said they'd watch them too."

"They don't hate you like her parents do?" she smirked. Elliot chuckled, shaking his head.

"Nah, her sister has always had a soft spot for me thank God, and her husband is a cool dude so I can trust them with my kid," he replied before leaning towards her, "So, I'll be back to annoy you soon."

"Just when I was getting used to you not being around," she joked before giving him a quick hug; "Okay seriously go inside, I'll see you soon." She slipped into the car and started the engine, while Elliot shut the driver's side door. She put her window down before smiling up at him as he smiled back.

"Call me when you get home; I like to know that you're safe." He told her. She rolled her eyes, shaking her head in despair.

"As overprotective as ever," she joked before continuing, "Goodnight El; see you later."

"Goodnight Liv." He waved at her, watching as she put the window back up. She reversed out of the drive, then beeped the horn before driving off, heading back towards Manhattan.

One day at a time…they would just take one day at a time.

* * *

 ** _Whew - another update completed. I hope you all enjoyed this; leave your feedback. Don't worry, EO aren't getting together yet, BUT the upcoming chapters are going to be crazy. I won't give too much away; just wait and see. Thanks for the support; until next time xoxo_**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hey guys.**

 **Here I am with chapter 15. We've done a time jump...it's February now. As you read, you'll recognize the storyline that's about to present itself in this. So please, read at your own risk as some parts may be triggering. The storyline/episode will play a role in pushing Elliot and Olivia closer, so...here we go.**

 **Please enjoy xoxo**

* * *

 **Keeping Promises**

 **Part 15**

 _ **Few Weeks Later.**_

The next few weeks passed in a blur.

The New Year came in; Olivia spent that holiday with Elliot and the kids, and all of them were determined to make sure 2008 was a much better year. Life in the Stabler home had gradually returned to normal...well, as normal as possible. Elliot had rearranged the bedroom and made it more bachelor like to fit his style, the kids had rearranged their rooms as well to give themselves a fresh start, and even some of the living room furniture had been rearranged to just allow for a fresh start. The months were passing quickly; little Eli was growing everyday and hitting all the proper milestones. Olivia still tried to go over to the Stabler house a few times a week, but the Special Victims Unit of Manhattan had an influx of cases coming in which meant she was spending less time there and more time either at work and in the cribs or at her own apartment as it was closest. Whenever she did go over there, it was to hang out with the kids for a bit and to cuddle baby Eli, whom recognized her now and always became very animated whenever she was around.

Elliot had returned to work during the second week of January, though with modified hours for the first few weeks as to ease his way back into it. Olivia was glad to have him by her side in the streets again, even if it meant she was often stuck at work doing the paperwork or out on calls with the others whenever he had gone home with his kids. By the end of the month, he'd worked his first overnight case with her, and his schedule seemed to return back to how it was as Maureen was on hand to help watch Eli, as well as Kathy's sister Ella and her husband, Paul, whom were staying in the city for a good while. Olivia and Elliot still hadn't had a chance to talk as something would always come up whenever they made the plan to talk, but they hadn't forgotten and made the promise to talk as soon as possible. Their friendship continued to go from strength to strength, but they both found themselves feeling such strange things whenever they were around each other. Neither of them was ready to admit things to the other, but the looks in their eyes seemed to convey everything they were feeling.

February had rolled around and was halfway through, and today had been any other day in the Special Victims Unit – a complete zoo, though things had calmed down considerably by nightfall. The detectives had finished most of their paperwork before leaving around eleven, and as soon as they all got home, they crashed. It had been a long day and they were just looking forward to getting some decent sleep before having to return to work to finish paperwork and deal with whatever horrors were set cross their desks next.

It was just after five in the morning when Olivia awoke to the sound of her phone ringing, causing her to groan as she hated being woken up with a passion. She rolled over and snatched it from the bedside table, hardly checking to see who it was calling as she pressed the button and put the device to her ear, "Benson."

 _"Liv, hey…sorry for waking you,"_ Elliot's voice sounded through the receiver; _"We've got a call, teenage girl raped and beaten and left in a community garden – need us on scene and I'm about ten minutes from your place."_

"Fuck," Olivia mumbled before sitting up, rubbing her eyes as she spoke; "Okay I'm up, call me when you get here." She hung up and groaned, before dragging herself out of bed and making her way to the bathroom to freshen up a bit. New York City…a place that never fucking slept.

Ten minutes later, she had freshened up and put a bit of makeup on to cover the bags under her eyes and had gotten dressed in her trousers and a long-sleeved maroon top. She slipped on her boots and quickly clipped her badge and gun to her belt and had only just thrown on her coat and scarf when the phone rang. She grabbed her phone and told Elliot that she would be down in just a bit, then grabbed her bag and keys before rushing out of the apartment. She headed downstairs and outside and got into their sedan, though she was forced to smile when he held a cup of coffee up for her.

"You're a lifesaver," she clipped on her seatbelt before taking the cup from him; "So, what are we walking into again?"

"Teenage girl was left in a community garden, she was beaten, and there's signs of rape," Elliot replied as he navigated through the streets of the city, "Police were called, and they called us."

"Does this city ever sleep?"

He let out a laugh, shaking his head as he responded, "Nope."

The ride to the community garden was short. Upon arrival, Olivia decided she would ride along in the ambulance with the girl while Elliot held back and asked the necessary questions to the man whom had found her. While he was focused on looking around the area and asking necessary questions, Olivia found herself struggling with the young girl during the ride to the hospital. Upon learning that Olivia was a cop, the girl became aggressive and kept shouting for Olivia to leave her alone until the paramedics were able to calm her down. This concerned Olivia straight away as she had never seen a rape victim attack a cop, especially when the cop was only trying to help.

Upon arriving at the hospital, Olivia talked to the doctors, whom confirmed that there were fluids, and such found but that she needed consent from the girl in order to have the rape kit. She then tried to talk to the girl, whom she learned was named Ashley Tyler. She refused to cooperate and refused to turn the rape kit over to the detectives, which put Olivia in a tough spot as there was no way they could proceed without the rape kit. The foster parents told her to leave, and despite a last attempt to get Ashley to turn over the rape kit, she was unsuccessful in doing so. She sighed and walked out of the room, running straight into Elliot whom had finally showed up at the hospital. They exchanged a glance and shook their heads before walking towards the exit together.

"So, she's not turning over the rape kit?"

"Nope," Olivia replied with a shake of her head. "So…let's talk to Cragen, see what happens." They got into their sedan and Elliot started the engine. The sun had started to rise over the city, and they were tired, but it was clear that rest was not coming anytime soon as now – in addition to having a mountain of paperwork to finish – they now had a new case on their hands.

Upon returning to the precinct, they threw their coats down before heading into Cragen's office. He came around to perch himself on the edge of his desk as they explained to him everything they had so far. They briefed him on the situation and explained what they had so far: their vic was named Ashley Tyler, but she wasn't cooperating and wouldn't turn over the rape kit which had the DNA that would help them catch this creep. Cragen pointed out that they couldn't force her to cooperate, but Olivia insisted that they continue and even shared her hunch of the foster father being the one that had raped the young girl. Cragen told her that she was just fishing for a reason to keep the case open, but Olivia insisted that something was going on and she wanted to get to the bottom of it. Cragen eyed both Elliot and Olivia both, then sighed and told them that they had until the end of the day to figure something out;

"You've got the rest of the day, so find something or move on."

Elliot and Olivia thanked him before walking out together while discreetly sharing a smile and fist bump. Elliot chuckled and placed his hand on the small of her back as they walked over to where the others were, and she gave him a smile while trying to ignore the butterflies that were fluttering in her stomach from the feeling of his hand on her back. Their colleagues had arrived, so they briefed them on this new case before going about their work day.

It was going to be a long one clearly, so they had to just jump right in.

* * *

They day was spent combing through details to figure out where to go with this current case. They learned that Ashley's mother, Risa, was currently incarcerated at a prison in a small, poor county that was some miles north of the city – a prison called Sealview, which was considered one of the worse prisons known throughout the state of New York. They also learned that Ashley once lived with her uncle Rick, whom was her mother's brother, though when accusations that the uncle molested her arose due to an ACS investigation, she was removed from the home. The ACS worker also explained that she had been sent to a group home for a while before being placed with her current foster family.

As the day rolled on, Elliot and Olivia headed to Rick Tyler's apartment, where they arrested him for the large bag of marijuana they found in his bathroom. While Olivia went back to the hospital to speak to Ashley again, Elliot took a shot at Rick in the interrogation room. Rick continued to deny that he had ever hurt his niece and insisted that he loved her. Elliot later learned the truth about the pot and the pills they had found in his medicine cabinet, and when Rick continued and ultimately pointed out that he had a hunch on who raped his niece, Elliot wasn't the slightest bit surprised. They heard stories like this all the time, but now, the way Ashley reacted at the start made a lot of sense. He told the other unis to handle Rick for the marijuana possession, before grabbing his keys and jacket and rushing off to the hospital to meet Olivia.

Meanwhile at the hospital, Olivia had managed to get quite a lot of information out of Ashley. Little did she know, Ashley's story lined up with her uncle's story: she learned about who had raped Ashley and why, and now realized that this too put her mother in danger as this had all begun with her when she had gotten locked up those years ago. She managed to get Ashley to agree to releasing the rape kit, and once she got the consent form signed, she made her way out of the room – only after promising that she would do anything she could to protect her.

When she made her way down the hall towards the nurses' station, she ran straight into Elliot. He grabbed hold of her arm and looked at her before they blurted out at the same time, "It was a prison guard."

"Ashley told you?"

"Yep – and the uncle told you?"

"Yeah," Elliot ran a hand over his face as the agitation built within him, "There's got to be at least three or four-hundred guys working at Sealview and I'm sure that no judge is gonna let us swab them all for their DNA."

"Well maybe we'll get lucky and the DNA's already in the system." Olivia sighed as they approached the nurses' desk. Elliot nodded before capturing the attention of a nurse that was passing,

"Excuse me."

The nurse froze mid-step and looked up, "Yeah?"

"We're here to pick up the rape kit for Ashley Tyler."

The nurse raised an eyebrow as she continued rushing around, "Don't you people talk to each other? One of your guys already picked it up."

Olivia and Elliot exchanged a glance. This was bad…very bad.

Elliot asked if she was sure that the person was a cop, to which the woman replied that he had a badge. When Olivia flashed her badge, the nurse explained that it was a badge like the uniformed officers wore. Olivia could feel that something wasn't right about the situation, but before she could speak anymore, Elliot asked if there were any security cameras in the emergency area, to which the nurse replied that they didn't work. Before she could say anymore, however, her attention was captured by a doctor that needed her assistance with a trauma patient. She pointed to a chart where the badge number was written, before she was whisked off to help with the patient. Elliot and Olivia sighed and checked out the badge number, before looking at each other again.

This wasn't a uniform badge number; they both knew it.

* * *

When the partners returned to the precinct and briefed their colleagues and captain, their worst fears were pretty much confirmed when – after they displayed the badge number – their captain blurted the words,

"That's New York State corrections."

"Fuck." Elliot mumbled. Olivia shot him a glance before shrugging as they pulled up a side by side photo of a corrections badge and an NYPD uniformed officer badge.

"And if the perp flashes it quick, anyone can mistake it for a cop…only this one is a retired number."

"Prison guard knows how the system words, he needed that rape kit…" Cragen sighed before turning to Elliot, "Nurse give you a description?"

"The place was a zoo...she didn't even notice that he forgot to sign the log." Elliot explained.

"And all Ashley caught was a glance...perp is tall and white." Olivia added. Cragen ran a hand over his face. This day seemed to be going further and further to shit with each passing hour.

"Well then without that rape kit, we got nothing."

There was silence for a moment, then Elliot spoke up, "Except Risa Tyler."

"Oh no," Cragen held his hand up, halting his detective from going any further, "She's dead if the perp finds out she's talking to cops."

"Who said anything about talking to a cop?"

Cragen eyed him for a second before sighing. Elliot and Olivia and their ideas were going to be the death of him.

"Let me hear your idea."

"I'll organize a meeting, act as her lawyer; get up there and see what she knows…" Elliot shrugged, perching himself on his desk, "Whatever she tells me, I'll go talk to the warden while I'm there."

The others were looking at him. Even Olivia was giving him a raised eyebrow while Fin stepped forward and slapped him on the shoulder, "You're a brave soul, my man."

"You sure that's a good idea, Elliot?" Munch asked as he leaned back in his chair.

"That might be the only option we have," Cragen cut in before looking at Elliot, "Call and organize an emergency meeting…" he looked at his watch, "It's getting late now but you may be able to get one for tomorrow."

He then stepped back to head into his office, "Not much we can do after you schedule that meeting, so afterwards, all of you finish that paperwork on the case from the last few days. Chief of D's wants all the 'Fives by morning."

There were groans and grumbles of curse words from the detectives as they all sat back at their desks while Cragen went into his office. It had already been a long day and the fact that they still had paperwork to work on and now this case was plaguing them too…they would be damn glad when all of this was over.

* * *

Elliot was able to get the earliest possible meeting with Risa – tomorrow morning at nine. After scheduling the meeting, the rest of the afternoon and evening was spent working on their paperwork that they had pushed aside while they had been working throughout the day. They managed to finish the work around midnight, and after bidding each other farewell, the detectives went their separate ways. Olivia had been half tempted to walk home to get some air and clear her head after the long day, but she definitely didn't turn down Elliot's offer to give her a ride home.

"How's Eli doing? I feel like I haven't cuddled him in forever." She asked as she glanced over at him during as they stopped for a light.

"He's fine, Katie sent me this earlier after she picked him up from Ella and Paul's," he whipped out his and went to a recent picture of Eli that had been sent by Kathleen few hours earlier; "He was all smiles on his pillow ring thing."

Olivia took the phone in her hand and smiled at the sight of the little boy, who looked so adorable as he smiled in the photo. He was dressed in a blue sleepy suit and propped up by a blue pillow ring that had yellow ducks all over it, and his little hands were clasp together over his stomach. She ran her thumb over the screen, over the smiling face of the sweet little boy, and made a mental note to come spend some time with him during the weekend if they weren't stuck working.

"He's such a sweet boy," she groaned before putting the phone down into the cupholder between them, "You guys doing anything this weekend…if we're not stuck working, that is?"

"Well, Katie is leaving tomorrow for her trip to Montreal with her French class and Maureen is working all weekend, so it'll be just me and Eli, and the twins too if they don't have plans with their friends."

"Well if we're not stuck working this weekend, I'll come over and hang out…just to squeeze Eli and the twins of course." She smirked, nudging him. He laughed, shaking his head at her as he stopped for a light.

"So, you don't want to hang out with me?" he teased.

"I get enough of you at work."

He laughed again and her heart warmed at the sound; it was good to hear him laugh like this again. She smiled over at him, then asked; "And how are you doing? It's been what – a little over three months?"

"Yeah, it was three months other day…" he paused for a second, contemplating what to say as he started to drive again, "Honestly Liv, I'm doing really good; I mean I miss her…I'll always feel something for her because she gave me five beautiful kids, and I'm sad that they don't have their mother anymore, but other than that, I'm fine. The kids keep me going and I see her in them every day, so it's good; I'm _good…_ I promise."

Olivia reached over and stroked his arm gently, earning another smile from him as he glanced at her, "I'm really glad to hear that, Elliot; you know I'm always here if you need anything."

"I couldn't have gotten through any of it without you, none of us could have," he pointed out before continuing, "Thank you, by the way; back at you – I'm always here for you."

The smile on her face couldn't have shown any brighter.

It wasn't long before Elliot was pulling along the curb outside of her apartment building. She rummaged through her bag and pulled out her keys, but she was stopped by the feeling of his hand on her arm.

"You okay – after that case today?" he asked, concern etched across his features.

"I will be after we catch the son of a bitch," she rolled her eyes before throwing her bag on her shoulder; "Okay, text me when you get home, and kiss the kids for me."

"I will do; and you…blink your lights when you get inside."

She rolled her eyes and shot him a smirk; "Gonna sit here all night until I do – stubborn son of a bitch?"

He laughed at the response as memories of their early years as partners flashed through his mind; "Yes I am, you already know that." She laughed and rolled her eyes before nodding.

"Knew it," she got out of the car; "I'll blink them; see you in the morning."

"See ya." He waved. He watched as she headed off inside, then waited a few minutes until he saw her lights blink. He waited a few more moments, before finally peeling away from the curb and heading towards the bridge to go into Queens.

God only knew what they were going to face the following day.

* * *

 ** _Another update completed. I'm really happy that you guys are liking this, and I appreciate your feedback about this story. Let me know what you guys thought about this update. I know there wasn't room for much EO but don't worry, just hang tight and stay on this journey with me...it'll all play out. Anyway, leave some feedback and I'll see you soon. Until next time xoxo_**


	16. Chapter 16

**Hey guys.**

 **I'm here with Chapter 16. Our precious Elliot and Olivia...there's no words for them in this chapter. What happens when there's the idea of a dangerous undercover operation and two stubborn detectives? Well...wait and see.**

 **Enjoy xoxo**

* * *

 **Keeping Promises**

 **Part 16**

The following morning seem to roll around quickly. When Elliot picked Olivia up, he was already dressed in his crisp suit that he was planning to wear up to Sealview when posing as Risa Tyler's attorney. Olivia couldn't help but admire how handsome he looked in his attire, but she kept her comment to herself and simply sipped the coffee he had brought her while they rode in a comfortable silence to the precinct. Once there, they headed inside to meet up with the others and Huang, who told Elliot how to go about talking to Risa and Cragen warned him not to piss anyone off. Elliot promised to behave himself before looking to Olivia, who followed him out of the squad room as she wanted to walk him out. They took the elevator down to the first floor, then headed outside to the sedan.

"You better not cause trouble." She warned, smirking as she folded her arms across her chest.

"I won't, I promise," he placed his hand on her arm, stroking gently with his thumb; "I'll be careful too; I knew you were gonna say that next." He smirked at her, and she rolled her eyes as she playfully swatted at his chest.

"Hey, nothing wrong with me just reiterating that you should be careful." She winked. He laughed and squeezed her arm, before letting go and walking towards the driver's side of the car.

"Go inside and get out of the cold," he gave her a nod; "See ya in a little while." He slipped into the car and waved, and she waved back before turning to head up the steps and go inside. Elliot watched until he was sure that she made it in safely, before starting the engine and peeling away from the curb.

* * *

The ride to Sealview was short and Elliot found himself growing nervous as he approached. He parked his car and made sure he was ready, then stepped out of the car and headed inside. He explained who he was and why he was there, then once he passed the security clearance, he was allowed to go wait in the waiting room. He opened his briefcase and made himself look busy to look like a legit lawyer while observing the area. He shuddered slightly; this was probably the worst prison he had ever seen the inside of.

The door opened and a female guard walked in with a young African-American woman whom Elliot recognized to be Risa. She stood there for a moment and the guard was standing at the door, leading Elliot to glance over at the woman; "Can we have a little attorney-client privilege?"

The guard eyed him for a second before scoffing and leaving the room. Once the door closed, Elliot looked up at Risa again.

"Have a seat."

"You're not my lawyer." She mumbled, a confused expression on her face.

Elliot dropped his voice to a whisper; "Pretend I am; have a seat."

Once Risa sat down, Elliot explained whom he was and why he was there. When Risa heard, her heart dropped and she immediately asked about her daughter, to which Elliot explained that she was safe and absolutely fine. Risa made him promise to keep Ashley safe, to which Elliot replied that they would do everything in their power to do just that.

"Never should've told my brother to stop supplying him," Risa was panicking almost, shaking her head as tears slipped down her cheeks; "Nothing can stop him."

Elliot leaned closer, discreetly brushing his hand against her wrist to comfort her. His curiosity peaked, and he asked her to give him the name of the person that she was talking about. Risa refused and Elliot could see the fear that had come over her. He opened his mouth to speak, but they were interrupted by the door opening. They both looked up, only to see the female guard making her way back in with an annoyed look on her face. She spat that visitation was over, and when Elliot tried to intervene, she brushed him off. Elliot tried to keep things professional and didn't want to blow his cover, so he simply asked to see the warden. He was led upstairs to the warden's office, and once inside, he made a mental decision – he was going to break cover when necessary, which he felt would be any moment as he spoke to the warden.

The warden explained that he could see Risa in thirty days, then explained that there was contraband found in her cell. Elliot questioned it as he thought it was suspicious that contraband seemed to pop up in Risa's cell, but the warden retorted by saying that they searched the cells twice a day and found marijuana and a shiv made from Risa's toothbrush. Elliot rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"She goes straight to the hole," the warden shrugged before looking at him; "You know the regs, counselor."

Elliot stared at her for a moment before whipping out his detective shield; "Yeah I'm not her counselor; Detective Stabler, NYPD."

The warden's eyes went wide for a second then she glared at him; "You better have a damn good reason for this little charade."

Elliot nodded and explained why he was there; one of the guards had raped a teenager and while he couldn't give a name, he and his squad had the evidence. He then explained that whomever the guard was had stolen the rape kit from the hospital and that left them stuck on what to do. He asked for a list of officers with abuse complaints, but the warden wouldn't budge and told him he needed a warrant. Elliot also pointed out that the officer was smuggling drugs into the prison, but the warden still wouldn't budge and even led him to the hallway and pointed out that there were surveillance cameras to record every move the corrections officers made. She even so much as commented that there were no way drugs were in the prison as the corrections officers were forced to have random drug tests once a month. Elliot let out an exasperated sigh as he looked at her.

"But he's not using, he's dealing to the inmates," he remarked, trying his hardest not to let his annoyance at the situation show; "Look, if you let me talk to Risa, maybe she'd give me a name."

"Detective, this facility has a zero-tolerance drug policy and any drugs that come in here, we find them," the warden replied, trying not to be affected by the glare that Elliot was giving her; "And I can't deny that most of the women locked up in here are addicts which is why you can't believe a word they say, that includes Risa Tyler."

Professional courtesy was out the window; Elliot was pissed off now.

"Dammit lady, these allegations didn't just come from thin air; these women are entitled to some justice too," he snapped; "Look, let me talk to –"

"Look, Sealview is clean; nobody's raping anyone," the warden then pointed towards the door that led to the exit; "Now if you don't mind _detective;_ leave."

Elliot glared at her, before shaking his head and finally leaving. He went through the security clearance again before heading outside to the car and jumping in. He ran a hand down his face, before starting the engine and driving out of the parking lot so that he could head back into the city.

This was going to be another long day already…

* * *

"So, the warden gave you nothing?"

Elliot shook his head in response of Fin's question as he finished pouring himself a cup of coffee; "Nothing; Sealview is the model prison according to her." He had returned a few moments ago and was now briefing them on the lack of information he had received from Sealview's warden.

The day seemed to be going from bad to worse. Following the visit to Sealview which left the detectives stonewalled by the warden, they were running out of options on how to proceed. Cragen was close to telling them to close the case, but they didn't want to and really, he didn't want them to close it either.

"She's protecting someone in that prison or she's just fucking clueless," Elliot continued as he moved to stand beside Olivia; "According to her, nobody is raping anyone."

"That's not what the inmates say…" Munch held up a file in his hand, capturing all of their attention.

He went on to explain that the 'Prison Rape Elimination Act' required all prisons to submit a list of complaints to the Department of Justice. When looking over the files, Elliot and Olivia discovered that within the last year alone, forty-two women at Sealview claimed they were raped, yet a good chunk of them never even made it to court. Munch pointed out that only two made it to the District Attorney's office, but they were never prosecuted.

"Why?" Olivia wondered, a frown on her lips.

"Well because, it comes down to a crack whore's word against a CO." Munch replied.

"Hey, don't you call my mother a whore!"

The three of them whirled around, only to see an extremely pissed off Ashley Tyler standing in the doorway of the squad room. As if the day couldn't get any worse.

Olivia went to talk to her, but Ashley began screaming at her and lashing out, demanding to know why her mother was in solitary and shouting about how word had gotten around the prison that a cop had showed up, which in turn caused Elliot's heart to drop. Olivia glanced at him before leading Ashley up the stairs to loft to give them a little privacy. Ashley reluctantly agreed and stormed up the stairs ahead of Olivia, and Olivia continued to try and talk to her, telling her that they would figure this out. She hesitantly revealed that the rape kit had been stolen by whoever their perp was, and this only pissed Ashley off even more. She shook her head and told Olivia to simply leave them alone, but Olivia – never one to give up – outright refused and reached out to stop her.

"Listen, I know you're scared, but if we don't stop him, he's gonna keep hurting your mother and lots of other women at Sealview."

Ashley rolled her eyes, scoffing slightly; "You think locking him up is gonna make a difference?"

"Yes, yes I do." Olivia nodded, putting her hand on her shoulder as she tried to calm the teenager. Ashley brushed her hand off, shaking her head as she mumbled;

"You don't know what she goes through; half the guards in there mess with her."

This alone alarmed Olivia, leading her to place both hands on Ashley's shoulders as they sat down on the steps together. She mentally prepared herself for whatever horror she was about to hear from this young girl before speaking again; "Ashley come here; just tell me…tell me what's going on."

Ashley looked at the ground and hesitated, mentally contemplating whether or not to reveal the horrors of what her mother went through. She flicked her gaze back up to Olivia again, and Olivia could see that she was scared. She stroked her arm for some reassurance, and Ashley sighed before speaking.

And when Olivia listened, she felt sick.

Ashley explained the constant sexual assault that her mother faced at the hands of the guards, especially when they strip searched her and went to extreme lengths to break her spirit. She also discussed the other torments her mother faced, such as whenever she would send her a photo, they would rip the photo right up in front of her mother. She angrily told Olivia that there was nothing she could do to help, before storming off and leaving Olivia on the steps. Olivia sat there for a moment to get herself together as she wiped the tears from her eyes. She had to help this girl if it was the last thing she ever did.

She jumped up and made her way down the stairs and into the bullpen where the others were. As she passed the desks to go talk to Cragen, Elliot grabbed hold of her arm to stop her; "You okay?"

"I'm fine…I'm fine…" she shook her head, "Shit…I need some air."

"Hey, relax," he rubbed her arm gently before grabbing their coats; "Come on, let's hit the roof for a bit; you need a breather."

"You two head up for a minute, we got it here." Fin chimed in. Both Elliot and Olivia nodded before going up to the roof together. Once there, they both went and leaned their elbows against the tall edge as they took a moment to check out the scenery.

"Liv, look maybe you're too invested in this."

"Elliot, that girl has been through hell and her mother is going through it too," she held up her hand, shaking her head; "We gotta stop him."

"How do you suppose we do that?" Elliot took her arm, turning her to face him; "Liv, the warden isn't trying to help us; she's gonna protect whoever is in that prison until we get some sort of proof and without a rape kit, we can't do shit."

"We can do something, Elliot; we can't just let him keep traumatizing those women!" she shot back before taking a breath. Elliot sighed and rubbed her shoulder, and she shook her head before suddenly standing up straight. It was as if a light bulb had just gone off in her head, and while she knew the idea was crazy, it was probably their only shot at stopping this son of a bitch.

She turned to Elliot and took a breath before blurting the words;

"I want to go to Sealview undercover."

Elliot's eyes went wide, and he immediately shook his head; "Are you crazy? Absolutely not."

"Elliot, it could be the only way to stop the prick."

"There's other ways, Olivia, believe me…we can find some other way," he grabbed her arms, "You're not going to Sealview undercover; Cragen won't let you and neither will..." He stopped himself and took a breath.

"Neither will _who_?" she snatched her arms away; "Neither will you?" She scoffed, rolling her eyes; "Your overprotective shit really pisses me off sometimes."

"Oh wow, so I'm in the wrong for trying to stop my partner from putting herself in danger?"

"Elliot, I've gone undercover in prison before!"

"They were fucking tree-huggers, Olivia," Elliot shot back, shaking his head; "Why the hell would you want to go undercover with these prisoners? Do you have any idea what these women go through in there and the lengths they'll go to, to survive?"

"I can protect myself."

"Yeah, out here…with a badge and gun and authority."

"So, you're saying I can't protect myself without all of that?" she scoffed, rolling her eyes; "Nice to see you still feel the same way."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

" _I need to know you can do your job and not wait for me to come to the rescue_ " she reminded him of the words from a couple years earlier as she folded her arms across her chest, "Still feel that way two years later?"

"Olivia you know I didn't mean that."

"You're doubting my skills yet again, thinking I can't do this when I'm more than capable of doing so," she threw her hand up; "I'm going undercover in Sealview and that's final."

"I'm not doubting your skills, Olivia; I just want you to be safe," he tried to hold her arm, but she snatched her arm away; "Think of the risks involved with you going in there."

"Well dammit, Elliot, these are just the risks I'm gonna have to take."

And with that, she stormed away from him and headed back inside, slamming the door behind her while Elliot dragged his hand down his face. His heart was pounding, and he was trying to calm down, but the thought of Olivia going into that prison undercover was enough to scare him like crazy. He knew she was more than capable of protecting herself and could kick any man's ass, but this was way beyond anything they'd ever done, and he just didn't think this was a good idea at all.

He sighed before making his way back to the door to head back into the building. He'd give her some time to calm down then try and talk to her again.

What a day this was turning out to be.

* * *

The day passed pretty quickly; the squad threw themselves into paperwork that needed to be done to keep the Chief of Detectives off of their backs. Elliot had been only been pissed off even more when he learned that despite initially protesting, Cragen had eventually broken down and allowed Olivia to go undercover, only after making her promise that she would get together with Huang and put together and airtight, bulletproof cover. She had spent most of the afternoon discussing her cover with Huang, then she returned to her desk to work on her own paperwork. She and Elliot still weren't talking, and the tension was hanging in the air like a thick blanket, to the point that even Munch, Lake, and Fin felt it and kept glancing over at them every now and then. Olivia was pissed off with Elliot and his overprotective ways, and Elliot was pissed off that this undercover sting was even being allowed to happen.

Finally, around eleven, they had all finished for the evening. Olivia gathered up her files and took them to Cragen, who took the files before telling her; "Get some rest this weekend; Monday morning, you'll check in here then the assignment begins."

Olivia nodded, before bidding him a ' _goodnight'_ and walking over to grab her things. She had just pulled on her coat and grabbed her bag when Elliot stood up and came around, stopping her.

"Wait, let me drive you home."

"I'll walk." She retorted.

"No, please…" he quietly spoke, holding her wrist again; "Please, I just want to talk."

She eyed him for a second, before rolling her eyes and nodding as she perched herself on the edge of her desk. Elliot gave her a small smile before rushing off to take his files to Cragen's office. He returned after a few moments later and put on his own coat before grabbing his keys. He and Olivia walked out together, the silence lingering between them as they made their way downstairs and outside to the car. They got into their sedan, and Elliot started the car before driving off down the street.

They rode in silence and for the first time ever, the silence was awkward. They had no idea what to say; neither of them wanted to cave and apologize as they both felt like they were right. Olivia wanted to do whatever it took to help Ashley; Elliot wanted her to rethink this and not go undercover at all.

He parked outside her apartment complex and shut off the engine. She went to open the door, but he grabbed her arm to stop her. She turned and looked at him, raising an eyebrow at him; "What?"

"Are you sure about this?"

"Nothing you can say is gonna make me change my mind, Elliot," she rolled her eyes as she sat back in the seat; "I'll be fine, okay."

"You're going undercover in that shit hole of a prison; you won't be fine – it's not safe."

"This again?" she sighed and shook her head; "El, I know it's not safe, but it's how this asshole is gonna be stopped."

"So, you're setting yourself up as bait – again?" He rolled his eyes and looked at her, leading her to scoff.

"I'm trying to stop a rapist who is terrorizing women in a prison, who has gone after the teenage daughter of one of the inmates – if this is the way to stop him then so be it…"

Her eyes searched his; "Why are you getting so pissy about this? I've gone undercover before."

"And usually I'm right there as your back up but who is he sending in with you?"

"Jesus Christ," she rolled her eyes; "For your information, Fin is going in with me so I won't be alone; the warden already knows who you are so you couldn't go with me."

"But you're my partner; I should have your back."

"I appreciate your concern, I really do; but you don't need to keep worrying – I can handle this."

"What part of going undercover in a shit hole prison so you not get? It's just too dangerous; reconsider this shit."

"I'm not reconsidering a damn thing, not when Cragen went through hell to even get the corrections commissioner to agree to this," she took a deep breath and shook her head; "Elliot, I am going to do this to whether anyone wants me to or not, and I will stop him from hurting anyone else."

She shook her head, reaching for the door handle; "Either have my six or don't, but I'm not reconsidering it."

He rolled his eyes and let out a grunt as his temper got the best of him; "So what…is this another case of you throwing yourself into danger to right the wrong of your past?"

He then froze and looked over at her; she had stopped and had looked back at him. He knew he had gone too far, and he definitely hadn't meant that at all.

But judging by the glare, she was pissed.

"Fuck you, fucking prick…" she spat before opening the door; "Kiss your kids for me, see you on Monday."

"Liv-" he tried to speak but the slammed the door and went inside her building. He sighed to himself and ran his hand down his face. She was pissed at him and he didn't blame her. He just wanted her to be safe yet once again, he was overstepping and had said something he didn't mean to say. He hated himself in these moments, and now he felt like such a bastard.

He looked up and watched until her light came on, then started the engine. He sighed to himself before peeling away from the curb and heading towards home.

It was going to be a long weekend.

* * *

 _ **Dun dun...that's all I can say in response. Leave some feedback guys and let me know what you think. I've enjoyed your feedback, so keep letting me know what you think. Until next time xoxo**_


	17. Chapter 17

**Hey guys!**

 **I'm here with Chapter 17 of Keeping Promises. It's getting super tense in here, but don't worry, I haven't forgotten the original plot of this story. It's all connected, trust me. Anyway, this chapter is more Elliot centric - he's struggling with Olivia being undercover in that hell hole of a prison.**

 **Please enjoy xoxo**

* * *

 **Keeping Promises**

 **Part 17**

The weekend actually passed far too quickly for anyone's liking, but especially for Olivia and Elliot's.

Olivia spent the weekend going over her cover. She read the file several times, practiced any sayings or stances in the mirror, rummaged through her closet to find clothes she hadn't worn in years to make herself look the part of the drug addict young woman that she was playing. In between making sure she had her cover solid, she spent some time with Casey to clear her head and to have some joy before she went in undercover. Casey thought it was a little odd that she wasn't spending time over at Elliot's house for the weekend, but Olivia brushed her off when she tried to ask and explained that she and Elliot had, had a minor fight over an upcoming undercover operation. Casey didn't ask for details, but she knew that if they were fighting about it, it was probably something that Elliot didn't want her to do. Whatever it was though, she just hoped that they would figure things out soon and stop fighting.

Elliot had a relaxed weekend for the most part – as relaxed as he could despite constantly itching to pick up the phone and call Olivia. He figured that giving her space was the best idea, and he decided that he would talk to her on Monday when they went to work on Monday. With Kathleen in Montreal and Maureen working, he spent his time with Eli and the twins; the three of them went to the mall and went out to dinner, then spent some time with Kathy's sister and her husband. The twins did wonder why Olivia wasn't around, but they also knew that the two tended to fight sometimes and figured that this was one of those times where they were in the middle of a fight. They knew that it would be sorted out soon; Elliot and Olivia wouldn't stay mad at each other for too long.

Monday rolled around and Elliot knew he should probably make things right with Olivia before she went in. He stopped and got them two coffees on his way to hers, then once he reached her apartment building, he text to let her know he was outside. She didn't respond but did walk out of her building a few moments later and hop into the car. He held up the coffee and gave her a small smile, and she took the drink into her hand while whispering a 'thank you' before she took a sip. The ride to the precinct was silent and uncomfortable; Olivia simply played with the small ring that was always on her finger while Elliot expertly maneuvered the vehicle through the streets is the city. Neither of them really knew what to say and the tension was thick in the air, practically suffocating them both. Apologies died on the tips of their tongues. They were too stubborn to back down and didn't know where to even begin in finding a common ground.

Once they arrived at the precinct, they got out and headed inside together. Once they were upstairs and had reached the squad room, Elliot went to hang his coat up while Olivia greeted the corrections commissioner and Cragen while also meeting a detective from the Vice unit that would be posing as her lawyer. He listened as they explained that the judge for the court was aware of what was going on, and that they'd head there in about an hour to get things going. He didn't like this at all, and he was trying his hardest to keep his anger and the sickly feeling in his stomach at bay. Fin too was worried, and he was the one that was going in with her. Even Munch and Lake looked concerned about this, but they also knew that there was no stopping Olivia.

And Olivia wouldn't admit it, but she was nervous as well. This undercover operation could easily go horribly wrong, but she was doing this. This was for Ashley, this was for Risa, and this was for all those women in that prison that society made feel like they were nothing. She was going to stop that rapist corrections officer if it was the last thing she did.

And if she went down in the line of duty, then so be it.

Nearly an hour later, the undercover operation was set in stone. Olivia had just come back from the cribs dressed in a pair of old jeans and a shirt and a thin hoodie as well as her sneakers. Elliot caught sight of her and stood up, smiling slightly as he reached out to touch her arm as she passed. She looked at him and tilted her head,

"El…what?" She let out an exasperated sigh, and he perched himself on the edge of his desk.

So many words and a long-awaited confession does on the tip of his tongue as he looked at her. He searched her brown eyes and saw the hint of fear, hidden behind the determination and strength that was set to get her through this. He didn't want her to go, and he knew his own eyes were displaying fear and a silent plea for her to just stay on this side of the line.

"Are you…are you sure about this?"

"A little late for me to even think about reconsidering," she shrugged, "I'll be fine, El; don't worry."

"I'm gonna worry anyway, Liv," he shook his head, swallowing slightly; "Be safe."

"I'll try my best."

"Liv."

"I'll be fine," she pulled her wrist away; "See you later." She went over and shook Cragen's hand, before she then made her way out of the door with her pseudo-lawyer, Fin, and the corrections commissioner. He let out a sigh before looking over at Cragen, then at Munch and Lake.

"Elliot."

He flicked his gaze back to his captain, who was making his way over to him;

"She's strong; she's gonna get through this and be back by the end of the week."

Elliot was a mixture of emotions; worried about this undercover operation, scared of what could possibly happen to Olivia, pissed off at her and her stubborn nature.

He needed some air.

He grabbed his coat and headed out of the squad room, grumbling to himself about needing to take a minute. Munch and Lake exchanged a glance, but Cragen shook his head and told them to just let him cool off. He then went to his office to do some work, while Munch and Lake busied themselves with some paperwork.

Meanwhile Elliot sat in the parking lot in the sedan and closed his eyes, taking some deep breaths;

" _God…Kathy…someone if you're listening; please go with Olivia, please protect her, and please bring her back home."_

* * *

Elliot was in a foul mood for the whole day. He simply buried himself in his work; taking full advantage of the slow day they were having which allowed him to get quite a bit of work done. He had gotten word that Olivia had been taken to Sealview shortly after the 'sentencing hearing' that morning, and this only added to his mood as he was extremely worried and on edge. Munch and Lake could tell he was in a bad mood and didn't approach him unless necessary, and when they did ask him to go to lunch, he declined before turning his attention back to his work. Munch simply shook his head but made a mental note to talk to Elliot later.

As the afternoon rolled on, Elliot managed to finish his paperwork, which meant that he would be able to to home early, which was great because he felt like he needed to spend time with his kids. He dropped the files onto Cragen's desk, but before he could leave, the older man stopped him.

"Shut the door, Elliot."

Elliot sighed to himself and shut the door before turning to face his captain again. He raised an eyebrow in confusion, and Cragen came around to perch himself on the edge of his desk.

"Are you alright, son?"

"I'm fine."

"Elliot," Cragen raised an eyebrow before sighing; "Look, I just talked to Fin – they're okay; Olivia did have a run in earlier with one of the guards when he got a little grabby, but she's fine – Fin made sure of it."

"Oh great; a few hours in and she's having run ins with guards that could do anything to her? That's comforting." Elliot let out a sarcastic laugh as he tried not let his anger get the best of him; "My partner is going undercover in that shit hole of a prison, setting herself up as bait."

"She wants to do anything she can to help put this bastard behind bars; Fin is with her and-"

"How could you just let her go?"

Cragen paused for a moment, his face now contorting from concern to disbelief as he took in what Elliot has just asked; "Excuse me?"

"You knew how dangerous this was and that this was a suicide mission and you let her go anyway," Elliot was yelling now, capturing the attention of those from outside of the office; "She has no business being undercover in there."

"I am your commanding officer and you will lower your tone when you speak to me, Detective," Cragen fired back; "Now for your information, I tried to talk to Olivia about not going and she insisted on doing so; there was no stopping her, so don't you dare start with me."

"Someone else could have gone in captain or there could have been some other way!"

"Don't you think I weighed the options and tried to think of solutions to stop Olivia from going in?" Cragen shot back, holding his hands up; "We can't do anything about it now, Elliot; we just have to trust Olivia's judgment and trust that she can handle it. She's fine and Fin is with her; he won't let anything happen to her."

Elliot remained silent, but the way he was panting was a clear indication of how angry he was about everything. Cragen simply looked at him before nodding towards the door;

"Either go cool off or just go home, but the next time you talk to me like that, I will write you up," he warned him before going around to sit behind his desk; "Dismissed."

Elliot shook his head and stormed out of the office, ignoring all the eyes that were on him. He didn't say a word; he simply grabbed his jacket before storming out of the squad room. He zig zagged through the halls and took the stairs to the roof as he really needed to get some air. He went over to the tall ledge where he and Olivia had stood together three days earlier and leaned his elbows against the surface as he put his hands over his face.

The last time Olivia had gone undercover, she was gone for six weeks, thousands of miles away on the other side of the country with an eco-terrorist group. He had been so worried about her the whole time. Things were strained and complicated, but that didn't stop him from worrying about her. Each night he tossed and turned, wondering if he would get to work the next day and see her at her desk like nothing was wrong. He knew that she had been safe and under the supervision of the FBI, but that never stopped him from worrying.

So now – knowing that she was in an awful, grungy prison with no authority, no badge or gun to aid in her bids to protect herself – that frightened him. Prison was a dangerous place for anyone, but the inmates in there already felt as though they had nothing to lose and would do anything to protect themselves and survive. His worry was that Olivia was going to get caught up in something and get herself hurt, or worse…

He shook his head, ridding himself of the thought while trying to control the urge to vomit. If anything happened to Olivia while she was undercover, he didn't know what he would do.

He felt like he was suffocating.

He needed his stability.

He needed _Olivia_.

"Thought I'd find you out here."

He looked over his shoulder; Munch was coming towards him. The skinny older man placed a comforting hand on his colleague's shoulder, and Elliot simply breathed out as he looked back out over the city.

"I'm not in the mood for a joke right now, Munch." He knew sometimes Munch used humor to lighten the mood; that was one of the things that made everyone love the guy. But right now, he just wasn't up for it.

"Didn't come out here for that," Munch stepped to the side of him and leaned against the ledge, resting his elbows on the surface; "You know, I remember the day Olivia first came into the unit – you were furious about having a young rookie partner, we heard you yelling in Cragen's office, and Olivia was just smirking and going _'He won't be saying that for long'._ Two weeks later, we had that perp…Mark VanOrden – a man twice her size – was tackled to the ground by her."

Elliot let out a chuckle as he recalled the incident. Two weeks into playing hell about the young rookie he had, grumbling under his breath that she was too sensitive for this and whining about her not being able to protect him, he'd been proven wrong. That same woman who could get eye level with a victim and talk in the sweetest voice, had just chased a man twice her size down the sidewalk, then jumped and tackled him to the ground, causing him to cry out in pain and whine about police brutality while she mirandized him in that no-nonsense voice and her co-workers watched in awe.

And at that moment, Elliot realized that she was not one to played with and she had his respect forever. He realized then that while sensitive and one to put her feelings into everything, Olivia was also tough, street smart, and had the ability to kick anyone's ass – no matter their size.

"I remember that," he ran his hand down his face; "Munch, tell me something man…am I being unreasonable? She's undercover in that shit hole and I know she can take care of herself, but…she's got no power, no authority in there? The shit those women go through at the hands of those guards, what if…if something happens to Olivia and…fuck."

"Hey, calm down," Munch placed a hand on his shoulder; "Look, we've worked with Olivia for ten years now and if we've learned anything, we've learned that she's the most stubborn, strongest person in the world; she's going be alright – no matter what."

"The exact stubborn shit that could get her killed in there…" Elliot shook his head, glancing out at the city; "We fought on Friday and didn't say shit to each other all weekend, and it was just awkward and weird this morning. What if this…what if…" He couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence; it hurt too much to do so.

But Munch knew exactly what he was about to say.

"She's going to survive this, and you're going to get the chance to tell her how you feel."

Elliot's head snapped up; Munch raised an eyebrow and smirked. Elliot sighed as he hung his head.

"Kathy's only been dead for three months and I just…I thought it was too soon to feel this way."

"Too soon to feel the way you've felt for years?" Munch pointed out. Elliot shrugged his shoulders, and Munch leaned against the ledge some more as he spoke up again;

"Acknowledging the feelings you've felt for so long doesn't mean you didn't love Kathy; we all know you loved her, she knows you loved her too, and you always will love her because she gave you some cool little brats…but moving on isn't a crime, especially to someone who makes you happy and makes you feel like you can be yourself…someone who understands what you see and understands how to help…someone who makes your kids happy too."

Elliot took in everything Munch was saying and slowly began to realize that everything the older man was saying was actually right. He would always love Kathy for making him a father, but it was alright to think about moving on. Olivia ticked off everything Munch had listed; she made him and his kids happy, she understood him and everything he saw and knew how to help, he could be himself with her. He had closed off so much of himself because Kathy didn't understand, and that was never a good thing.

With Olivia, he could be _everything_.

"She'll be back in a couple days." Munch added. Elliot nodded, running a hand down his face.

"Elliot!"

But Elliot and Munch looked up, only to see Cragen waving them over. They exchanged a glance before walking over to their captain, who immediately handed Elliot a slip of paper.

"Risa Tyler's body was released this morning from the infirmary at Sealview; she's at a funeral home in Harlem."

Elliot's eyes went wide, and he felt like the wind had been knocked out of him; "Wh…what?"

"Suicide."

He couldn't think.

He pushed past Cragen and barreled down the steps to head to the funeral home.

* * *

 _Something wasn't right._

That was the thought that crossed Elliot's mind as he exited the funeral home and slipped into the sedan after seeing Ashley.

The sky had switched from a gray overcast to a dim glow as day began its transition into night. He had stayed with Ashley and talked to her until her foster parents came to get her, and not only was he now feeling incredibly guilty for ever going up there in the first place, he also felt confused and worried.

At one point, he had figured that maybe things had gotten too much for Risa and that maybe she had taken the easiest way out. However, when Ashley read the letter she had received just that morning, he had second thoughts. Risa wouldn't have said all of that before suddenly killing herself – there was no way. Besides, when they had met on Friday, she had been so worried about Ashley and practically begged him to keep her safe until she was released, which was what he had promised to do. Whatever had happened between Friday and now had resulted in Risa's death, and after hearing the letter she had written to Ashley, he was convinced that this wasn't a suicide or accident of any sorts.

He whipped out his phone and dialed before pressing the device to his ear. It rang a couple times before finally…

" _Warner."_

"Melinda, it's Elliot; you busy?"

" _Hey Elliot,"_ Melinda's voice sounded down the phone and he could hear some papers shuffling around; _"Uh no…just finishing some paperwork…"_ He heard more paper shuffling as she spoke again; _"What's up?"_

"I need you to pull an autopsy report for me." He chatted away as he peeled away from the curb and began driving down the streets.

" _Past case?"_

"No…no, this is kind of something related to one we're working now," Elliot paused for a second; "Risa Tyler, she was an inmate at Sealview."

" _That hell hole of a prison is still open?"_ Melinda asked before scoffing; _"God only knows what's going on up there. Anyway, why do you need me to pull it? Suspecting something?"_

"Yeah…yeah I am…" Elliot spoke as he stopped for a light, "Look, I just left the funeral home where I was talking to her daughter Ashley, and just…something doesn't seem right; it didn't sound like Risa was going to kill herself, so I just wonder if it's something else."

There was a pause, then Melinda spoke; _"Your captain know you're digging? Do I need to warn him?"_

"I'll tell him myself, Melinda, I promise; just…can you check for me?"

" _You better not get me jammed up,"_ Melinda playfully warned before sighing; _"Okay, I'll call you in the morning with it."_

"Thanks Melinda; you're a life saver." He replied, smiling slightly at the laugh that sounded from their medical examiner.

" _I'll remember you said that."_ She told him. The two then bid each other goodnight and hung up the phone. Elliot tossed his phone into the cupholder before turning down the street. He picked up his phone to call his captain as he drove because he knew that he was in no shape to go back to work tonight, and especially would not be after this stop he was about to make.

A few minutes later – and after talking to his captain who agreed that he could use the night off – Elliot pulled up in front of the cemetery. He parked the car and got out, then used the few lights that were dotted around to find the stone he was looking for. He smiled to himself when he came across it, and he knelt down in front. He just needed a moment to talk to her, even if she didn't answer back or show some sort of sign.

"Hey Kath, I hope you're doing okay…" he sat himself down properly and brushed some grass away from the stone; "Dammit Kathy; I just need to talk before my head explodes."

He squeezed the bridge of his nose before continuing;

"I'm struggling here; Olivia went undercover and that place is dangerous, she shouldn't be there, but she's stubborn so of course she would go away…" he rolled his eyes, shaking his head; "You know me – worrying about her as usual; I always did worry a lot about her, and I guess these months and especially the last few days has helped me to realize why I worry about her so much."

He swallowed nervously. He was out here in the middle of this cemetery and it wasn't like she could answer him back, but he still felt like he owed it to her to tell her. Besides, he would feel a lot better and it would be helpful to get this off of his chest.

"I'll always love you; you made me a father – and that's something I will be forever grateful for. Olivia though…she does something to me; drives me insane, yet it makes me like her even more. The two of us have always been so close and I guess…lately we've been dancing along the line; I know she feels the pull between us because it's so strong, but we're both just taking it one day at a time. But now, I'm just scared that I won't ever get that chance. We've fought on Friday and didn't talk all weekend because we're stubborn – I didn't want her to go, she was determined to go; and now she's gone in and I'm just worried that something's gonna happen…and I don't know what I'll do if something does happen to her."

He rubbed his hand down his face, shaking his head;

"Stick with her Kath; keep her safe and bring her back to us…" he let out a laugh, shrugging; "I guess I'm finally admitting what you always suspected…something you noticed before I did."

He sighed, swallowing the lump in his throat; "Just please, keep her safe for us."

In that instant, he felt the cold breeze whip around him, and he pulled his coat around him tighter. He smiled slightly to himself, before rubbing his hand over the headstone.

"I guess I better get home to our kids," he stood up, brushing the grass off of him; "Goodnight Kath; love you."

With that, he walked away from the cemetery and back to his car. He slipped in and sighed to himself, before starting the engine again.

He just needed to get home and hug his children…

* * *

He walked into his house to the sound of laughter of young adults and teenagers and a baby; the sounds of his beautiful children. He hung his coat of and left his suit jacket on the rack, before slipping into the living room. Eli was in Maureen's lap and was leaning back against her with a sparkly blue pacifier in his mouth, while the four older children were seated around the coffee table, gearing up to play a game of poker.

"Is it poker night or something?" he spoke up, capturing their attention. They all greeted him with a jumbled mix of _"Hey Dad",_ leading him to smile a bit as he leaned as he made his way around the room, dotting kisses onto their heads. Maureen told her siblings to go ahead and play, before sitting Eli in his bouncer then standing up. She signaled for her father to follow, and with a confused look on his face, he followed her through to the kitchen.

"We ordered dinner...it's pizza." Maureen pointed out as she pointed to the pizza boxes on the counter. Elliot nodded and thanked her before grabbing a plate to heat up some of the pizza. Maureen sat down at the table and pulled her knees up as she watched her father.

"So…you gonna tell me what's going on with you?"

He raised an eyebrow as he looked over at her; "What do you mean?"

"Well for one, your eyes aren't as sparkly, and the last time I saw them look like that was when…" she stopped, and her eyes went wide; "Oh shit – did you make Olivia leave again?"

"Okay, I didn't make her leave the last time...let's get that straight." Elliot replied, shooting a look his daughter as he slipped his plate into the microwave.

"Oh, forgive me...you just told her you guys couldn't be partners anymore if you were gonna choose each other over the job, and she just happened to leave after that...definitely wasn't your fault," sarcasm dripped off every word as the young woman rolled her eyes; "Is she gone again?"

"Jesus you're just like your mother," Elliot groaned as he grabbed a beer for himself; "She's gone undercover…" he held his hand up as his daughter opened his mouth; "But nothing happened and I didn't drive her away...in fact, I tried to stop her, hence why we've been locked in a fight since Friday."

"Damn, where did she go?" Maureen curiously asked, watching as her father grabbed his pizza and came to sit at the table. She took the beer bottle to open the cap for him as he answered;

"Sealview."

"I'm sorry…what?" Maureen's eyes went wide as she looked at him; "It sounds like you just said she went to that dump of a prison in Westerville."

"Why do you know about that?" Elliot asked through a mouthful of pizza.

"There's a guy that works with me…his sister used to be locked up there; he tell us about the shit she suffered at the hands of the guards before she was released," Maureen shrugged, sliding the now open bottle of beer back over to her father; "What in the world is Olivia doing in there?"

"Working a case...and driving me insane." Elliot replied before taking a swig of his beer. Maureen raised an eyebrow as she pushed some hair back from her face.

"I can tell that you miss her," she scanned her father's appearance before looking at his eyes again; "Finally came to terms with how you feel about her?"

Elliot's suddenly choked on the bit of pizza he was eating. He washed it down with some beer before looking up at his daughter with wide eyes; "Wh…what?"

"I'm not blind, and neither are Katie and the twins," Maureen tilted her head, staring into her father's eyes so that she could get a read on him; "We all see how you look at Olivia, and well…okay look…"

She sat up properly and leaned her elbows on the table as she continued to talk;

"You and Mom, you did great with all of us…gave us stability as best you could, but we knew you guys weren't happy. I think we were partly relieved when you split up, because you'd finally stopped fighting and just let go of something dead that you'd been holding on to…well, we thought you had let it go. Honestly when Mom told us she was pregnant, it was a shock, then we all started to wonder how long the band aid would stay before things started to leak again. You can't put a bandaid on a big leak and expect things to be okay, and that's really all what the reconciliation and Eli were. As much as we love Eli, it's the truth – you guys getting back together was like putting a tiny bandaid on the biggest leak."

Elliot barley blinked as he listened to his daughter, who simply shrugged as she continued to speak;

"We've talked about it a lot while you're working and stuff. Dad, we'll always love Mom, and nobody will ever replace her, but I think it's time for everyone to be happy now, especially you. Besides, we love Olivia, and we would never object to her."

Elliot simply sat there, dumbfounded as he took in his daughter's words. The words rang in his head and swirled around like a tornado yet made perfect sense as everything she'd said was right. He and Kathy had tried so hard to hold on to something that was dead for a long time, and not even little Eli could have revived that. It was inevitable; they were never meant to last forever.

He looked at his daughter, who stares at him and blinked with her lips pursed together. When the hell had she grown up?

"Wow...um..." he ran a hand over his head as he tried to find the words to say; "So…you guys would be okay if I asked her to dinner or something?"

"That's so cliché, but yeah, we'd totally be cool…" Maureen let out a laugh, shaking her head; "But knowing you guys, your first date will be in a greasy diner at two in the morning after you've been up on a case for three days; that's more like Elliot and Olivia."

Elliot burst out laughing as he stood up and pulled his daughter up into a hug. She had really grown into an amazing young woman, and it was only right that she could be the one to clear his head and help him out. He wondered when that teenager that gave him hell had disappeared, and while he missed her, he loved the young woman that his little girl had turned into.

He would still talk to his other children before doing anything, but he was definitely talking to Olivia as soon as she was back.

She needed to know _everything_.

* * *

 _ **And that's THAT. Sooo….it's getting REAL. Leave some feedback for me please. You're all beautiful and amazing, and I love you dearly! Until next time xoxo**_


	18. Chapter 18

**Hey guys.**

 **So I'm here with Chapter 18. This chapter is pretty long, and a lot of what happened in the episode is here. BUT...I won't be detailing exactly what happened because we get the gist, just an overview. BUT...our dynamic duo are having a hard time with this undercover operation; he's struggling to keep his composure, and she's realizing that maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.**

 **And by the end...well, just read on.**

 **Enjoy xoxo**

* * *

 **Keeping Promises**

 **Part 18**

"Risa did not commit suicide." were the first words Elliot heard after exchanging pleasantries with medical examiner, Melinda Warner the following morning.

After a horrible night of sleep that consisted of him tossing and turning due to worrying about Olivia, he ended up finally getting up around six. After seeing his older kids off to school, he took Eli to his sister in law's place, then came to work. He had been at work long enough to get a briefing from Cragen about another case and long enough to talk to Casey about a court case during which he would have to testify next week, when his desk phone rang. He answered and discovered that it was Melinda, whom had called to tell him that she had the autopsy report. After a quick word to Cragen and a promise to update him when he came back, he had headed off to the medical examiner's office.

And now here they were. He sighed to himself when he learned the truth, yet he wasn't all that surprised.

"How can you tell?" He asked.

"Look at her autopsy report," Melinda stepped closer to show him the paperwork; "Her hyoid bone was broken."

Elliot's brow furrowed and he looked at her; "Doesn't usually happen in a hanging."

"Right, so I think the whole thing was staged," Melinda flicked open the file in her hands, showing the crime scene photos; "Got the photos from the scene and check this out. Right-handers generally slip the knot over the right side, lefties the left."

"And the knot is right at the base of Risa's skull." Elliot pointed out, chewing his lip nervously.

"Right," Melinda nodded her head before looking up at him; "Risa was strangled, and the murderer strung her up to make it look like a suicide."

"So, is the local ME gonna change it to homicide?"

"He refuses to re-examine her," Melinda scoffed with an eye roll; "Westerville's a poor county and Sealview is its largest employer, so ME doesn't wanna make waves."

Elliot felt like his heart was about to beat out of his chest with worry; "So what's to stop this guy from doing it again?"

Melinda shook her head as she took the file out of his hands;

"Nothing."

This was not good. He just had to pray that Fin was keeping her as safe as possible.

* * *

Miles away, Olivia was walking through Sealview's Exercise Yard. She had almost blown her cover when she unintentionally snapped at a fellow inmate, though she later learned that her name was Shawna – only after she made it seem like her snappy behavior was due to a need for drugs. In reality, her snappy behavior was due to the fact that she hadn't slept for more than two hours during the night. She was on edge and jumped at every sound, and she spent half the night praying to God and half talking in her head to Kathy and even to her mother, asking them all to get her through this. She was praying that this shit would be solved soon so that she could go home.

She had also spent most of the night thinking about Elliot. She hated that they'd fought and hadn't sorted things out before she came in this hell hole. She missed him, she missed his kids; in fact, in the two hours that she did sleep, she had dreamed that she was at his house with them all, cuddling baby Eli and laughing with the other kids and Elliot. She knew that once she was free from this undercover stint, she was going to apologize to Elliot for being so harsh, and she was going to spend some time with him and his kids.

Besides, she couldn't deny that he had been right; this hasn't been her best idea. She would never tell him that though, and she was determined to see this through until it was over.

She had managed to talk to Fin under the cover of darkness, when he'd snuck her out of her cell. To any other inmates that had been awake, it looked like another case of a CO going to take advantage of an inmate. However, they had found a quiet corner out of any camera's view and had exchanged information. The information left Olivia feeling a bit worried – he'd told her that Melinda was pulling Risa's autopsy report because of suspicions, and she knew exactly what that meant. She didn't believe either that Risa had committed suicide; it was too much of a coincidence.

"Feeling better today?"

She looked up to the sound of the CO's voice. It was the guard that had felt her up the day before, and he had a smirk on his lips. Fin was standing next to him and was desperately trying to stay in his character, but he was struggling as he wanted to knock the bastard out for touching Olivia in the first place.

Olivia glared at the guard; "Peachy."

The guard scoffed; "' _Yes thank you CO'_ is the correct response."

Olivia stared at him for a second before rolling her eyes; "Yes thank you CO."

"That's better," he reached out and stroked a finger down her cheek before responding; "Now apologize to officer Johnson." He nodded his head at Fin, and Olivia raised an eyebrow. Fin tried to signal with his eyes for her to let it go, but she wouldn't look at him and instead kept glaring at the CO.

"For what?"

"You got blood on his shoes."

"He kicked me."

"Excuse me?"

Olivia scoffed and looked at Fin, whom was giving her a look with his eyes and telling her to just do it. She sighed before speaking again; "I'm sorry for getting blood on your shoes; it won't happen again."

"It better not," the guard retorted, before kicking over the rack of basketballs, sending them scattering in different directions; "Pick it up."

Olivia felt the anger rising within her as she glared at him. He said something to Fin about calling him if _she gave him any trouble,_ before he then licked his lips at her before walking away. Fin stepped closer to make it seem like he was simply guarding her while she moved to pick up the scattered basketballs.

And his words sent chills down her spine; "Warner says Risa's death wasn't a suicide."

She swallowed her nerves before whispering back;

"Call Elliot and ask him to check out your new best friend."

She then looked up at him and continued; "And tell him I'm alright, and that I said hey."

Fin nodded, giving her a small smile before heading off inside. Olivia sighed to herself as she continued to pick up the basketballs, muttering under her breath to herself and praying that this bullshit would be over soon.

"Keep up the good work, sweet cheeks."

She choked back the bile that rose in her throat at the sound of that guard's voice.

She needed to find their perp and get the fuck out of this hell hole.

* * *

"What the fuck?"

"Elliot you need to calm down!"

"Don't tell me to calm down," Elliot shot back at his captain as he whirled around to glare at the man; "A son of a bitch CO made a pass at her and you want me to calm down? Do you have any idea what could happen to her in there?"

Lake and Fin were watching with wide eyes as they watched Elliot and their captain go toe to toe in the middle of the squad room. They'd been digging into corrections officers at Sealview all morning and trying to find any information, as well as anything that could help them get some sort of justice for Risa as well, when Fin called with an update. The phone had been on speaker so that the detectives and their captain could hear his latest briefing, and when Elliot heard about the corrections officer who made a pass at Olivia, he almost lost his mind. He only relaxed a bit though when Fin added in that she said 'hey' and that she was 'alright', but he was still extremely worried.

"Do you want a write up in your jacket, Detective?" Cragen fired back, glaring at the blue-eyed man. Elliot took a breath, before shaking his head, leading Cragen to continue; "Then I suggest you watch your tone."

He then turned to the others; "Now what's the news on this guy?"

Lake stepped closer and pressed some buttons, bringing up the picture of the corrections officer that Fin asked for information for; "CO Matthew Parker, thirty-six; no criminal record, but a couple complaints from his wife before she was his ex."

"Well maybe she left him after finding his porn collection," Munch clicked a few buttons, bringing up a list of highlighted sites; "Our boy here's got sixteen subscriptions to hardcore websites."

"Who needs that much smut?" Cragen wondered as he screwed his face up.

"A guy who can't get it any other way unless he's raping inmates." Elliot muttered. Lake clicked a few more buttons, bringing up more information before looking back at them;

"He's worked at six prisons in the last nine years, all women's' facilities."

"Easy pickings; a guy like him moves on before any inmate works up the nerve to report him." Cragen sighed, shaking his head.

Elliot took a breath and tried to steady his heart rate and keep the anger at bay, but he was angry and ready to rip this bastard's head off, in addition to already being extremely worried about Olivia. He didn't know if he could stand this undercover operation going on any longer. At this point, it had only been a day and it just seemed too dangerous, and he just wanted her to be out of there and back to safety with the squad.

With _him._

"Well Risa Tyler had nerve, and it got her killed," he looked back at Cragen; "We gotta get Liv outta there."

"If she wants out, all she has to do is tell Fin." Cragen replied. Elliot furrowed his brow but refused to say anything else as he didn't want to get written up. He simply shook his head and ran his hand down his face as he began making his way back to his desk.

"Well we got a suspect, maybe Ashley can ID him."

"Speak of the devil, foster mom just called," Munch's voice captured their attention and caused Elliot to freeze as he listened; "Ashley's back in the hospital."

Well…as if the day wasn't already bad enough, it had just gotten worse.

He grabbed his jacket and keys to the sedan before racing out of the precinct.

It was only about ten minutes or so later when he pulled into the parking space at the hospital. He rushed out and raced inside, shaking off the feelings that plagued him as he stepped in. He had come here twice and had his heart shattered – the first time was when he lost his wife, the second time was when Olivia had been hurt. He prayed today that it wouldn't be a third blow to him as they couldn't lose Ashley.

He asked the nurse where she was, to which the woman replied that Ashley was in the isolation ward. He raced around the corner and took the steps up to where the ward was, then raced further down the hall to where Ashley was. He slowed his running, however, when he spotted Melinda standing outside of a room, pulling off some scrubs and protective gear.

Melinda being on scene was never good news, and he immediately feared the worse.

"Is she dead?" he asked as she looked up.

"No, no…I'm here as a public health official," she held up her hand, stopping his panic as he took a breath; "She's been diagnosed with multidrug-resistant TB."

Well…the day had officially gotten worse. Elliot squeezed the bridge of his nose and asked how bad it was, to which Melinda replied that the strain didn't respond to most antibiotics and that it killed hundreds of thousands of people a year. Elliot recalled how bad Ashley was coughing the previous day when he had been with her at the funeral home, and upon revealing such information to Melinda, she told him that he and Olivia needed to be tested immediately.

"Shit," he mumbled, "Um…yeah she's not available."

Melinda raised an eyebrow as she continued to dispose of the protective scrubs she had been wearing; "Well make her available, Elliot…" she laughed a bit; "You two fighting again? I noticed she hasn't been with you…you in the dog house with her?"

"Kinda…but um…she's at Sealview, and she's undercover."

Melinda froze and looked up at him. Elliot saw the look of sheer panic on her face, but when he opened his mouth to speak, she spoke up first; "I wish you had told me that, she shouldn't be in there."

"Finally, someone agrees with me; I tried to stop her from going, but you know Liv." Elliot grumbled, running a hand down his face.

"Well dammit I wish she had listened," Melinda let out an exasperated sigh; "CDC has six confirmed cases of MDR TB at Sealview."

And now the day had gone completely to shit. Elliot felt like his heart had dropped to his stomach.

"It can't be a coincidence that Ashley has the same TB that's going around that prison."

"The only way tot get it is through close contact with an infected person."

"Wait…wait," Elliot held up a hand; "could she have gotten it from her mother on a visit?"

"No chance; Risa's autopsy report was negative for TB."

 _Fuck._ This was not good at all.

"Okay…she got it from the guard when he raped her."

"Well we'll know who he is soon enough," Melinda shrugged, folding her arms across her chest; "CDC is locking Sealview down, testing all the guards and inmates.

"Oh shit," Elliot mumbled as he whipped out his phone; "Okay, can you hold the CDC off for a few hours while I get Liv out there." He already had begun dialing Fin's phone when Melinda replied with the news that made his heart sink;

"It's too late, the prison's frozen; no one in or out."

 _Dammit._

"I'm getting her out of there." He pressed the button to call Fin and pressed the device to his ear while walking towards the exit. Melinda was walking behind him, shouting; "Elliot, you can't leave without being tested."

Elliot simply ignored her and continued walking as he listened as Fin answered;

"Hey can you talk?"

" _Yeah, but not for long."_

"Grab Liv and get out of there."

" _Can't, we're on lockdown."_

Elliot felt like he was about to lose his shit; "Well out yourself to the warden!"

He heard Fin start to answer, but then could hear voices in the background. He heard Fin respond with a _'yes sir'_ and then he resumed cover, responding in a way that made it seem like he was talking to his significant other. Elliot rolled his eyes and hung up while rushing out to the sedan. He slipped in and started the engine, peeling away from the curb while calling Cragen;

" _Don Cragen."_

"Cap it's me," Elliot spoke as he navigated through the streets; "Look, CDC has locked down Sealview, but we need to get Liv out there now – can you meet me there?"

"I heard, and I was just about to call you; we'll meet you there."

Elliot thanked him before hanging up the phone. He then pressed on the gas, speeding down the roads as fast as he could. He had to get to Sealview now, and with a quick prayer to God and a quick word to Kathy asking to guide him along this, he was speeding along the roads.

He had to bring Olivia home.

* * *

The inmates were gathered into the dining hall, and that's officially when all hell started to break loose.

Olivia had wanted to know why no one was telling them what was going on, to which Shawna replied that this was the normal and to 'get used to it'. That led to the inmates starting to question what was happening and demanding to know, which ultimately turned into a mess that led to dozens of police personnel storming in to stop them as they grew increasingly unruly. Upon discovery that _she_ was the one who started the chaos, the creep CO Matthew Parker restrained Olivia and held her down until the Captain came in. Olivia looked up at him, and suddenly had an uneasy feeling. She'd had an uneasy feeling about Matthew, but this guy – he was something else. She caught sight of his nametag – _L. Harris –_ and remembered that his name had come up when Fin had briefed her the night before; _Lowell Harris -_ the Captain.

If only she had known what was about to happen.

She was led down the hall and down some steps, and when she realized that they were going in a completely different direction than _the hole,_ which was where she was meant to go, she pointed out where the hole was and asked what they were doing down in this more secluded area, to which Harris simply told her to _shut up._ She rolled her eyes before launching into an apology for freaking out, thinking that maybe this would stop whatever was about to happen to her. When Harris told her that they were past apologies and that she was going to give him what every guy wants, her eyes went wide in horror. When she looked around the small area they were in, she saw a dingy mattress, and her heart sank.

This was _not_ about to happen.

The next few minutes were some of the most chaotic minutes she'd ever experienced in her life. He threw her down onto the surface, but she fought back, swinging and kicking all while screaming for help. He taunted her as he pushed her against the wall and tried to force himself on her, laughing and telling her that no one could hear her, telling her that she must like it rough. She begged and pleaded with him not to do this, and she was silently begging for someone to help her through this.

" _God…Kathy…Mom…someone up there help me; I need help."_

She needed help.

He made a mistake when he undid her handcuffs. She suddenly found a strength inside of her and used all her self defense training she had ever learned - she elbowed him in the face and punched him as hard as she could, knocking him down onto the mattress, which gave her a chance to run. She heard him call her a bitch, heard him say that there was no way out, but she just kept running until she could find somewhere to hide as she needed to buy some time. She had to think of a plan to get out of here. She launched herself into a dark corner behind some tall boxes and hugged her knees up to her chest, trying her hardest not to cry.

" _Elliot…where are you? Help me."_

Meanwhile upstairs, standing in a long line waiting for this TB shot that he felt was unnecessary, Fin was growing increasingly anxious. He knew he had to out himself to the warden and grab Olivia to get out of there, but he couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. He was about to lose his mind as he waited. The nurse administering the shots had disappeared off somewhere, and Fin had no time to wait. _"Screw it."_ He thought before rushing off despite the protests from the other CO's. He didn't care, he had to find Olivia and find her now.

He just had no idea that she was hiding in a dark corner and listening as that creep of a Captain taunted her and searched for her, while threatening to kill her and claim the use of "necessary force" to stop her from "escaping".

He ran to the cell block where Olivia was, and a feeling of dread came over him when he didn't see her. He asked where she was, to which her cell mate responded with a shrug. However, Shawna – whom was a few cells down – told him that she could help, in exchange for smokes and "a date" of course. Fin groaned inwardly but unlocked her cell and told her to take him to a place where they could find privacy. He had the worse feeling in the pit of his stomach and knew that they had to find Olivia fast.

Meanwhile in the basement, Olivia was still hiding when suddenly, boxes crashed around her and she came face to face with Harris. He smirked at her and she tried to reason with him, but he hit her in the stomach and back, thus sending her to the ground as he had knocked the wind out of her. She took a few moments to catch her breath, yet somehow found a strength in her somewhere to elbow him as hard as she could in the groin before she jumped up and ran. She came to a door and grabbed hold of it, only to yank and pull, only to discover that it was locked. She started crying some more and screaming for help while banging on the door. She felt a presence and turned around, only to have a powerful slap delivered to her jaw which sent her to the ground. Harris grabbed her wrist and cuffed her to the door, all the while she continued to scream and protest and fight against him.

She didn't know that her squad had just pulled up and were now racing into the entrance donned in bulletproof vests and NYPD jackets. She didn't know that Fin was just outside the door and was now trying to find the key to open the door and get to her. She just shut her eyes as she continued to cry. She just _knew_ that she was going to be raped and possibly killed, and all she could do was think about everything she hadn't done or said yet.

 _Elliot…_ all she could see were those blue eyes and that smile, and it made her cry even more.

" _I'm sorry, Elliot; I'm so sorry."_

She continued to fight and scream but she was running out of energy. Harris grabbed hold of her head and tried to force himself into her mouth as he muttered a threat;

"Bite me and you're dead."

And suddenly…

"Let her go now!"

Fin – he had gotten to her.

Harris tried to tell him to back off, but he refused, running towards him and flashing his badge. When Harris claimed that she tried to escape, Fin simply pushed him back; "And you had to drop your pants to stop her?"

If looks could kill, Harris would have been dead.

Fin held a hand out to Olivia, who grabbed hold of his hand and allowed him to help her to her feet. She swallowed and composed herself before looking at Harris, locking her eyes with his as she steadied her voice enough to speak

"Lowell Harris, you're under arrest for raping Ashley Tyler."

"And for the attempted murder of a police officer." Fin chimed in.

They watched as Harris's face dropped, and he looked over at Olivia again; "You're a cop?"

Olivia nodded as she composed herself a little more, "Who's the bitch now?"

The next few minutes passed in a bit of blur; police officers stormed in along with Munch, Lake, Cragen, and Elliot. Fin unlocked Olivia's cuffs and pulled her over to him while the other officers restrained Harris to take him out of the basement. The others rushed over to Olivia, and Elliot immediately moved to her side and placed a hand on her arm as his eyes scanned her appearance. He swallowed nervously; she didn't look alright and that immediately caused him to become concerned.

"Olivia, are you alright? Do you need medical attention?" Cragen immediately asked as he scanned the appearance of his detective. She shook her head as she blinked a couple times to try and steady herself.

"I'm fine."

Elliot looked over at her again; "Liv-"

She held her hand up, looking around at the others; "Let's take this son of a bitch down."

The others nodded their heads before leading the way out of the basement. As they walked, Fin kept a hand on her back and Elliot draped an arm around Olivia's waist and tenderly stroked her side, and she couldn't stop herself from leaning into him as she was sore and tired. He whispered to her that everything was okay, and she simply nodded as she allowed him and Fin to help her out of there.

The nightmare was over – for now.

* * *

 ** _Dun dun. Leave me some feedback guys; I always appreciate your feedback. Thank you for your constant support. You're some of the most amazing people in the world. Until next time xoxo_**


	19. Chapter 19

**Hey guys!**

 **I'm here with a new update. This one will be shorter than the others, but it follows Olivia's return after being undercover in Sealview. She's having a hard time after the events of the last twenty-four hours, and eventually, she realizes that only one person can make this all better.**

 **Enjoy xoxo**

* * *

 **Keeping Promises**

 **Part 19**

The day was already hell, so Olivia was a hundred percent sure that it couldn't have gotten any worse.

Boy, was she wrong.

Upon returning to the precinct, she went to the cribs to have a quick shower and to change her clothes while Harris was taken into an interrogation room by uniformed officers. After changing her clothes, she got herself together and went into the interrogation room to talk to Harris. She pushed aside all of her fear and put on that confident _Detective Benson_ persona to interrogate him. She did everything she could to intimidate him and push him, though the only thing that provoked a response when she implied that he liked men since he was always attacking women, leading him to stand up and get directly in her face as best he could with the handcuffs attacked to the table. He told her to shut up and called her a filthy whore, yet she didn't even flinch at the words as she smirked.

And then the door open, and shit hit the fan.

The lawyer came in, courtesy of the corrections officers' union. She further learned that Harris was negative for TB, as was that creep Matthew Parker. Olivia tried to plead her case, pointing out that he almost killed her, to which the lawyer shrugged it off and pointed out that Harris didn't know that she was a cop. Olivia pointed out that he had no right to attack her, yet the lawyer replied that the law gave Harris every right to "strike an inmate to force compliance."

"But not the right to try and rape me!" Olivia shouted back, glaring at Harris again. He scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"She's lying."

"You raped Ashley Tyler and your murdered her mother."

"And Sealview is investigation your allegations," the lawyer stepped in, giving her a look; "But right now, I'm taking my client home."

With that, the uniformed officers undid the handcuffs and allowed the lawyer to take Harris out. The creepy corrections captain left out, but not without taking a long, hard look at Olivia, one that unnerved her. The door closed behind them, and she shook her head before looking at the captain again and muttering that his wasn't over, and that maybe Ashley could ID him. Cragen told her that Ashley had taken a turn for the worse, leading Olivia to pause and look up at him.

The day had gotten even worse.

She sighed and uttered something about needing some air, then stormed out of the interrogation room. Elliot spotted her as she approached her desk and stood up as he wanted to make sure she was alright. She had been avoiding them all pretty much since she'd come back; she had gone straight to the cribs then straight to interrogation without looking any of them in the eye. He was worried about her and wondered what happened, _if_ anything happened at all in that basement. He had tried to ask Fin, but Fin simply told him that Olivia would talk to him about it before leaving for the day as he said he needed to take the rest of the day off.

"Where are you going?" he asked as he walked around to her desk.

"To get some air."

"Here…I'll go with you."

"I'd rather go by myself."

"Liv wait…" he gently grabbed her arm, only to be taken aback she snatched her arm away from him.

"Just let me go Elliot; I need to clear my head." She snapped, frowning at him. Elliot hesitated for a second but nodded and dropped his hand to his side. She slipped her gun back into its holster again, before bolting out of the squad room. Elliot watched as she went, sighing to himself as he felt his heart crack. Something was wrong. He didn't know what, but something was really wrong, and Olivia wasn't talking to him.

"Let her go, Elliot; give her a minute."

He looked back at his captain, who gave him a pat on the shoulder before walking away. He sighed to himself and sat down at his desk, holding his head in his hands as he tried to get his thoughts together.

He was completely unaware on the roof, his partner and best friend was sitting with her back against the tall ledge, crying to herself as she stared at her hands.

This was a nightmare.

* * *

The rest of the day seemed to pass in a flash and before long, night had fallen over the city. After managing to compose herself and get some fresh air in her lungs, Olivia had come back inside and grabbed some coffee for getting to work at her desk. She was trying to find anything to incriminate Lowell Harris – if not for what he did to her, at least for what he did to Ashley and Risa. She didn't really care if he was never charged for what he did to her; she wanted to get justice for _them_.

She sat there staring at his picture; his eyes were cold and felt like they were piercing into her soul. She sighed slightly and blinked back the tears that had formed in her eyes as an image of her in that basement again, and quickly blinked again, shaking her head slightly before putting the picture down.

She heard footsteps approaching and the familiar scent of aftershave filled her nostrils. She quickly composed herself just as he approached and leaned over her desk slightly as he rest his hands on the surface.

"You okay?" his voice was so calm and gentle and full of concern. She didn't know if this was a truce of sorts since they hadn't really said ' _sorry'_ or spoken properly since their fight. All she knew was that if this was going to turn into an _'I told you so'_ moment, she didn't want to deal with it.

"Yeah," she glanced at him as she rubbed the back of her neck; "What are you still doing here?"

"Avoiding diaper duty; Katie and the twins are handling it," he smiled a bit when she let out a small laugh; "Need a lift?"

"Um, no thanks – I'm gonna stay a while." She didn't want to tell him that she'd probably be up all night because she couldn't get Lowell Harris out of her head. Her body was screaming for her to rest, but there was no way she would be able to – not for a little while anyway.

Concern etched across Elliot's features, but instead of being his normal overbearing self, he played it cool and calm. He watched as her eyes drifted back to the picture of Harris, and he placed a comforting hand on her upper back; "You'll get Harris."

Olivia scoffed and rolled her eyes; "For excessive force at best, but more likely, he'll be transferred and promoted."

"Is he already back at work?"

"Yeah."

Elliot watched her for a moment. Olivia was too quiet. She was no longer fighting with him, she was barely looking him in the eye. Something was wrong, and he needed her to open up to him. He rubbed her back gently, before dropping his voice to a whisper and asking;

"What happened in the basement?"

She froze. She hadn't expected that question, nor was she ready to talk about it with him. If she talked about it with him, it would go one of two ways – he would possibly give her the _I told you so_ speech and make her feel like shit, or he would go off on one and beat the shit out of Harris and lose his job, which would also make her feel like shit.

She just wasn't in the mood to deal with any of it. Besides, if she didn't talk about it, she could pretend it hadn't happened – right?"

"Nothing…" she shook her head before glancing at him; "I'm fine, El."

He opened his mouth to speak, but they were both interrupted by the sound of her desk phone ringing. She snatched it up and spoke; _"Detective Benson",_ then a few moments later, she was hanging up. She told him that she had to go because Ashley was awake, but before she could go, he had gently grabbed her hand to stop her. She had a curious look in her eyes, and he took a breath;

"Are we okay?"

She looked at him for a second. She saw the remorse in his eyes - he was silently asking for a truce, and honestly, she needed it too. They had both said things they didn't mean to say, and they would have to have a lengthy discussion about it later, but for now, they were okay.

She nodded; "We're okay."

She squeezed his hand before rushing off, leaving him standing in the middle of the squad room, staring after her while his hand tingled from her touch.

* * *

Olivia went to the hospital to see Ashley, and she was pleased to learn that she was awake and responding to treatment. The nurse, however, told her that she was still a little out of it and probably couldn't talk much now, and so that it would probably be best that she come back the following day. Olivia thanked them for helping her and glanced into the room where Ashley was, before sighing and making her way out of the hospital. There wasn't really anything that couldn't wait until tomorrow, but she just felt safer being in an area full of cops than being alone in her apartment.

She took the long way back to the precinct, and once she got inside, she saw that Elliot had gone as his desk light was off and his coat and things were gone. She sighed and sat down at her desk as she tried to figure out what to do next. There had to be some information somewhere that could stop Harris from doing the things he did.

" _Bite me and you're dead."_

She squeezed her eyes shut and massaged her temples, trying to rid her mind of the memory before suddenly-

"Liv, go home."

She looked up; Captain Cragen was making his way over to her with his coat slung over his arm. She gave him a small smile and shook her head, leaning back in her chair as he came over and perched himself on the edge of her desk.

"I'm gonna stay for a bit; or I'll stay the night if you need someone here." She told him.

"There's unis and all that around here – you've been undercover in a hell hole, so you need to go home and rest." He told her. Olivia simply sighed, shaking her head and rubbing her hands over her eyes. Cragen eyes her for a second before speaking;

"Do you wanna talk?"

"I guess I should listen to you more often," she spoke softly, staring blankly at the papers on her desk; "You told me not to go in there, and I went anyway and look…look what happened to me."

"Don't you dare do that; this is not your fault." Cragen told her, holding his hand up to stop her.

"But maybe we could have found another way to catch the guy." She muttered.

"Olivia, what you did was incredibly brave, and now you have another person to add to the suspect list, we just have to connect the dots," he leaned closer, putting a hand on her shoulder;

"Liv, I'm just sorry that this happened to you, but please, don't think this is your fault, and don't think of yourself as any less strong because this happened. You're a warrior, Liv; you're a survivor – you always have been, and you're going to survive this."

Olivia gave a small smile to her captain as she squeezed his arm. It was nice to hear such comforting words the wise man whom was like a father figure to her; he had believed in her since the very beginning and always pushed her to her limits, thus allowing her to burst into this strong woman that was easily capable of running and keeping up along side her male counterparts. But she also knew that it would take time to come to terms with what had happened to her, and to move on from it. It was going to be a long process; something else to add to everything that already weighed on her.

"Go home." Cragen told her again.

"Cap-"

"Or go to Elliot's."

Olivia paused and her mouth ran dry. Her captain had actually just suggested that she go to Elliot's place, and she wondered if this was his way of urging her to at least talk to him. She couldn't tell Elliot what happened – at least not right now. She wasn't even ready to admit it to herself and didn't know when she would be.

"He doesn't know what happened – does he?"

Olivia hesitated for a second, before shaking her head; "I'm not sure if I even wanna admit it to myself let alone him…" she felt the tears fill her eyes and she sniffled a bit; "Dammit; he was right – he told me not to go, told me how dangerous it was; why didn't I fucking listen to him?"

"Don't do that to yourself, you know better," Cragen remarked before continuing; "Look, Liv…you don't have to tell him tonight, tell him when you're ready; but for tonight, I think you could just use a friend."

"Me and him were so awful to each other before I went in."

"And from what I've seen tonight – when he hovered around you while you were sitting here earlier, and the way he almost ran after you earlier today when you went out from some air – he's not holding any grudges," Cragen raised an eyebrow, "Go see him."

Olivia took a breath, then nodded her head before thanking him. Cragen nodded and gave her a smile, then bid her goodnight before standing up and heading out. Olivia closed the file and tucked it into her bag, then shut down her computer and flicked off the desk light. She then put on her coat and grabbed her bag, and after quickly turning in the keys to the sedan, she was off for the night.

Cragen was right. She needed her friend.

* * *

After a cab ride to her apartment to change into more casual wear and to pick up her own car, and after a thirty-minute ride which took her across the bridge into the borough of Queens, Olivia was finally pulling up outside the Stabler family home. Most of the lights were off for the most part, but she could see there was a dim glow coming from inside the living room area which indicated to her that the lamp was probably on. Elliot was most likely up, which would be great as she just wanted to see him.

She sighed to herself and got out, then rushed up to the door. She pressed the glowing button and listened as the melodious tune echoed throughout the home. After a few moments, she heard the sounds of the locks click and then the front door opened.

And there he was – standing behind the glass of the door – in his navy blue and white plaid flannel pajama bottoms and a faded blue NYPD t-shirt. He had a soft smile on his face and his blue eyes shimmered in the light from the street post, yet the look of concern that was present in the swirls of blue was just enough to bring tears to her eyes.

He opened the door; "Wanna come in?"

She nodded, before stepping into the warm home. He closed the door behind them, before turning to her again just as she turned to him.

"El."

"Liv."

They continued to stare at each other as they realized they spoke at the same time. Elliot was giving her a look of pure concern mixed with relief, and the tears had filled her eyes once again.

And before she knew it, she had fallen into his arms and buried her face into his shoulder while his arms were wrapped tightly around her. She squeezed him as tight as possible, and suddenly, the tears began to overflow. She tried to stop herself as she didn't want him to ask any questions, but as sniffles began and small sobs began to escape her lips and her shoulders shook from the sobs, she realized that there was no stopping. This was some outpour of emotion that had been coming. The accident, her feelings for him, their fight a few days ago, and the incident from the basement at Sealview; everything was still piled on top of her and she just needed to let it all out.

Elliot squeezed her as tight as possible as he rest his cheek against her hair. He closed his eyes as he listened to the sobs, his own heart breaking in the process as he hated this side of her. He could count once on both hands the amount of times he'd seen Olivia cry, and not even a proper cry, but just a few tears that she shed – some when her mother died, some more when they thought Alex had died and some when they found out she was in witness protection, some after a few years back on a case where she saw herself in the girl who had killed her drunk mother, some during the Gitano situation, some on the day Kathy died and some on the day of the funeral.

So for Olivia to properly sob now, she had to be _hurting_.

He didn't know what happened, but it was clear that _something_ had happened. But he knew his best friend. She would talk about it when she was ready, and now was clearly not that time. She just needed some comfort right now and that's what he was going to give her.

"I'm so sorry."

He kissed the top of her head, squeezing her as the words tumbled from her lips.

"No…I'm the one that's sorry; I'm so sorry…" he whispered back, "Shh…just let it out."

And she did.

In the comfort of his warm arms, she simply cried.

* * *

 ** _And there we go...another update finished. Looks like our dynamic duo have finally made up. The next update though...all I can say is get ready because it's going to be crazy. For now, leave me your feedback. I appreciate you all so much! Until next time xoxo_**


	20. Chapter 20

**Hey guys!**

 **Here with an update again! This one - I don't have any words. I'm just really excited for you guys to read it and I can't wait to see what you all think about it.**

 **Enjoy xoxo**

* * *

 **Keeping Promises**

 **Part 20**

Olivia woke up some hours later, feeling slightly confused as she found herself on a sofa with a blanket over her. She blinked a couple times to get her bearings, only to realize that she was on Elliot's sofa in his living room. The clock on the wall indicated that it was five-thirty in the morning, and somehow, she had miraculously slept for a few hours without incident. She flicked her eyes to the arm chair in the corner; Elliot was reclined in the chair and was fast asleep with a blanket over him as well.

She pushed the blanket off of her body before pulling herself up from the sofa, rubbing her eyes as she did so. They had to be at work in a couple hours, which meant she needed to head home now so that she could get ready – and pray that she'd beat the first wave of morning traffic as there were some people that were headed off to work at this ungodly hour as well. As she stuck her feet into her sneakers and grabbed her keys from the table, she didn't realize she had accidentally woken Elliot up until –

"Leaving?"

She jumped slightly then looked over at him, seeing that he was now awake and giving her a sleepy smile. She smiled slightly and nodded her head; "Yeah…gonna get home and stuff; I'll see you a bit later."

"I'll be outside of yours in about…" he paused to glance at the clock on the wall; "In about an hour and a half."

She nodded as she made her way over to the door. He stood up to follow, and sweetly helped her into her coat before rubbing her shoulder. She turned around and gave him a quick hug, before heading out of the house. He watched until she had safely started her car and driven off, before he then closed his door and headed back inside to get ready for yet another long day.

About an hour and a half later – just like he said – he had pulled up in front of her apartment building, only after he had stopped and gotten them coffee as he knew they would need it to get through the day. He spotted her coming outside a few minutes after he had sent her a text, and he had to admit she looked a lot better than she did when she came to his the night before. She still had a healing bruise on her cheek, but she looked refreshed as she wore her grey t-shirt under her brown leather jacket, along with black trousers and black heeled boots. Her badge shimmered in the sunlight as it was clipped to her hip, and there was a light dusting of make up on her face and not a hair was out of place.

She was truly beautiful, and Elliot simply couldn't stop staring at her.

She got into the car and gave him a smile, before uttering a simple 'thank you' as she took her coffee. The drive to the precinct was relatively short, and while they didn't talk about much, Olivia did ask if it was alright for her to come over tonight, if they didn't have to work late of course, as she wanted to see the kids – especially baby Eli. Elliot told her that she was always welcome and that he would make sure Kathleen ordered some food for dinner so that it would be there by the time they arrived at the house.

The workday seemed to run a little smoother. While the others continued to search through information to aid them in this case, Olivia and Fin had a meeting with Cragen and the corrections commissioner – one that confused Elliot as he wondered what else they could possibly be meeting about. He knew something had happened while she was undercover, and while he didn't know yet what it was, he hoped that Olivia would tell him soon. He wanted Fin to tell him, but he also knew that Fin was respecting Olivia's wishes and leaving her to tell him herself; whatever it may be. But whatever had happened, Cragen and the corrections commissioner must have been aware of such. He heard Cragen's door open and listened as the corrections commissioner commended Olivia and Fin for their bravery and shook their hands before leaving. He focused his attention back on his paperwork to not give any indication that he had been listening, while Olivia and Fin returned to their desks to continue searching for any information that could connect Harris to Ashley's rape.

It had just gone noon when Olivia's phone rang and she was given the all clear to come see Ashley as she was more awake and alert. She grabbed the keys to her and Elliot's sedan, and quickly headed out to make the quick journey to Mercy General Hospital. She headed inside and headed to the isolation ward, only to smile when she saw Ashley sitting on the little stool at the window that would allow them to talk without Olivia having to go into her room.

Ashley wasn't the least bit impressed to see Olivia, but Olivia managed to get her to trust her again. She had a way that Ashley could ID the creep that raped her, and she just hoped that her gut wasn't wrong on this. She knew exactly who had raped Ashley, but without a positive identification, she couldn't do anything with her theory. This was a long shot, and before speaking again, she silently prayed to God that she wasn't wrong about this. Despite Ashley's protests, she managed to twist her arm and get her to talk.

"Was there anything about his penis that was unusual?" she asked, fighting the urge to be sick as the image flashed through her head; "A scar? A tattoo? Anything that you remember."

There was hesitation for a moment, then Ashley replied; "He has a big mole."

 _Bingo._

Olivia nodded, taking a breath before whispering to her; "You were very brave."

"You believe me?" Ashley wondered.

"Yeah…yeah I do," Olivia told her, "And now I'm gonna go get my guys, and we're about to arrest the bastard."

And with that, she gave a wave before turning and making her way towards the exit. Lowell Harris was going down if it was the last thing they ever did.

* * *

After stopping at the precinct to get Elliot and brief the captain, the partners and their uniformed officer backup had made the journey up to Westerville County and gone to Sealview. They went inside and talked to the warden, whom was unable to dispute the evidence that had mounted against the once respected captain within her prison. She led them down to the block where Harris was, just in time to find him shoving the girl that Olivia had shared a cell with back into her cell and telling her to get back into the cell. Olivia rolled her eyes, yet a smirk was on her lips.

"Don't worry Amber, he's gonna get his own cell soon."

She heard the gasps from the inmates and Harris glared at her; "I've got nothing to say to you, talk to my lawyer."

"Oh no, you first – you're gonna need him." Elliot replied, grabbing hold of the man as he slapped handcuffs on his wrists. Harris looked over at the Warden, his eyes going wide as it dawned on him what was happening.

"Warden?"

She glared back at him as she spat; "Get him out of my prison."

Harris swallowed nervously before looking at Olivia, who was staring into his eyes as she spoke;

"Lowell Harris, you're under arrest for rape; you have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law. You have the right to an attorney, and if you cannot afford one, one will be appointed to you."

The cheers erupted from the other inmates, while Harris continued to stare at Olivia as Elliot practically dragged him down the hall with him. Olivia smirked to herself as she and the warden walked behind them, but she stopped when she heard a familiar voice;

"Kat!"

She looked over; Shawna was in a cell, looking at her with wide eyes. Olivia stopped and went to the cell, to which Shawna asked; "You're a cop? You came in here to help us?"

Olivia sighed before sticking her hand through the bar; "My name isn't Kat; I'm Detective Olivia Benson, Manhattan Special Victims Unit…and yes, I came in here to help you; he will _never_ hurt you all again."

The young woman's lips curled into a smile and she curled her hand around Olivia's, giving it a shake as she spoke; "Th…thank you, Olivia."

Olivia gave her a smile and told them all to take care of themselves, before rushing out to catch up with Elliot, whom had already put Harris in the squad car that had been waiting outside. Elliot spotted her and opened the passenger side door for her, allowing her to slip into the seat. He then went around and slipped into the driver's seat, before radioing ahead to tell the uniformed officers to meet them at Medical Examiner's office as they began the drive back to the city.

The ride back to the Medical Examiner's office passed quickly, and once inside, the uniformed officers waited near the exit while Harris was dragged in with Elliot and Olivia. Olivia looked away while Melinda did the necessary examination which included taking a picture of his privates, thus showing the mole that Ashley had pointed out. Elliot made a snide comment of _'Captain? Looks more like a private to me'_ , and Melinda mentioned that they would have to enlarge it for the jury but that it was exactly where Ashley said it was. Harris pulled his pants back up and was cuffed again, and he glared at Olivia as she uttered a simple; _'See you in twenty years Captain'._ Once they had left the room, Olivia was waiting for Elliot to come back so that they could talk, and was simply leading against the desk when Melinda suddenly asked;

"How did you know to ask Ashley about the mole?"

Olivia hesitated for a moment, then slowly replied; "She remembered."

Melinda turned around to face her, stepping closer as she tilted her head; "But you couldn't have known she was right."

The look on Melinda's face said it all; she was connecting the dots and now Olivia knew there was no way around this. She couldn't lie to her at this point, so she figured she might as well come clean;

"I saw it…when he had me in the basement."

The two women had no idea that Elliot was approaching the room, and that he could hear them talking. He froze as he listened, and the anger began to course through him as he listened to the remainder of the conversation;

"Olivia…did he rape you?"

There was a pause, and Elliot felt like his heart was about to leap out of his throat. The seconds felt like the longest minutes, and he swallowed hard when he heard his partner reply in a shaky voice;

"It's the closest I've ever come."

Elliot saw red.

He listened as Olivia sniffled a bit, yet he couldn't bring himself to go in there right now as he needed to calm down. He walked away from the room and went outside for a second to take a few deep breaths so that he wouldn't put a hole through one of the walls or something. He had known all along that something had happened in that basement. It all made sense; Olivia's odd behavior yesterday, the way Fin had this guilty look on his face, Olivia's break down last night, Olivia and Fin's meeting with Cragen and the corrections commissioner this morning; everything suddenly made a lot of sense and now Elliot was ready to strangle the life out of that lowlife piece of shit that was currently sitting in the back of the squad car, waiting to be taken to the tombs.

He whipped out his radio and told the uniformed officers to take Harris to the precinct and stick him in the interrogation room for further questioning. This son of a bitch was going to pay for what he did to Olivia.

He took another breath, then headed back inside. Olivia was coming out of the room with Melinda, and the two were talking quietly as they walked along with their arms linked. She looked up as he approached, and he could see that she had tried to hide that she had been crying. He wouldn't let her know that he knew though; he would wait for her to tell him on her own.

"You ready to go?" he asked. She nodded and gave Melinda's arm a squeeze, before she then let go. Elliot gave Melinda a wave as well, before the two partners then exited the medical examiner's office together. They slipped into their sedan then Elliot peeled away from the curb.

"Hey um, I need to run back to the precinct to finish up something, but I know you're done for the day so I can just drop you off at yours," he glanced over at her as he maneuvered through the streets; "You can even head out to Queens if you want, though I shouldn't be long."

"Oh…okay no worries." Olivia raised an eyebrow as she reached into the floor behind his seat to grab her bag, which she had brought along with her as they had been gone all afternoon. She eyed Elliot suspiciously before asking; "Do you need my help with anything?"

"No no, I got it, Liv;" he gave her a sweet smile, "Go inside; get a nice shower and get changed into clothes that you don't mind getting stained with baby vomit."

This caused Olivia to let out a laugh, and she shook her head as he pulled up in front of her apartment building; "Dear God don't let your kid throw up on me tonight…" she opened the door and glanced back at him; "I'll call you after I get changed and stuff; that'll determine if I drive to Queens myself."

"I shouldn't be long, promise." He told her. She gave him a sweet smile and jokingly told him to hurry back, before then jumping out and heading into the building. Elliot waited until she blinked her lights, before then driving off and heading back to the precinct.

Upon arrival, he headed inside and straight up to the Special Victims squad room. He briefly popped his head in to tell Cragen that he was gonna ask Harris some more questions, though Cragen was barely listening and simply waved him off as he was in the middle of a phone call with One-P-P. Munch, Lake, and Fin were gone for the evening, and only uniformed officers were dotted around and hanging out. Elliot headed into the interrogation room and waved off the uniformed officer that had been waiting with Harris, before closing the door and the blinds to the room. Harris looked around before flicking his gaze back to Elliot, whom was glaring back at him as he rolled his sleeves up and tucked his tie into his shirt.

"Should I call my lawyer?"

"Nope, won't be necessary…" he folded his arms across his chest; "You like roughing up defenseless women in prisons or teenage girls that can't fight back?"

Harris grumbled, diverting his gaze to the ground. Elliot let out a chuckle and shook his head.

"I have two teenage daughters and a twenty-three year old, and I know for a fact that if anything like this shit ever happened to them, I'd kill the fucker…"

He flicked his gaze back to Harris, whom was still standing at the ground; "Ashley Tyler and her mother, all those women in the prison; all innocent pawns that you manipulated and used…but you really made the mistake messing with Ashley; child and teenager rapists don't go down well in prison."

Harris looked up; "Is there a point to this conversation?"

"You know what your biggest mistake was?" Elliot was still pacing the room. Harris was watching him intently, wondering what the point of this interrogation was. He couldn't help but feel a little uneasy as he watched the tall man pacing back and forth in the room. The atmosphere had changed and tension hung in the air; he could see a vein bulging from the neck and forearms of the blue eyed detective.

"You see, your biggest mistake, was what you did to the cop," Elliot whipped his head around to look at him, and he saw the man's face drop; "Yeah…she's my partner; Olivia Benson."

"I thought she was an inmate."

"Doesn't make it any better," Elliot replied before stalking over to the table and leaning over it so that he was eye level with Harris; "But no…she's my partner, and you sexually assaulted her."

He reached over and grabbed hold of his collar, squeezing; "Big mistake pal; nobody puts their hands on Olivia and gets away with it."

He watched as the arrogant corrections captain started to smirk at him, and he felt the anger rise yet again when the man spoke; "Oh I get it; only you can do her – right?"

Elliot let go of him and walked around to the table; "Don't you dare…"

"Can't say I blame you," Harris continued to taunt, smirking at him; "I bet she's a real good fuck too; how often have you did her?"

"Shut up, you son of a bitch."

"I felt her up; she's got a nice body…bet she puts out real good…"

He then looked at Elliot, who was second from blowing his lid.

"And when I get outta jail, the filthy whore will be mine."

 _That_ was the final straw.

With that, he kicked the chair from under Harris and before the man could react, Elliot's fist collided with his face. He quickly moved to barricade the door with the other chair in the room, before his fist once again collided with Harris's face as the man's groans of pain filled the room.

* * *

When Olivia had a gut feeling, she was often right.

So, when she had a gut feeling that something wasn't quite right with Elliot, she knew she had to go to the precinct. She showered quickly and got dressed, then grabbed her things before making the drive to the precinct. She rushed inside, yet frowned in confusion when she didn't see Elliot at his desk. She noticed that the Captain's door was slightly ajar, so she poked her head into the office;

"Captain, where's Elliot?" she asked. Cragen held up his hand as he rounded off a call, before looking at Olivia.

"Elliot?" he raised an eyebrow before continuing; "I thought you were in interrogation with him; he said he had more questions to ask Harris."

"What?" Olivia's eyes went wide as realization dawned on him; "Oh God; teenage girl, raped by Harris…Elliot has teenagers…shit."

"Shit!" Cragen burst out. The two raced to the interrogation room, just in time to hear Elliot screaming in anger while loud groans of pain could be heard as well. Olivia tried to open the door, but groaned when he realized that it was stuck shut.

"I think he's barricaded it," she groaned before banging on the door; "Elliot – open the door!"

"Dammit," Cragen pushed her aside before giving it a few good shoves until he was able to break the door open; "Detective!"

Olivia rushed in as well, screaming; "Elliot stop it – stop!" She ran over and tried to grab him, but he brushed her off.

"Back off, Olivia!" he spat, glaring at her before delivering another powerful punch to an already bruised and bloodied Lowell Harris. A couple uniformed officers came in and helped to pull Elliot off while Cragen shouted for the others to call a bus. The officers tended to Harris to make sure he wasn't dead, while Elliot was still glaring at the broken man on the floor as Cragen and Olivia pushed him out into the hallway.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Cragen glared at him.

"Thinking I'm saving the state of New York a cell and a lot of money," Elliot shouted back as his temper got the best of him; "He deserves to fucking die for what he's done!"

"You're out of order, Detective," Cragen fired back; "Go cool off while I decide what to do, and you better pray we don't have a fucking mess on our hands here after your little stunt."

Elliot glared at him for a second before storming off. Olivia stood there with Cragen for a second and watched as unis tended to Harris while waiting they waited for the paramedics to arrive. This was an absolute fucking mess.

She ran out of the room and headed up to the roof as fast as her sneakers would take her, as she knew that it was where they all went when they needed to cool off. Elliot was pacing back and forth near the tall ledge while grumbling to himself and trying to calm down. Olivia rushed over to him while holding her arms around herself as it was quite cold out.

"Elliot, what the-"

"Olivia, leave me alone for a second!"

"No, you don't get to talk to me like that," she shot back, grabbing his arm so that he'd stop moving; "What the hell is your problem, Elliot?"

"I don't have a problem."

"Well what the fuck was that?" She was gripping onto his arm as she yelled at him; "You could've blown our case, El!"

"One less thing on our fucking case load if he's dead," Elliot snarled, snaking bed hand off; "The sick fuck is lucky I didn't kill him!"

"Elliot calm down, this isn't you," she tried to reason with him while he turned so that his back was to her as he pressed against the tall edge; "Dammit El, you could've fucked up your career!"

"Dammit Olivia," He whirled around, and she could see the emotion in his eyes as he continued;

"It'll be worth it; I'll kill the bastard for what he did to you!"

Silence.

Olivia froze and her lip trembled as she tried to figure out what to say, while Elliot continued; "Yeah…I heard you talking to Melinda," he folded his arms; "Why didn't you tell me?"

She diverted her gaze, before looking up at him; "You think I wanted to admit that you were right? You think I wanted to hear an I told you so?"

"I would have never said that and you know it," he reached out but she pushed him away; "Olivia come on, just let me fucking help."

"You just helped enough didn't you? By blowing our case!"

"Don't you fucking dare," he growled, glaring at her; "You didn't hear how he was talking about you, Olivia; all those things be said – I fucking snapped."

He scoffed, shaking his head; "Why's it so hard for you to see that you matter to us around here?"

Her head snapped up and she spat; "Why the fuck do you even care?!"

"Fuck's sake…" Elliot snapped before suddenly blurting out;

"Because dammit Olivia, I'm in love with you!"

* * *

 _ **Dun dun! It's finally out - Whoa! Leave me some feedback guys, let me know what you think. I appreciated iate you all so much and I can't thank you enough. Until next time my friends xoxo**_


	21. Chapter 21

**Hey guys!**

 **So...this update is perhaps the longest update I've ever done. In this one, we pick up after Elliot blurts out his true feelings for Olivia. She does what she does best when things get complicated and scary, but after a special visit, she maybe realizes that walking away is not the best option.**

 **Enjoy xoxo**

* * *

 **Keeping Promises**

 **Part 21**

It was as if time came to a stand still as the words hung in the air;

" _Because dammit Olivia, I'm in love with you!"_

Elliot's eyes were wide because he hadn't meant to tell her like this. Olivia felt like she couldn't breathe because the words she had longed to hear from Elliot Stabler for so long had just been spoken, yet she had no idea how to handle it.

In the middle of an argument and with emotions running high, Elliot – her partner and her very best friend - had just blurted out the confession of being in love with her, Olivia Benson.

She stared at him, her eyes locking with his. She searched for any hint of him lying or signs that he was about to recant the statement, but there was none. Beneath the shock, there was seriousness. _He_ was serious.

She felt dizzy.

She took a breath before finally managing to speak; "Wh-what?"

Elliot's expression softened and his voice dropped from the raised level of which it had once been. He stepped closer, but he refrained from touching her. His eyes locked with hers, and he spoke yet again;

"That's why I care so much…because, I'm in love with you."

The confession had finally been voiced.

It was no longer hidden behind hallway arguments and warehouse showdowns with sadistic pedophiles and chats outside of hospital rooms. It was no longer hidden behind transfers to Computer Crimes and undercover gigs in Oregon. It was no longer hidden behind the promise of a kidney or five in the morning breakfasts after a chat on a front stoop.

No news of going home could block this.

No news of a new baby could block this.

 _Kathy_ could not block this.

Kathy…she had been the boundary line for so long and now she was gone. This was Elliot raw and open and confessing his true feelings.

It fucking scared her.

"No…" she shook her head, stepping back slightly; "Kathy…Kathy's only been dead for three months; you can't love me…you're not supposed to love me."

"Dammit Olivia," Elliot ran his hand down his face, and she could see the hurt starting to form in his eyes; "We've danced around this for nine years now; I know you've felt it too."

"You were married, Elliot!"

"And you don't know how guilty I felt; being married to one woman yet falling in love more and more every day with another."

He stepped closer and reached out, gently brushing his fingers against her arm. The words were out there, and now there was no going back;

"I could never help how I felt; I still can't."

Olivia felt like she was going to faint. This was too much – too _fucking_ much.

"No…" she shook her head, pulling her arm away.

"Liv, it was always you-"

"But you went home to her!" Olivia felt the tears fill her eyes as she screamed at him; "You went to her; don't you dare do this right now!"

"She was familiar, Liv…" there were tears in Elliot's eyes too as he shot back at her; "And she was _there._ Things were so complicated between me and you at the time, Liv; I thought you didn't feel the same for me."

She felt like she was gonna pass out and being on the roof with him was not helping.

" _You're his partner, you give him stability…Elliot can't move on unless he feels like he's on solid ground."_

The words from over a year earlier rang in her head. She couldn't handle this.

"I can't do this with you right now."

"No…no Olivia," he reached out to her, but she whirled around and made her way to the door; "Olivia wait…please, don't run from me right now."

She looked back at him and saw the look in his eyes. He was serious about all of this. He had poured his heart out too her. It was too real, too serious.

And she was too scared.

"I just need to get away from you right now."

And she did what she did best.

She ran.

* * *

Olivia barely said anything. She gathered her keys and told Cragen that she'd see him in the morning before rushing off. She made the short drive back to her apartment, as suddenly the thought of spending the evening at Elliot's place made her feel nauseous. She felt kind of bad because she hadn't seen his kids in a while now and she missed them and they missed her, but she just needed some time to think. Too much had happened in the last few days and she just needed to _think._

Once inside her apartment, she put her keys aside and placed her badge and gun onto the table, then made her way into the kitchen. After grabbing a beer and flicking off the cap, she relaxed on the sofa with the intent to think and get her head straight. She took a swig of the drink, yet it did nothing to calm her down. If anything, it only caused her mind to race even more.

Elliot – her partner and best friend and the man she'd secretly had feelings for since their fourth year of partnership – had really just confessed that he was in love with her too.

Olivia had often wondered about how she would react if that had ever happened. She'd once imagined that maybe she would feel a little apprehensive but would ultimately confess the truth to him too, followed by falling into his arms for the most passionate kiss of her life – something like what happened in fairy tales. In her mind, that's all it was – a fairy tale that would never come true because in her mind, she thought that Elliot would never look over and feel the same way about her. So, to actually hear that he felt the same, to see that look of desperation on his face followed by hurt when she started to walk away from him, it actually scared her. He was serious, and suddenly this was becoming too real.

And she couldn't hide behind the barrier of Kathy and a wedding ring. She couldn't hide behind the barrier of transfers and undercover assignments. No – this was real and something that had to be faced head on.

Olivia had never been good with relationships. She had been in a few over the years, searching for something to fill the void left by years of abuse and later the death of her mother. No man ever matched up or came close to making her feel worthy, nobody ever made her want to open herself up and get close and bare her soul. She pushed them all away because they didn't give her the feeling she craved – that acceptance and safety and love that she had craved for so long.

And then there was Elliot.

From the very beginning, he made her feel safe and calm and well, in a way, _loved_. He drove her crazy, but she loved that. She hated him sometimes, but she loved him too. They were two halves that came together to create one soul full of fire and light. He pushed her to be the best that she could be, and that made her feel alive. He kept her safe as best he could, even though his overprotective ways could get very annoying. He made her heart skip beats and set her soul on fire with just a look. Really, Elliot was everything she had ever wanted in a man, and that was why she fell for him…and why she was still in love with him too.

But she had always been able to hide behind Kathy and that wedding band; that was the barrier between them, and even though it hurt, she didn't mind. If the barrier was there, she couldn't hurt Elliot. That was her fear – hurting him, and ultimately losing him forever.

She felt like she had done that tonight, and that hurt her heart.

' _We've danced around this for nine years now; I know you've felt it too…'_

" _I felt it…"_ she thought as she closed her eyes; _"I always felt it between us."_

And as she drifted off and allowed sleep to take over, her mind took over, playing all the memories between her and Elliot on a loop.

* * *

 _In an instant, she was walking through the squad room doors for the first time. Brown hair skimming her shoulders and bright eyes full of wonder, she walked into the unit that she had just been transferred to with her bag on her shoulder, her badge in her pocket, her gun on her hip, and a box of her belongings in her arms. She was eager to start in this unit and to make a difference in the lives of many. If she could make sure that someone didn't go through what her mother went through and what she subsequently went through, that was rewarding enough for her._

" _Hey – looking for someone?"_

 _Her gaze flicked to a tall, handsome, blue eyed man whom had stood up to greet her with a friendly smile. She smiled back, nodding her head as she responded; "Uh yeah…looking for Captain Cragen."_

" _He's in his office, and you must be the new detective we're getting," the man stuck out his hand; "Elliot Stabler…" He gestured to the others in the room; a tall gray-haired man, a young brown-haired guy, and a coco skinned woman with curly hair; "That's Detective John Munch, that's Detective Brian Cassidy, and this lady over here is Detective Monique Jeffries."_

" _Nice to meet you all; I'm Detective Olivia Benson." She politely introduced herself. The others gave her a friendly smile and wave, and Elliot hollered for Captain Cragen. She looked on as a slightly taller, older bald man walked out of the office and straight over to him, grinning from ear to ear. He had a kind appearance, and a fatherly vibe radiated off of him._

 _Yet still, she was curious about the blue-eyed man that was currently standing near her, glancing at her every now and then._

" _Ah…welcome Detective Benson, it's great to finally have you on board with us…" He took the box for her and nodded at everyone; "I see you met everyone, now meet your partner…" He gestured towards the handsome, blue eyed man and her heart skipped a beat; "Detective Olivia Benson, meet your partner, Detective Elliot Stabler."_

 _She was partnered with this man? This day had gotten so much better already._

 _But Elliot? Yeah – he wasn't impressed._

 _She watched as his eyes went wide and his head snapped up to look at her yet again, resulting in her giving him a friendly smile and shrug of the shoulders. He looked back at the Captain, while the Captain gestured for her to put her box onto the desk that was connected to Elliot's, then told Monique to show her around and tell her more about what she was to expect in the unit. She watched as Cragen headed back to his office, and how Elliot followed the man and slammed the door behind him._

 _Silence, then they heard the yelling – "I'm being stuck with some rookie? What the hell? How can I trust her to have my back? She's…she's a rookie!"_

 _The others were watching the door with wide eyes, but she was smirking. She looked around at her fellow detectives and shrugged, smoothing out her pants suit as she spoke;_

" _He won't be saying that for long."_

 _And that was only the beginning._

 _In a flash, they were walking up the steps to a two-story home in Queens. They'd been partners for four months and since then, their bond had gone from icy to all sunshine; they had become the best of friends and trusted each other completely. They had told each other things they had never mentioned to anyone else, which meant he knew about her past – about her being a product of rape and how she was her mother's punching bag for years until she could get away._

 _Tonight, he had invited her over for dinner with his family. She was going to meet his wife and children, and she couldn't wait to meet the people he always spoke so highly of._

 _He guided her into the house and hung up her coat for her, before leading her through to the kitchen where a thin, blond haired woman was putting the last serving dish onto the table. At the table, four blue eyed children were sitting there, chatting together about whatever as they waited for dinner to finish being served._

 _She watched as the blond woman looked up and smiled at Elliot, greeting him with a kiss. He gestured towards her, his smile widening as he looked between the two women;_

" _This is my partner, Olivia; Olivia, this is my wife Kathy."_

" _Hi," she stuck her hand out; "It's really nice to meet you, Kathy; Elliot's told me nothing but great things about you."_

 _The blond curled her hand around hers, giving her hand a brief but firm shake; "Hi Olivia; nice to meet you – Elliot has told me good things about you too."_

 _She didn't miss the look the woman gave her but brushed it off as Elliot walked her over to the table. He introduced her to the four children – fourteen-year-old Maureen, nine-year-old Kathleen, and five-year-old twins Elizabeth and Richard – or Lizzie and Dickie. All of the kids greeted her with friendly grins, and upon understanding that she was a real lady cop, Dickie and Lizzie were immediately eager to know more about her._

 _Throughout dinner, the twins barely let anyone else get a word in as they bombarded her with questions about being a police officer, not that she minded as she enjoyed talking to them. The older kids got to talk to her more and Kathy even asked a few questions as well as she was eager to know the woman that was working with her husband. Still, throughout dinner, she did not miss the strange look she would get from the woman – it was as if she felt threatened for some reason. She couldn't understand why Kathy would feel threatened by her; she was simply the woman working with Elliot by day, making sure to keep him covered in the field so that he was home with his family at night._

 _In a flash, she and Elliot were suddenly in the squad room – this time, it was a year after their partnership. They had only grown closer as time went on; they were more than co-workers, they were the best of friends. But by this point, she had noticed that his protective nature always spiked when a man would look at her weird or make a pass at her, and she had noticed the animosity between him and Brian Cassidy starting to brew the more the young man made innocent yet flirtatious comments towards her._

 _All of that led to this moment here – him leaning against their lockers while she rummaged through hers, and she swore she saw a hint of jealousy swirling in those pools of cobalt blue when he asked;_

" _How long you been sleeping with Cassidy?"_

 _She thought about lying to him, but he knew her too well. She told him it only happened once and how she'd broken a personal rule, but now he wanted to see her again. He looked her up and down and uttered a simple 'Can you blame him?', then went on to tell her that they were partners for better or worse, and to just let him down easy and he'd get over it. She smiled at him and earned a smile from him, and when their eyes locked and sparkled together, she felt a rush come over her._

 _There was a reason why she wasn't the slightest bit attracted to Brian Cassidy and why she didn't want to see him again._

 _Fast forward and they were working another case – this time with a case of "bad genes"; well, wondering if a brother was as bad as his criminal brother, which led to a conversation about gene pools and bad things being inherited. The conversation affected her more than she let on, but Elliot noticed and subtly jumped to her defense by shutting it down as a load of crap. When they got outside the precinct to go do more questioning, he placed a hand on the small of her back and quietly asked;_

" _Are you okay? Don't listen to that shit; you've turned out fucking amazing."_

 _She squeezed his arm and uttered a simple; "I'm fine, Elliot; promise."_

" _Mhm…sure you are," he teased as he slowly pulled his hand away from her; "Well for the record, in case you need to hear it again, you've turned out fucking amazing." He winked at her, and she laughed for the first time since that day had started. She really had a fucking wonderful partner; she couldn't believe she had gotten so lucky._

 _Suddenly, a year of partnership turned into two; their partnership had grown stronger and she had noticed something between them – a chemistry of sorts, something that couldn't be explained. Their second year was plagued with highs and lows, but perhaps the lowest point was when she lost her mother, the only person blood family she had. She lost the woman to an accident outside the Velvet Room; it turns out Serena Benson hadn't beaten the drinking demon and it had finally consumed her, causing her to fall down the Subway steps and die. She was at the wake and all her colleagues had come to support her; Jeffries, Munch, and even the new guy Tutuola – or Fin as everyone called him. Cragen had stayed at the precinct but sent his love, but Elliot was right there as well. He immediately came up to her as she stood beside her mother's casket and he placed a comforting hand on her back as she started at the casket – hurt that her mother had started to drink again, hurt that she was gone._

" _Is there anything I can do for you?"_

 _She shook her head, looking up at him as she whispered; "I feel like such an idiot."_

 _She watched as he looked around, then he shuffled closer. He continued to soothingly rub her back, whispering to her; "Don't feel like an idiot."_

 _She shook her head, looking up at him, watching as his blue eyes clouded with concern. He gave her a small smile, "If you wanna talk later, you know I'm here."_

 _She couldn't say another word; she fell into his arms and he wrapped both of his around her, holding her as she sniffled against his shoulder._

 _They did talk later – when she couldn't sleep. He hung around her apartment so she wouldn't be alone and had already decided that he was staying the night, despite her constantly telling him to go home to his family. They ended up sitting on the sofa and talking for hours; she reminisced about the good times with her mother, especially the more recent times when she hadn't been drinking. She cried over the loss of the woman, cried for the relationship that they had built, cried for the relationship that they would never build. She just sobbed her heart out and he held her, allowing her to cry into his chest until she fell asleep in his arms._

 _Two years of partnership turned into three; it was during that time that she had gotten properly pissed off at him for the first time. A crazy killer was seemingly targeting her; killing off anyone that had been involved in any of her old cases. A protective detail was offered to her, but she declined and maintained that she could protect herself, but when she was leaving the bar after drinks with Munch and Fin, she discovered someone following her. In the end, she discovered that it was a protective detail and she had been confused as she remembered she had declined it. When one of the men told her that 'Detective Stabler' had ordered the detail, she had been furious and immediately demanded to be driven out to Queens._

 _And when she arrived, she rang the bell before pacing outside. He soon opened the door and came outside to sit on the step, and she stormed up to him as he spoke;_

" _I didn't tell you about the detail because I knew you'd refuse."_

" _Only the rat squad puts cops on other cops, Elliot, without telling them…" she glared at him as she spoke; "I deserve better than that, especially from you."_

" _Look, you've been under a lot of stress lately."_

" _I've always backed your play!"_

" _And I did what I had to do," he stood up, grabbing hold of her arm to stop her from moving; "Guy's murdered four people; what's to stop him from coming after you, Olivia?"_

 _She let out a breath, snatching her arm away; "If you can't trust your partner, Elliot, it's time to get a new one."_

 _She whirled around and walked away, grumbling under her breath as she went back to the car to be taken home._

 _She was stubborn, but she later understood why he did order the detail – he just wanted her to be safe, that's all he had ever wanted._

 _By year six, they were closer than partners and friends, but less than lovers; that's what she could describe it as. They told each other everything, they talked constantly and spent so much time together even when they weren't working, even when she told him to go home to his wife and family. There was something between them but whatever it was, she figured that it was one sided on her part. He was happily married with a family; she had no right to have feelings for him._

 _With the six years of being partners, there had been many fights so far and this time was no different. A he said-she said rape case between a professor and student put them on opposite ends of the spectrum – she was siding with the student, he was siding with the professor. They fought the entire time and she could tell something was going on with him, especially with how he was advocating so hard for the professor._

 _But she never expected the news she had heard._

 _When the student's lawyer came in and claimed that the woman had accused Elliot of sexually assaulting her, she and Cragen rushed to defend him with Cragen even saying that in the twelve years Elliot had been in the unit, there had never been a complaint against him. However, the lawyer's next comment caused shockwaves to flow through the office;_

" _Men change; especially when their wives file for legal separation."_

 _Her jaw dropped; she and Elliot talked about everything and this had never come up. She watched as Elliot's face dropped while the lawyer continued to speak; "My investigator checked the court documents; he also found out that your wife took the kids and moved in with her mother."_

 _He was pissed, and after a final word, he stormed out of the office. She swallowed and ran after him, catching him as he made his way towards the door that would take him to the steps that led to the roof. She caught up to him and grabbed his arm, asking him what was going on. He tried to brush her off and walk away, but she refused to let that happen._

" _Hey – would you talk to me?"_

 _He whirled around, and she saw the most defeated look on his face as he walked back up to her and uttered three simple words,_

" _Kathy left me."_

 _News she hadn't heard until now. She felt so sorry for him but part of her, a very small part of her, wondered what the next step was. She hated herself for that feeling, but the tiniest part of her felt a small glimmer of hope at this news._

 _If only she had known what a difference a year would make._

 _A year later – year seven of their partnership – and their relationship was rocked, forever._

 _They were in the bus terminal; it was chaos all around. They had eyes on their target – a sadistic pedophile named Victor Gitano whom had killed two parents and kidnapped the children. She managed to catch Victor and the girl, and she drew her gun for a shot;_

" _Freeze!"_

 _The girls screamed and before she could react, she saw a flash of metal, saw the swing of his arm, and before she knew it, she had crashed to the ground with her hand on her neck. Blood was gushing from the wound and in her shock, she was starting to wonder if this as it – if this was the time she was going down in the line of duty._

 _And suddenly –_

" _Move…Olivia…" Elliot appeared over her and she blinked as she gathered her bearings; "Oh my God…no…no." He was gripping onto her coat and she swore she saw tears glistening in his eyes. He was worried and concerned and desperate to help her, but her concern wasn't on her at the moment. She would be fine; she needed him to get Gitano._

 _She pushed her hand to his chest; "I'm okay…I'm okay…where's Gitano?" She pushed him gently; "Go Elliot…go, I'm fine…go!"_

 _He ran off and she sat up after a bit, still holding her neck as she tried to get her bearings again. Her hand was covered in blood and the wound was stinging, but it was nothing compared to the pain she felt only an hour later, when she and Elliot had the infamous blow up in the hallway of the precinct after a useless interrogation._

" _Why didn't you shoot Gitano?"_

" _He was using the child as a shield."_

" _How could you let him get so close to you?"_

" _There were innocent civilians around, I couldn't get a shot!"_

" _Well he got close and Ryan's dead."_

 _She raised an eyebrow at him; who was this man and what had he done with her partner?_

" _So, this is my fault?"_

 _He shook his head as he started to walk away; "I can't do this anymore, I can't be looking over my shoulder making sure you're okay."_

" _You son of a bitch; you know that's not true."_

 _And when he whirled around, the most awful words were hurled at her, words that caused her heart to break;_

" _I need to know you can do your job and not wait for me to come to the rescue."_

 _She wasn't embarrassed that he had said that to her in front of everyone; she was hurt. Not once in seven years had Elliot ever questioned her abilities as a cop; he always told her how strong she was and how brave she was and how she could kick anyone's ass. So, the fact that he had said this now – it really hurt her feelings and made her feel guilty._

 _Cragen told them to knock it off and told them that Warner needed them at the lab. Elliot reached out to touch her arm, but she snatched her arm away, shaking her head as she swallowed the lump in her throat;_

" _I didn't ask you to save me – I never fucking have."_

 _The day went from bad to worse; they were suddenly in the warehouse – Gitano had his gun to Elliot's head, Olivia had her gun pointed in their direction as she was trying to get a shot on Gitano without risking Elliot's life, and Elliot was begging her to take the shot. With the way he kept pleading with her to just do it and take the shot, she knew that this went way beyond things. He was subtly telling her that she had a job to do and the job was to get rid of scum like Gitano, even if it meant putting her life in danger._

 _She told him to do what he should have done earlier, and it hurt._

 _She couldn't do it._

 _They locked eyes and she muttered that she was sorry, but before she could take the shot, a sniper had taken Gitano out. She looked at him and he looked at her; tears had fallen down her cheeks and he had tears in his eyes. She could see that there was something he wanted to say – she saw the remorse swimming in those pools of blue, but this day had screwed them up. Far too much had been said to just let it go._

 _And then they were outside the hospital room of the child they had managed to save._

" _If that sniper hadn't beaten you to it, I know you would've taken the shot Olivia."_

 _She looked at him, frowning in confusion; "No I wouldn't have; did you really expect me to? Did you really expect me to cause your death?" Her eyes were locked on his frame as he looked away from her, a defeated look on his face as she continued; "What about your kids?"_

" _I don't know…I just couldn't get that boy out of my head."_

 _And before she could catch herself, she had uttered in a whisper, "What about me?"_

 _He glanced in her direction before flicking his gaze back to the ground; "Look, we both chose each other over the job; we can never let that happen again…otherwise, we can't be partners."_

 _Her eyes went wide, and the tears welled in her eyes. What had happened to them? This case – had it really pushed them to their limit?_

 _Or had their eyes finally been opened completely to something they had tried to ignore for so long?_

 _She composed herself as best she could, yet her voice wobbled as she spoke, "I can't believe you're saying that."_

" _Liv – you and this job are the only things that I've got anymore, and I don't wanna wreck that…"_

 _He looked over at her, and she eyed him as he continued; "I couldn't take it."_

 _He couldn't take it? Hell, the thought made her feel sick and defeated. That day, she felt like she had lost her partner. They had always known they were too close, that they cared too much – way more than partners ever should care about each other – and this had just proved it._

 _And suddenly, they were in the locker room. She was leaning against the doorway, watching him as he changed into another shirt following a fight with his temporary partner. He asked why she was there, and she told him she had come down after hearing about the fight. They were silent for a few moments as an awkward atmosphere surrounded them, then he stepped close. She looked up into those cobalt blue eyes; they were glistening with a mixture of hurt and unshed tears that would probably never fall._

 _His voice was soft and shaky as he asked; "Why didn't you tell me?"_

 _Why didn't she tell him that she was leaving and going to another unit?_

" _Elliot…" she paused, taking a breath; "Look, we've been partners for seven years, longer than anybody else here and we…we needed a change."_

 _His face dropped, and she tried like hell not to cry at the heartbroken look on his face;_

" _I'm sorry, I should have talked to you – it was just…it was just too complicated."_

 _Complicated – there was that word that described them perfectly. Years of tension, years of being too close, years of fighting together and making up over Chinese had led to that moment of finally choosing each other over their oath to protect and serve the citizens of New York City. They both knew what it was about, but they were too stubborn to admit it._

 _He looked her up and down, before whispering; "Thanks for dropping by."_

 _She sniffled a bit as he walked away. Complicated – the perfect word._

 _It was suddenly two weeks later, and she had just returned after helping them with a case they had been working. There were words exchanged between the two and she gave him a small smile, before she then walked around to her desk, her body instantly moving around the familiar territory. She could feel him watching her as she went to pull the chair back, and it wasn't long before she heard him ask;_

" _What are you doing here?"_

 _She looked up and locked eyes with him. Her browns poured into those pools of cobalt blue, and there was a subtle smirk on her lips as she responded; "I work here."_

 _She didn't miss the small smile that had broken out onto his face as well. She smirked before sitting down at the desk. Complicated and awkward, but she was back and maybe they could work on this._

 _But maybe the complications were too much. Maybe she came back too soon, and the pull was too strong, and that was why she went to Oregon undercover on a federal assignment. They were suddenly in that elevator again after a tough case – things had been awkward the whole time as it was her first case back and plus, she had seen him and Dani Beck together when she had come by the precinct for something, though he hadn't seen her. Things were still complicated and had been this whole time, but maybe, just maybe these six weeks apart had done them good…_

" _You know, we've been partners all these years and I don't even know your blood type."_

" _A-positive."_

" _How about that? Me too."_

 _Silence, then he spoke; "I'd give you a kidney."_

 _She smiled softly to herself; if this was a step towards recovery for their partnership, she would take it._

" _Not if I gave you mine first."_

 _From the elevator, they were suddenly sitting on the stoop outside of his apartment building where he used to live. They had fought during this whole case: a he said-she said rape case between an estranged husband and wife whom were going through a bitter divorce and custody battle. Elliot and Olivia had fought the whole time due to Olivia being quick to side with the victim and Elliot being quick to side with the husband, and things were further complicated when Olivia had actually met up with Kathy Stabler, whom had called her to talk. She had wanted Olivia to convince Elliot to sign the divorce papers, and it was the first time that Olivia had heard Kathy speak the words that made her realize that Kathy knew something was between the partners._

" _You're his partner, you give him stability…Elliot can't move on unless he feels like he's on solid ground."_

 _And now here they were, outside on this stoop, finally coming together after such a long case. They talked out their problems and she asked if they were okay, to which he responded that he needed space to disagree with her, so he didn't feel like it was going to cost him their partnership. With a perplexed expression on her face, she pointed out that he had never been gun shy before, to which he responded that things changed._

 _They both knew what changed, but they wouldn't admit it._

" _Well like you said, you're the longest relationship I've ever had with a man," she opted for a joke, and she nudged him slightly; "I mean…who else would put up with me."_

 _He glanced at her and let out a laugh, and she smiled at him. She never wanted anyone else to put up with her – only the blue-eyed man that was sitting beside her._

 _Their partnership was revived, stronger than ever before. Suddenly they were in the car waiting Marsden and how she was worried that he was a rapist. She whispered that she had been alone her whole life and apologized about whining, to which he rubbed her shoulder and responded with "Family is everything."_

 _She nodded and opened her mouth to speak, but before anything else could be said, Fin was giving them instruction over the radio. As they drove to go meet him, he looked over at her again;_

" _You're my family; you know that, right?"_

 _She smiled at him and rubbed his shoulder, nodding slightly before snapping back into work mode. Family – she and Elliot had always been family to each other._

 _They covered for each other throughout the whole case; Elliot backed Olivia's play as he knew her head wasn't in the game completely due to discovering her half-brother. Cragen seemed to be well aware that they were covering for each other and she tried to protect Elliot from the fall out, but their boss didn't want to hear it. She recalled their meetings with Hendrix – the independent psychological assessment – which was used to determine whether or not they could work together. That was the first time she had actually heard verbalized what she and Elliot already knew – they were too close; extremely reliant and emotionally dependent on each other._

 _But nothing could stop them – Elliot still had her back throughout the situation were Simon. They were suddenly standing outside of that house in Jersey, and she grabbed hold of Elliot's arm;_

" _Thank you."_

 _He raised an eyebrow; "For what?"_

" _Trusting me."_

 _He gave her a look and she read between the lines; he was silently telling her that he always would trust her and back her play. She walked with him to their sedan together, and she didn't miss how he subtly placed his hand on her back, rubbing gently._

 _And things seemed to be okay. Their partnership had survived and was still going strong…until that day in the courthouse, when the atmosphere shifted yet again. They were standing together in the lobby and she watched as he paced the floor and continued to check the time. She raised an eyebrow at him, before finally speaking up yet again;_

" _Elliot."_

" _Yeah?" he looked up, shoving his hands into his pockets._

" _You checked the time two minutes ago," she tilted her head, giving him a small smile; "What's going on?" She knew him too well; something was wrong._

 _There was silence. He was shaking his head and seemingly trying to figure out the words to say, and just as she opened her mouth to say something again, he suddenly blurted it out;_

" _Kathy's pregnant."_

 _He looked up at her and that's when she saw it – defeat mixed with a hint of remorse. She pushed back the look in his eyes and pushed down the sick feeling that she felt in her stomach. Another blow to the partnership that went beyond the realms of partnership. The barrier between them was there again and while part of her felt relieved, another part of her felt hurt for some reason._

 _Losing him to this had made her realize what this thing was between them, and now…now she would never get the chance._

 _Maybe that was a good thing._

 _Suddenly they were standing together outside together. It was some months later, her hair was shorter – the 'I'm heartbroken and suspended from work' haircut as she called it. They were working a case and sadistic serial killer had led them to where one of his followers had buried something from one of the victims. Olivia had been pissed off throughout this entire case and now, with each comment this prick made, she was growing closer to her breaking point._

 _And one final comment led to her charging towards him; "You sick son of a bitch."_

 _She lunged for him, but Elliot caught her, whispering for her to calm down and to not give him what he wants, which was her reaction. After he told the police to get the guy out of there, she felt him slide his arm back around her waist as he led her back to their sedan. He was rubbing her side gently with his thumb and she was trying to ignore the butterflies in her stomach as she felt him. Despite him being seemingly happily married, their subtle touches had returned – his hand would be on the small of her back or he could touch her arm or rub her shoulder; things they used to do in the early years of her partnership._

 _So, his arm being around her waist now? That was a big deal, and she wanted to faint._

 _In a flash, she was sitting on a stretcher outside her apartment while the nurses bandaged her arm up. One of the psycho followers of that serial killer had come after her and tried to attack her in her apartment, thus resulting in a slide on her arm. She had managed to subdue him until the police and paramedics arrived, and despite trying to feel strong, she was shaking inside as these people had managed to find out where she lived._

 _And yet, relief washed over her when she spotted Elliot coming towards her._

 _She placed his hands under her chin and tilted her face up to scan her appearance, checking her for any signs of concussion on her anything before letting her go. He rubbed her shoulder gently and asked if she was alright, to which she rolled her eyes and told him that she was fine before switching the subject to the creeps they were after._

 _And then…it all happened. The accident, helping to deliver Eli, losing Kathy. She was suddenly in the hospital and holding a heartbroken Elliot against her while he held his newborn son in his arms. She was whispering to him that everything would be okay, that she had his back and she would help him and his children through this. She made the promise to Kathy that she would look after Elliot and the kids, and that's what she intended to do._

 _Then there was the funeral – a beautiful service at the church the family had been attending for years. She was never one who was big on religion, but she did this for Elliot and his children. She kept the children close to her as they cried, and one of her hands reached out and subtly held Elliot's hand loosely in a bid to comfort him as well. All she could do was be there and comfort them and help them through this, and that's what she was going to do. Kathy would always be watching them and as they went about, she would make sure that they all kept her memory alive. They shared subtle glances throughout the day, and she gave him comforting smiles of support. At the end of it all, she hugged him too, not caring about the watchful eyes of Kathy's family, only caring about comforting her best friend._

 _She blinked and suddenly she was on her couch. She blinked and gathered her bearings, only to be given a shock when she saw a glowing, familiar figure sitting on her couch. The blue eyes were sparkling and there was a smile on her face, and her blonde hair was in the trendy updo that it had been in when she was laid to rest. She was dressed in all white, and she looked happy and peaceful._

 _Kathy was sitting on her couch._

" _How much did I drink?" she mumbled to herself as she sat up, keeping her eyes trained on the figure. She reached out for the beer bottle on her table; it was still full as she had only taken one sip. She went to move but Kathy grabbed her hand, stopping her._

" _Thank you, Olivia, thank you for taking care of my family…" there was a pause, then the woman spoke; "Remember what I told you before? You're his partner and you give him stability?"_

 _She was still stunned into silence, yet she nodded anyway._

" _I said that because I knew it; Elliot was always most stable and calm when he was with you. You've always known things that I would never know, you two have always had this connection that could never be explained," Kathy was still smiling at her and speaking in such a comforting voice; "I never blamed you for what happened; I thank you for always being there and for even fighting for us more than we did, but I knew…"_

 _She leaned closer, smiling happily; "And I want you to make him happy in the way that I never could, in the way that only you know how."_

" _I…I…what?"_

" _Olivia…" Kathy let out a laugh, lifting a hand to place on her cheek; "It's okay; don't be scared, and don't worry – the kids are on board, and I am too; you have my blessing. Just be happy."_

 _The blonde gave her a smile yet again, whispering; "You're his partner and you give him stability; you make him feel like he's on solid ground – he can move on."_

 _The tears welled in her brown eyes and she blinked slightly; "Thank you Kathy; thank you."_

" _No no…thank you; for everything you did that day, and for keeping your promise and taking care of my family – I trust that you always will…" Kathy then stood up and held her arms out; "Come here."_

 _She stood up and found herself being engulfed in a huge hug, which she happily returned of course. She squeezed Kathy as tight as possible, before pulling back and holding onto her arms;_

" _I've always had a crazy respect for you…I promise, I will never let those kids forget you; but thank you."_

" _I know you won't, and I'll always be watching all of you," Kathy squeezed her again before letting go properly, "Now look, I have to go…but do me a favor." She was talking as she walked towards the door._

" _What's the favor?"_

 _Kathy opened the door and quickly glanced back at her; "Wake up."_

 _She walked out of the door and into the brightness, and suddenly she could hear the knocking sound. It was getting louder and louder until…_

* * *

Olivia jumped awake as whoever was outside kept banging on her apartment door. She blinked a couple times to gain her bearings, and she rubbed her head as a headache set in. That dream had been pretty intense – well, she wasn't even sure of what it was. It was as if part of it had been a dream, yet a vast majority of it had been this loop of memories of her and Elliot that danced throughout her head.

But Kathy had definitely come to her and given her blessing, and now she felt like she needed to go see Elliot – _now._

The knocking sounded again, and she jumped up and quickly scrambled to the door. She checked the peephole; Maureen was standing there, waiting patiently. Olivia undid the locks and opened the door, smiling at the young girl whom immediately gave her that wide, Stabler smile.

"Hey Mo, what are you doing here?" she asked, stepping aside to let the young woman step in. She closed the door back and turned to Maureen, who shrugged as she looked up at her.

"I just wanted to come say hi…Dad told me you were undercover and stuff, but Katie heard from Dad that you were back, so I came to say hi before I went to Queens…" she paused for a moment, then folded her arms over her chest; "Are you okay?"

"Yeah…for the most part; just glad to be on this side again." Olivia replied, nodding her head. Maureen nodded back, letting out a sigh.

"I just…he looked so defeated while you were gone, I thought something had happened between you two again."

"I mean we had a little fight, but it's okay…" she trailed off, swallowing before suddenly grabbing her sneakers from beside the door; "Give me a second, honey; we're gonna head to Queens."

"I didn't interrupt your night, or anything did I?" Maureen asked.

"No, no you didn't honey; I need to come out to Queens and spend time with you guys." Olivia pulled on her shoes. Maureen waited patiently while Olivia pulled on her jacket, then she grabbed her keys. She flicked off all the lights, then she and Maureen headed out of the apartment together. That dream had made her realize a lot of things and the vision from Kathy – she felt a lot better about how she felt, more so than she'd already felt.

She needed to see Elliot – _now._

After a half hour drive to Queens, she and Maureen had parked their cars along the side of the street to go to the house. They got out and headed up the porch, and Maureen let them in the house with her own key. Olivia shook off the nervous feeling that had presented itself in the pit of her stomach as she and Maureen hung their jackets up, then they headed through to the kitchen where the others were seated around the table, getting a start on the spaghetti and salad that had been made.

"Olivia!"

Olivia smiled as Kathleen rushed over to give her a hug along with Lizzie. Olivia hugged both girls as tight as she could, but she looked over and locked eyes with Elliot, who looked shocked to see her as he stared at the sight in the middle of the kitchen. Olivia gave him a small smile before quickly kissing the foreheads of the girls, then she went over and gave Dickie a fist bump. She kissed Eli on the cheek as the little boy had now been lifted into Maureen's arms, then she flicked her gaze to Elliot, whom had stood up. She walked up to him, folding her arms across her chest before nodding her head towards the front door. He nodded and told the kids to keep eating, before he then led Olivia out of the kitchen and out the front door to the porch. There was a nervous atmosphere around them; both were avoiding eye contact and standing in front of each other with their arms folded.

"What's up?" he quietly asked.

She sighed slightly before reaching out to him, loosely holding onto his bicep;

"We need to talk."

* * *

 ** _And boom! Longest update I've ever done and if you've made it to the end here, it means that you've stuck with me through the whole big piece to the huge puzzle that is Elliot and Olivia. Please, leave your feedback and let me know what you think will happen next. Will they continue their dance or will they dive into the fire together? Just wait and see. Until next time xoxo_**


	22. Chapter 22

**Hey beautiful humans.**

 **Here I am with Chapter 22 - the widely anticipated chat between Elliot and Olivia. I ask that you sit back with your snacks and tissues, and please, I do hope you'll enjoy this update. They dynamic duo are finally baring their souls to one another.**

 **Enjoy xoxo**

* * *

 **Keeping Promises**

 **Part 22**

" _We need to talk."_

It was as if time had come to stop as the two stood there simply staring at each other after Olivia's words left her mouth. They both seemed to be trying to figure out where to start and what to say as really, they had no idea what to do really. Olivia was nervous but knew she needed to face the fear and say what was on her heart. Elliot was nervous that he had just blown his chances with the one person that made everything around him better and brighter.

He gestured for her to sit, and so she nodded, sitting down on the porch swing beside him. She curled a leg under her and turned slightly so that she could face him, and he gave her a timid smile as he relaxed on the seat as best he could.

"So um…" she nervously bit her lip; "Well first…are you in trouble? Do we still have a case?"

"I have a meeting with Internal Affairs tomorrow morning, and I'm not sure about the case yet." He replied. She nodded, taking a breath before continuing.

"Thank you…for kicking his ass."

He nodded, shrugging and smiling slightly at her; "Yeah well…you know, anything for you."

"Yeah…that…" she swallowed nervously and fiddled with her fingers as she tried to stop her heart from hammering so hard in her chest; "I…um…I'm so sorry that I ran away from you, it just…it was a shock, and things got too real too fast."

He raised an eyebrow and opened his mouth to speak, but she held her hand up to stop him;

"Elliot, part of me – a small part because I wanted to keep my hopes to the minimum – always thought you felt something for me. I mean, we've never just been partners have we? We've always went beyond partners – you became my best friend, my rock, my confidante…everything. The way we've always looked at each other, the touches, the inside jokes, the flirting…we've never been just partners, we've never been just friends either; it was like…I don't know. But I want you to know that the thing between us, I felt it too; and so, hearing you finally say something earlier and then with there no longer being a barrier between us, it became too real."

"You were all of that to me too Olivia – my best friend, my rock, my confidante; and overtime, I started to feel so guilty about it but I just…I couldn't stop…" he paused, then spoke again; "You remember the day we met?"

"Oh yeah," she scoffed, rolling her eyes though they shimmered with amusement; "Cragen told you who I was, and you followed him into his office and started yelling about how I was a rookie and all that…" She playfully dusted her shoulders off; "And then, I proved you wrong."

"You did, you really did…and I was suddenly in awe of you," he rubbed the back of his neck; "And I still remember the first time I had you over for dinner; four months into our partnership."

"I remember too; Dickie and Lizzie were fascinated by the fact that I was _real lady cop_ and barely let Maureen and Katie get a word in, and Kathy was cordial but kept giving me a look." She giggled a bit, shrugging.

"You noticed that?" Elliot asked, his eyes going wide. He remembered so vividly that night; his children damn near talked over each other as they tried to ask Olivia as many questions as possible, and Kathy – while she was polite to the brunette – kept giving her a look that Elliot had hoped Olivia never noticed. In fact, he thought she hadn't, considering she never brought it up.

"Kinda hard to miss when it was aimed at me," Olivia let out a laugh, fiddling with the sleeve of her jacket, "Nah; I never took it personally, but I did wonder why she looked at me like that. She had no reason to feel threatened by me."

Elliot shot her a look and she raised her eyebrow; "What?"

"Olivia, do you know how many people from various units alone have pointed out the way I've been looking at you since the early days of our partnership?"

"How long have you been staring at me, Stabler?"

"Long enough; which meant if other people noticed it, my own wife probably noticed it too," he let out a laugh as he picked at a bit of lint on his pants; "You caught me once; it was during the Sidarsky case."

"I remember that, and I couldn't figure out for the life of me why you stared at me," she rolled her eyes as her lips curled into a smile; "I just thought it was weird, but I guess now I know." She gave him a shy look, and he nodded his head as he glanced at her.

"Yeah…now you know," he turned his head to look at her again; "You remember that case we worked with the guy who swore God was telling him to commit these murders and stuff?"

"The guy with the syphilis?" she wondered.

He nodded; "Yeah, that one…that was the case where I told you I spent more time with you than my family."

"I remember that," she let out a small laugh, shrugging; "And I told you we all needed a vacation."

"Well that was the truth," he let out a chuckle, "But seriously, I…that night, I not only realized that I spent more time with you than my family, but I realized that I didn't mind it; I liked spending a lot of time with you – someone on my wavelength. Don't get me wrong, I missed my kids terribly, but as shitty as this is to say, I never minded spending time with you over Kathy."

"Elliot-"

"And…you remember the case where the guy ripped the baby from the woman's uterus?"

"I will never forget that as long as I live." she shuddered, shaking her head.

"Me and you were waiting for the elevator and we talked; you wanted me to talk to you…you asked if…if there was someone else."

She nodded, so he continued; "I told you it was nothing like that, but really, it was…and that someone else was _you._ "

She furrowed her brow, but he simply continued talking.

"That case was brutal enough, but I had started shutting down on Kathy before then and that just added to it; we were fighting about me not talking and just…she knew I talked to you more, she knew that you knew more about me than she would ever know," he let out a small chuckle; "You told me that if I kept it up and kept shutting her out, I was gonna lose the best thing I ever had."

"I remember that." She quietly spoke.

"I guess I eventually lost her; the job made me hard to live with," he shook his head, "And you…you were always there."

"I was there until you pushed me away." She shot him a look, and he held his hand up and nodded.

"I deserve that," he sighed, looking over at her again; "You gotta know…I never meant for things…when that happened…fuck."

He shuffled closer and pushed some of her hair aside, revealing the faded white scar that was on her neck. He ran his finger over the small slither of uneven skin, visibly shuddering at the physical reminder of the time that their partnership collapsed in a blaze of complicated feelings and unspoken words. He remembered the horror that flooded through him when the knife slashed her throat and she crashed onto the hard marble floor of the bus station. He remembered their blow up in the hallway when he said those words that he instantly regretted in a heat of anger and passion. He remembered the warehouse and the gun to his head. He remembered begging her to pull the trigger.

He remembered their conversation in the hospital corridor.

He remembered coming to work and finding out she had been transferred to another unit.

"… _it was just too complicated."_

 _Complicated_ had alwaysbeen the word to describe them.

"You gotta know I _never_ meant that," he had no idea where the tears had come from, but they filled his eyes before he could even catch himself; "I always knew you could do your job."

"Elliot-"

"I'm so fucking sorry, Olivia…God, I am so sorry," he slid his hand from her neck and rubbed it over his face; "Fuck…two years later and I never fucking apologized to you; I am so sorry."

"Elliot, no…it's okay."

"It's not okay, Olivia; dammit…" he shook his head, "I'm just…I'm so sorry that I ever embarrassed you like that in front of everyone; I never meant it. I'm sorry I pushed you away instead of manning up and owning up to my fucking feelings. I'm sorry for coming home to her when all I ever wanted was you."

There was silence for a second, then she lifted her eyes from the yard to his face again. She eyed him; here was the Elliot that she had once met during the early days of their partnership before their minds were clouded with victims and perps and blood and gore. Here was _the_ Elliot – raw and vulnerable.

With a shaky breath, she uttered one simple question; "Why?"

He gave her a slightly confused look, so she elaborated; "I need to hear you tell me why you questioned my judgement, why you pushed me away…" She paused and her voice dropped to a whisper to disguise the obvious wobble; "Why you came back to her."

This conversation was heading into the unknown waters, places where they had never touched before. They were baring their souls to one another and once these floodgates opened, there was no way back out again. Their grounds were shaky, and they needed to get everything out in the open, to stabilize each other's grounds and make them solid again so that they could move on.

"Do you remember that moment?"

She knew what he was referring to, so she nodded; "And I remember you hovering over me, but I was pushing you away, telling you to go find Gitano."

"Yeah," he nodded and took a deep breath;

"That day will forever be one of the worst days of my life; I watched him swing that blade, watched you grab your neck and hit the ground, and in that moment, I was stuck, Liv. I looked between you and Ryan, and in that moment – as fucked up as this sounds – it was no questions asked; I saw you holding your neck and I knew I had to save you because…because you were all I had left and I couldn't lose you too; I wouldn't have survived it. You were the one thing keeping me from eating my gun some days."

"El." She gasped, her eyes going wide as she looked at him. He held up his hand, shaking his head.

"You have no idea how dark my mind was sometimes," he told her, shrugging his shoulders; "Liv, fuck…you're like fucking sunshine in that squad room sometimes, and that's simply from that dazzling smile you give me over the desk or when we're doing something stupid; you just smile and everything is okay. That day in the bus station, I thought my fucking sunshine was leaving me too, and when I rushed over to you, and I saw all that blood, I just wanted to wrap you up in my arms and save you before my sunshine was gone."

Olivia's eyes filled with tears; she had never heard him say this before.

"When you were pushing me away, I wanted to scream at you to shut up and stop being ridiculous, wanted to tell you that I wasn't leaving you, but you were urging me to go and…fuck…you have no idea how hard it was for me to leave you like you said."

He shrugged, rubbing his head;

"And then…then Ryan was dead, and I was just…I wasn't angry at you, but I was angry at myself because I did something that I told myself I would never do: chose _you_ over my job. I don't mean that in a mean way, by the way, but it was just something that rocked me completely and made me realize the one thing I was always running from was now in my face – and that was the feelings for you. Before that that day, I had become an expert at ignoring how I felt and working with you, hanging out like best friend, but the whole dynamic switched when we were suddenly forced to face the fact that what we felt went beyond partnership. I'm just so sorry that I took everything out on you, because I said some really fucked up shit to you, when in reality, you were the one who pushed me away to go get Ryan. I really hurt you and I'll probably ever forgive myself for that, but I am sorry."

"It's great to hear you apologize for it; we never really did that," she nudged him slightly; "I'm sorry I threw it in your face the other day when we were arguing though."

"Hey…I deserved it, I should have never said it in the first place because that was never how I felt; I've always seen you as the strongest cop I've ever met…you could kick any man's ass," he winked at her before going serious again; "Is um…is that why you didn't tell me about Harris?"

She shrugged; "Partly…I felt ashamed, felt like maybe you had been right, and I felt like maybe I should have listened to you and never went undercover in that hell hole anyway, and I wasn't ready to talk about it anyway," she waved him off, dismissing the topic; "But we can talk about that another time."

"I'm sorry for making you feel like you couldn't talk to me, but you have to know that I would have never given you an _I told you so_ speech – honest to God."

"I know you wouldn't have, I was just a mess…I still am a bit of a mess."

"You're not a mess, it'll just take time," he rest a hand on her back, stroking gently; "I got your six."

She gave him a timid smile; "Thanks."

"No problem," he smiled back before switching the topic; "Now…back to what we were discussing. I'm not even sure if that answered your question…just know, I never meant to do that; I was just pissed off and needed someone to blame," he rolled his eyes; "And then obviously we know what happened later, when I pushed you away – telling you to pull the trigger, telling you that we couldn't be partners if we were gonna choose each other over the job. I should have never said all of that, but I also know that I was messed up, and at the time, I felt like you deserved someone a lot better than me."

"But I didn't want anyone but you." She told him.

"I know, and I didn't want anyone but you either, but I just felt like you deserved better…" he paused for a moment, taking a bit of time to collect his thoughts; "Remember when I told you that you and the job were all I had left and I didn't want to wreck it?"

She nodded, so he continued.

"That was true, you and my job were all I had left and I didn't want to wreck that, but I said that because, I knew if I had acted on my feelings and told you the truth instead of choosing to be mad at you and push you away, then eventually, I would have fucked up and lost you like I had already lost my wife and kids…and losing you would have hurt a _lot_ worse; I wouldn't have been able to take the blow of fucking up with you and losing you."

"I wouldn't have given up without a fight."

"I know…but I also know that me being an unbearable asshole is the reason you even transferred out and eventually went undercover for those weeks." He gave her a raised eyebrow, and she sighed slightly because really, she couldn't deny that _that_ was part of the reason.

"So, in a way…you were pushing me away to save me from you?" she asked.

He nodded, and she shuffled closer, still softly rubbing his shoulder;

"I never wanted to be saved from you, Elliot."

"I know…but you know me, I was stupid," he rolled his eyes before continuing; "Which brings me to your final question…Kathy."

She tensed up a bit, but knew they needed to talk about this.

"What I said on the roof when you mentioned me going home to her; I wasn't lying, it was because she was familiar…that Royce case, killing his whole family, it made me miss my family but not Kathy; if that makes sense…"

He turned his head, and he looked directly into her eyes;

"I wanted you, so fucking bad that night…but, I went to her…she asked me to stay and instead of saying no, I was a coward that stood there and I just…I figured you didn't feel the same about me because of how I'd treated you, and she was just there so…familiarity and comfort."

"She was the safety net."

"Exactly," he nodded, "And I was too much of a coward to talk to you and possibly jump into the unknown."

"You got a beautiful little boy out of it, and I know you would have made it work for him."

"Yeah, but for how long?" Elliot scoffed, shaking his head; "I love Kathy and I always will, but looking back, I really did only come home because she was pregnant. Am I sad that she's gone? Yeah…and of course I miss her in a way, but we never would have lasted forever…I know we wouldn't have."

He reached up and took her hand again, curling his fingers around hers; "I'm just…I'm so sorry for hurting you in every aspect."

"I know you're sorry, and I'm sorry that things were complicated between us for so long…" she reached around and cupped his cheek, stroking her thumb over his skin;

"You have to know though, Elliot; I would _not_ have turned you away that night. I…I've felt things for you for a very long time; things I knew I shouldn't, things that have made me feel so incredibly guilty over the years and especially lately."

He nodded at her, urging her to continue. She took a deep breath and mentally prepared herself. She was about to bare her soul to Elliot Stabler, and after this, there was no going back.

"When we were in that warehouse, I couldn't think straight…you were telling me to pull the trigger and I just…the thought of taking you away from your kids was one thing, but the thought of you being dead was something else completely, then…to be responsible for killing the man I was madly in love with; I wouldn't have been able to handle it."

She dropped her hand from his cheek, then grabbed hold of his hand in between them. He glanced down at their hands before looking up at her again, tears stinging in his eyes once again. She felt the tears spring to her own eyes, and she blinked in a bid for them not to escape and slide down her cheeks.

"I…I think I subtly knew, but was too scared to face it, and that's why I ran. You know me…I run when things get complicated and man, it was _complicated._ Even when I went undercover to Oregon, I fucking knew…but I just had to go; we needed space else we would've been fighting again. I'm sorry for hurting you and not telling you about Computer Crimes or Oregon; that was shitty, and I should have."

"No…don't, you have nothing to be sorry for." He told her, stroking his thumb over her hand.

"I'm sorry for not talking to you properly then, but I guess I thought…I thought it didn't matter," she shrugged; "It's weird, we were more than partners, but I guess…I thought you'd never look at me in that way. But then, Gitano happened and then part of me knew _something_ was there."

She flicked her gaze back to him again; "And maybe…maybe all of this was why I felt so guilty with the accident."

Elliot gave her a confused look, yet silently urged her to continue. They were really being open and honest with each other for the first time in a very long time, and it was time that they face things head on and stop dancing around it like they had bene for so long.

"As I said, I've felt things for you for a long time, but Kathy was the boundary – stopping us from going too far, well stopping _me_ from growing a pair and actually telling you. But I won't lie…I used to wish you would come to me one day and say she was leaving or divorcing you, and that you'd see that I was right there like I always had been."

"You eventually got your wish." He teased. She rolled her eyes, letting out a small laugh.

"But I saw how heartbroken you were, and I didn't like that, and then, I figured that maybe you didn't feel the same so it made it all less scary; I could push my feelings aside and work with you, be best friends and go about life. I was hoping the feelings would go away, but they never did; clearly not on your side either." She shot him a playful look, and he gave her a timid smile.

"But…I don't know, when the accident happened and she died, I had so much in my head; I still do. I just thought that maybe my wishful thinking these years ago had suddenly resulted in this punishment for thinking this way about a married man and-"

"Pretty extreme punishment, Liv." He interrupted. She scowled at him, and he immediately shut up and nodded for her to continue.

"Well, that's what I thought…and then I just felt guilty; I felt like maybe the car should've hit me on my side so your family would still be complete, or I figured that if I hadn't offered to take her to her appointment, none of it would have ever happened – the accident or her death."

"Olivia, none of this was your fault – it was all just one big accident, a tragic one, but an _accident_ ," He continued to rub her hand as he continued to speak calmly to her "But Liv…even if she had survived the crash, this family still wouldn't have been complete; not without you."

"El-"

"Don't you realize that you _are_ my family too?"

"Elliot." She whined, tilting her head.

"I mean it; you always have been part of this family, ever since you first came over for dinner and was interrogated by my twins about what it was like being a lady cop," he let out a chuckle as he continued to gently rub her hand; "But…why didn't you tell me how you were feeling?"

"I thought I didn't have room to complain; your family was in shambles and I was just…there."

"Olivia, that was traumatizing for you too, you could have come to me still and I would have always listened, and I would have told you that you had _nothing_ to feel guilty about…it was an accident; it could have happened to anyone."

"Elliot, I just…I should have been more careful."

"You _were_ careful…hey, look at me," he rubbed her arm gently, causing her to look over at him; "The accident was not your fault, and your quick thinking kept Kathy alive for as long as possible, long enough for her to meet our son. What happened was not your fault, and what you feel - what _we_ feel now - is not something we should feel guilty about."

"I know that now…it's a long story, but I know now…I guess, on the roof, it all just got too real and I needed space for a minute to figure it out. Christ El, I wanted to run…"

She shuffled closer to him, resting her hand on his bicep;

"But…I can't, because I…I'll always come back to you; like I did when I ran to Computer Crimes and to Oregon, I can't help but come right back to you…back _home._ "

"You know, you're _home_ to me too, Liv; always have been…and it makes me feel safe." He told her, giving her a warm smile.

"It makes me feel pretty safe too." She told him. She took her hand away from his arm and pulled her jacket around her more as she continued to stare at the man before her.

"You know, I'm not easy to deal with."

"Have you ever been?"

She let out a laugh, shrugging; "No…but, I mean, who else would put up with me?"

"We'll never know, because I want to be the one to put up with you," he gave her a look; "Olivia, I'm not saying we dive right in head first, I'm not saying you move in here and we just automatically be this one happy family. I know there's a lot to figure out and a lot that you've been through in the last twenty-four hours, but all I ask is that you let me be here for you – and help you through this."

She nodded, softly biting her lip before speaking; "I can do that."

"Just one step at a time; no pressure, no rush."

"Deal." She took hold of his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. He squeezed back and turned to her, before speaking ever so softly;

"Olivia – one more thing."

"I don't know how much more I can handle tonight, El." She playfully remarked, raising an eyebrow while her lips curled into a smirk. He laughed, shaking his head as he dropped her hand. He stretched his arm to rest behind her, then tucked a bit of her hair behind her ear.

"Can I kiss you?"

She laughed, nodding as she tilted her up to face him. They felt like the air had been cleared and their grounds had been stabilized, and while there was still a long road of twists and turns and an adventure into the unknown that lie ahead of them, all that mattered was this moment – right here, right now.

A playful glint was in her eye, and she leaned closer to him as she whispered;

"Not if I kiss you first."

And with their, their lips met in the middle for a soul stirring kiss that sent them into the most beautiful, unimaginable paradise they had ever known.

* * *

 _ **Boom! Update complete. Leave some feedback and all that - I like knowing what you guys think. Thank you for your constant support on this fic; it means a lot to me. Until next time xoxo**_


	23. Chapter 23

**Hey guys!**

 **Finally - I'm here with an update. I'm so sorry it's taken so long, I was just having a bit of a tough time writing. This update has actually been written and deleted and rewritten a few times, so I hope it's come out good this final time. This is after their kiss. They talk to the kids and Olivia stays for a while, and in the morning, Elliot will talk to IAB.**

 **Enjoy xoxo**

* * *

 **Keeping Promises**

 **Part 23**

It was as if a new day had dawned upon Elliot and Olivia.

It may have been absolutely freezing outside, but they didn't feel a thing. All they felt was the warmth from finally baring their souls completely to one another, and from finally sharing the sweetest kiss that had been years in the making. They both knew that this shift in their relationship wouldn't be easy and that there were a lot of other aspects to figure out – such as the changes that was now in the dynamic between them and their jobs especially – but all that mattered now was this moment right here.

Elliot lightly trailed his fingers over her cheek, stroking his thumb over the healing bruise, a reminder of the hell she had faced. He then placed a delicate kiss onto the slightly discolored area of her skin, before moving his lips to her forehead. She closed her eyes and smiled to herself as she felt contentment flood through her. She and Elliot were finally crossing into new territory, and it was a nice feeling. It was going to be quite the journey, but one she couldn't wait to venture on.

"We should go inside, the kids will be wondering where we are." he whispered as he tucked some of her hair behind her ear. He then looked into her eyes, searching them for any signs that maybe this was a bad idea; "You're okay yeah? We're good?"

"We're more than good, El; I promise." She told him. He nodded his head, before placing a quick kiss onto her lips. He then stood up and held his hand out to help her, before keeping a tight hold of his hand as they made their way back inside. He helped her out of her jacket and hung it up for her, before he then grabbed her hand again and tugged her through to the kitchen with him. The conversation paused as the kids flicked their gazes over to the couple, and their eyes all went wide when they caught sight of them holding hands.

Their stunned silence was a little unnerving, and Olivia wondered if maybe that _this_ was too soon for the kids after all. She dropped Elliot's hand and looked up at him, while he seemed to be looking at his kids, trying to read them for any sort of reaction.

It was Maureen who spoke up first after the longest few moments of silence; "It's about fucking time."

"Language," Elliot instantly warned her before walking over to the table, Olivia trailing nervously behind him; "Guys…listen, me and Olivia-"

"Please say you're a couple; that'll make me twenty bucks richer." Dickie burst out.

"Please don't; I don't wanna have Dickwad running around boasting about being right." Lizzie added.

"You guys are such children," Kathleen scoffed before turning to Elliot and Olivia; "But yeah – so…can me and Mo make dinner reservations for you guys yet or no?"

"Wait…wait," Elliot held his hand up; "You guys…we need to talk to you properly about this."

"What's there to talk about?" Lizzie asked, tilting her head; "Dad, you and Olivia have always been more than partners. We all miss Mom and we always will, but…Olivia's not replacing her, she's just someone to love us and be our friend, and to love you the way you deserve and to basically make us all happy."

Elliot and Olivia exchanged a glance, before Olivia then spoke up; "Guys…honestly, this is gonna be a big thing for me too and it took a lot of thinking. I am not going to replace your mother – that's never been my intention – but I will be here, and I will keep the promise I made to her; to look after all of you, including your father. I can't promise that I won't screw up because frankly, I'm not good at relationships and I've never had a real family before, so this is going to take some figuring out. But no matter what happens, I will love all of you unconditionally and I am right here."

"We got your back Olivia; just keep doing what you do – you've always been family." Maureen pointed out.

"Yeah, we love you Liv; you're awesome," Dickie chimed in before continuing; "So…what's the status? Does Lizzie have to pay up?"

"Lizzie, pay your brother his twenty bucks." Elliot replied as he took hold of Olivia's hand, linking their fingers. He chuckled at the scowl that presented itself onto his youngest daughter's face as she stood up to fetch her wallet; "Sweetheart, you shouldn't have made the bet."

"As much as I love you guys together, I hate losing," she let out a laugh as she looked over at the new couple; "You guys are worth it though."

The rest of the evening was spent thoroughly chatting things through, which allowed room for Elliot, Olivia, and the older kids to get all of their thoughts out completely instead of from the rushed conversation at the dinner table. The kids thoughts on the new development still stood – they were happy for the pair and they knew that if they could have their father be with anyone else, it would be with Olivia. They all agreed that they would always miss their mother and always loved her no matter what, but they were glad to see their father happy with someone as special as Olivia. Olivia once again reiterated that she was not there to replace their mother, and that she just promised to be there for them as best she could.

Later in the night, Maureen had gone back to her apartment in the city as she had work in the morning, the twins were downstairs working on a science project for their class, and Kathleen was in her room, hard at work on an essay for her AP English class. Olivia had insisted on staying for Eli's bed time, and so she gave him his nightly bath and dressed him in an adorable sleepy suit, before sitting with him in the comfy chair beside his crib in the master bedroom. He was having a bed time bottle of milk; his little hands were resting over her hand on the bottle and he was staring up at her with those adorable blue eyes.

"Looks like you'll be seeing a lot more of me than normal, sweet boy; is that okay?" she quietly spoke to him. He curled his little hand around her fingers, and she laughed as she kissed his forehead.

"Its gonna be a long road and there's still a lot to sort out in my head, but I have you and your siblings and your dad, so I'll be okay; I know I will…" she paused, softly biting her lip as tears filled her eyes; "You guys really saved my life, whether you realize it or not; I have a reason to keep going and I do matter – and I understand that now."

Eli was still suckling the bottle as he looked up at her with those bright eyes. She smiled at him yet again, her heart warming at the innocence that flashed through the swirls of blue. The eyes that stared back at her no longer haunted her and reminded her of the mother that had been lost in a tragic accident. She now saw hope and understanding, a world of possibilities. She was going to be okay and this family was going to be okay. They were going to survive and continue to grow together.

It was going to be a crazy road, but there were no other folks she'd rather walk that road with.

"We're going to be okay little man, we really are." She pressed a kiss to his head, while he curled up slightly in her arms as he continued drinking his bottle.

A short while later, he had finished the bottle and had been burped, and now Olivia was simply holding him against her shoulder as she stared out the window. She watched the bright moon in its contrast against the dark sky and that resonated with her for some reason. Though surrounded by darkness, the moon continued to shine as brightly as possible, allowing some light to peel through the darkness and allow for illumination while waiting for the sun to rise and light up the world again. It almost seemed a bit like her life at the moment. She may be experiencing some darkness with what happened just the previous day, but Elliot and the kids were like the brightest moon and stars, providing some illumination for her until the darkness passed and the sun came out again.

The sun would come out again and shine brighter than ever before.

"Hey, here you are."

Her thoughts were broken by the sound of his voice and she turned, smiling as she looked into those beautiful, cobalt blue eyes. She did softly make a _'shh'_ sound however as she gestured with her eyes to Eli, who was sleeping without a care in the world on her shoulder while one hand was lightly gripping onto her shirt. Elliot gave a nod before coming up beside her and slipping an arm around her waist, pulling her close before kissing her head. She smiled at the feeling of warmth that flooded through her upon his lips landing on her skin in such a sweet gesture. This was certainly a feeling that she could get used to.

"You okay?" he quietly asked. She shrugged, glancing at Eli before looking up at him.

"If you're asking if I'm okay about me and you, then of course I am; I'm fine," she assured him before continuing, "But as in back to myself properly, before – you know – it's gonna take a while…"

She then looked up at him again, staring into those beautiful eyes as he spoke again;

"But I know that with you and the kids by my side, I'll get back to myself."

"Yes you will; badass Benson will never be kept down." He winked at her, and she laughed and nodded her head.

"Exactly," she kissed his cheek before turning to the crib; "Alright, let me put this little weight down." She placed another kiss to the baby's head then allowed Elliot to do the same, before gently laying the little boy down in his crib. She put his favorite cuddly toy beside him and put the blanket over him before whispering;

"Goodnight Eli; I love you, sweet boy."

She felt Elliot take her hand, and she linked her fingers with his, allowing him to lead her out of the room and back downstairs. The twins were still sitting at the kitchen table working on the last part of their project, and they simply gave Elliot a thumbs up when he warned them that they needed to be heading to bed soon since they had school in the morning. He and Olivia sat down on the sofa together, and she immediately leaned into him while he draped an arm around her, softly rubbing her shoulder as he held her.

They sat like that for a while as they became engrossed in some crime drama film that was on television, though they did look up briefly to say goodnight to the twins when they'd gone to bed around eleven, and Kathleen popped down shortly after that to say goodnight as well. They continued to just cuddle up and watch the movie until it went off around midnight, and it was then that Olivia realized she better head home herself considering they had work in the morning. She stood up along with Elliot, who decided that he was going to walk her to her car. He helped her into her coat and pulled on his own hoodie, before sweetly walking outside with her and walking her down to her car, which was parked along the sidewalk. He stopped at the end of his walkway and pulled her into a hug, rubbing her back gently and kissing the top of her head. She gripped onto him and buried her face into his shoulder as she enjoyed the feeling of being in his arms.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay the night?" he quietly asked, squeezing her tighter; "I just…if you have a nightmare or-"

"I'll call you, I promise I will; you'll be the only one who can calm me down anyway…" she lifted her head, then stood on her toes to kiss his cheek; "No overnight stays, not yet anyway…" She rubbed her hands down his arms until she was able to curl her fingers around his hands, which she gave a gentle squeeze; "See you in the morning?"

"Yes, you definitely will." He kissed her forehead again before letting her go; "Let me know when you get home?"

"You know I will." She winked. She then slipped into her car and started the engine, then after a quick wave and beep of the horn, she had pulled away from the curb, heading back towards Manhattan.

* * *

For both Elliot and Olivia, they didn't have the best night of rest in their respective places. Within the quiet confines of her apartment, Olivia had a lot of time to think about the last twenty four or hell, thirty six hours and everything that went along with it. She returned from Elliot's around twelve-thirty and slipped into bed shortly after texting him to tell him that she was at home. She probably didn't fall asleep until around two, and that was simply because her mind was reeling. The silence allowed her to think – she thought about what happened to her at the hands of Lowell Harris and shuddered at the feeling of his hands on her skin. She thought about how in those moments in the basement, she wanted Elliot to just come save her and make it all go away.

And then, she thought about Elliot – and how things had changed. She thought about that Tuesday night after it all happened, how she went to his and simply cried in his arms. She thought about Wednesday's events that consisted of them collaring Harris, but also consisted of Elliot overhearing her conversation with Melinda during which he found out what happened. She thought about him blurting out his feelings of love towards her, thought about her dream and her vision of Kathy, thought about how finally, she and Elliot bared their souls completely and finally told each other the truth behind a lot of the shit that had plagued their partnership for nearly a decade.

And they had kissed – and it felt great.

Too much had happened in the last day and a half and while part of her felt like she was drowning, part of her also felt alive. Elliot had a hold of her – like he always had really – and she just knew that he would never, _ever_ let her fall. When she did finally fall asleep, she had tossed and turned and kept waking up as dreams of Harris came along and sent her into a cold sweat, or how dreams of Elliot would come along, during which he would suddenly disappear and she would wake up again too. She just prayed to the Heavens that they could survive whatever was about to come with the aftermath of what happened to her, because she couldn't take it if she lost him too.

In Queens, in the silence of the home, Elliot found himself awake and worrying about what had happened to Olivia and the events of the evening. He knew about the aftermath of what happened to survivors of a sexual assault – what happened in the aftermath, how they coped and survived. He just hoped that Olivia was strong enough to handle it but he knew that she was only human, and he knew that he just had to be there for her. He just wanted her to be alright and be his old Olivia again, and he knew that she would be back in time, and everything would be alright again.

He also thought about how finally, they'd ventured onto the one territory they had been dancing around for almost a decade. They had finally told each other everything and the whole truth; he knew why she left and went to Computer Crimes then to Oregon, she knew why he'd said the things he said and behaved the way he did regarding Gitano. They'd gotten everything out in the open and in the end, they had actually kissed each other. He was going at her pace because of everything that was going on, and he would always wait for Olivia as long as it took because without her, he would be nothing.

She was his sunshine, and he just was so glad that nothing had taken her away.

This was so different from Kathy. He and Kathy had been together out of a sense of obligations more so than love, though the love had been present. Two kids pushed together and forced to grow up and do grown up things because a night of recklessness led to a very grown up situation. Their faith pushed them together; they figured they were doing the right thing. One kid turned into two which turned into four before they realized it wasn't working. They had tried to separate, but one night – one reckless mistake – pushed them back together again. He thought he'd loved her but now looking back, he had only gone back for the child that was currently sleeping in his crib in the corner of the room. He hated that Kathy was taken away under such circumstances and he would always love her, but now, he was moving on.

And he had moved on to something that made him feel so alive, that was built on feelings and love rather than obligation. Olivia was like his equal in the world – she understood him and he understood her, they were two peas in a pod, two imperfect halves that made a perfect whole in a way. He would always be there for her and love her, and he just hoped that he would never mess things up between them because he couldn't take it if he lost her.

And so his night consisted of dreams of them being forced apart, and he would wake up with a fright, resisting every urge to text her and reassure her – as well as himself – that he wasn't ever going anywhere.

When daylight rolled around, the two parties got ready at their respective places and prepared for a long day of uncertainty that came with the Special Victims Unit. Olivia received the usual seven-thirty text from Elliot, indicating that he was outside, and she grabbed her bag before heading out. She slipped out of her building and hopped into their sedan, and she did her usual _'thank you_ ' as her hand brushed against his when she took her coffee.

But the smile they shared this morning was different. _They_ were different.

After dropping Olivia off at the precinct, Elliot headed to the Internal Affairs building for his meeting with the IAB Sergeant, Ed Tucker. He felt a little nervous about the meeting considering the fact that Tucker was always gunning for them and always looking for a reason to jam up the Special Victims Unit – especially Elliot and Olivia – but he simply brushed off the feeling and decided that whatever was going to happen would just happen. He would just go with it.

He waited for a few minutes before he was finally called into Tucker's office. He was greeted by Tucker and another IAB investigator whom would be sitting in on the interview as well.

The interview went along like normal; Tucker asked questions about the incident and Elliot answered him with full honesty and truth. Of course, he didn't disclose to him about what had happened to Olivia as he would never betray Olivia's trust like that, but he told him enough to get the point across as to why it had happened. Tucker, of course, gave him shit for letting his emotions get the best of him and Elliot simply rolled his eyes and shook his head as he folded his arms across his chest. After the interview was over, Tucker switched off the recorder before looking across at Elliot.

"You've got enough red marks in your jacket to make a damn Christmas sweater," he sat back in his chair, eyeing the blue eyed detective across from him; "Look, off the record, professional shit aside, I can't say I blame you; you've got teenagers, it looks like a case of extreme emotional distress…" he shrugged; "Still gotta go in your jacket though, Stabler. We'll make a ruling by the end of the day, so you'll know if you're suspended by the time you finish work today."

"Yeah, thanks," Elliot refused to really conversate with the rat squad any longer than he had to; "Can I go or what?"

"Yeah…you're free." Tucker replied as he stood up. Elliot stood up as well, before giving a raised eyebrow when Tucker stuck his hand out. He did give the man's hand a brief shake, before he left out, rubbing his hand down his face.

He didn't know what was up with Tucker, but he figured it was something. He seemed to be a little too understanding of the incident and instead of chewing him out, he actually told him he didn't blame him for what happened. He didn't know what that was about, and frankly, he didn't have time to figure it out right now.

He needed to get back to work, back to _Olivia._

* * *

 _ **What did Tucker mean by that - I wonder? Does he know something, hence why he doesn't blame Elliot for what happened? Or is he just being polite? You'll find out in the next chapter, oops! But for now, just leave some reviews - let me know what's up!**_

 _ **Until next time my friends xoxo**_


	24. Chapter 24

**Hey guys!**

 **I'm here with a new update - finally. Thank you guys so much for being so supportive with this fic. It means a whole lot to me. This update is just a small little filler one; our crew goes out for drinks, and Fin and Munch having a very amusing response to the recent development in Olivia and Elliot's relationship.**

 **Please enjoy xoxo**

* * *

 **Keeping Promises**

 **Part 24**

The remainder of the day ran as normal; no cases seemed to filter through the squad room for once, so they spent the day catching up on paperwork and getting updates about other cases that were headed to the courts soon. Elliot and Olivia managed to push their personal relationship aside and hide the fact that there had been a shift, and instead interacted as normal together and with their colleagues as to not raise suspicion. As it grew closer to the evening, Fin suggested that they all go for a drink together at their bar as to continue their tradition of drinks after work when it wasn't too busy in the office, they all nodded in agreement for going, apart from Lake as he had a date for the night. He jokingly told then others to drink enough for him, to which they laughed and gave him a thumbs up as they went back to their paperwork.

As the time ticked along and grew closer to the hour that they'd all decided they would head out, everyone's attention was captured by Tucker walking in and asking for Captain Cragen. They all nodded towards the office, and Tucker nodded before heading into the small office. Olivia and Elliot exchanged a glance, and Elliot gave her a small smile before flicking his gaze back to his work. Olivia knew him though and knew how his mind worked; he was nervous about this because he knew that Tucker was always on them about God knows whatever.

A few moments later, Cragen came to the door to call Elliot into his office. Elliot shot a look to his colleagues – who all gave him a supportive smile – before he then headed into the office. Cragen closed the door behind them and gestured for Elliot to sit, and he did just that while Tucker stood along the wall behind Cragen's desk, and while Cragen sat behind his desk again.

"Sergeant Tucker and the rest of IAB have come a decision following yesterday's incident." Cragen announced. Elliot nodded before flicking his gaze to the stoic faced Sergeant of Internal Affairs, who was simply staring at him with an expression on his face that Elliot couldn't quite read.

"As I told you this morning, there's a red mark in your jacket – another one of course," he rolled his eyes before continuing; "However, we are taking into consideration that you haven't had any run ins with us in quite a while and that you have been able to restrain yourself when its come to your anger, and…we are taking into consideration all that you've been through in these last few months."

"So…what's the verdict?" Elliot wondered.

"Finish out your shift today but you'll be suspended for tomorrow…without pay."

Elliot nodded; he had figured this was coming. Still, he was glad it wasn't as bad as it could have gone. He thanked both of them and asked if he could be dismissed, to which he was allowed. He shook their hands and told Cragen he'd be back to hand over his gun and badge before they left for the night, before he then returned to his desk. Tucker followed shortly after and left the squad room, which then allowed for the other detectives to finally ask what was going on. Elliot told them he'd fill them in when they went to the bar, which satisfied the others and left them to return to their work. He looked over at Olivia who had an apologetic look on her face, but he gave her a reassuring smile. Afterall, he didn't blame her for this at all and he needed her to know that he didn't.

About an hour later, everyone had finished their work for the night and decided to call it a night. It was just past seven, and they figured it was a good time to stop and head off to the bar. Lake bid them all farewell and left out, leaving the remaining four to tidy up all their work so they could go. While the others were shutting down computers and packing up their essentials, Elliot popped into Cragen's office to give him his gun and shield, though when he stepped in, Cragen told him to shut the door. He did just that and turned around just as Cragen rounded the desk.

"You know if my hands weren't tied, I wouldn't have let Tucker suspend you."

"Hey, I knew what I was doing, and I knew what the consequences could be, so it's fine," Elliot placed his gun and badge on the desk. "It is what it is; I'm just glad I got to wail on the sick fuck."

"He is a sick son of a bitch; hopefully the case against him will still hold up and they won't bring up this incident, but who knows." Cragen chuckled a bit. Elliot let out a laugh, nodding his head as he shoved his hands into his pocket.

"Yeah well, I hope he gets what's coming to him," he shook his head before changing the subject; "You coming with us? It's been a long time since you've hung out with us so come on, it's on me tonight – my turn to buy."

"Oh no thanks, son; I have some paperwork to finish – you guys go ahead." There was a pause, then Cragen spoke again; "I know why you did it."

Elliot raised an eyebrow, so Cragen elaborated; "It wasn't just about the fact that he raped a teenage girl. It was about Olivia too, wasn't it?"

Elliot's mouth ran dry. He hadn't expected his Captain to think about that, but then again, considering he knew how close he and Olivia were, there was no way the seasoned police officer wouldn't have eventually picked up on it. He thought about lying, then remembered that Cragen had been on the force since before he was born probably and that there was no point in lying to him at all.

"You didn't hear what he said about her," he sighed, running his hand down his face; "I just…I snapped. I was already on edge because I'm the father of teenagers and that's who he targeted, but…he…he tried to rape Olivia."

"She told you what happened, eh?"

"No, I overheard her talking to Melinda," Elliot shrugged, looking up at his Captain again; "I didn't tell Tucker and I won't tell anyone else, but I just couldn't handle that, handle him talking about her like that. He's a sick fuck."

"He is a sick bastard, and honestly, I can't say I blame you. What you did – in my book – was justifiable." Cragen shrugged, perching on the edge of his desk as he eyed his detective.

"You've always gone above and beyond to protect those you love, and this time was no different."

Elliot lifted his head and looked his captain in the eye. The seasoned officer was giving him a sincere smile and the glimmer in his eye gave indication that he known long before even Elliot himself had known. Still, Elliot shook his head, folding his arms across his chest.

"I never cheated on Kathy, I did love her once – you gotta know that."

"Oh I know you did, and I know you never cheated," Cragen nodded his head towards his door as he glanced through the blinds at Olivia, who was perched on her desk and laughing at something Munch said; "But you can't tell me that things didn't shift about two or three years into your partnership, can you?"

Elliot couldn't find a word to respond with, and so simply let out a breath.

"And because I didn't just get my shield yesterday, I can tell something else has shifted too."

He reached forward and gave the detective a pat on the shoulder, causing the blue-eyed man to look up into the eyes of the man that had been like a father to him for so long.

"It's okay Elliot; it's okay."

"I love her…" Elliot glanced back through the blinds at the brown eyed goddess, then looked back at his captain as he choked out the words yet again, finally breathing life into them as he spoke with such honesty and conviction;

"I love her, and I've loved her for a long time."

Cragen was silent for as he allowed for a quick moment to soak in the information that he had been given, information that he had known all along but had wanted the two detectives to admit. It had been obvious to anyone, but it was nice that one of them had finally admitted it.

"You told her that?" Cragen asked.

"We talked last night about everything, and we know there's things there, but we're just gonna take it slow and I'm gonna help her through this…but we did kiss," Elliot then let out a sigh; "And you're gonna have to tell Tucker and them, aren't you?"

"Tell Tucker what?" Cragen winked before letting out a chuckle, "Tucker won't know a thing unless absolutely necessary. I will be rotating you two about – sometimes you'll be together, sometimes you'll be with Fin or Lake or Munch."

He then held up his hand when he saw Elliot open his mouth to speak, and he issued a couple warnings;

"The minute this interferes with your work, I will tell Tucker and you two will have to separate. Also…don't hurt her, else me and you will have a problem."

Elliot gave him a smile before shaking his hand; "I promise you it won't interfere, and I swear on my life, I will never hurt her."

"I know you won't, but I still had to warn you," Cragen patted his shoulder again before nodding towards the door; "Get out of here, son; see you on Monday."

Elliot nodded and gave him a small smile, before leaving out. He approached the others, grabbing his jacket as he did so. Cragen watched as his four detectives left the office, and he chuckled to himself as he sat down.

Elliot and Olivia; he smirked to himself. _'It's about damn time.'_

* * *

The bar was bustling with the normal after-work crowd that plagued this bar on the regular. Though the place was busy, the detectives were able to get their normal table and before long, their first round of beers were on the table. They decided to leave shop talk at the office and simply chatted about normal things, though Elliot nor Olivia were focusing much as all they could think about was each other. They were sitting directly next to each other, which meant that their fingers were discreetly interlocked under the table as their joined hands rested on Elliot's knee. They gave each other discreet smiles yet engaged in the conversation around them every now and then, chiming in and laughing at jokes. Truthfully, the four of them were happy to just be hanging out like this together as it had been a long time since they had been able to do so. Spending time together like this, laughing and chatting while drinking, continued to prove everyone's theory about this unit – they were more than co-workers, they were a family. It was just them as nobody was really trying to be in Special Victims Unit, so they had learned to rely on each other and had formed a beautiful friendship in the mix.

And Elliot and Olivia…they had formed something even more beautiful.

Their second round of beers came around a while later and as they nursed those drinks, it was then that Munch remembered that Elliot still hadn't told them much about his meetings with IAB today.

"Hey El, you didn't tell us about the rat squad and all that," he paused and took a quick swig of beer before continuing; "What was all that about?"

Elliot felt Olivia squeeze his hand under the table, and he knew that she was discreetly telling him not to say anything about why he'd really done it. He squeezed it back as he took a swig of beer, before then composing himself to speak.

"Honestly, Harris is a sick fuck," he shrugged; "He preys on defenseless women, teenage girls; all that. He…he said some stuff, and I just couldn't handle it. Being a father of teenage girls, I guess I just saw my girls in Ashley, and I just…I lost it."

"He deserves the ass kicking you gave him, he probably wishes he was dead," Munch let out a laugh before continuing; "Tucker suspend you?"

"For a day; I can come back to work on Monday."

Olivia squeezed his hand again under the table and gave him a sweet smile, but the other two were looking at Elliot with a look of disbelief.

"Tucker – the son of a bitch that's always gunning for us – only suspended you for a day?" Fin asked.

"How the hell did you swing that?" Munch chimed in, arching his eyebrow.

"Honestly, I got the vibe that he knows something about Harris that the rest of us don't know, but God knows what that is." Elliot shrugged, shaking his head. He took another swig from his bottle and looked up; Fin was giving him a knowing look, one that told him that he knew the real reason why he'd kicked Harris's ass. Elliot have a subtle shake of the head, and Fin gave a subtle nod; and both of these gestures went unnoticed by Olivia and Munch, whom were cracking jokes and laughing about Tucker's brain being taken over by aliens and him now being a cool dude.

A short while later, after that round of beers and more conspiracy theories from Munch, the group decided they best get their heads together so they could all get home. They stayed long enough to have some glasses of water to sober up, then after Elliot finally paid the tab, they headed outside.

But Elliot and Olivia seemed to forget that they were holding hands, and the gesture certainly didn't go unnoticed by Fin, whose eyes went wide.

"Whoa – what the hell is going on here?"

The others looked in confusion, and Fin nodded his head at their hands. Munch, Elliot and Olivia followed his gaze, then the couple softly bit their lips as they looked back at the others again. There was silence and few more exchanges of glances, and then…

"What date did this happen?"

"Please say it happened on Valentine's Day?"

Olivia and Elliot exchanged a glance. This wasn't exactly how they planned to tell anyone about the recent development between them, but they figured that they might as well just admit things considering they couldn't hide anything from their colleagues.

"Okay, yes something has changed between me and Olivia, but we're taking things slowly and-"

"Have you kissed her?" Munch asked.

"Yes." Elliot replied with a simple roll of the eyes.

"And y'all are holding hands, which means this sounds like it's something serious," Fin pointed out before folding his arms across his chest; "When did this development happen?"

"Yesterday." Olivia couldn't stop herself from smiling at the memory of Elliot's lips on hers, something she had waited so long for.

"Damn!" Munch burst out, dragging his hand down his face. Fin whipped out his phone; "Did anyone lock in for the twenty-seventh of February?"

"Wait…wait," Elliot held his free hand up as his brow furrowed in confusion; "Lock in for – what the hell are you all talking about?"

"Wait a fucking minute," Olivia chimed in before anyone could respond; "Did you guys bet on us?"

"The whole NYPD is betting on you guys, it's been going on since the beginning of last month – we have a pool," Fin was scrolling through his phone then groaned; "Fuck, Eames from Major Case and Green from Homicide – they were locked in for the twenty-seventh of February."

"How much is in the pool?" Elliot asked.

"Eh, like five hundred bucks isn't it?" Munch asked.

"Nah, more was added on Monday; I think it's up to a little over seven hundred." Fin added.

Elliot and Olivia exchanged a stunned glance. They knew that for a long time, there had been whispers throughout the department regarding them and their relationship. Honestly, they didn't know whether to laugh or be offended that their fellow officers had gone as far as to make a betting pool on when the famed duo would finally cross that line. They simply shook their heads and rolled before looking back at their friends.

"Wait a minute…" Elliot paused as something dawned on him; "Guys…is Cragen in on that too?"

"Yeah, he was locked in for Valentine's Day along with me." Munch scoffed.

"Now that makes sense," Elliot rubbed a hand down his face before turning to Olivia; "Cragen sussed out that something had changed between us, but he said he wasn't gonna say anything to Tucker and them unless it interferes with our work."

"Tucker won't say shit anyway, he's probably getting money out of this too," Fin was chuckling; "IAB has a betting pool for you guys too; started it at the beginning of this month."

"What?" The two burst out, their eyes going wide as they stared at their fellow detectives.

"Oh my two friends, you really have no idea how long people have been waiting for this to happen – do you?" Munch chuckled as he eyed the couple; "Listen Elliot, we mean no disrespect and God rest Kathy's soul, but I think even we knew that your marriage wouldn't last."

"None taken; I mean – I'm sad Kathy is gone, sad she won't see our kids grow into these remarkable people, but…but even if she was alive, I think deep down we both knew it would never last forever; we were holding onto it for the sake of the kids, trying to revive something that we should have just let go a while ago," he paused and ran a hand over his jaw; "But screw you guys for this betting pool; seriously, since the start of last month?"

"We were all just wondering when it would happen; been wondering since you came running into the hospital when she got hurt a couple months ago." Munch remarked.

"Knock it off guys; he was grieving the loss of his wife and mother of his children." Olivia pointed out.

"I was, and then I was fine by the time I came back to work; visiting her grave and talking helped," Elliot chimed in as he glanced at her; "I'm still…a betting pool, guys?"

"Eames and Green are really about to split a seven-hundred-dollar pot because of us?" Olivia asked as her eyebrow arched.

"I'm calling both of them first thing tomorrow," Fin let out laugh before continuing; "Nah – all jokes aside, we're happy for you guys, and its about time really. We got sick of y'all making eyes over your desk at each other."

"Should've known something was about to change with the way he was acting when you went undercover; he was unbearable." Munch added, smirking at the blue-eyed detective.

"Well trust me, he's not got to worry about me going undercover like that ever again." She shuddered slightly, and Elliot gave her hand a squeeze. She looked up at him and gave him a reassuring smile, and he pressed a delicate kiss to her forehead.

"Okay, enough of that," Munch joked as he whipped out his keys; "The night is young and I have a date with sleep; see you kids tomorrow, and see you on Monday, Elliot."

The three bid the older detective a goodnight and watched as he wandered off. Once he was gone, Fin turned back to the couple and immediately asked;

"She told you what happened?"

"He overheard when I was talking to Melinda," Olivia replied, sighing; "Cragen knows too."

"Well, at least Elliot did what I wanted to do; sick mother fucker," Fin dragged his hand down his face, then wrapped his arm around her for a one arm hug; "You do know how sorry I am, don't you? I'm sorry I didn't back you up properly in there."

"Hey, shut up, you stopped me from getting killed," she gave him a squeeze before pulling back and giving him a soft smile; "I don't blame you or anything like that; don't worry."

"You know not to blame yourself too, right?" Elliot told her, giving her a raised eyebrow. She nodded and smiled, enough to satisfy her though she knew he'd probably seen through it. Still, he leaned in and kissed her head, and she squeezed his hand as she gave him a small smile.

The three decided they best get home, and so after bidding each other farewell, they went their separate ways; Fin went to his car while Elliot and Olivia went to the sedan. He sweetly opened the door for her, and she thanked him as she slipped into the passenger seat. He then went around and slipped into the driver's seat, then started the engine before looking over at her.

"You wanna go home or come out to Queens?" He asked.

"It's after nine, so I better go home; some of us have work tomorrow." She winked to show that she was just teasing him, and he laughed and shook his head as he peeled away from the curb, driving towards the uptown apartments where she lived.

It was about ten minutes later when he pulled in the familiar spot along the side walk in front of her door. He shut off the engine and got out along with her, and he kept his hand on the small of her back as he walked her inside and up to her fourth-floor apartment. Once outside the door, he pulled her into a warm hug and kissed the side of her head while she clung to him.

"Call me when you get home." She murmured against his shoulder.

"I will," he pulled back and slid his hands up until he was cupping her cheeks; "Come over tomorrow after work?"

"I will; I'll need to, considering the fact I won't see you all day." She replied. She let out a contented sigh when he pressed his lips to hers, giving her a gentle yet loving kiss, causing a feeling of warmth to flood through her.

"Goodnight baby; I'll see you tomorrow." He brushed some of her hair back, then kissed her forehead as she blushed adorably.

"Goodnight, El."

They shared one more kiss, then Elliot headed off to the elevator. Olivia waited to make sure he got onto the elevator safely, then she went into her apartment and shut the door. She flicked on her lamp and put her bag down, and just as she was headed towards the bedroom to change, her phone buzzed in her pocket. She whipped it out and looked at the screen, and her heart fluttered;

 _ **'Elliot: 9:21pm – Blink your lights'**_

Typical Elliot.

She blinked her lights a couple times then went over to the window and looked out. She waved at him as he waved back, then she closed the curtains back and sighed to herself.

Things may had changed, but there was a feeling coursing through – happiness and contentment.

And for once, she no longer felt scared of the future.

* * *

 ** _Woo...another chapter done. Please guys, leave some reviews - I greatly appreciate it. Also I want to say, that we have two parts of this story left. Part 25 will be the last proper part, and will be followed up by an Epilogue chapter. Don't worry though, I have another story planned for after this one is done, and it's a pairing I haven't done before other than in ONE one-shot. I might post the prologue to that story soon, but for now...Until next time xoxo_**


	25. Chapter 25

**Hey beautiful people.**

 **So...I'm sad to say that this is the last proper part of Keeping Promises. I have one more bit to post - an epilogue - and I'll probably post that tomorrow or Monday. I just want to say thank you to everyone who supported this fic...the funny thing is, it was meant to be only a 2 or 3 part story, but I just couldn't let it go; had to drag it out. Anyway, I hope you've all enjoyed this and again, thank you.**

 **Well...enjoy xoxo**

* * *

 **Keeping Promises**

 **Part 25**

The weekend passed pretty quickly – too quickly for anyone's liking. Olivia's Friday shift of work without Elliot wasn't too bad; a great chunk of the day was spent tying up loose ends for other open cases they had and chasing a few leads here and there, but nothing too strenuous. She had gotten a good laugh at one point when she and Fin had to go to the Homicide Unit and Detective Eddie Green gave her an overly dramatic hug and thanked her for finally taking a leap with Elliot and making him over three hundred bucks richer. It seemed that news of her and Elliot was spreading through the department like wildfire, and everyone seemed to be breathing a sigh of relief about it as they were happy that the two had finally taken the leap. Most people gave her smiles and a lot of others told her that it was about time. Cragen called her into his office before she left on Friday and told her to just keep it out of work, but that he was happy for them as well.

She spent most of the weekend at Elliot's – back and forth between there and her apartment. Friday night they and the kids had dinner together and watched movies, then Saturday they all went out together – minus Maureen as she had been at work. They did some shopping and simply enjoyed each other's company, and Olivia was just glad to be out with Elliot in public, holding his hand loosely. They were still taking things slowly and testing the waters, but the shift in their relationship was still a welcome change and really, they were happy. She went back over on Sunday and helped with Sunday dinner, which they all happily enjoyed together. For once, Olivia felt like she was part of a real family and it was a welcome change, a warm feeling. Despite things going on in her life, she knew she'd get through it with these amazing people – her family.

Monday rolled around and it was back to normal for the most part; Elliot picked Olivia up at the normal seven o'clock time and by seven-thirty – even after they'd run into a bit of rush hour traffic – they found themselves strolling into the precinct, laughing together with their cups of coffee in hand. Fin immediately stopped their laughter by announcing that Tucker was in Cragen's office waiting to see Elliot, and the blue-eyed detective immediately exchanged a glance with his partner before putting his drink down and retreating into the office of his Captain. He shut the door behind him and shook hands with both men before stuffing his hand into his pockets.

"Detective Stabler, your suspension has been lifted as you know," Tucker spoke as he leaned against Cragen's desk; "And I'll also have you know that you won't be facing any charges; you're all clear."

Elliot nearly choked on the air as his eyes went wide. He immediately looked at Cragen to see if there was a catch, but the seasoned police captain shook his head and held out the gun and badge, which Elliot immediately took into his hand. He looked between both men as he holstered his weapon and secured his badge to his belt.

"I um…I just don't understand…" he paused slightly before continuing; "Not saying I'm not happy about this, but I at least expected to face something and-"

"We did some digging; Harris has been doing this for years," Tucker interrupted him, putting his hand up; "Ashley Tyler wasn't his first victim, neither was Risa Tyler; he's got a lot of murders and bodies attached to him – he's done. He's escaping the death penalty, but his ass isn't getting out of prison."

Elliot nodded as he let out a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding. Lowell Harris may not be seeing justice for what he did to Olivia, but justice has still come through in some sort of way and now, the man was done – gone for life. Elliot didn't realize how much of a weight that would be off of his shoulders, and while he knew it would be a weight off of Olivia's shoulders as well, he knew she still had a ways to go. Tucker didn't know the full extent, and Elliot sure as hell didn't plan on telling him that.

"Well, I'm glad the prick is done for life, and at least Ashley Tyler won't have to be retraumatized by him again." Elliot remarked.

"Yeah," there was a pause, then Tucker spoke again; "By the way, thanks to you and Benson for making me two hundred bucks richer." He smirked at him, and Elliot laughed a bit as he shrugged.

"Look, me and Liv know what the rules are and-"

"I won't know a thing unless I have to know, which means your jobs better not be jeopardized by this between you," Tucker warned him; "This doesn't mean I won't still have your asses if I need to, so don't fuck up anything."

"We'll just annoy you like we always do." Elliot replied. Tucker rolled his eyes and grumbled under his breath, then after shaking their hands again, he bid them farewell and left out. Elliot shut the door behind him again and looked to his captain;

"Okay Cap, what did it cost ya?"

"Nothing, they told you only one day and that one day was Friday," Cragen perched himself on the edge of his desk; "Look, you're a good cop Elliot and what you did was justifiable…I think we all would've done the same thing, for Ashley and her mother, for Harris's other victims…for Olivia."

Elliot nodded, swallowing hard; anything for _Olivia._

Elliot thanked him and shook his hand before heading back out of the office and into the squad room. He looked around at his fellow detectives; the four of them had immediately looked up with raised eyebrows.

"All clear; got my gun and shield back," he spoke as he removed his jacket and sat down; "And looks like Ashley and Risa weren't his only victims. The prick is going away for life."

The others all cheered and exchanged fist bumps, but Olivia had looked up in disbelief. Elliot looked over at her and saw the glistening tears in her eyes, and he immediately smiled at her as he softly spoke;

"It's over, baby."

She swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded, smiling at him. She wiped away the tears that had threatened to fall before nodding her head, and Elliot gave her a sweet, supportive smile as well.

The next couple hours passed pretty slowly; they took advantage of the fact that no new cases had come in, which meant it gave them time to follow up with some victims for upcoming court cases

"Benson, Stabler," Cragen came flying out of his office with a pink slip; "Novak wants you to meet her and Langan at Rikers; apparently Richardson wants to confess and make a deal."

Both Elliot and Olivia rolled their eyes at the sound of their problematic client; a serial pedophile they had collared recently. They stood up and grabbed their coats and coffee cups, then Elliot snatched up the keys to the sedan before they then filed out of the squad room together.

For now – until they were finally done saving the city – they were the NYPD's dynamic duo of Benson and Stabler.

* * *

After an hour long meeting which saw their problematic client confess to everything he had done and cut a deal with the DA's office, Elliot and Olivia had finally returned to the precinct. The two had just stepped out of the car and were walking up the steps to the doors, when they heard a familiar voice;

"Detective Benson!"

They both turned and were shocked yet pleased to find a now much healthier looking Ashley Tyler racing towards them. Elliot remained standing at the door, but Olivia stepped down onto the side walk and met Ashley halfway. Olivia was just glad that she looked a lot better than when she'd last seen her almost a week earlier now; the young girl was dressed in jeans and a sweater underneath her coat, and a pair of sneakers.

"Ashley…hey," Olivia gave her a sweet smile; "I was actually gonna call you when I headed back in. What brings you by?"

Ashley paused for a moment, then she spoke in a quiet voice; "Captain Cragen called me actually. Is it true? Is he going away for life?" There were glistening tears in her eyes, and Olivia knew that they were waiting to be shed, most likely out of pure relief. She placed her hand on the young girl's shoulder and nodded as she tried not to cry herself;

"Yeah, it's true. He confessed to your rape and your mother's murder, and several other rapes and murders. No death penalty, but he's going to jail for the rest of his life."

She then placed both hands on her cheeks, looking into the glistening brown eyes of the young girl;

"He will never hurt you or anyone else ever again."

Ashley suddenly broke down and fell into Olivia's arms for a hug as she sobbed, and Olivia wrapped her arms tight around her, allowing her own tears to finally escape as well. She pressed a light kiss to the top of Ashley's head and rocked her slightly, giving her as much comfort as possible as she knew that it was what the young girl needed.

Hell – it was what _she_ needed.

Lowell Harris was gone. He was never getting out and would never hurt anyone ever again.

The two stood there hugging for a couple more minutes before finally pulling apart. Olivia wiped Ashley's tears away with her thumb before giving her a soft smile. Ashley smiled back and nodded her head, letting out a breath.

"Thank you, and thank you too," she nodded her head at Elliot before looking at Olivia again; "And thank you for believing me, and not giving up on me, and I'm so sorry for acting the way I did…for doubting you."

"Don't worry about that, it's okay; and I would've never given up on you," Olivia assured her before cupping her cheek; "Now you know what I need you to do? I need you to heal, to fight like hell to do something amazing, and to make your mother proud – prouder than she already was. You are going to survive this; I promise."

"I promise I will…I promise you, and I already promised my mother," Ashley nodded and hugged her again; "Thank you so much."

"You're very welcome." Olivia replied. She let go of her and whipped out one of her cards, before scribbling her cell phone number onto the back; "My cell number is on the back. If you ever need anything, even if it's just to talk, give me a call anytime."

Ashley nodded, finally smiling at her. She waved to both of the detectives before wandering off, and Olivia watched her for a bit before taking a deep breath. She knew the path to healing would not be easy for any of them, but it was a path that they – especially she herself – was more than willing to take. It would probably be a long time before she was properly herself again because she knew that things hadn't fully hit her yet, but she would be okay in time, and Ashley would be too.

She looked up and saw that Elliot had come up beside her now. He slipped an arm around her waist and tucked some of her hair behind her hear, gazing into her sparkling brown eyes. She looked up into the swirls of cobalt blue and saw love, compassion, and safety all swirling together, and she felt her heart take flight. Elliot had always been there, had always been everything she ever needed. It was a shame that it had taken a tragedy to bring them together, but now that they were together, there was no stopping them. There was still a lot of healing to go for the both of them, but they would lean on each other and heal together, like they always did.

Partners for life – in every sense of the word.

She slid her hands up and lightly held onto the lapels of his suit jacket, before leaning in and giving him the sweetest kiss on the lips. She felt it all – the love, the urge to protect, the desire – everything that had always been between them.

Now, it was manifested into one kiss.

They pulled away after a few moments and simply stared at each other. He then smiled and kissed her nose, before grabbing hold of her hand;

"Come on, let's get inside – get through this day."

"Yeah, let's do it." She nodded, squeezing his hand as they headed back inside. As they stepped onto the elevator together, still loosely holding hands, she couldn't help but think back to that day over three months ago, when she made that promise to Kathy to take care of Elliot and the kids. She sighed out and knew that Kathy was watching them all and she approved of this; she could feel it.

 _This_ was more than okay.

She was taking care of Elliot and the kids and little did they know, they were taking care of her too.

The promise had been kept this long and would continue to be kept for the time to come.

 _ **The End.**_

* * *

 _ **Thank you guys! Leave some feedback and all that; it's greatly appreciated. Again, epilogue will come tomorrow or Monday! Until next time xoxo**_


	26. Chapter 26

**Hey guys.**

 **So...we have reached the epilogue for Keeping Promises. I have no words guys...I'm sad it's over. I think I mentioned this in the last part but this story was really only meant to be 2 or 3 parts, yet it blossomed into a beautiful 26 parts clearly. Thank you all so much for your support on this and every other piece that I've written. It means more to me than you'll ever know.**

 **In the Epilogue, we see where things are a year later. Life is changing for Elliot and Olivia, and what a beautiful change it is.**

 **Enjoy xoxo**

* * *

 **Keeping Promises**

 **Part 26 - Epilogue**

 _One Year Later._

It was crazy how fast time moved, and how things could change in the space of a year.

One year ago, she was living alone in her two-bedroom, uptown Manhattan apartment. Now, she was packing to move into the five-bedroom house in Queens with the love of her life and the kids he still had at home.

One year ago, she was struggling to pick of the pieces following an undercover sting gone wrong. Now, she was stronger than before; cautious, but a hell of a lot stronger than she had been. The nightmares were few and far between and she was starting to feel like herself again.

One year ago, she was unsure of what she wanted in the future. Now, she had never felt surer of anything in her life.

"Liv, where do you want your mother's _Shakespeare_ books?"

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a voice and she looked up; Lizzie Stabler was standing over her head, holding a stack of books in her arms. She looked around her room to find a box, but shook her head and let out a small laugh;

"Do you want them, sweetie?"

"Are you sure?" Lizzie asked, her eyes going wide.

"Yeah, I'm not gonna read them anymore," Olivia gave her a nod; "Go on honey, take them."

"Wow; thanks Liv!" Lizzie burst out. She retreated from the bedroom and Olivia could hear her telling Dickie to be careful with the books as she was going to read them as soon as they got back to the house. She laughed to herself and rolled her eyes as she tucked some of her hair behind her ear before continuing on with packing up some other books that were going to the house with her, only to suddenly hear the sweetest little voice calling out;

"Mama!"

She looked over her shoulder; little fifteen-month-old Eli was tottering towards her as fast as his little legs could take him while his handsome father trailed behind him. This was another recent development – about a month earlier, little Eli had looked at her and blurted out _"Mama" and_ kept repeating it. Olivia had felt a little strange about it at first, but Elliot nor the older kids would correct the toddler nor would they let Olivia feel strange about it. They reminded her that she had been there for all the milestones – the doctor's appointments, staying over and staying up half the night when he was colic or teething, seeing his first steps, changing diapers, reading to him, singing to him, giving him baths, sorting out his first birthday party and being there for all of that. They all helped her to realize that she really was the only mother that Eli really knew, and that it was only natural that he had referred to her as _Mama._ Olivia knew that one day when he could understand, they would have to tell him the truth, but for now, she was perfectly content with being _Mama_ to little Eli.

Besides, she did feel like he was her little boy, so it was alright.

"Hi sweet boy," she laughed when he fell into her open arms, resting his head on her shoulder; "I missed you." She pressed a kiss to his curls, then stood up with him in her arms. She tilted her head up and greeted Elliot with a kiss on the lips, and he smiled once they pulled apart.

"I missed you too." He smirked. Olivia rolled her eyes, nudging him with her elbow as she shook her head at him. He chuckled as he reached up and tucked some of her hair behind her ear, and she shuddered slightly at his touch as his fingertips brushed against her cheek.

Every touch made her heart flutter. This man loved her so much, and it was something that she had really been getting used to over the last year – _actual love_.

"All this stuff ready to go outside?" He asked, looking around at the few boxes that were in the otherwise empty room. Her bedroom furniture and some of her clothes had been given to a local Salvation Army, but the rest of her things from the bedroom and her bathrooms were packed away into boxes.

"Yeah, all good," she glanced around the room before looking up; "They finished clearing my living room?"

"Last I checked, they were sitting around talking with a stack of boxes." Elliot replied, referring to his four older children whom were lounging about. Olivia laughed to herself, before stealing another kiss from Elliot before making her way out of the bedroom and through to the living room.

While Elliot and the older kids took the remaining packed boxes outside to his and Olivia's vehicles, Olivia stayed inside with Eli and swept up the areas that had been cleared. Eli was very well behaved of course as he sat quietly on the floor in the middle of the living room area and watched videos on Olivia's laptop, leaving her to work while the others took the boxes out.

And about an hour later, the apartment she had called home for the last few years now was totally empty. This was her second apartment in uptown Manhattan since she had moved to this borough all those years ago to work at Manhattan SVU, and now here she was, moving away from the lonely apartment life and stepping into a family home.

This was so bittersweet. This apartment held quite a few memories.

The older kids realized that Olivia probably needed a minute and so decided to head back out to Maureen's car, which they had all been riding in together. Elliot told him they'd be out in a moment, and after they headed out, he looked back at Olivia, whom was now holding Eli on her hip while having her tote bag with her essentials and her laptop in it on her other shoulder.

"You alright baby?" Elliot quietly asked, giving her a comforting smile.

"Yeah…I just…" she paused, and she swallowed hard; "Give me a minute?"

"Sure baby; you want me to take little man?"

"Yeah, please…and this, just put it in my car," she slipped the toddler into Elliot's arms and handed over her bag, before she then kissed Eli's cheek; "Stay with Daddy; I'll be out in just a minute, sweet boy."

Eli gave her a sweet smile then began babbling to Elliot about whatever as they headed out of the apartment, leaving Olivia to stand there for a moment and take everything in.

The place had been emptied, apart from everything that had already been there. The furniture had been donated, the curtains were thrown away, the pots and pans and other good aspects were packed away and headed to the house. Apartment life was over; she was about to live in an actual house, with an actual family.

She thought back to when she first got an apartment on her own – a dump the Bronx when she was first out of the academy and had just landed her first job as a rookie cop for the 55th precinct. She had been so proud of the fact that she had gotten a place on her own and had fixed it up, so it wasn't as much of a dump anymore. It had been her home for a few years until she had gotten her detective shield and asked for the SVU assignment in Manhattan, and when she had gotten that, she traded that dump for a new apartment in uptown Manhattan.

Another new apartment yet no one to share it with. She never let anyone get too close, never wanted anyone to see the deepest parts of her soul, never wanted anyone to stay in her space – which meant her apartment – for too long. The only person she ever trusted enough to be in her apartment for lengthy periods of time was Elliot, but for the most part, the apartment had been her safe haven, her escape from the world, her place to be alone when things got too much. It was that last apartment was where she realized how alone she was, where she sobbed in the arms of her best friend when she realized she didn't have any family left after her mother died. She was simply _alone_ – her mother had left her, and her mother had been all the family she had left.

And then that apartment was gone; she had given it up when she had gotten the undercover assignment with the feds, and she hadn't known how long she would be gone so it made no sense to keep it – not that she cared as she had been dying to get away at that time anyway. When she came back, she was lucky enough to get this new apartment, another place to make her little safe haven where she could be alone. Elliot had spent a fair amount of time here too, but Olivia had spent a lot of time here on her own too. It was her safe place to escape to after the longest days. Behind these walls there were nights of laying awake with confusing thoughts, crying for victims and crazy cases and confusing situations, wallowing in self pity due to being lonely.

And now it was over. She had a family now.

She no longer would come home to the quiet and the loneliness held behind these walls of these two-bedroom apartments. While part of her was sad about leaving this part of her life behind, a large part of her was excited about what was to come.

She moved through the apartment and looked through every room – all empty and bare and ready to be shown, ready for someone else to move in and make this their safe haven like it had been for her. She walked through to the living room and pulled her coat on, then fished her keys from her pocket and slipped the apartment key off of the ring. She took one more look around and smiled to herself, then left out of the apartment and locked the door behind her. She headed downstairs to the front floor apartment of her landlord, and after a couple knocks, the friendly older man opened the door.

"Ah, Olivia," he smiled at her, "Today's the day eh?"

"Yeah Frank, today's the day," she handed over her key then folded her arms across her chest "Do I need to sign anything or is everything good?"

"You're all good kiddo, I just thank you for being a good tenant – paying on time and keeping your apartment in good shape and not being annoying. Now, I believe this belongs to you…" Frank handed over a check for the full amount of her security deposit, then gave her a warm hug; "Be safe out there, Olivia; you've got a family to go home to now."

Olivia squeezed him back before letting go, nodding her head as she whispered with a wobble in her voice; "Yeah…yeah I do."

Frank gave her a smile and wished her well yet again, and she gave him a head nod before heading out the side door to the parking garage. Elliot was parked beside her car, and she him leaning against his car; little Eli was already inside in his car seat. She tapped on the window and pulled a face at the toddler, before then going around to Elliot, who immediately pulled her into his arms.

"You okay?" he asked. She nodded, then stood on her toes and kissed his lips, giggling a bit when she felt him squeeze her ass.

"Okay, hands to yourself mister – that probably won't happen tonight," she winked before stroking his arm; "Come on, let's go…home."

 _Home. Home_ was with Elliot and the kids, and her heart warmed.

He chuckled and tucked her shoulder length hair behind her ear, before dropping a kiss to her forehead.

"Let's go home, baby."

* * *

Hours later, the boxes from Olivia's apartment had been unpacked; her books were on the shelf in the living room, her clothes and shoes filled half of the large closet in the master bedroom, the en suite bathroom cabinet was filled with her toiletries, her toothpaste and toothbrush were on the side of the sink, her shower gel and shampoo and conditioner were all on the shelf in the shower. Her pots and pans were downstairs in the cabinet. She was all settled into her new home, and she could not even describe how unbelievably happy she felt. The family had a nice dinner together that night – delivery from their favorite Chinese spot – then enjoyed some films and games together. Maureen went back into the city later that night as she had work in the morning, Eli was put to bed in his room around nine-thirty by Olivia – after bath time and a book – and the older kids went to bed around midnight.

Elliot had just come back downstairs after changing into his pajamas when he spotted Olivia outside on the back porch, sitting on the top step. It was pretty chilly out as it was February, but she was sitting on the step in her leggings and shirt, along with the grey hoodie – which belonged to him really - and some sneakers. Her hair was scrapped up into a ponytail, and she looked so incredibly adorable. She was looking up at the moon and stars, and Elliot figured that something was on her mind.

He slipped on his sneakers and pulled on his NYPD sweatshirt before slipping outside with her. He sat down on the top step beside her and slipped his arm around her waist, and she leaned her head on his shoulder as she continued to look at the sky. Elliot knew not to push her into speaking yet; she was clearly thinking about something and she would say it in time. He simply sat with her, stroking her waist gently underneath the hoodie and kissing her head every now and then.

"You know, when I was a little girl, I used to dream about the future – I was gonna have a great career, a good man, kids; just…the good shit that little girls dream of," she spoke up after a short while, capturing Elliot's attention; "My mother…she wasn't the best example of what a parent should be, and so I pushed that other stuff aside; just focused on my career. I never wanted anyone to see… _me._ They can see the surface, but never inside – if I didn't let them in, they would never know the parts I'd rather lock away and forget, and it would be fine."

She turned a bit and looked at him, and she sighed; "Then I met you."

He tilted his head to the side, but he let her continue.

"I met you, and I just…I don't know what it was. You…you protected me in ways that I had never been protected before, and as much as I used to give you hell for sticking your nose in things or treating me like I couldn't protect myself, I loved it. You became like my safety net, and it was so easy to talk to you – and I just…I felt like I finally had someone to open up to."

She paused for a moment, then she spoke again;

"What's funny is that I never meant to let you get so close to me, I told myself I would keep you at arm's length because if you saw all of me, you wouldn't like it, you wouldn't like me…then I'd lose you, and I knew early on in our friendship that if I lost you, I would lose everything," she laughed a bit and sniffled; "But I just…when we started opening up to each other, it was like I couldn't stop telling you things. And you know what I loved?"

"What baby?" he whispered.

"I loved that no matter what I told you, that you didn't judge me, you didn't give me that look of pity – you looked at me with pride, and told me that you admired me and thought I was strong and brave; things I had never heard anyone say about me before," she didn't know why she was tearing up, but she wiped her eyes with her thumb as she continued;

"A few months ago, when I told you that you knew everything about me, even the parts I'd rather forget, I meant that. I have never opened up to anyone the way I've opened up to you over the years, and I'll never open up to anyone else that way because they don't get it, they will never get _me_ – not like you do. Meeting you, getting to know you, talking to you, developing a friendship with you, falling in love with you – all of it taught me that dreams come true eventually, that the good things will come to those who wait."

"Baby." He swallowed the lump in his throat and blinked, trying his hardest not to let the tears overflow.

"I never thought I would get this Elliot, especially not after the accident," now she had started to cry a bit, her voice was wobbling with emotion; "I told you this already, but I struggled so much after that and I really thought it was my fault, but it wasn't. I'm forever sorry I wasn't more careful, but I know that it wasn't my fault – I've accepted that it wasn't my fault, that it was an accident and that I did everything."

"Absolutely right baby; it wasn't your fault and you really did do everything." He whispered. She nodded, breathing out.

"I thank you for letting me be there for you, I thank you for letting me be… _something_ …to your kids; not their mother, but just…something," she shrugged; "And thank you, for loving me, for giving me this family that I didn't think I deserved."

"Baby you've always deserved a family," he cupped her cheek; "But thank you for everything you did for us; you've done so much…you helped save this family."

"You all helped save me," she breathed out;

"Look, I know I didn't have the best example growing up, but I had a great example of parents once I became an adult…just from watching you and Kathy. Elliot, I know I'll never be her, but-"

"I don't want you to be her; I want you to be _with you_ …because I love _you_."

She nodded, giving him a soft smile; "I love you too…" She pecked his lips before continuing; "I know I'm not Eli's actual mother and we can explain it when he's older if you want, but…but I promise you, I will try to be a great mother to him, just like she was to the other kids."

"Baby, you already are, so don't you dare doubt yourself," he tucked some of her hair behind her ear; "You're doing great; if anything, your childhood – your mother, God rest her soul – taught you what a mother shouldn't be; you're the opposite."

"I am, and I'm gonna keep it that way. I've gotta be a good mother to Eli…" she leaned on his shoulder, and she mumbled softly; "And to the baby."

There was silence for a moment, then Elliot shot up and looked at her with wide eyes as it dawned on him what she just said;

"Baby?"

She looked up at him, her eyes searching his. His eyes had filled with tears, and he rested a hand on her stomach;

"We're having a baby? _You_ are having _my_ baby?" He sniffled, and she nodded her head as tears slipped down her cheeks.

"I…I had a hunch, especially when my period was late – which it never is," she shrugged; "Melinda drew some blood a couple days ago and gave me the results yesterday, remember when she called me down to the lab?"

He nodded, sniffling a bit; "When are you due?"

"In seven months," she reached up and stroked his cheek; "Seven kids; that good with you, Daddy?"

"Oh hell yeah, it's more than great with me, Momma," he kissed her forehead before pulling her into his lap, holding her tight as she draped an arm around his neck; "I love you, Liv; more than anything in this world."

"I love you too, El; more than anything." She hugged him yet again and smiled she felt him kiss her neck.

They pulled apart after a few moments and stood up together to head back inside. They locked up the house, then headed upstairs together as they were both desperate to just be close, especially after the wonderful news that Olivia had just shared with him. He was going to be a father again. The love of his life was having his baby.

It was the best feeling in the world.

The quietly made love for the next couple hours, going slow and simply loving each other as moonlight streamed through a small gap in the curtains, creating the most romantic atmosphere. They lazily relaxed when it was over, with Elliot resting his head on her still flat stomach while she relaxed against the pillows when the sheet pulled over her, simply rubbing her hand over his head as he cuddled into her.

He had wanted to propose to her anyway because he loved her so deeply. He wouldn't propose tonight, but he would do it soon. He wanted to do things right and marry her before their baby was born, only this time it was out of love, not obligation.

He couldn't wait.

"Babe."

Her voice brought him from his thoughts, and he shuffled up on top of her, leaning on his arms; "Yeah baby?"

She reached up and draped her arm around his neck, stroking the back of his head gently with her thumb as she asked him;

"Are you taken care of? Are the kids? Do you feel like I've taken care of you guys?"

He gave her a confused look but responded anyway; "Yeah you've taken good care of us, honey; what's this about?"

That was the answer she had been looking for, and the smile widened on her beautiful face.

She slid her hand around to cup his cheek, then she leaned up and gave him the sweetest, softest kiss on his lips before whispering;

"I kept my promise"

 _ **Finished**_

* * *

 ** _And that was that, this story is finally finished. Please, leave your reviews and let me know what you thought. Again, thank you all so much for the support. Until next time my friends xoxo_**


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